Wankers of the Week: Both Sides Now edition

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Memo to those below: When caught, the graceful thing to do is blush. And apologize. If you can’t, you’re a wanker!

1. Rick Fucking Warren. First this unctuous sack-of-grease loudly and proudly supports Prop H8, then he claims he did no such thing. Even though he’s fully on record. And now, as a means of avoiding the question entirely, he’s claiming to be sick. With remorse, one hopes. Because now, he’s got twice as much to be remorseful for.

2. Stockwell Fucking Day. This fundie freak-scene is so famously dumb that he doesn’t even know which way the Niagara River flows. What the hell is he doing trying to drum up trade for Canada in China? Will he be doing it on a Sea-Doo? And most importantly: Does Harpo WANT Epic Fail all over him? Or does he simply not care, because he has already gotten away with the political equivalent of murder–twice?

2 1/2. John Fucking Geddes of Maclean’s also deserves a dishonorable mention–for giving Wetsuit Boy this blowjob. No, John, it’s NOT his “disarmingly informal manner” that’s keeping him around to annoy us like that fucking Energizer Bunny! The only reason Doris is a “political survivor” is because the far-right in this country, taking a leaf from their ideological kin to the south, keeps piling its own trash on top of the roof, instead of kicking it to the curb. And because the media (that would be YOU, John, among others) keep fellating these slimebags instead of reporting accurately and objectively on them.

3. Billy Bob Fucking Thornton. I liked you better as Slingblade, asshole. Now I don’t like you at all. And neither does anyone else up here in the Land of the Terminally Polite. How ’bout THEM apples?

4. The Douchebag Defenders of Dubai. Their glorious, self-assigned seven-star experiment in taxless, democracy-free capitalism is sinking faster than a man-made sandbar in a sea of sewage. Which, sad to say, is exactly what Dubai is doing, because, sad to say, that is exactly what Dubai is. So what do they do about it? Take out their rage (in the comments section, natch) on British journalist Johann Hari, who only reported it. Biggest one of all? This Sultan-dude here, who, by way of what he thinks is rebuttal, emits a long string of “I could have written…but I didn’t”. Which neither defends nor changes the Dubai situation one tittle or jot. If he could have written horrible things about Britain but didn’t, then why did he? Because he did. And because he’s a douche! And because he, like everyone else in his shoes, doesn’t want to admit the blindingly obvious when it comes to the down-side of Dubai. Well, why not? I can admit that there’s plenty wrong here in Canada (see above), and as Hari points out, he can do the same about Britain (and has been doing just that, for years). Could it be that some people are tetchy for reasons having nothing to do with reality, and everything to do with ideology? Hmmmm…could be.

5. Jorge Fucking “Tuto” Quiroga. Evo goes on hunger strike for a fairer voting law, which the Bolivian opposition (a real field of dickweeds) refuses to pass, and what does his #1 opponent call it? “A presidential diet”. Hey Tuto, why don’t you just hold your breath for the sake of a principle? It would do your country a lot more good than your silly snipings at a man whose shoes you’re not fit to lick.

6. The Fucking Bishop of Augsburg, Walter Fucking Mixa. There’s only one flaw in his argument blaming non-belief in God for the rise of the Third Reich. It’s rather a large one. See if you can spot it in the picture below.

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More evidence of the bishop’s sanctimonious idiocy here, here, here, here and here.

7. Chris Fucking Brown. Why is any woman going near him, knowing what he’s capable of? And why would any woman WANT to? He’s not all that, girls. Is there so little self-esteem in the female hemisphere?

8. All these dumb fucks right here:

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Bad news, folks: You bin astroturfed! And you still look as asinine as you did the last time you went in for astroturfing, too:

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(Say, is that the same woman…? Nice dentures, bitch.)

9. And finally: Anyone who tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about, especially when commenting on a post where actual knowledge is in evidence. Don’t bother trying to drag me down to your level of ignorance. Just fuck the hell off, ‘kay?

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