A 12-step program for ex-conservatives

Adapted from material originally posted on Mike Malloy’s board…

It’s time to stop enabling Daddy, and send the kids to Alateen. Or in this case, AlaBush.

What is AlaBush? A self-help group for recovering conservatives. Here’s a little ad blurb for the radio spot:

“Are you BUSHED? Have you had it with rotten so-called leadership? Are you sick and tired of sick, tired old conservatism?

“Then join ALABUSH!

“We offer rehab and support services for ex-conservatives. We’ve been there and done that. Learn to stop enabling your politically dysfunctional family and friends–ask us how! Call 1-800-ALA-BUSH today!”

And here’s what the 12 steps of our program would look like:

1. We admitted we were powerless over our politics – that our elections had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could drive us to utter madness, and its name was Bush

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God – but NOT in a fundie church, and definitely NOT under Jerry Falwell

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves – and realized that we were all f*cking hypocrites

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs – and it lay in voting Repugnican

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character – starting with the Thief in Chief

7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings – and especially the Thief in Chief

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all – starting with the Democrats

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others – or result in more vote fraud

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it – and then smashed the Diebold machine that was tallying everything for Bush, even when the vote went to Kerry

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out – and while you’re at it, God, can you carry that Thief in Chief out of the White House?

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs – which we had the good sense NOT to carry out with anyone calling himself “Jeff Gannon the Loose Cannon.”

Next step: The Big Book. Alas, I haven’t written it–YET.

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