Wankers of the Week: Nobel Peace Prize Idiots edition

Some people, like these two, get it–and got out to give their president a gentle reminder of the job to be done. Others…well…

Last week’s out-of-the-blue announcement that the world’s first pre-emptive Nobel Peace Prize had been awarded to Barack Obama has unleashed a firestorm of stupidities, most of them from people who probably still believe in pre-emptive war even after nearly a decade of living (and dying) proof of its utter futility. Some of their shit actually landed in my mailbox (which will now have to be fumigated for typhus, dengue and a host of other fever-swamp diseases of the wingnut brain.) Here we go with the wanks, in no particular order:

1. Tilman Fucking Walker. Obscure right-wing blogger thinks Chavecito was just being jealous when he stated the plain truth–that Obama had not yet done enough to earn the Nobel Peace Prize. And of course, trots out the old “dictator” canard, too. So tired. Especially when you consider that the “dictator” enjoys the support of a full two-thirds of Venezuelans…still. Funniest of all is that all two of the blogger’s little ass-barnacle commentators…agree with Chavecito (although one suspects it’s strictly partisan, knee-jerk hatred of Democrats and/or blacks on their part.)

2. Vaclav Fucking Havel. Irrelevant former Czech president (and still, inexplicably, neoliberal in spite of the economic disaster it unleashed on his country) criticizes Obama for–not meeting with the Dalai Lama? Iraq is still burning, Afghanistan is unable to dig out from under its own rubble, the US nuclear arsenal is still very much in place (as is Israel’s not-so-secret one)–and this is Havel’s idea of a peace chore to be accomplished? Someone has a bizarre sense of priorities in Prague.

3. Benjamin Fucking Netanyahu. Israeli warmonger fawns over peace prize winner with empty rhetoric, probably secretly hoping he’ll bomb Iran. Dude, STFU and clean your own house. Pay special attention to Dimona. Otherwise, you’ll never win one.

4. The Fucking RNC. Why? Well,

THAT’s why.

5. through 13. Rush Fucking Limbaugh, Glenn Fucking Beck, John Fucking Bolton, James Fucking Inhofe, Andy Fucking McCarthy, Erick Fucking Erickson, Ron Fucking Radosh, Paul Fucking Mirengoff, and Orly Fucking Taitz. See above, and add lockstep predictability on every front. Not a thought in any of their puny skulls other than “Waaaaaaaa! We want WAR WAR WAR!!!”, “Gimme money for my fascist 9/12 tea party!”, “Buh-buh-bub-but what about Bill Ayers?” and of course, the obligatory, but never speakable, subtext: “Nigger nigger nigger…”

14. Susan Fucking Davis. For failing to note that the “turn-it-down trend” is only a trend on the right. On the left, people are saying more or less the same thing: “Great, congrats, accept it, take it as an advance on promises to be delivered, and GET ‘ER DONE!”

15., 16. and 17. Matt Fucking Drudge, Joe Fucking Scarborough and Mark Fucking Halperin. The one gets his bons mots du jour from an Islamist jihadist, the other mocks and insults Obama, and the third mocks and insults Marisa Tomei. Stay classy, turds.

18. Robert Fucking Spencer. Obama’s Nobel is bad because he talked to Hamas! Oh NOES!!!

19. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Not only for fixating, with typical partisan myopia, on how “right-wing whining” tarnishes the GOP’s image (as if it could be any further tarnished than it already is!), but for saying “…allow those on the left to explain what he did in his first two weeks as President that merited such recognition.” Um yeah, he earned it in just two weeks. What more do we need from a failed (and probably very bitter) Repug presidential wannabe?

20. Michelle Fucking Malkin. Has this hypocritical, war-mongering, anchor-baby bitch ever considered that one day, her penchant for turning her ankle-biting minions on people is gonna backfire when she is sued for invasion of privacy–and so is every one of the ankle-biters? These people have no shame–they harassed an innocent woman for no reason other than that she went to law school with the current president. I’d nominate anyone who brings the hammer down on them for a Nobel peace prize, myself–it would sure clean up the violent, racist filth that clogs the Internets!

21. AllahFuckingPundit. Yeah, as a matter of fact, he DID get it for not being Dubya. He got it for trying to be the anti-Dubya. And this is a problem WHY? Putz.

22. Michael Fucking Steele. You know, there is such a thing as being TOO much of an Uncle Tom…to the point where even Ol’ Massa doesn’t know what to make of you anymore (except, maybe, a mess of chitlins). It really doesn’t pay to toady to those who secretly see your skin as the mark of their enemy. They could turn around and lynch YOU when the Secret Service does too good a job of protecting their intended target from them.

23. Sarah Fucking Palin, AGAIN. For winning the Nobel Prize in Literature. WTF? WTFF?? WTFFF???

Oh. Wait. It’s a spoof. Ha ha ha snurk!

But wait, maybe it’s not so spoofy after all…

…ya think?

24. These crazy drug-ass motherfuckers right here. Honestly, words fail.

25. Tammy Fucking Bruce. Why be subtle about your own racism? Let’s dog-whistle using photos of raccoons hunting through boxes of Cracker Jack for the prize. Get it? COON HUNTS FOR PRIZE! So clever. Fuck yeah!

26. Thomas Fucking Friedman. Blah blah blah yadda yadda meaningless faux-clever glurge from a warmongering dumbfuck who, as usual, has no idea what he’s babbling on about.

27. Claudia Fucking Rosett. First time I’ve ever heard of her; hope it’s the last. Won’t ever win any prizes except the booby kind, thank Goddess.

28. Jonah Fucking Goldberg. Have I mentioned him in here yet? I forget. Just in case I haven’t, he’s a wanker too. So what’s new?

And just to close out this week’s wankapedia, check out who was NOT a wanker about it. Yes, the Recipient himself–schooling friends and foes alike on how one handles such an unexpected honor:

Great speech, Barack No-Drama. “A call to action” it certainly is. Now go and do what you were called to do.