Wankers of the Week: They wank among us edition

Halloween was over a week ago…or was it? These wankers gross the bejesus out of me even now…

1. Virgil Bradley Fucking Tetherow. No, I’m not going to call him “Reverend”, much less “Father Gabriel”, even if everyone else does. Men who get in people’s faces about abortion are obnoxious and hateful enough. But men who dress up as priests while hiding a huge hard-on for kiddie porn under their vestments? Sounds to me like the anti-choice harassment is just their way of ensuring a steady supply of future victims.

2. Dick Fucking Cheney. Last week it was “Don’t dither”, this week it’s “don’t recall”. Sounds to me like the Big Dick should be under psychiatric evaluation, since 72 separate incidents of inability to remember, under FBI questioning, surely must constitute some kind of diagnosable dementia. Which in turn makes me wonder: How in hell was this man ever cleared to take public office in the first place? As I recall, there are stringent health requirements.

3. Stephen Fucking Harper. Treading shamelessly on the toes of Prince Charles? Stay classy, Harpo.

4. Dani Fucking Ayalon. Always with the “Venezuela harbors Iranian terrorists” line. Doesn’t that schtick ever get tired? I get so sick of hearing it trotted out every fucking day. The relationship with Iran is strictly business, and also may have something to do with both countries being non-aligned (which is rather more than one can say for Israel.)

5. Doug Fucking Hoffman. When you call Glenn Fucking Beck your “mentor”, you’re a surefire winner, right? Wrong. Haha!

6. Carrie Fucking Prejean, again. This time, she’s literally a wanker…caught on tape, no less. More proof, in case you needed it, that beauty pageants are not and never were about being a true role model. Don’t they vet their contestants any better than that?

7. John Fucking Varley. Excuse me, what was it again that Jesus said about rich men, camels and eyes of needles? I guess someone forgot that part of his catechism.

8. The entire fucking board of Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto. They got the flu shot early. Meanwhile, those who should have been getting it, like this boy, are getting the virus instead–and some are getting awfully dead. Meanwhile, everyone else is getting awfully nervous. I wonder what hospital boards do anyway that’s so all-fired important as to justify this kind of queue-jumping. My suspicion is NOT BLOODY MUCH!

9. This fucking wanker here who thinks he knows the “truth” about the flu shot. Um no, he doesn’t–he is not a doctor. He has no knowledge of epidemiology or microbiology. And using the flu death of a child to push crackpot anti-vaccination theories is as wankish as it gets!

10. and 11. The Fucking Medcan Clinic and Queen’s Fucking Park. Excuse me, but Ontario is a single-payer healthcare province. Queue-jumping for a tidy profit is killing people. (Of course, Medcan’s CEO is a Tory fundraiser. Figures.) Do we really need a flu epidemic to drive home the fact that executive-perk medicine is dead wrong? Come on, McGuinty Liberals, crack down on these fuckers already–or be accused of complicity.

12. George Fucking Hutchins. GOP racist extraordinaire and ugly-ass-website king, no doubt about it. Hot quote: “America is a Great Nation, due to our Diversity; but ONLY WHEN, This Diversity is VOLUNTARY.” Also: “To DEFEAT OBAMA-NATION, we must take a close look at all of the “Social Engineering” contained in the so called 1964 Civil Rights Act, and remove this “Social Engineering” contained in the so-called 1964 Civil Rights Act.”

By “Social Engineering”, he means EQUAL RIGHTS FOR BLACKS AND WHITES. That means he is a FUCKING RACIST IN ALL CAPS, DUH. (I have no idea what he means by “VOLUNTARY Diversity”, but I have a hunch it’s along similar lines.)

Oh yeah, and scroll waaayyyyy down past all the multicolored mispunctuated ungrammatical large-font whorish hideosity, and you’ll see this:

Just in case you needed further confirmation on the whole racist thing. (You’re welcome. Now if you’ll pardon me, I need to go rinse my eyeballs with sterile saline solution. Teh Racist Stoopid, it BURNS.)

13. Simon Fucking Romero. Honestly, this one deserves a lifetime membership on the Wankers list. He can’t even “report” two freaking paragraphs on swine flu deaths among the natives in the Venezuelan state of Amazonas without blaming it on Big Red You Know Who…and his expulsion of a cult backed by the CIA. (PS: Excellent satire here.)

14. Every fucking wanker who laughed at Dr. Carolyn Bennett, MP, here:

Given that Dr. Bennett was a full-time practicing physician before entering politics, I think it only fair that her concerns about the flu pandemic–stemming from a working knowledge and prior direct experience of the subject at hand–be addressed with something other than Tory derision. Don’t you?

(Yes, I realize this happened last week. But it only came to my attention now. I don’t believe it’s ever too late to address a wanker’s blatantly cavalier attitude, especially not if the wanker–or jerk-circle of wankers–is a repeat offender. And I want to make sure it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle, especially not when the wankers want to try for a majority government. It’s this contempt for the public’s well-being that should be remembered come voting time. So sue me.)

15. Andrew Fucking Coyne. H1N1 a “non-crisis”? Tell it to the parents of the “freakishly unlucky” (and previously healthy) boy who died of it. For that matter, tell it the president of Ecuador, who lost his (previously very healthy!) security chief–a “non-priority” group member–to the disease. For anyone to claim that a contagious disease which can kill the healthy within two days is a “non-crisis” is a distinct display of non-intelligence.

And no, Andrew, I don’t believe your case of foot-in-mouth was “freakishly unlucky”, because you had time to sit down and think about every word before you wrote it.

And that’s it for this week’s wankapedia. I only wish it were shorter. As with all things wankish, that’s because to see even a little of it is to see too fucking much.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash, and I hope you get your flu shot soon.