‘Afternoon all.Here’s the latest list of all the current dos and don’ts you must obey in order not to be shunned, blackmailed, death-wished and gratuitously insulted by sanctimonious hypocrites today. Be sure to memorize this, as there will be a pop quiz later. Ready? Here we go:1. You must draw Mohammed. In chalk. On a sidewalk, so people can walk all over him (which to Arabs and Muslims is the worst insult possible), thus demonstrating…what exactly? Oh, don’t question it–just do it in the name of Free Speech! 2. If challenged as to whether drawing Mohammed has any real point to it, other than gratuitously singling out others on the grounds of religious bigotry, you must clutch your pearls and grandiloquently declare that you are a rationalist atheist, and as such, cannot possibly be a religious bigot. You are an IRRELIGIOUS bigot, thankyouverymuch! And it is not only your right but your DUTY to be one, because if you’re not, They are going to come and take your right away from you! So stop questioning and draw Mohammed!3. Furthermore, you are exempt from any actual consequences your silly actions (which you must characterize as “protest”) may reap, especially if they fall on the heads of others in a foreign country. 4. You must also disclaim responsibility if anyone challenges you on this one. Useful catchphrase: “See, what did I tell you? They ARE all fascists!” (Be sure to yell this one good and loud, so that they hear you over in Pakistan.)5. You must ignore the fact that all of Islam does not, in fact, call for the death penalty on artists who draw Mohammed. Because if you did your homework on this one and realized that all Muslims are not alike in their beliefs, you’d be an accommodationist (that’s a PC word, kiddies, memorize it!) to Those People Who Are Trying To Force Their Religion On You.6. Also, you would be a dhimmi. You don’t want to be one of those, do you? No, of course not…that would be the Worst Thing Ever for us free westerners. So just declare your independence and DRAW MOHAMMED, already. Remember, it’s your duty.7. And, if female, don’t forget to further show your contempt by flashing your boobs, legs, or anything else that’s been deemed to cause earthquakes in Iran. Not doing so shows you are a humorless feminist and a bad sport. And you’ll get cancer of the uterus, which will eat a big hole through your bowels, and your cervix will fall out your ass.8. And just ignore all the Christian fundies over here. After all, they only force their women to rat up their hair (the higher it is, the closer to God, etc.) and wear too much mascara (the greasy old-fashioned kind that runs when you sweat or cry, which they do as a matter of rote in their megachurches, preferably while throwing convulsions or speaking gibberish unto Jeebus). They don’t make them wear veils all over everything. Veils are a terribly threatening thing to western freedom!9. Also, ignore Christian fundie terrorists. Especially those that profess admiration for Hitler. They don’t count as fascists or terrorists because they’re not brown and they don’t bow down five times a day in scary submission to Allah.10. Never, EVER say “apartheid” and “Israel” in the same breath. If you do, that makes you a criminal against humanity. And terribly unfair to Israel. And an antisemite, particularly if you speak up on behalf of those other Semites, the Palestinians. And worst of all, it means you’re probably a Holocaust denier who deserves to get cancer and be run over by a double-decker bus at the same time.11. If you’re queer, especially don’t violate #10 at a Pride Day parade. Especially not in Toronto. It’s only supposed to be a peaceful, non-political celebration of cheap beer and commercial tourism and musclemen wearing nothing but an artful cobweb of studded leather straps, capisce?12. If you’re Jewish, violating #10 means you’re a self-hater and deserve to be shit-listed and cursed to death by some Kahanist greybeard or other. Preferably by stoning.13. And don’t even ask what horrible punishments are in store for being queer, Jewish AND violating #10, all at the same time. You should be making babies for Israel, not criticizing it, you vile Sodomite!14. Also, don’t ever mention that Hamas was once actively funded by Israel in order to undermine Yasser Arafat’s PLO. That would be heresy.15. And not a word about those business dealings with South Africa during the apartheid era, either. Especially not the South African prime minister who was pro-Nazi during World War II (and interned for it), but was happily welcomed by Israel in the name of nuclear warhead sales and other common causes which are, of course, not mentionable here.16. You must denounce Iran as a fascist menace at every opportunity you get. Preferably by misquoting Ahmadinejad. After all, he’s trying to make nukes.17. And of course, when the subject of Israeli nukes arises, you must clam up and pretend there was no such thing. Ever. 18. AND that it was not being offered for sale to South Africa, of all places.19. In fact, just ignore all the very real fascism that’s going down in Israel, or wherever you are.20. And just shut up and DRAW MOHAMMED, and be thankful we still let you have free speech. Oak hay?
