Wankers of the Week: Unpardonable turkeys edition

Remember this? A whole bunch of dead turkeys don’t, ha ha…

Yes, by all means, pardon the turkey if you’re so inclined (or not!)…but don’t you dare pardon any of these fowl evildoers, gentle readers…

1. Sarah Fucking Palin, for the umpteen hundred and umpty-umpth fucking time. What is it this time? Well, she’s facile, disingenuous, vain, stupid as sailor’s shit…and those are just her good points. She’s also petty and vindictive, and oh yeah, didja know she refused to shake Ollie Stone’s hand…because it had touched the hand of a competent, non-quitting, real leader? Oh, the HORROR! At this rate, her parvulum opus will be in the remainder bin before the Macy’s parade is over.

2. Lynn Fucking Vincent. The Paliness’s uncredited ghostwriter (her name appears nowhere on the cover of the screed she pooped out on you-know-whose behalf) is a closeted homophobe who doesn’t have the guts to come right out and say it. All she can do is shuck, jive and prevaricate, just like her “collaborator”. And act all hurt when no one believes a word of it.

Well, duh–her “some of my best friends” defensiveness should be mocked, because it deserves it. Would a true friend of the gays write something like this?

The homosexual ethos depends on an abandonment of truth … [T]he gay quest for “civil rights” bears little resemblance to the struggles of blacks and suffragists, whose eventual liberation benefited society at large. Instead, it calls up the American communists of the ’50s and ’60s who, in order to advance the radical interests of a narrow group, created a spurious “victim class,” then convinced America that theirs was the side of justice.

That, my friends, is vintage Lynn Vincent. That’s what she really thinks of “some of her best friends”. Lovely, isn’t it?

(PS: Guess who her REAL best friends are. No, srsly. Guess!)

3. Kate Fucking Moss. “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”? Big words from a coked-out prune who’s afraid to taste anything.

Nice nose, Katie. Bet it got you a lot of modelling work.

4. Dino Fucking Babic. You know you’re a serious wanker when you kill your own mother…for catching you wanking. Now, the whole world knows!

5. and 6. Sharon Fucking Cook and Barbara Fucking Boisvert. ZOMG nudity! Oh, the HORROR! Most of us are glad kids are reading, and yes, comic books qualify as such. So an 11-year-old wants to read some rather mature material–so what? If she can’t handle it, she’ll close the book and bring it back, and that will be that. Censoring library books by keeping them out of circulation–now THERE’s some scarifying shit!

7. Adam Fucking Studdard. Dude, you may be Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s deputy, but stealing is still stealing–even if “the law” does it!

8. Rush Fucking Limbaugh. ZOMG a TRIAL! For a TERRORIST! Due process! Oh, the HORROR! (What is this, a DEMOCRACY? HERESY!!!)

9. Bill Fucking Kristol. ZOMG a TRIAL! For the FORT HOOD SHOOTER! Due process! Oh, the HORROR! What is this, etc.

10. Shimon Fucking Peres. Worst Political Prognosticator EVER. If you think Venezuela will “soon get tired” of Chavecito, you obviously haven’t seen his latest poll numbers. Bet they’re better than yours, Shim-Sham. PS: You don’t get to vote in those polls, so don’t waste your breath pretending you can, or telling others how they should vote. And what’s this shit about Venezuela’s freely elected (and very hard-working) parliament being “not a serious government”? Coming from someone whose own “popularity” rests not on fair redistribution of oil money or any of the other benefits of the state, but on displacing and bombing Palestinians (and babbling disingenuous bullshit about it all), that’s fucking RICH.

BTW, here’s the reception he got in Argentina this week:

Ooooooo….owwwwwww. Ha, ha.

(Special thanks to Utpal for pointing out to me that Peres is also the Father of the Israeli Nuke. No, I’m not kidding.)

11. Levi Fucking Johnston. Posing for Playgirl, but NOT going full-frontal? I cry FOWL!!! Er…foul…er, let’s tar and feather the knave. And save your money for fireman charity calendars, ladies and gay gents.

12. Fucking Blue Cross. 12-year-old kid in need of prosthetic arm…won’t be getting one, because Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan charges an arm and a leg, and won’t pay out for either anymore. That’s right, private insurers ration care. Shocking, huh? Yeah, that “public option” is just looking more and more fascist all the time.

13. All the right-wing fuglies acknowledged (first names only!) by that faux-folksy cowardess, Sarah Fucking Palin, in her ghostwritten fucking book. Among the “journalists” she’s on a first name basis with are a shock-jock who makes jokes about her cancer-stricken rival, an apologist for marital rape, and a misogynist who freeps any woman who dares to protest the poor, oppressed Paliness. She sure knows how to pick the wieners–er, winners–doesn’t she?

(The book might become an accidental bestseller, though, for sheer novelty value–a current Internet game is to see how many self-contradictory whoppers you can find in its pages. And other fun shit like that.)

14. Whoever the fuck threatened the Port Huron (Michigan) Times-Herald with “another Fort Hood”. For what? For criticizing a teabagging local politician. Yeah, those teabags are just all class. And they wonder why sane people call them the Yanqui Taliban?

15. BTW, that teabagging politico? That would be Candice Fucking Miller. I think you’ll agree that she’s worthy to be listed here when you look at the company she keeps. (Not to mention her anonymous fans who phone in those oh-so-classy death threats to newspaper offices.)

16. Peter Fucking MacKay (and all the rest of the SupposiTories on Parliament Hill). Covering up what Richard Colvin repeatedly told them about prisoners the Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan had handed over to the notably corrupt Afghan “authorities”, who tortured them? That has got to be the most unpardonable thing of all. These so-called elected officials of ours were in a position to do something to stop it, and they FAILED. Time to get our forces the hell out of Afghanistan before they become complicit–knowingly or not–in more of the same, or worse. The only way to do that is to sweep these lowlives out of office for good and never elect another one.

And finally, the “Little Big Man” troll from San Jose, California, IP # 17.184.103.123. Little PENIS Man would be more like it. Funny how they always wait until an entry has rolled off the front page before shitting on it, eh? Yeah, that takes guts. You can e-mail him here (assuming it’s not fake) to let him know what you think of his big, brawny courage. (His real ISP is Apple Computer Inc., BTW. Tsk, tsk. Looks like the “lulz” on you, Inhumano, pal!)

Good night, and get stuffed.