Wankers of the Week: Early Halloweenies edition

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Yes, kiddies, Halloween is still a week away…but it’s none too soon to be scared–or just grossed out, as the case may be–by these evil, undead wankers:

1. Alvaro Fucking Vargas Llosa. Someone please tell him that BoRev and I drove a stake through the whole “Valijagate” story long ago. That corpse, hit be stankin’.

2. T. Boone Fucking Pickens. That oil you only think you’re “entitled” to? Guess whose taxes are paying for the war that never won you that non-entitlement. And just imagine, you coulda had universal single-payer healthcare instead! What a pity you didn’t listen to Commie Pinko Ike Eisenhower when he explained it all…

And oh yeah, your oil coulda been cheaper, too. War raises the price of oil, you myopic fucking wanker!

3. Jan Fucking Harder. Local politics in our nation’s capital don’t interest me all that much (it’s a municipal thing!), but this one pipped my radar because this Conservative is, in her own words, a “friggin’ yahoo” and thus “less than desirable” in Canadian politics on a federal level. Oddly, the local yahoos in Barrhaven certainly seem to like her–probably because she confines herself to truly trivial issues, such as net-nannying the computers at the local library, and eating up the taxpayers’ money over a stupid coat of arms, while making an ass of herself on all things that might, conceivably, improve life for the locals, such as expanded rail service to rural areas. Oh yeah, and she’s also a racist–to the point where THESE friggin’ yahoos were urging support for her. Yep, “support” from Nazis all over the world. Always a nice thing to have going on up here, no? But hey, I hear hosting a charity golf tourney is a great way to cover a multitude of sins!

4. Brian Fucking Griffiths. Neoliberal capitalism is another monster from the 1980s that simply refuses to die, even though it’s staggering all over the streets of London, stinking and losing limbs, and moaning gibberish like this:

“We have to tolerate the inequality as a way to achieve greater prosperity and opportunity for all.”

Whaaaaa?

Inequality leads to greater prosperity? In what strange parallel universe does a widening wealth gap, with all the desperation that that implies, lead to “greater opportunity”? Opportunity for what–slavery? Sales of kidneys? Or just more fucking wankerdom from those who’ve got theirs and are damned if they’re letting anything trickle down but piss and jizzum? (Thanks to RickB for catching this one.)

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5. Whoever the fuck is in charge at the Canadian Blog Awards. No feminist category? Dude, you are so fucking lame. Consider this pointless contest duly boycotted!

6. Nick Fucking Griffin. British racist partyleader points the finger at Obama. Guess what he accuses him of?

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7. The Fucking Beeb is jam-packed with wankers, too. See above, and add this and this.

8. Gregory Fucking Rideout. I’m sorry, but I cannot call this man a judge. If he can’t tell the difference between a vicious, drug-assisted sexual assault and “rough play”, he’s not fit to occupy any bench…except the one outside the principal’s office, where the bad kids used to get sent to await the strap, back in the day.

9. Eric Fucking Hunt. You may be legally entitled to believe whatever bullshit you like, but you’re not legally entitled to your own facts, nor are you entitled to sue anyone whose facts prove you to be a dumbass, Nazi-boy. Now take your meds and stop harassing people. (What do you bet it’s him as “blithe”, and a couple of other holocaust-deniers, doing it here?)

10. Bernie Fucking Kerik. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! And believe it or not, this full-of-himself sack-o-shit still has a ways to go…like all the way to a federal penitentiary.

11. Fucking Dubya. They burned his effigy outside the Montreal hotel where the Warmonger Preznit spoke this week, and no wonder: It’s the same place where John Lennon once held his bed-in for peace. SACRILEGE!!!

And finally, to Larry Klayman‘s little ass-barnacle in New York, one “Fran and the City” (at least that’s what her Gmail account sez. Like everything else of hers, it makes very little if any sense.) Fran, honey, I hate to break it to you so rudely, but you’re just so wrong on every point, and shrieking at me like a deranged fruit-bat in ALL CAPS won’t help. Just as I predicted in the entry you so courteously shat upon, Larry lost. Thanks for playing ideological strip poker. Now here’s a silver bullet for all your trouble…

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3 Responses to Wankers of the Week: Early Halloweenies edition

  1. Nolan says:

    I almost pity Vargas Llosa. He was never in the same league as the Garcia Marquez and Cortazars of Latin American literature, but to go from being a respected author to writing about a 2 year old farce of a trial that had no relevance in any of the 3 countries involved, for a Salt Lake City news website, shows just how far the man has fallen and how he will do anything to remain relevant.

  2. I think you’re thinking of papa Mario, not son Alvaro. But yeah, they’re both pretty much irrelevant by now, no matter what anyone else says.

  3. Nolan says:

    Ah, it’s Alvaro, not Mario who wrote that. A little less depressing then, as junior has never done anything but live off his family name.

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