-
Fear doesn't travel well; just as it can warp judgment, its absence can diminish memory's truth. What terrifies one generation is likely to bring only a puzzled smile to the next. --Arthur Miller, "Why I Wrote 'The Crucible'", The New Yorker, October 21, 1996
All opinions here are the brain-wrackings of Sabina C. Becker, unless otherwise credited. If you cite them, please give credit where due.
-
Suck it, haters. Feminism rocks!
Blogophilia
- ¡Que País!
- 1337hax0r
- 21st Century Socialism
- A Creative Revolution
- A Gringa Diary
- Abandoned Stuff by Saskboy
- Abiding in Bolivia
- Agencia Bolivariana de Noticias
- Alan Beggerow
- Alex Himelfarb
- American Leftist
- Americas Program
- Anonymous Arabist
- Anti-Racist Canada
- Antonia Zerbisias Broadsides
- Arms Control Wonk
- Arthur Kent
- Awakening from hegemony
- Axis of Logic
- Bad Attitudes
- Baghdad Burning
- Bananama Republic
- Barbara Ehrenreich
- Bartcop
- Bartholomew’s Notes on Religion
- Belltower News
- Benjamin Solah
- BillySHEARS
- BitterGrace Notes
- BizarroBlog
- Black Agenda Report
- Blast Furnace
- BlatherWatch
- Blog from Bolivia
- Blogadder
- Bob Row’s Gloria Mundi
- Bolivia Action Solidarity Network
- Bolivia Changes
- Bolivia Matters
- Bolivia Rising
- Bolivia Transition Project
- Bolivia-UN Blog
- BoliviaSol
- BoRev.Net
- Brad DeLong
- Brain Spank
- Buckdog
- CAJA
- Calling All Wingnuts
- Cambios en Cuba
- CANADALAND
- Carlchucho
- Catpaw
- Cats Against Bush
- Cernovich Leaks
- Challenging the Commonplace
- Changing Up Pakistan
- Chris Floyd
- Chronically Clueless
- Cindy Sheehan's Soapbox
- Circles Robinson
- Clarissa Pinkola Estés
- Climate Progress
- Cold North Wind
- Colombia Reports
- Composite (Liz Henry)
- Counterspin Central
- Cowboys for Social Responsibility
- CPC Watch
- Crazy Bitches R Us
- Creative Commons
- Crooks and Liars
- Cuba Journal
- Cuba Reality Check
- Cyberwanderer’s Blog
- Da Timster
- Dahr Jamail
- Daily Howler
- DAMMIT JANET!
- Daniel Ellsberg
- Daniel Goldstein
- Daniel Suelo
- Dave Lindorff
- David Sirota
- Deck Deckert
- Denis DeKat
- Dennis Gruending
- DeSmogBlog
- Dignidad Nacional Perú
- Down South
- Dr. Dawg's Blawg
- Ecuador Rising
- EL CANADU
- El Espacio de Lubrio
- El Gaviero
- Enormous Thriving Plants
- Epic Win FTW
- Ethnos Boriquen
- Eva Golinger
- Evangelical Right
- Ex-Gay Watch
- Excited Delirium
- Factchecker
- FAIL Blog
- FAIR Blog
- Fanal Cubano
- Feminist Christian Socialist
- Fetus Bully
- FFIB NAMOL
- Fillibluster
- Force Planet
- Former Fundy
- Fotoglif
- Freedom Rider
- Friends of Irony
- From Floor 7
- Frontlines of Revolutionary Struggle
- Fuck Conservatives
- Fuck the Tea Party
- G20 Inquiry
- Gaza Freedom March
- Geek Gaucho
- Género con Clase
- Ghost of Wellstone
- GochoGringo
- Gossip Boy
- Greg Mitchell
- Gringo in Venezuela
- Gringo Tambo Blog
- Gringos Against CAFTA
- Guerrilla Comunicacional
- Guevaristas
- Gun Guys
- Haiti Relief and Reconstruction Watch
- Haiti-Cuba-Venezuela Analysis
- Hasta Los Gatos Quieren Zapatos
- Hitchens Watch
- Honduran Campesino
- Honduras Coup 2009
- Honduras Frente al Golpe de Estado
- Honduras Morazánica
- Honduras Oye
- Huffington Post
- Hugo Chávez
- I Will Not Shut The Fuck Up
- In the Name of Democracy
- Inca Kola News
- Information Is Beautiful
- Institute for Southern Studies
- Item Not As Described
- James Petras
- Jane Fonda
- Janet McNeill
- Japan Nuclear Crisis
- JesseCo.
