You say Qadhafi, I say Gaddafi…and since there are about 112 different ways of spelling the Libyan incomprehensible’s name, the odds are that we’re both right. I, however, am going with what I’ve seen from actual Libyans on the tweeter, for whatever that’s worth. A girl’s gotta have SOME standards, after all. And here’s who wasn’t meeting any standard, mine or that of common decency, this week:
1. Mitch Fucking Daniels. Who favors heathcare rationing? Who favors death panels, in other words? Your friendly Repugnican tea-tards, that’s who.
2. Roger Fucking Ailes. Bernie Kerik is the gift that keeps on giving…the red-ass, that is. And he just keeps on giving it to his powerful buddies who lie for a living and try to tell others to do the same.
3. John Fucking Galliano. Fashion and fascism have always had a creepy little flirtation going (ever notice how similar they even sound?), so this pretentious (and badly dressed!) twit’s “I Heart Hitler” shit surprises me not a bit. This is why Dior has come down so badly in the world, and the only things worth buying from them anymore are their pre-1980 perfumes.
4. Mark Fucking McKinnon. Speaking of fascism, Mark, you do remember that one of Hitler’s first acts in office was to criminalize ALL workers’ unions in Germany. Don’t you? Oh, you DON’T? Well, there’s a shocker; only in the United States of Amnesia is it possible for irony to die so completely unwept, unhonored and unsung. Hilariously, he calls the popular protest in Wisconsin a “manufactured mob”. Uh, Mark? You’re thinking of the teabaggers–the same who voted for that assclown of a governor! And just think, folks, this guy fobs himself off as a “No Labels” nonpartisan. And the photo accompanying his little screed is of BLACK sanitation workers on strike. This is what he calls a “privileged class”–the lowest of the low, the commonest of the common folk? “No Labels”, indeed.
5. Bernie Fucking Madoff. He went and called the US government a Ponzi scheme. Now, is that any way to talk about your own enablers?
6. Grant Fucking Storms. Chalk up one more anti-gay preacher caught wanking. Literally. In a park. While watching children at play.
9. Nikolas Fucking Galiatsatos. Well, that’s one way to kill your pizzeria instead of the competition. I won’t have a large deluxe with mice, thankyouverymuch.
11. Margaret Fucking Wente. I always did suspect she wasn’t really Canadian. I always knew she was not really bright. (She’s not really blond, either.)
12. Donald Fucking Rumsfeld, again. Bob Woodward may have lost me awhile back when he became a shameless toady to BushCo, but if he could rip the stuffing out of Rummy’s book, he may still have some of that old Watergate-era spirit left. Of course, Rummy’s petulant backlash at him (on Facebook, no less!) was to be expected. But it’s still a wank just the same.
13. Mike Fucking Tobin. Grab the fire extinguisher, somebody’s pants are smokin’. Since when do palm trees grow in Wisconsin? Only on FUX Snooze.
14. And that goes double for Bill O’Fucking Reilly.
15. Glenn Fucking Grothman. Who’s a slob? Oh yeah: Students in solidarity with their parents and teachers. Pass the fire extinguisher, the smell of smoldering trousers is strong inside the Wisconsin capitol building, too.
16. Howard Fucking Davies. Riddle me this: How is it possible that ignorant people all over the world are howling for Chavecito’s blood just because he said a few not-so-unkind things about Moammar Gaddafi, while the head of the London School of Economics was covertly taking money from said boogyman for years to train Libya’s elite, and got away with it until just now? Well, I guess it must help in global public opinion to be white, British, appointed, and a “Sir”. As opposed to brown, Venezuelan, elected and a Presidente.
17. Gozde Fucking Cakici. Spitting on a ten-year-old girl who was protesting on behalf of Wisconsin’s unions? How classy.
18. Stephen Fucking Harper. L’état, ce n’est pas toi, con de merde. This is CANADA, not Harperlandia!
PS: This is a wank, too:
Dictatorial, thin-skinned, and censorious. The “Harper Government” must go. NOW.
19. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Not that I was ever a fan of Natalie Portman, but really–criticizing her for “glamorizing” a horse that’s been out of the barn, like, FOREVER? That’s almost as dumb as Dan Fucking Quayle’s criticism of the fictional Murphy Brown, and THAT was 20 years ago!
20. The Fucking Amurrican Life League. Does anyone think putting a cute little black bunny in a blender is gonna win them any hearts and minds? Ask Glenn Close how something remarkably similar to that worked out for her character in Fatal Attraction. PS: This won’t work either, for obvious reasons.
