Shocked, SHOCKED, I tell ya!

Poor Kenny Boy. What a fall from grace the man has had. Once, he thought he was on track to be BushCo’s energy secretary. Then, his gravy train mysteriously went off the rails. (Well, all right: NOT so mysteriously. Haha.) And then Georgie-boy pretended not to know his #1 corporate moneyman…

Now, he’s crying us a veritable Amazon of crocodile tears:

The former bosses of collapsed US energy giant Enron have expressed shock and disappointment at being found guilty on fraud and conspiracy charges.

“Certainly we’re surprised,… we’re shocked, this was not the outcome we expected,” Kenneth Lay told reporters after the verdict.

“I’m disappointed,” said Jeffrey Skilling.


On the sixth day of deliberations, the jury decided the two men lied to employees and investors to cover up billions of dollars of losses at Enron while enriching themselves by selling their stock.

Skilling was found guilty on 19 of the 28 counts he faced – with the “not guilty” verdicts coming on some of the charges of insider trading.

He could receive as much as 185 years in jail.

Lay was found guilty of all six fraud and conspiracy charges that he faced.

He could get as much as 45 years behind bars.

Both men have posted $5m bonds to avoid custody until sentencing in September.

“We fought the good fight,” Skilling told reporters outside the court after the verdict.

“Some things work, some things don’t. Obviously I am disappointed but that’s the way the system works.”

Lay said: “Certainly we are surprised, more appropriate to say we are shocked, certainly this is not the outcome that we expected.

“I firmly believe I’m innocent of the charges against me, as I have said from day one, I still firmly believe that as at this day,” he said.

They should have been held without bond, because both are obvious flight risks: filthy rich through ill-gotten means, and able to go anywhere in the world as a result of their Swiss bank accounts (which, I note, have NOT been confiscated). They can “firmly believe” they are innocent and be “disappointed” in the system (which actually DOES work–sometimes) to their shrivelled hearts’ content, but the rest of us are far more firmly certain that they are guilty and they don’t deserve another instant’s freedom.

Why? Behold the powers of the Wayback Machine:

RECORDED ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: Tell you what, you heard this here first. When Bush wins, that fucking Bill Richardson, he’s gone, that fucking Clinton, all these fucking socialists are gone.


ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: You know who the biggest single contributor to the Bush campaign is?





ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: Is it Enron?


ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: Jesus Christ. Is that true?

ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: Yeah, I think it is.

ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: The biggest single contributor.

ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: Yeah, the biggest corporate contributor to the —

ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: Holy — really? That’s huge. That’s huge.

ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: Ken Lay is going to be Secretary of Energy.

ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: Get out of here! Can you imagine that?

ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: Why not, though? Why not? It could be, right?


ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: I mean, why not? Who, you know, who’s to say, why not?

ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: He could be. That would be awesome, actually.

ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: That would be — how great would that be for all the players in the market?

ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: It would be great. I’d love to see Ken Lay be Secretary of Energy.

ENRON EMPLOYEE 1: We’d open these markets up.

ENRON EMPLOYEE 2: Yep, and you know what? If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re fucked. See you.

Well, they opened the markets up, all right. And shut down the state of California in the summer of 2000 with rolling blackouts for NO reason other than to make obscene sums of money at it (and maybe get the Girlie-Man elected as Governator).

But you know what? Now, Enron Employees #1 and #2, whoever they are, are ALSO fucked. Because when Enron went down, it took EVERYONE with it. And their little retirement plans, too.

Shouldn’t have messed with Grandma Millie, fellas. Now you’re in the same boat as she is…or, in your own words, “jammed up the ass for fucking $250 a megawatt hour.”

You are ALL Grandma Millie now.

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