- Jesus' General
- Jewbonics
- Jews Sans Frontieres
- Jim Lobe
- JimBobby Sez
- Joe Bodolai
- John E. Jones
- John Gorenfeld
- John Pilger
- Juan Cole
- Justin Delacour
- Kevin Sites
- King Daevid
- La Vida Locavore
- Law is Cool
- Left Business Observer
- Lenin's Tomb
- Let Freedom Rain
- Libcom.org
- Liberal Talk Radio
- Life on the Left
- Lilian Nattel
- LobeLog
- Loonwatch
- Los Blogueros
- Lost Cosmonaut
- Lugares Comunes
- Lunatic Llama
- M. Bouffant
- Machetera
- Malmo Blue's Equal Radio
- Marc McDonald
- Margaret Cho
- Margarita del Norte
- Mary Cartledgehayes
- Matthias in Marburg
- Media Co-op
- Media Culpa
- Media Matters
- MediaCitizen
- Meeting Point
- Memory Blog
- Memory in Latin America
- Michael Moore
- Mike Malloy
- Mike Malloy Show
- Mike Watkins
- Milfuegos
- Missed the Epistle
- Mona Eltahawy
- Mondoweiss
- Montreal Simon
- Morons With Signs
- Mrs. Bitch
- Ms.Marx
- Murray Dobbin
- Murray Waas
- MuzzleWatch
- My Blahg
- My Fault, I'm Female
- Naked Capitalism
- Naomi Epel
- Nashua Advocate
- NewsHounds
- Nicolás Rivera
- Nieman Watchdog
- Noam Chomsky
- NobodyCouldHavePredicted
- Northern Reflections
- Notes from the Greenwood
- Nuclear Test Watch
- Ohh Shoot
- Oil Wars
- Oliver Willis
- One Good Move
- Or Perhaps…
- Orcinus
- Orwell's Bastard
- Pamelyn Casto
- Parliament Shill
- Peace, Order and Good Government, Eh?
- Peter Bogdanovich
- Philip Racuel
- Political Teen Tidbits
- Probably Bad News
- Progressive Economics Forum
- Progressive Proselytizing
- Propaganda Critic
- ProPublica
- Public Values
- Queer Thoughts
- Quotha
- Rabble.ca
- Racism Review
- Rack Jite
- Raed Jarrar
- Rage Against the Man-chine
- Rantdog
- RCMP Watch
- Reg Hartt
- Religious Right Alert
- Reprehensor
- Resettle THIS!
- Resistencia Morazán
- Rev. Day-Bu
- Reveille Radical
- Robert Greenwald
- Rock Around the Blockade
- Romenesko
- Rude Pundit
- Ruins of Empire
- Sadly, No!
- Save the Rich
- Science Blog
- Scott Rosenberg
- SeaLatin Blog
- Secrecy News
- Seeing Red in the Southwest
- Served And Protected
- Sharon Fraser
- Sherry Wolf
- Shmohawk
- Shockfront
- Sick of This Crap
- Sierra Maestra
- Silobreaker
- Sister Sage's Musings
- Slacktivist
- Small State
- Smudge Report
- Socialist Democracy
- Sociological Images
- Soldier Say No
- Solidarity With Six Nations
- Sources.com
- Stan Goff
- Steve Lendman
- Stinky Journalism
- Straight Goods
- Structurally Maladjusted
- Stuffed and Starved
- Sue Thomason
- Survival International
- T’anta Wawa Talks
- Tales of Zapata Street
- Talk Left
- Talking Points Memo
- Talking Radio
- Ten Percent
- The Abortioneers
- The Agonist
- The Anti-Social Socialist
- The AntiCraft!
- The Arabist
- The Black Commentator
- The CPC Watcher
- The Cracked Crystal Ball II
- The Crotchety Old Fan
- The Cynical Arab
- The Daily Sketch
- The End of Capitalism
- The Harper Index
- The Hasbara Buster
- The Havana Note
- The Homo Agenda
- The Largest Minority
- The Left Hand of Feminism
- The Mex Files
- The Oatmeal
- The Pagan Prattle
- The Poor Man
- The Prison Notebook of Maximón
- The Regina Mom
- The Revolution Is In The Classroom
- The Scarlet Pimpernel
- The Sixth Estate
- The Skinny
- The Unapologetic Mexican
- The Wild Hunt
- The Wingnuterer
- This is why you're fat.
- Thump and Whip
- Tikun Olam
- Tim's El Salvador Blog
- Tom Tomorrow
- Toronto Troll Gallery
- Tortilla Con Sal
- Toward Freedom
- Troubletown
- Truth Mafia
- Truthout Blog
- TVNewsLies
- Ukhampacha Bolivia
- Unapologetic Canadian
- UNREDACTED
- Uzza's Notes
- VeeeATCH!
