Wankers of the Week: Equinoxious edition

tea-crumpets-party.jpg

Well. How’d everyone like the Equinox? Now the days will be short and the nights will be long up here in the Northern Hemisphere, while all you lucky ducks in the south will be celebrating spring. But whatever time of year it is wherever, these people will be wankers regardless:

1. Whoever the fuck left a homophobic death threat on the big, friendly gay blog of Joe. My. God. Intriguingly, the IP of the commenter appears to point to the office of Saxby Fucking Chambliss (R-Scuzzbucket). After a day’s busy back-and-forthing, it was confirmed. Now all that remains is to identify the perp. Ain’t the Internets a bitch, sometimes?

2. Anthony Fucking Scaramucci. Wall Street feels “like a piñata”? What a shame, I was hoping it would feel more like a soccer ball full of shit with all the shit kicked out of it. Or better still, Adolf Hitler in the last minute before he committed suicide. Or Benito Mussolini right before the partisans got him. Because, you know, real fascism is CORPORATISM, and Wall St. liked Adolf Hitler just fine, back in the day. And why not–he kept those pesky Marxist trade unionists under control, eh?

3. Jerome Fucking Corsi. Oh joy, I was wondering when this swift-boating liar would raise his crackbrained head again. This time, it’s the ultimate birther conspiracy theory he’s touting. And then there’s that “renounce Lucifer” thing. When will Mr. Corsi renounce wife-beating? That’s what I want to know.

teanuts-president-brown.jpg

Recognize this? It’s a spoof on the first Peanuts cartoon–“Good ol’ Charlie Brown…How I hate him!”

4. Diane Fucking Finley. You can’t very well kvetch about previous governments wasting money on gun control when your own is throwing it away like water on the military-industrial complex. Unless, of course, you’re a SupposiTory, in which case such unmitigated chutzpah is par for the course.

5. Candice Fucking Hoeppner. Another cardinal sign of SupposiTory illogic? Female misogyny. If you wanna be popular with Stevie’s Boys, you have to hate your own vagina. And be willing to let other women, particularly in rural areas, get their heads blown off by irate estranged partners for your own shallow ideology.

6. Ray Fucking Carsjens. Yep, ur an asshole all around. Ur also illiterate cuz u cant spell fer shit. Ur stats also stink, and so do ur armpitz. And oh yeah, nice touch with the death threats there, asshole.

7. Jim Fucking Hoft. Yes, I’d say he’s a very good candidate for Dumbest Man on the Internet. When you can’t tell the difference between a bent-armed hand gesture and a stiff-armed Hitler salute, much less parse the irony of accusing a major civil-rights leader of fascism, that puts you right up there in the rarefied stratosphere of Teh Stoopid. (And don’t even get me started on how a stylized version of the Rutherford-Bohr atomic model, in a logo, somehow equals Islamism.)

islamofascist-moon.jpg

8. Eddie Fucking Long. Yeah, that “ex-gay” stuff works great. So great, it makes you have sex with teenage boys! Keep an eye on this one, folks, the tally is apparently a running one. PS: Looks like someone’s gonna have to kill himself.

9. Jim Fucking Flaherty. His talking points are all ripped straight out of the tea-tard section of the Repug playbook: FEAR FEAR TERROR TERROR FEAR FEAR FEAR! This is what one does when one’s party doesn’t have a serious agenda–play to the emotions of the gullible. Let’s make their fears real, people, and have a coalition in earnest this time–I wanna see him and Harpo and all the rest of the SupposiTories pee their pants in unison!

10. Sharron Fucking Angle. Once more, she makes the news for all the wrong reasons; this time, it’s for mocking autism. This from a woman who believes in forcing women to stay pregnant, even in cases of rape, incest–or serious fetal deformities. Autism is one of those. She wants to force women to have babies, even sick and deformed ones–but she doesn’t believe in paying to keep them alive or treating their ailments. Nice, eh? PS: Nice supporters she attracts, too.

teabagging-witches.jpg

11. Lorne Fucking Gunter. “Elitist” THIS, you fucking loser. Your divide-and-conquer bullshit lost you a parliamentary vote. And you know what? This RURAL “elitist” is gloating. Unabashedly.

12. Rand Fucking Paul. When fascism comes to the US, it will come wrapped in a flag, carrying a cross, and projecting loudly all the way.