21. Erin Fucking Cardone. On the one hand, she has all the privileges that feminism could get her; on the other, she dumps on it, thinking it’s no longer necessary. Uh, Erin? Until you can claim pay equity and not get canned for taking a maternity leave, you might want to hold off on judgments like that. And those are just two of the things we still need feminism for; there are others, some of which are flying under your radar because you’re white and relatively privileged.
22. Rob Fucking Ford. First he criticized his predecessor, Mayor David Miller, for going to the province to get money for Toronto. Now he does the same…and gets shot down. Looks good on him, is all I can say.
23. All the mouthy fucking wankers “protesting” in this video right here:
Is “Never Forget 9-11” the best you islamophobic asshats can do? Newsflash: Muslims died that day, too. INNOCENT Muslims. Some of them worked in the Twin Towers, others in the Pentagon, and some were ordinary passengers on that flight that went down in Pennsylvania. Their families and friends haven’t forgotten, but I bet YOU have! PS: The “terrorists” in the video above? Charitable fundraisers trying to help local homeless and women’s shelters. Embarrassing, isn’t it?
24. Saif al-Islam Fucking Gaddafi. Well, at least he and the Libyan opposition are on the same side on one thing: They don’t want Chavecito to broker a peaceful settlement to their conflict. Oddly enough, though, this puts Saif in opposition to his own father…and, of all people, the US State Dept.’s own P.J. Crowley. And the Arab League, too. Awkward.
25. Julian Fucking Fantino. For such a tough-talking cop, he sure needs to grow a hide. Either that, or get the hell out of Ottawa. The last thing Canadians need–or WANT–is a police state run by egomaniacs like him and Harpo.
26. Donald Fucking Trump. Michael Moore sounds like a commie to him; he sounds like an asshole to me. Strange, because Michael Moore is NOT a commie. And Da Donald IS an asshole. Also a liar: He never did an honest day’s work in his life for all that money, which in fact DOES rightfully belong to other people.
27. The Fucking State Senate of South Dakota. They’ve been repressing pregnant women so much lately, I have to ask: Has a single one of them EVER faced an unwanted pregnancy? (The question is, I suspect, rhetorical.) If they’re really serious about preventing abortion, why aren’t they making birth control free on request to any woman who wants it? (Again, rhetorical question.)
28. David Fucking Frum. Can anyone decipher what he’s trying to say there? It makes no sense to me. Because (a) NO western feminist ever declared men to be “our enemy”, much less “romanticize[d] non-Western misogyny from a safe distance” (WTF???), (b) that shit about Islamic law is getting old (not to mention that it was never true), and (c) is he trying to get us to declare Muslim men to be our enemies instead? On all counts, FAIL. Newsflash, Dave–your privilege is showing. Privilege, not right. Right-wing men don’t get to tell feminists what to do, and especially not when it comes to declaring “enemies”–which is something we’d rather not do anyway, having observed for centuries just how much that “us versus them” warmonger mentality has done for the menfolks! PS: Socialism is NOT “dead and gone”, either. It’s on the move in Latin America and will probably make inroads in the Arab world as well, following the democratic revolutions there. At the rate capitalism is fucking us over, it’s gonna make a big comeback up here as well before too long. And his drivellings on multiculturalism, or rather what HE thinks it is? Pure projection. A hologram has more substance than his bumper-sticker arguments do. And just think, people, this shithead has his own “forum”! Whaddya bet it’s actually “Le forum, c’est moi”?
And finally, to all those who insist on conflating Hugo Chávez with that Libyan dude. Ever hear of that little saying that goes “By their fruits shall ye know them”? It’s very handy when it comes to sorting out what’s what, who’s done what, and to whom. WITH whom, however, is not really a fruitful line of argument. Guilt-by-association is a logical fallacy, and if you really insist on going that route with Chavecito, you should know that you’ll also have to go much further the same way with George W. Bush, Tony Blair, Nicolas Sarkozy, Barack Obama, and a whole host of other “democratic” western leaders. Because ALL of them have shaken that Libyan dude’s hand, and ALL of them have been in cahoots with him in one way or another, and most disturbingly, they’ve done it in ways MUCH more harmful than Chavecito’s mere diplomatic rhetoric praising his overthrow of King Idris and his standing up to foreign imperialism. THEY “rehabilitated” him; Chavecito did not. Do you give them a free pass just because they’re not sitting on top of “your” oil? Or because they’re trying to bump off certain undomesticated leaders who ARE? If you do, guess what: You’re supporting tyranny. You’re an imperialist, whether you realize it or not. The sooner that you realize it, the better. The sooner you get off that picking-other-countries’-leaders-for-them trip, better still. After all, none of them voted for YOU.
Good night, and get fucked!