- Ven Central
- Venezuela Solidarity
- Vile Tweets
- Wage Slave Journal
- Walter Lippmann
- Walter Mignolo
- War of the Waves
- Watching Stephen Harper Like A Hawk
- We Hunted the Mammoth
- we move to canada
- Whap! Whap!
- William Engdahl
- Window Into Palestine
- Women’s Space
- Wonkette
- wood s lot
- World O' Crap
- WTF Is It Now??
- Yohandry’s Weblog
- ΚΕΛΑΗΔΙΣΜΑΤΑ
-
Categories
- A Bit of a Brag…
- A Man, A Plan, A Canal
- A Passage to India
- All About Evo
- All the Tea in China
- Amazing Places
- Angry Pacifist Speaks Her Mind
- Arabian Nights
- Artsy-Fartsy Culture Stuff
- Audible Audacity
- Balkan Yogurt
- Banksters
- Barreling Right Along
- Belgian Waffles
- Bina's Band of Brigands
- Boycott This Toon!
- Brazil is the Bomb!
- Bullies
- BushCo Death Watch
- Buzz Me Now! Here's How!
- Canadian Counterpunch
- Chile Sin Queso
- Clip 'n' Save
- Compare and Contrast
- Confessions of a Bad German
- Cool Beans
- Cops Behaving Badly
- Cops Behaving Better
- Corruptos
- Crapagandarati
- Credit Where Due
- Cuba, Libre (de los Yanquis)
- CubanaBomber Death Watch
- Czech This Out
- Dawgs
- Deepest Darkest Africa
- Der Drumpf
- Do As I Say…
- Don't Cry For Argentina
- Drrrrruuuugs
- Dweebs
- Economics for Dummies
- Ecuadorable As Can Be
- El NarcoPresidente
- El Predicto Speaks…
- Environmentally Ill
- Epidumbics
- EuroPeons
- Facecrooks
- Farts
- Fascism WITH Swastikas
- Fascism Without Swastikas
- Festive Left Friday Blogging
- Fetus Fetishists
- Filthy Stinking Rich
- Fine Young Cannibals
- Found in Translation
- Free Trade, My Ass!
- Freeze Peach!
- Fun With Photoshop
- Gazing on Gaza
- Going Dutch
- Good to Know
- Greek Salad
- Grifters
- Guatemala, Guatebuena
- Guns, Guns, Guns
- Headline Howlers
- Heroes for Today
- Huguito Chavecito
- Human Rights FAIL
- Hungarian Goulash
- I Left My Hat in Haiti
- If You REALLY Care
- Inca Dink-a-Doo
- Irish Stew
- Isn't It Ironic?
- Isn't That Illegal?
- Isn't That Impeachable?
- Isn't That Racist?
- Isn't That Terrorism?
- Israelly Uncool
- Just Pissed Off
- Karma 1, Dogma 0
- Kittehs
- Kooks
- Korean Kimchi
- Law-Law Land
- Let Them Fight!
- Look, I Made a Poem!
- Madvertising
- Men Who Just Don't Get It
- Merry Old England
- Mexican Standoffs
- Mobsters
- Morticia! You Spoke French!
- Music for a Sunday
- Nepotism
- Newspeak is Nospeak
- No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
- Not Hiding in Honduras
- Not So Compassionate Conservatism
- Nukes
- Obamarama!
- Obits and 'bobs
- Oceania
- Paraguay, Uruguay
- Persian Cats
- Pissing Jesus Off
- Professional Phobes
- Puerto Rico, Gente Pobre
- Quacks
- Quotable Notables
- Rivers in Egypt
- Scandinavian Smorgasbord
- Scary Thoughts
- Schadenfreude
- She Blinded Me With Science
- Short 'n' Stubby
- Shysters
- Sick Frickin' Bastards
- Socialism is Good for Capitalism!
- Spooks
- Stupid Sex Tricks
- Technical Notes
- Teh Ghey
- Teh Heterostoopid
- Teh Injunz
- Teh Russkies
- The 'Stans
- The "Well, DUH!" Files
- The Bern
- The Bold and the Badass
- The Hardcore Stupid
- The Nausea
- The Salvador Option(s)
- The Trans
- The United States of Amnesia
- The War on Terra
- The WTF? Files
- True Scotsmen (and WOMEN!)
- Turkish Treats
- Turning Japanese
- Ukraine, Ikraine, WeAllKraine
- Uncategorized
- Under the Name of Spain
- Uppity Wimmin
- W is for Weak (and Stupid)
- Wankers of the Week
- Weather Whackjobbery
- Weebs
- Who Forgot Poland?
- Writer Lady Sings the Blues
- Yes, I Really Cook!
Meta
You hit the bull’s eye on the target again, ‘Bina. 20 times!