Stupid Sex Tricks: Bad, bad, BAD bad vibrations

Honestly, this sounds like it came from The Onion:

…but no, it’s apparently real. Ladies, wouldn’t YOU like to take smartphone app requests to buzz your clit while your Dear Hubby is off “on business”, driving a flashy car in some chic other part of the world (and probably schtupping someone younger and prettier than you IRL)? Yeah, that would sweeten ME right up, especially if I had three crying, clinging kids hanging off me so constantly that I could scarcely get time to meet the smartphone for sexytimes in my my dowdy pink robe and bunny slippers. John doesn’t need to send Jane any stupid app requests, he needs to get his ass home and help out there. Or at least hire proper daycare and take Jane on a kid-free cruise, fergawdsakes.

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