13. Roman Fucking Conaway. Nope, all that islamophobic rhetoric and Obama-bashing is leading to absolutely no terrorism or violence at all. None whatsoever!

14. Ted Fucking Haggard. Well, who better to defend Wanker #8 from his gay, gay, gaiety-gay GAY critics than a not-gay boy-renter and booty-bumping meth user?

dadt-bigotry.jpg

15. Rob Fucking Ford. Gee, for a city of so-called “elites”, Toronto sure has a lot of dumbass rednecks who would vote for this redneck dumbass.

16. And while we’re on the subject of Rob Ford and dumbassery, how about that Giorgio Fucking Mammoliti? Guess he’s forgotten the whole “Gino boy” slur. Awfully big of him? Yeah. Awfully.

17. Niki Fucking Ashton. Yes, even among NDP women, there’s at least one token wanker. And this week’s gun-registry vote was her time to, er, shine. Congrats, Niki. With “progressives” like you falling hook, line and sinker for the “urban elitists” scam, who needs Conservatives?

18. Carlo Fucking Giovanardi. Yeah, gay adoption really leads to child sex trafficking. Never mind that kids adopted by gay couples actually tend to grow up happier and better adjusted than those raised by “natural” straight parents. Never mind that the overwhelming majority of trafficked child sex abuse victims are girls abused by men! Shit, what are facts when you’ve got to keep that Vatican closet door tightly jammed, eh?

caution-pope.jpg

19. These other fucking religious nutcakes in Samoa also have a fact problem. And it also coincidentally concerns Teh Queerz.

20. Bambang Fucking Bayu Fucking Suseno. Why the double Fucking? Because NOBODY, let alone anyone with a first name like Bambang, has any business babbling bullshit about forcing girls to pass virginity tests in order to qualify for public schooling.

21. Joseph Fucking Farah. Man, have the wingnuts ever been tripping over their own shoes this week, trying to look for deaths to blame on Obama. Farah has found one that can’t be disproven, because it can’t be proven either–he claims Obama killed God, simply by not mentioning him! Who knew it was that easy? Jesus.

22. Glenn Fucking Beck. He’s ugly, he’s antisemitic, and he gives off a bad odor. Really, what more is there to say about this fucker this week?

23. Keith Fucking Mason. Did you know that “fertilized egg” is as offensive as the word NIGGER? I didn’t. I wonder whom it offends–perhaps the poor, neglected sperm that did all the work of wriggling and squiggling and fertilizing, only to get eaten in the end by that big, bad female egg? I’m sure that’s it right there. Must be the bitterness and jealousy of the dude talking. After all, they can’t carry a pregnancy, so they think it their moral duty to interfere with those who can (but sometimes won’t, if they decide not to). Remember how many of these anti-choice leaders are male…

BTW, asswipe, if you’re gonna talk about offensive terms “not based in science”, “pre-born baby” is a hell of a lot worse. Doctors and nurses don’t use it. They say fetus. Or “embryo” if it’s less than 8 weeks along, or “fertilized egg” if it’s still on its way down the Fallopian tube. Ever wonder why?

24. Stephen Fucking Harper. The UN rejected Canada for a Security Council seat. Hmmm, I wonder why. Could it be that when you trample on human rights, and are lackadaisical about fighting for those of even your own citizens (Omar Khadr, anyone?), and don’t want to recognize that water is a fundamental one, unless you’re pissing all over your own indigenous peoples, well…it stands to reason, doesn’t it? You get poopy everywhere. And you’re even less popular than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, to boot!

25. Erik Fucking Rush. If “prison rapist” is not a specific, blatant racist slur against a non-white president, tell me–what the fuck is? Oh yeah, and food safety is an international conspiracy–written, no doubt, by the Illuminati. What depraved clock did this cuckoo come out of? And won’t someone please shove him back in there and nail shut the fucking door?

