Wankers of the Week: Wankin’ on a waterboard edition

1. Erich Fucking Muller, alias “Mancow”. For FAKING his waterboarding. Cowardly fucking wimp.

2. Liz Fucking Cheney. Figures that the Big Dick’s original get-out-of-Vietnam-free card is still busy bailing her dear ol’ dad out of taking responsibility for his own actions after all these years. It’s only been–what–42? How old is this woman, anyway? Whatever her age, she’s spent every day of it, from the moment of her old man’s ejaculation on, keeping his ass out of a well-earned sling. Isn’t it time she retired and let him take his lumps?

3. The Big Fucking Dick is a logical follow-up to the above. When your own former senior interrogator in Iraq (ouch!) disputes your shit, shouldn’t you stop spouting it, just shut the fuck up, and go the hell away?

4. And oh yeah, how about Sean Fucking Hannity? Has he wussed out of his own promised waterboarding, or has he gone ahead with it after all? Anybody know?

5. John Fucking Yoo. Another one who really needs to shut the fuck up and go the hell away, because he’s done enough damage “excellence”. No, on second thought, let’s waterboard HIM, too–maybe then we’ll get him to revoke his own legal opinion. Ya think?

6. John Fucking Hawkins. Dumbest fucking twit on Twitter? Could be. What say we waterboard him against his will to show him that yes, it IS torture?

7. William Fucking Brennan. Maybe he needs some time on a waterboard next to John Fucking Hawkins; it seems that nothing less than harsh experience will convince them that the technique IS torture.

8. David Fucking Riley. Just because some military members underwent waterboarding during training, doesn’t mean it’s not torture. And if “only” three people were tortured by interrogators, that’s still three too many. For what information? Well, David, check it out for yourself right here. Then you can tell the good folks at Firedoglake if it’s “actionable intelligence” or not. What it all makes no difference to is the plain and simple fact that it’s barbaric, and that those who use it have no business calling themselves free and democratic, no matter how many or how few times they’ve used it in the name of freedom and democracy. The point is that no free democrat uses it at all.

9. Bryan Fucking Whitman. Sorry, but the UK Telegraph is right–there ARE pictures of sexual abuse taking place at Abu Ghraib, and some of them can be seen right here. In fact, this story isn’t even new. I’ve known about these rape accounts since 2004, when they started coming out in the media! Pentagon spokesmen lie! Gosh, who knew?

And finally, anyone else out there who thinks that waterboarding (a) isn’t torture, (b) saves lives, (c) can defuse a ticking time bomb, or (d) is just what those ragheads need to bring them around to the Amurrican Way. I have an inclined board with a few restraining straps, an old rag, and a bucket of water with your name on it, punk-ass.