Forget Clinton’s cock, Reuters has a new obsession

OMG, this was just too good to pass up. Reuters is so Chavecito-obsessed lately, I think they’re letting their secret fantasies slip…

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez would not shut up for Spain’s king but, over the weekend, he heeded a higher calling to stop talking — his bladder.

Surrounded by a throng of reporters at an OPEC summit in Saudi Arabia, the president, who enjoys the media spotlight and often answers questions at length, excused himself.

“Look I have to go,” Chavez said in comments aired on Venezuelan state television. “For a while now, I have needed to go to the bathroom and I am going to pee … Do you want me to pee on you?”

Look, Reuters reporter-type people: I think he’s sexy too. I admit I’m very partial to his big, bad mouth, especially when it breaks into that killer dimpled smile. In fact, I think it’s his best feature. But this obsession of yours, with Huguito’s chavecito and what it does behind the bathroom door is a bit…um…how to put this delicately?–YUCKY.

Unfortunately, they don’t stop there.

Venezuelan officials say Chavez is on television an average of 40 hours a week. He says he drinks coffee all day and he sips from a small cup during hours-long speeches.

So in Venezuela there is puzzlement, even awe, that Chavez usually avoids being seen going to the bathroom during his weekly TV show that can last up to 8 hours.

But caught out a few months ago, he told the audience he had to leave — to do something “you can’t do for me.”

Yup, you read that right. Reuters has finally dropped Bill Clinton’s cock–only about eight years too late–and decided to go for Chavecito’s twig, berries and BLADDER.

I’m surprised they haven’t worked the phrase “pissing contest” in there somewhere. Maybe that got them too excited.

Who knew they were into watersports?

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3 Responses to Forget Clinton’s cock, Reuters has a new obsession

  1. Wren says:

    Lets see Reuters do a story all about Bush’s inability to communicate verbally. I mean a real story and not some humor piece. They would have to compare Bush of the 90’s where he had no impediment to today and ask what happened. (cocaine?) I think today, even the people of the U.S. would love a president that only suffered from a full bladder during speaking engagements.

  2. Bina says:

    As I recall, didn’t Dubya have to go wee at the UN once? Fergawdsakes, he even wrote Auntie Condi a note asking permission to go to the loo.
    Funny how they tend to report THAT with a straight face, but are practically hanging their tongues out at the prospect of catching Chavez in a minor impropriety.

  3. Slave Revolt says:

    Bina, I really wish that Chavez whipped it out and started pissing on some of the US, wire service pimps for empire. Really, this would have been too good to be true.
    Their reporting is so devoid of stimulating, edifying information–just what one would expect from the empire’s ‘journalism’.
    More, did you pick up on the 40hrs per week that Chavez is featured on Venezuelan media? This is definately an exaggeration. But considering that we here in the US are exposed to, literally, thousands of hours of pro-empire/pro-corporate propaganda….
    The US media are the most simplistic, distorting, un-informed, stupid, lazy, cravez, obsequious, etc., etc. They function to set the ‘tone’ of how US citizens are supposed to view Chavez, or any other left leader that would rebell against corporate/oligarch power. Among the Chavez haters in the US, there is no factual basis for their hatred–only a loose set of simplistic, uninformed assumptions. And this is the corporate media’s function: to caricature Chavez, or Morales, as ‘bad’, dictatorial, authoritarian, repressive, thuggish, ect.
    There is no right/left discussion of Chavez–only moderate-right, to hard-right interpretations mascarading as informed journalism.
    Yeah, Chavez should have whipped it out and pissed on these stupid scribes.

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