How drunk does one have to be?

Ahem. Before I get on with the bile-bucketing, I thought y’all might like a little mood music. Maestro, hit it, please:

Ah, that was soothing.

So how about that Rory Carroll? I know he must do an awful lot of drinking with the country club set in Venezuela, but that overpriced rotgut they served him had him pooping in his mouth a little. (Or a lot.) Fortunately, we’ve got Dissident Voice‘s Francisco Dominguez to pimp-slap him back to reality and call him a cab. (Or a fucking jackass.)

And then there’s that crazy ol’ Grandpa Munster. The man can sure project his pudgy old ass off, and no wonder: He went on a hunger strike to protest the alleged “authoritarian drift” of Chavecito–allegedly. But as Mario Silva and the Robertos pointed out, he’s the first hunger-striker in history ever to emerge from it with a weight gain, rather than a loss. Just as Chavecito is the first “authoritarian”, as Francisco D. so helpfully points out, to increase the democratic power of the Venezuelan citizenry.

Finally, as much as I love Eva Golinger, I just have to call shenanigans on this. Watch this clip of Michael Moore on Jimmy Kimmel’s show, and tell me if you think he was serious:

Item #1: “The guy that’s gonna take me out” is not a bodyguard; he’s Nicolás Maduro, the Venezuelan foreign minister. Moore is joking because Maduro almost always has that dead-serious vibe going on. (And considering that his job consists largely of kicking foreign butt over insults to Venezuela, it’s hardly surprising.)

Item #2: Venezuelans drink rum or aguardiente, rather than tequila. The po’ folks prefer beer. (And in the case of oligarchs, like the ones Rory Carroll stenos for, scotch by the case.)

Item #3: How drunk do you have to be to seriously believe that Michael Moore wrote Chavecito’s UN speech? Or that anything he’s saying above is anything but hilarious exaggeration? He’s clowning. It’s his job. Remember, his movies are funny. Chavecito is probably laughing his ass off over this too by now. (It appears on a well-known Venezuelan humor site.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go murder a bottle of something. (A damn good beer from near where my dad was born, if you must know. I’m German, and that’s what we drink.)

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5 Responses to How drunk does one have to be?

  1. Jim Hadstate says:

    Rory Carroll is a dick. He loves to hang on the fringes of what he will never be: the ultra-rich oligarchs who got and keep their power by stealing from workers and post-facto changing the laws to make what they did legal. Ok. That’s my first rant for the day.
    The second is Eva Golinger. One of the big problems with too many liberals is that they believe that we all MUUUSST be OH SOOOO serious or we are not good liberals/progressives/whatever. Get over it Eva. I thought we settled that in the ’60s at Woodstock and the Monterrey Arts Festival. We CAN change the world AND have fun at the same time. Michael Moore was obviously clowning for the Jimmy Kimmel Show. He and Hugo are good friends and as ‘Bina said, the Big Chaz is laughing his ass off the whole thing. As is the ultra serious Foreign Minister Nick the Trick.

  2. ceti_alpha says:

    Eva is a bit tense so her overreaction to joshing can be over the top. I guess following conspiracies down the rabbit hole as an author can make you a little paranoid.

  3. OMG, I just re-watched it and came up with Item #4: Everybody knows Chavecito doesn’t WRITE speeches–he doesn’t have to. He improvises. Even at the UN, he might have notes in front of him, but for the most part, he just wings that mutha.

  4. Manaat says:

    Does Rorrry even speak Spanish?

  5. Probably not, except with a very bad and obvious accent. They probably speak equally bad English to him to spare him the embarrassment. I’m guessing he doesn’t stray far from the Country Club, literally and figuratively.

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