Stupid Sex Tricks: The Reverend Mr. Potato Bum

There are times when I’m glad I never became a doctor, and this is one of them. Especially not an emergency surgeon. How many of them have seen cases like this, I wonder?

A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck in his bottom.

The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains.

He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.

The embarrassed reverend, in his 50s, had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the offending vegetable.

The spud was yesterday revealed to be among a litany of objects medics in Sheffield have removed from people’s nether regions.

Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll — and a carnation.

Like most of the other patients, the red-faced vicar insisted to staff at the city’s Northern General Hospital that his predicament was NOT the result of a sex game gone wrong.

A & E nurse Trudi Watson said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

“But it’s not for me to question his story.

“He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.”

I don’t know about you, but I’d be questioning his story, and questioning it pretty hard. Who hangs curtains while nude–especially a vicar? And who just leaves potatoes lying around on a kitchen table before scurrying up–nude–to hang curtains?

If I were a member of the ER staff, I’d slip him the address of a nice sex-toy boutique. They sell things there that ARE made for insertion…and if they’re at all responsible, they also tell you how to use them safely.