ZOMG! I know who the Antichrist is!

It’s Jeff Sharlet! The guy who wrote for Harper’s and Rolling Stone. The author of The Family, and who blogs at The Revealer. It’s him, I tell ya.

How do I know? Well, get a load of the infamous words of John Hagee. HE claims to have a direct line to God, and the Lord told him this:

Did you hear that? The Antichrist is PART JEWISH.

Now, here’s Jeff Sharlet:

Sometimes the brothers would ask me why I was there. They knew that I was “half Jewish,” that I was a writer, and that I was from New York City, which most of them considered to be only slightly less wicked than Baghdad or Paris. I didn’t lie to them. I told my brothers that I was there to meet Jesus, and I was: the Jesus of the Family, whose ways are secret. The brothers were certain that He had sent me to them for a reason, and perhaps they were right.

Yes! There you have it, folks! The Antichrist has exposed himself. And he has betrayed God’s good and faithful secret servants by exposing THEM, too! Brace yourselves for hellfire, brimstone, human-headed locusts, and cars without drivers, people, because now the Rapture is inevitable. It IS supposed to happen when the Beast reveals himself, is it not?

(And yes, all of the above is to be read with dripping sarcasm. Thank you for not soiling yourselves.)

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