The Bastards of Boxing Week

So, whose chimney did Santa poop down this week? I don’t know, but I sure hope these people got some of his turds, and I hope they’re NOT made of chocolate:

1. Rick Fucking Warren. Just imagine if the next president of Iran were welcomed into office by a rabid jihadist advocating for, say, the assassination of the president of the United States? It would cause an international diplomatic incident, would it not? Well, guess what: it’s going to happen on January 20. Only–my whoopsie!–the inauguration in question is not gonna be that of a new Iranian president, but a new US president. And the assassination-monger in question isn’t a Muslim jihadi, but a so-called Christian. One from the same ranks as those who accuse the soon-to-be President Obama of being a Muslim and in league with terrorists. Makes you think, doesn’t it? Well, DOESN’T IT???

2. Pope Ratzi von der Hitlerjugend. For Gawd’s sake, how much more embarrassed can we Germans of the world get? Yeah, the gays are the real cause of global warming–it’s all those hot guys having the hots for each other. And overpopulation (a logical result of being against birth control) and overconsumption (a logical result of thinking mankind is the centre of the Universe) have nothing to do with it. Uh-huh. This is the calibre of the brain that’s sitting on the Throne of St. Peter, my friends–fear it. I’m not Catholic, so I thank heaven for THAT small mercy…but remember, this guy is trying to control members of MY country’s parliament, and those of many others, too. Not to mention there’s that Nazi-collaboration thing in my ancestral country. They may order priests and Catholic politicians not to get politically involved (in progressive causes), but I think it’s the popes who really need to get the fuck out of politics.

3. Marjorie Fucking Dannenfelser and Team Fucking Sarah. Stop smearing the honorable name of Susan B. Anthony with your stupidity, hate, racism and skirt-wearin’ sexism, you Palinite bitches.

4. All those fucking bailed-out execs. Hey, here’s an innovative idea: instead of asking for more money from Washington, how ’bout you guys kick back into your respective businesses the 1.6 BILLION you received last year?

BTW, some of us would really like to know where the current cash bailouts are going. It’s a safe bet that it won’t be to the hard pressed workers producing your obscene profits, salaries and bonuses for you, if the Republic Doors and Windows case is any indication.

Trickle-down, my ASS.

5. Ollie Fucking North. Say, weren’t you still supposed to be rotting in federal prison? What the fuck are you doing on the FUX Snooze channel? Oh yeah, now I remember…same thing as you were doing during the Iran-Contra hearings. Never mind!

6. Fucking Alberta, particularly Fort McFuckingMurray. A whole town, a BASTARD? Hell, yeah. It’s the fucking oilpatch, and they’re already sworn to serve the big oil companies, not the people. When the jobs don’t pay enough to put a roof over someone’s head (and those prairie winters are a BITCH), something is wrong with the picture. But you see, that’s where the province of Alberta deserves a fat thump on the head: they believe in letting the “market” take care of things, while getting government to stop helping people off people’s backs. Or at least, that’s what all their right-wing demagogues politicians say. Behind their rosy blah-blah, however, lies a long and sordid list of poverty stats. Would it kill them to build affordable social housing, so that all those job-seekers from out east have someplace to stay where a drunken Ralph Klein won’t stagger in, flinging money at them and telling them to get jobs?

7. Bernard Fucking Madoff. Was there ever a more singularly appropriate surname? He made off with over $50 billion in what’s got to be the biggest Ponzi scheme since Wall St. (which I often think is just one big Ponzi scheme anyway) was founded. But what really galls me is that he is responsible for the suicide of one man whom he took for over a billion. I bet he has not the grace to be ashamed even of that.

8. Dick Fucking Cheney. Finally, the truth comes out: The Big Dick DID leak Valerie Plame’s identity to Novakula. Go fuck yourself, you Big Dick.

9. Jackson Fucking Diehl. BoRev wonders if he gets his “facts” from the Great Gazoo; I say he pulls them from his big wazoo. Or that of the Venezuelan opposition. Same shit, interchangeable assholes.

10. Bruce Fucking Pardo. Okay, all you bitter divorced males out there, this one’s for YOU, too. If you can’t pay your divorce settlement, take it up with the judge. Explain your situation in detail, and keep your fucking cool. Get the payments postponed until you are in a position to make them. And if you’re emotional, do the primal-scream thing until your rage dies down. And if you can pay, but just plain don’t want to? Go fuck yourself. But whatever the case may be, do NOT do what this fucker did, which is dress up as Santa, shoot a little girl and set a house afire in an elaborately planned bombing, killing nine people. Not only that, but he booby-trapped a rented car, which could have blown up the police who investigated the crime (and was probably meant to.) And the kicker? He was found in possession of $17,000 when the police turned up his remains. That would have paid his $10,000 divorce settlement and then some. He was also in possession of an airline ticket to my home and native land, but apparently changed his mind and just decided to off himself. Good, because we don’t fucking WANT the likes of him. Give us your Iraq war resisters instead. They don’t want to kill, which makes them the polar opposite of this mo-fo.

11, 12, and 13. Stores that rely on holiday sales to make up the deficit for the rest of the year, stores that hold post-holiday door-crashers, and most of all, the people who are dumb/greedy/assholish enough to run to such sales and get into fights ju
st because they think they can get a big bargain on big-ticket merchandise.

Which leads me to 14. Anyone who’d shoot each other or trample store workers to death during a door-crasher, be it pre- or post-holiday. You people are sick fucks and beyond saving.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals…

…and a happy New Year, too.