Mixed nuts, with a few bolts thrown in for good measure

My best friend’s been on a roll lately. He’s sent me several hilarious URLs. Let’s see if I can blog them all:

First, the hatemail the intelligent creator of the Flying Spaghetti Monster gets for his audacious assault on all things fundie. I’m especially fond of this foulmouth, who doesn’t seem to realize how ironic it is to espouse creationism AND cuss out someone who doesn’t:

I do believe you are a fucking retard and I hope you burn in hell. Fuck you and the flying spaghetti monster. Postmodernism is a self defeating concept. Read Josh McDowell’s book for a good overview of what life is truly about you dumbass humanist. You obviously think life is just a big damn joke. Its all for humor and entertainment. I look forward to the day it fucks you right in the ass. Oh the age of the earth doesn’t fucking matter! Technology, hell we’d be better of without it anyways. God is not a flying spaghetti monster because only a human could think up such a dumbass retarded idea like that. Intelligent Design is observable. It does not require faith, it requires the ability to understand what irreducible complexity is along with several other phenomena that has been discovered in Science. Evolution is a conjecture. Of course, an idiot of your brain size would probably believe we came from monkeys…and quite frankly, you are probably the best evidence that Evolutionists have that human beings came from a monkey. I’m still having problems teaching my dog 2+2=4. I hope to someday prove Darwinian philosophy and be able to have my dog recite Shakespeare to me. Then I will believe Evolution is true. Until then….its all a big damn joke. Charles Darwin went insane when he was 28 anyways (didn’t know that did you?) Let me put it this way to you concerning your bologna flying spaghetti monster. If we are created in the image of what you believe God to be, we would look like spaghetti. Common sense is a valuable asset. Lets try this…I’m going to go very sloooooowly for you Bobby. Retarded people…like Bobby Henderson….will burn in hell unless you give your life to Jesus Christ. Life is not hard. Neither is it a joke. But I believe that anybody with a brain the size of a peanut should be exposed for the fraud that the person is. Quite frankly, I do not know why I’m wasting my time…because you are probably too stupid to read this e-mail anyways. At any rate, I have better things to do than point out your circular reasoning within your arguments. You are a disgrace to anything that humanity or your stupid existentialistic philosophy represents.

Does he secretly believe his Lord isn’t watching; indeed, that said Lord doesn’t exist (at least not in the Intelligent Design format he professes to believe in)? In which case, it looks as though his “intelligent” argument is shot to hell by his own oral poo-cannon. (Jesus doesn’t like it when you swear, dood.)

BTW, the author of this oh-so-convincing treatise was dumb enough to sign his real name, and Bobby, as a result, is having a field day with both it and his threats to sue. You really need to read it all to get the full impact of the wingnuttery…

And while we’re in the fundie-wingnut mode, this site is also an ironic hoot. Apparently the bearded prophet (hoping to turn a profit?) has Dubya pegged as the Messiah. The Chosen One. And in case you really need to see it hammered home, the Second Coming is a REPUBLICAN. Sez so right in (and on) the book!

Best of all, get a load of the biblical quote he chooses:

“We must learn to respect one another as well as love each other. We all inhabit the same planet, and we are our brother’s keeper..” JOHN 12:34

Waitasecond…is that really John 12:34?

Why no, it’s NOT:

The people answered him, We have heard out of the law that Christ abideth for ever: and how sayest thou, The Son of man must be lifted up? who is this Son of man?

THAT is John 12:34.

And if that’s a description of Dubya…

Dubya the Stumblebum

…then I’m the Queen of Spain. It sounds more like a description of this guy:

Huggable Hugo Chavez

…whom Patwa wants dead.

Jesus doesn’t like it when you kill, Repugs! (And he doesn’t like it when you issue death threats and legal chill, either.)

And coming back down to Earth (with a thump), here are some guys. I don’t know if they’re Repugs or not, but they sure seem to have a thing for Hummers. (The first and last videos are musical.)

Jedem das Seine, as my German grandma used to say. To each his own. But as for me, I’d rather stay away from big ugly gas guzzlers. They’re a Bummer.

And finally, from Japan, a fun little graphic reminder of how video killed the radio star. Consider this the palate-cleansing sorbet that gets all those other funky tastes out of your mouth.

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