26. Ann Fucking Coulter. Gee, I bet the idiots who organized HomoCon are now kicking themselves for inviting this blatant homophobe to their little shindig tonight. I bet the Coultergeist is gonna spend the entire night calling them all faggots, carpet-munchers, pillow-biters, poop-pushers, etc., and then then, when they react as anyone who’s been insulted should, she’ll snork and rasp: “Whatsamatter, can’t you take a joke?” Well, they took her, so I guess they fucking can.

coultergeist-toilet.jpg

27. Steve Fucking Warfield. And anyone else in the FBI who thinks anti-war groups are “providing material support to terrorists”. Considering that terrorists tend to be extremely right-wing and anti-war activists very much on the left, how fucking likely is that, really?

28. Mike Fucking Pence. Oh look, another horse with two asses! Why do right-wingers keep having cowboy photo-ops and setting themselves up for this one? Do they think we can’t tell?

29. John Fucking Boehner. Yep, looks like John’s Boner–all two rust-colored inches of it–has been fucking, all right. In perfect keeping with right-wing family values, as always.

traditional-marriage-fail.jpg

30. Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Because we haven’t had him here in a while, and he’s been feeling vewy, vewy left-out. Sob, sniffle.

31. Jeffrey Fucking Epstein. Remember what I said about Wanker #1 and how Wall St. should be feeling right now? Well, here’s one of the many reasons for that. The place is inhabited by people whose amorality would make a snake blush.

32. Christine O’Fucking Donnell. Now we KNOW she’s even worse than the Paliness. Who else would have the bizarre dumb chutzpah to try to stop an entire country not only from masturbating, but having sex? (And we haven’t even begun to plumb the full depth of her dumbth. Her views on evolution are just as bass-ackwards.)

halloween-early.jpg

33. Rand Fucking Paul. Pecunia non olet? Don’t bank on it. White supremacists taint EVERYTHING they touch. Including their money, and by extension, anyone they hand it to. In fact, we already KNOW Rand is tainted. This just explains where the stench comes from. (Well, PART of it, anyway..)

34. Ezra Fucking Levant. Not only an inarticulate interviewee, but utterly fact-free AND flips out when challenged, trying to overtalk his opponent, whom he then insults when he can’t rebut him. And he is NOT one to talk about progressive views, because he doesn’t HAVE any. And oh yeah, Native people are being sacrificed in the name of his “ethical” dirty-oil pie-in-the-sky, and Ezra doesn’t give a shit. Calling him a putz is an insult to putzy people.

ezra-haz-pantload.jpg

35. Sue-Ann Fucking Levy. Homophobia? Check. Disdain for Palestinians? Check. Can’t win an election herself? Check. Smear accomplished.

36. John Fucking Fund. As much as I dislike Christine O’Fucking Donnell and her fake feminism, she is as much entitled to lay a gender-discrimination lawsuit as anyone else if she has been legitimately wronged. And by telling her she shouldn’t, what does that say about conservatism? Oh yeah, of course: CONSERVATISM IS SEXIST AS HELL. Why any woman would WANT to be a conservative is beyond me; it’s like sticking your own neck in an executioner’s noose.

37. Antonin Fucking Scalia. And while we’re on the subject of sexist-as-hell, how about Fat Tony Vaffanculo? Apparently, fairness, like impartiality, is not a requirement for SCOTUS judgeships anymore.

38. George Fucking Jonas. Talk about shooting off at the mouth. Pity the bullet went through his foot instead. Sore ideological loser, anyone? This “we need guns to defend ourselves” shit is so old and hoary…almost as old and hoary as George himself. If gun-toting really worked to foil crime, wouldn’t we see more “Quick-thinking gun-toter foils robbery/rape/murder/mayhem” headlines? Well, just scan your daily headlines sometime and see how many of THOSE you find. (Oh yeah, and didja know? He’s Barbara Amiel’s ex-husband. So of course that explains some of the ideological wankery right there.)

go-away-taunt.jpg

And finally, to this week’s WAY-too-up-close-and-personal wanker, Christopher Fucking Olorago (or whatever his real fucking name is; I’m sure this one, like all the others before it from the same IP, is not it). He wore out the welcome mat from the get-go with his tiresome nonsense, but I let him make an ass of himself here and here before finally giving him the boot. One would think that that much of my time and patience should be enough to satisfy anyone, but Chrissy, like all flibbertigibbertarian perpetual adolescents, thinks he has to control and manipulate everyone who doesn’t bow to his majestic whims. He is a fool and therefore can’t take a polite hint that I do not suffer fools gladly. So I kicked his ass off. But he decided to come back anyway, under a very thin disguise, and vent his feeble rage anyway. Just look what he left in my e-mail box on Wednesday…

Yay! Let’s resort to violence! Typical socialist – no respect for

freedom of association or criticism.

