Guido Antonini: Big, fat liar. (Brief)case closed.

If you’ve been following the Guido Antonini Wilson/briefcase-fulla-dollars story at all, you’ll already know that the man is (a) mobbed up; (b) very anti-Chavez; and (c) so full of shit that it’s starting to ooze out his ears. Of course, the latest testimony in the convoluted court proceedings only underscores that last bit, as a rather notorious airport baggage screener lady takes the stand:

The ex-agent of the Argentine airport police, María Luján Telpuk, who discovered the briefcase containing $800,000, declared in Miami that Guido Antonini Wilson told her he was the owner of the case when it was examined, and revealed that the FBI interrogated her the Sunday she arrived in the United States.

“I saw something unusual when the briefcase passed through the scanner, and I asked that they call for the owner. That’s when I saw Mr. Antonini for the first time, when he presented himself as the owner of the case”, said Telpuk, who was called to testify in defence of Franklin Durán, another of those implicated in the case.

According to Telpuk, who also exposed the matter before the Argentine courts, Antonini “was nervous” when she asked him to open the briefcase.

“I asked him to open it, and he didn’t do it until I’d asked him a second time and in a firmer tone. He was nervous and stared at me fixedly,” Telpuk recalled. “When I saw the money, I asked him how much he was carrying, and he told me it was something on the order of $60,000.”

The ex-policewoman also told the court that last Sunday, upon arriving in Miami, she was interrogated by three FBI agents in an office at the local airport.

“There were roughly two hours of interrogation and I answered all the questions they asked me,” Telpuk said, and said she had not been informed beforehand that she had the right to remain silent.

“I’m telling the truth, I have no reason to lie,” Telpuk said. In this way she contradicted Antonini Wilson, who declared last week that the briefcase was not his. In other statements, he said that “I didn’t know what was in the briefcase, but every other passenger was carrying one, and I took the one that was left.”

Translation mine.

It’s a strange fact of life in some parts of Latin America that it’s hard for a woman to get anywhere careerwise if she hasn’t either (a) won a beauty title, however laughably minor, or (b) posed nude for a skin mag, or (c) both. Well, María Telpuk of course didn’t do (a), being rather plain of face, but by golly, she’s done (b) all right. With a pair of silicone funbags that could double in an emergency as an ersatz lifejacket, she’s going places that her face alone won’t take her. It might not compromise her credibility in LatAm all that much, as social conditions can be absolutely ridiculous for women there, but I bet it’s going to get her challenged rather hard on the stand in Miami. (Get your minds out of the gutter, you creeps!)

Which is a shame, really, because Antonini is the one who should be getting challenged. For one thing, he’s rather strangely tight with the defendant, Franklin Duran, against whom he’s now supposed to be testifying.

Plus, he’s got bigger boobs than Ms. Telpuk, and moreover, he came by his floppy, saggy pair naturally. Doesn’t that count for anything?

If I were she, I’d have bypassed the sillycones and the sillier antics, and just gone straight for a book deal (preferably with a foreword by Jaime Bayly)–but that’s just me.

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