Stupid Sex Tricks: Please don’t get off in flight!

Or we may have to get you off the plane.

Singapore Airlines has taken the unusual step of publicly asking passengers on its new Airbus A380 plane not to engage in any sexual activities.

The potential problem has arisen because the first class area of its giant superjumbo contains 12 private suites complete with double beds.

Singapore, which is the first airline to start flying the A380, said the suites were not sound-proofed.

It said it did not want anyone to offend other travellers or crew.

Singapore added that while the suites were private, they were also not completely sealed.

I’m really not sure why anyone has sex on airplanes, other than for bragging rights and a membership in the ever-more-tawdry and less exclusive clique known as the Mile High Club.

But who wants to brag of having had virtually zero privacy while they attempted to boink in a confined space that smells like stale piss and institutional hand soap? And who seriously wants to be one of that elite confraternity who have been watched fumbling towards Nirvana by that creepy guy across the aisle–you know, the one with the body odor so bad it ought to be considered a terrorist threat?

For that matter–who wants to be overheard by a flight crew who are liable to giggle and gossip about your noisy, clumsy horndoggeries in lurid detail, forever after? Or by already grumpy passengers whose mood is not improved by additional sleep deprivation? Remember, people, deadly air rage incidents have been provoked by less.

And if that doesn’t work, consider what that horrible-smelling, recycled cabin air does to your looks. Do you really want to wear your O-face in an environment that parches your every wrinkle and sends your sebaceous glands into overdrive, so you emerge looking like a greased prune with a bad hair day?

When you consider all that, suddenly Terra Firma doesn’t look like such a bad place to get off.

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