My Beautiful Mommy needs a shrink, not a surgeon

There are all kinds of sensitive issues begging to be covered by a children’s book. Is this one of them, or is it just another sad sign of times gone mad?

Dr. Michael Salzhauer said so many moms brought kids to their appointments that he was motivated to stock up on lollipops in his Bal Harbour, Fla., office. In “My Beautiful Mommy,” he explains mommy’s recuperation, changing look and desire for plastic surgery.

“Many parents don’t explain to their kids what’s going on,” said the father of four, with his fifth child on the way. “Children are very perceptive. You can’t hide a major surgery from them. When mom goes down for two weeks after a tummy tuck it affects them.”

Yeah, and when she dies on the operating table, or from an embolus afterwards, it affects them even more. Just something for all the Mommy Makeover patients out there to mull, along with how much of their children’s college education fund is going to get eaten up by Beautiful Mommy’s buying in to a patriarchal construct of feminine beauty.

And no, the good doctor who wrote this deathless prose is not shilling for his own practice at all! Perish the thought, you vulgar thing!

Illustrations show a crook-nosed mom with loose tummy skin under her half shirt picking up her young daughter early from school one day and taking her to a strapping and handsome “Dr. Michael.”

Strapping and handsome…and one helluva chiseler. In more ways than one.

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