Wankers of the Week: Making Kitty Scared edition

Yep, kittikins, I saw it too. And the more I see of wankers like those below, the more I appreciate all cats–particularly the LOL kind. These people are guaranteed to make you scramble around looking for a kitten chaser–or something equally cute and benign to lick your eyeballs clean:

1. Rodney Fucking McGill. Christ, what is it with all these imprecatin’ pasturds? This one not only doesn’t repent of having committed fraud, he prayed for horrible fates to befall those who put his mangy ass in the dogpound. Cat scratch fever is too good for him!

2. Michael Fucking Duvall. This sleazy Californian assemblyman was caught on an in-house camera talking about his screwin’ and spankin’ escapades–with women (lobbyists!) not his wife. Can you believe he still got a 100% score from a homophobic “family values” group? They may want to reconsider that now, eh? (Either that, or they’ll have to send him a blonde in “eye-patch underwear” for him to soak with semen. Ugh.)

(Edit: He has now resigned, though strangely enough, he hasn’t said a word about the inappropriate things he DID, only apologizing for what he SAID about them. Classy, no? Wonkette’s announcement wins for Best Title. Best comments, too.)

2 1/2. And while we’re at it, let’s shed no tears for Jeff Fucking Miller–the person to whom the Slimeball Duvall bragged of his exploids. Yet another asshole who thinks same-sex marriage somehow diminishes his special status as a heterosexually-wedded slimeball!

3. Robert Fucking Morgenthau. How old is this wingnut? And more to the point, how senile? (And have I mentioned yet today how very much I love Mark Weisbrot?)

4. Whoever the fuck thought it was a good idea to advertise Colombia, land of death squads and cocaine, using disembodied hearts.

5. Charles Fucking Boustany. No, Grandma ain’t dead at the hands of a mythical Obama death panel yet. And neither, alas, is the “Obama death panel” canard. Count Dracula Boustany is keeping that urghly monster on life support, with the help of his friend, Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Who will drive a stake through it?

6. And while we’re on the subject of Frankensteinian monsters–has anyone gotten a good look at Stephen Fucking Harper lately? Looks like his bland, “nice” face has fallen off and could use some repair work! But oh, if only it were limited to his face. Truth is, he’s rotten to the core, and there ain’t NOTHIN’ that can fix THAT…short of a silver bullet.

7. J. Grant Fucking Swank. You make Kitty more scared than any Islamist jet-crasher ever could. “Shudder” that, crazydude.

8. Joe Fucking Wilson. No, not Valerie Plame’s husband the ambassador. This one’s a right-wing redneck from South Carolina, with all the disgusting racism that implies. (Hello, state with a Confederate flag flying from the state house? Guess who helped put and keep it there.) He actually promised he’d wank in public, too. So you know exactly how much salt to put on his ass when he projects his ass off, heckles the elected president of the United States and calls him a liar, eh? (And no, I don’t believe he’s really sorry. Had he that much grace in him, he’d have kept his big yap shut.)

9. Lindsay Fucking Graham. Joe the Racist gets up and yells “You lie!”, and yet Obama’s the one with the “combative” tone? Somebody needs to clean the jizzum out of his ears.

10. Fucking “MXDAD56”, alias “Buck”. And you wonder why I don’t Twitter, or tweet, or whatever it is they’re all supposedly doing these days? It’s because I get all the wingnutty trolls I care to see right here, in the old school. And I really could do without the death threats that this cowardly twat dishes up like cardboard cafeteria “freedom” fries.

11. Miriam Fucking Lozano. Did you know that Venezuela has a new president, and that she thinks she’s Jesus? It’s true! Watch this:

Yeesh. How drunk WERE they at that little march? No wonder the watchword is still “Chávez los tiene locos” (Chávez drives ’em nuts)!

Well, that’s enough wanking for one more week, yes? Now, here’s the antidote: a bit of Katzenmusik!

And if that’s not enough to erase the nightmare visions of wankdom from your mind (and monitor), may I recommend a good screen cleaner?