People who can kiss my ass


The bumper sticker may say “Kiss My Ass” in Irish, but the car is German…like me. Here’s who can kiss my little ol’ lily-white German ass this St. Paddy’s week…

1. Dick Fucking Cheney. For creating the Joint Special Operations Command. What the fuck is that? Ask Seymour Hersh, he knows. Basically, it’s a top-secret, top-level assassination squad, answerable to no one but the Biggus Dickus Himselfus, which executes people on top-secret, hush-hush a hit-list. They can go anywhere in the world to carry out their dirty wet work. ANYWHERE. Think about that. Is it illegal? Oh yeah. Under the laws of any sane country…and the Geneva Conventions, of course. And we all know how the entire Bush Crime Syndicate felt (still feels, no doubt) about sanity and international laws.

2. George Fucking Little. Dude, if you wanna stand up for your death squad against the wickedness of Sy Hersh, you’re gonna have to do better than this. Your beloved agency has been in the covert assassinations business from its very inception; they even wrote the book on it. “Utter nonsense” is a damned weak way to characterize what everyone else in the world already knows.

3. Bernard Fucking Madoff. Guilty plea? Pffft. Look for him to go KennyBoy in 5…4…3…2…

4. Jerry Fucking Pournelle. I knew there had to be a reason I instinctively disliked his “science” fiction, and Sadly, No! has finally put a finger on it. And also, hilariously, up it. (PS: Is it just my weak eyes, or does that screenshot make him look exactly like Biggus Dickus?)

5. Allen Fucking Stanford. Of course he took the Fifth. What else would one expect of a fraudster? Naturally he wants to keep his Ponzi scheme (and his money train) going for as long as he can, and to co-operate with any investigation would put a narrrrrsty crimp in that.

6. Instapissant. This one can go with Jerry Fucking Pournelle for cockamamie crapitalist “solutions” to the “problem” of people who just don’t live up to right-wing “ideals”. Hey, I have an idea that’s right up his alley (shamelessly stolen from Rick Mercer): How ’bout we just sit all the retirees on ice floes (of which global warming should make short work) and cut ’em loose? That’ll solve the “problem” of all those old-age pensioners living too long and unproductively on the public teat, no doubt. It’ll do away with this perambulating, blathering encumbrance whenever he finally decides to quit parasitizing his employer, too.

7. Yon Fucking Goicoechea. Does this man have any sort of job at all? Other than inciting violence on behalf of the Cato Institute, that is? Would be nice if he got one, and nicer if it kept him so busy he couldn’t play at high-level youth gangsterism anymore (he’s getting too old for that shit anyway).

8. and 9. Maria Corina Fucking Machado and Alejandro Fucking Peña Esclusa. Not content to fuck with democracy in their native Venezuela, now they’re trying it in El Salvador. They haven’t learned a thing from past failures, either. I’d cordially invite them to come on up to Canada and kiss my ass, but they’d have to dislodge their tongues from Uncle Sam’s rectum first, and have a good swish with Listerine before I’d let them within a mile of mine.

10. All the House Republicans who are with Numbers 8 and 9. The Cold War is OVER, suckas. You lost. Neener neener neener.

11. Freddy Fucking Guevara. Yup, those “white hands” kids in Venezuela are such peaceful little democrats. That must be why their quondam leader is out there speaking in favor of Nixon Moreno–a well-known thug and fugitive from justice who hid out in the papal nunciature to avoid being charged with the beating, stripping and attempted rape of a Mérida policewoman, Sofia Aguilar.

12. BTW, Moreno can kiss my ass too. Dirty coward.

And finally,

Anyone dumb enough to insist, with a straight face and not an iota of proof, that the King of Spain was “elected”. Newsflash: the man appointed by Dictator Franco is not to be confused with that Brazilian carnival pudgemuffin.

Thank you, goodnight, and POGUE MAHONE!!!

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