I pity you.

Commenter name: Sabina is a cow

Commenter email address: Sabinaisacow@gmail.com

Commenter URL:

Commenter IP address: 85.211.231.20

Charming,no?

Oh, and how’s this for a projecting liar? This turd was dropped here, although I decided I was not going to publish it.

The comments I usually come across on YouTube call for the destruction of Israel and the killing of Jews.

A bit like what I read here.

Commenter name: Sabina Bitchy Becker

Commenter email address: binathebitcho@gotmail?.com

Commenter URL:

Commenter IP address: 85.211.163.97

Mature troll is very mature. Need a diaper change, Chrissy-poo? Sorry, you’ll just have to do it yourself. Surely you’re big enough. Why aren’t you housebroken yet?

I get the feeling that in his spare time, this yob is a barroom hooligan who gets stinky fast, then starts pushing random strangers around and then, when they tell him to fuck off, he takes a jab, they hit back harder in self-defence–and then, when the cops come, he cries that HIS rights have been violated, boo fucking hoo. Never mind that he struck the first blow, repeatedly. Typical flibber, in other words: “Rules? RULES? FASCIST! NAZI!” (No shit, I got called that by another of his many incarnations, this one ostensibly female, but really just a poor transvestite doused with cheap cologne. The IP number tells me all I need to know; they are all one person. That’s why they are all so tiresomely alike, and why I kick him down every time he comes here trying to drag a post off topic or twist my words against me. Can you blame me for lacking patience? Maybe I should hire a bouncer.)

But you know what? It’s not “violence”, or “censorship”, or anything near it, to throw a troll off one’s blog. It’s just me, upholding freedom of speech–mine–by setting my own agenda and keeping my own joint clean. As Margaret Atwood pointed out rece
ntly, a blog is the blogger’s space, and also that of legitimate commenters, but emphatically not that of trolls:

IS IT “CENSORSHIP” TO BLOCK TROLLS ON TWITTER?

No, and it’s not “censorship” to send back hate mail unopened and refuse material for your own blog, either.

Need I point out that I have never called for the death of ANYONE on this blog, nor do I condone trolls who try to do so themselves? For anyone still in doubt, there it is. You don’t like my no-death-threat stance on free speech? Too fucking bad.

As I’ve often said before, I’m not an absolutist, because absolute shit stinks absolutely. No one is exempt from responsibility for what they say, wherever they say it. Once again, I refer you to the death-threat troll from Saxby Fucking Chambliss’s office. Internet trolling is NOT free speech. And when it goes that far, it is not subject to protection, since REAL violence is involved there.

In other words, if anyone should be crying violence here, it would be us bloggers. But I don’t cry when I get an infestation of blog-cooties; I just flick ’em off, dust my hands, and sign off with my usual pleasantry for all those “libertarian” hypocrites who secretly want to control other people’s agenda:

Good night, and get fucked!

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
This entry was posted in Wankers of the Week. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Wankers of the Week: Equinoxious edition

  1. Jim Hadstate says:

    Just wanted to back up your statement that blocking or refusing to publish something by someone that was written by someone else is not censorship, it is called editing. The only entity that is capable of censorship under US, Canadian and all the other systems based upon English Common Law is a governmental entity. Any town or state or province or Federation or Central powerful that seeks to block publication of speech of any kind is engaging in censorship. If the censorship is before the speech or publication of the document’s publication, it is subjected to strict scrutiny by the courts. Any post publication attempt to ban free expression is subject to heightened scrutiny. Anything can be censored if it reveals state secrets if, in the opinion of the Court, it will damage the representatives of the people or the people themselves; eg during a war revealing where an attack will be hand the strategy for the attack.
    Commercial speech (that speech which seeks to benefit an individual or business association monetarily or in some other form of gain) may be regulated in the areas of time, place and manner, but not as to the content of the speech unless it is obscene. I still haven’t covered all the nuances of free expression, but the upshot is that a private party may refuse to publish anything and not be engaging in censorship; only a governmental entity may be subject to the laws of censorship.

Comments are closed.