1. If you conservatives are so compassionate, why has your “compassion” only created more problems, and exacerbated, but not solved, any of the existing ones?
2. If your foreign policies are the answer to all the world’s problems, why do they most often result in violence–or chants of “Go Home!”?
3. If your trickle-down economics really work, why are more people now OUT of work as a result–or not being paid enough to live on for the hard work they do?
4. If you claim to be a Christian, why do you follow so few of the teachings of Christ?
5. If AIDS is God’s punishment for gays, why are so many heterosexuals and their children dying of it? And why, conversely, do so few lesbians get AIDS–are they any less gay than the males?
6. If you believe so strongly in God, why do you have so little faith in humanity?
7. If freedom isn’t free, why aren’t you paying your share, and making sacrifices for it?
8. If history has ended, why does it keep repeating–and coming back to bite you in the ass?
9. If capitalism is really the best way for all, why is the majority of the world’s population so poor after so many centuries of it?
10. If men are the stronger sex, why are only women capable of giving birth–in addition to being able to do virtually everything a man can, other than maybe write our names in the snow?
11. If you’re not racist, why won’t you vote for a black person, and why do you support policies that directly harm non-whites?
12. If war builds character, why does it wreck so many minds?
13. If you’re so big on manners and civility, why are you so damn rude to those who disagree with you–especially if they’re from another country?
14. If the private sector can do everything better, why not just pay the Mafia to be your police and fire department?
15. If you don’t want other people’s hands on your money, why are you still driving on public highways, visiting national parks, and just generally availing yourself of benefits bought with other people’s tax dollars?
16. If God is your co-pilot, why do you keep going so horribly off course?
17. If Muslims are the enemy, why have most of the more than one billion of them never done you any harm?
18. If the market can take care of all our needs, why can so few people actually afford the market rate–and why does it keep failing to provide even the basic essentials?
19. If liberals are “fascists”, why do liberal and liberty share a common linguistic root?
20. If you are always right, why does insecurity reek from your every pore–often exploding into violence at the flick of a match like this, which I have struck merely to give you light?