Why I don’t trust men named Dolph

Besides the dangerous proximity to Adolf, of course, there’s charming stuff like this:

A city teacher has been charged with groping three 10-year-old girls in their Brooklyn school, cops said yesterday.

Fifth-grade teacher Dolph Timmerman, 51, allegedly accosted two of the students in a hallway at Public School 123 and a third inside a classroom on Monday.

[…]

In the Timmerman case, the girls, all students in his fifth-grade class, alerted a guidance counselor to the alleged abuse. The school principal then called 911, police said. Timmerman, who began teaching at the Bushwick school in September, turned himself in yesterday. The Queens man was charged with first-degree sexual abuse and endangering the welfare of a child. A spokesman for the Brooklyn district attorney’s office said Timmerman was awaiting arraignment last night.

It wasn’t immediately clear whether the teacher was the same Dolph Timmerman who inspired a character on the animated series “The Simpsons.”

A bullying classmate of Bart Simpson’s was named after a Dolph Timmerman who went to Lincoln High School in Portland, Ore., with series creator Matt Groening. According to the high school’s alumni Web site, a Dolph Timmerman who now lives in New York graduated from the high school in 1971.

Groening’s publicist did not return calls for comment.

Doing a little digging, I found the following:

Dolph, a schoolyard bully who is among the local thugs who torture Bart, is named for Dolph Timmerman, a Lincoln classmate of Matt Groenings. Timmerman wasn’t a bully at all, Groening said, but a really cool guy.

Well, now I’m confused: Is that really true, or was he just saying it in the hopes that Dolph wouldn’t beat him up again…this time with a lawsuit? And is this the same Dolph Timmerman…just showing his true stripes all over again? Or is it someone else who unluckily shares that name?

Whatever the case may be, I still don’t trust that Aryan idol Dolph Lundgren (true first name: Hans), either. Especially not after learning about him and Jack Abramoff.

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