The ironies of the Venezuelan opposition, part 1


Well, hi there, Majunche Capriles Radonsky! So nice to see you looking so perky. Bet you think you’ve got an easy victory ahead of you now that your true rival is in his coffin. And you’re no doubt grinning because you’ve got all of Washington and Miami and all the appropriate CIA stations behind you, too. Well, don’t get too smug, little Majunche. I’m gonna translate some things that will show people in the English-speaking parts of the world a thing or two they wouldn’t see otherwise. Namely, just what hollowness and ugliness is behind that cute little monkey grin of yours. And a few of the ironies of your soon-to-be-failed rerun of your presidential campaign, too. Get ready, Majunche, because here comes the first:

On Twitter, as well as by way of the opposition media, such as, the organizers of the campaign of Henrique Capriles Radonski, candidate for the presidency of Venezuela on behalf of the régime of Barack Obama and the “Democratic Unity Table” (MUD), announced Tuesday that the command of their campaign will be called “Comando Simón Bolívar”.

Not only the name of the command has been inspired by ideas derived from and driven by Chavismo, but the director himself is an old “Chavista” and the current governor of Lara state, Henry Falcón.

The idea may have been conceived in the US during the recent trip there by Capriles, who was there to meet with authorities of the Obama régime and plan a possible “régime change” in Venezuela.

The name of the command surprised many, given the fact that the opposition removed from the presidential office in Miraflores Palace a portrait of the Liberator, Simón Bolívar, shortly after executing the coup d’état against Hugo Chávez on April 11, 2002.

One of the first measures taken by the opposition supported by Capriles, on April 12, 2002, was to remove the word “Bolivarian” from the name of the Republic.

Also, unanimously, the leaders rejected the placement of the eighth star on the national flag, which the Liberator, Simón Bolívar, himself had solicited.

Following the Washington line on how to touch the sensibilities of Chávez’s followers, the director of the opposition campaign, Henry Falcón, said today that “the best tribute to the memory of Hugo Chávez is to act with truthfulness and respect.”

The original program of the government of Washington’s candidate announced a supposed continuation of all the social missions created by the late president, Hugo Chávez.

The function of the command was equally inspired by North American ideas. Just like the US, where every state has its own laws and functions independently, “this will be a completely decentralized campaign,” announced Falcón.

Isn’t that funny, Majunche? You and your chef de mission, Henry Falsón, as he’s come to be known for reasons good, just can’t seem to beat Bolivarianism. So you have to JOIN it. After 14-odd years of rejecting Bolívar, suddenly you’re kneeling at his feet like a couple of penitents seeking absolution. Chavecito is having a good laugh at you from the grave, and he’s not even buried yet! Meanwhile, here’s how you and your “commando” treated their namesake 11 years ago, when you pulled that coup:


I always wanted a portrait of Bolívar for in the john, myself.

And that’s not all. Yesterday I found that Globomojón is up for sale. Guess it’s lost its sense of purpose now that the object of all its hate is no longer there for it to kick around. You’d think that the triumph of the forces of evil, sorry, CAPITALISM would be celebrating this victory with a huge upsurge in stock prices and profits and all that crap. But no, the air’s all gone out of that particular bubble, with nothing left to go pop:

The private channel, Globovisión, “did everything” so that the opposition would win the presidential election of October 7, 2012, which was won by the revolutionary (and now deceased) candidate, Hugo Chávez.

So said the president of the channel, Guillermo Zuloaga, in a letter sent to all the workers of the television enterprise, to inform them that there is an offer to buy the channel.

“Last year, I took the decision to do everything in our power, at the risk of the capital of the shareholders and aware of the implications this attitude could carry, to ensure that the opposition would win the elections in October,” wrote Zuloaga in the missive, published by the channel’s website.

“At Globovisión we did everything extraordinarily well, and we almost succeeded; but the opposition lost,” wrote Zuloaga. (Could it be that they are not of the opposition?)

Zuloaga, a fugitive from Venezuelan justice, said that Globovisión had become “an inviable business”. (Undoubtedly the business is inviable wherever one looks, above all when it comes to ethical solvency.)

Zuloaga said that in this situation, “they have oblliged me to seek possible solutions to our dilemma. I’ve met with various persons and groups, without success, and three weeks ago, I was contacted by Dr. Juan Domingo Cordero.”

Zuloaga writes that Cordero made him “a proposition, which while not what the shareholders would have hoped for, I am obliged to accept since it permits a solution so that Globovisión will stay on the air and be able to maintain our payroll of nearly 500 persons.”

He indicated that the negotiation is ready to close this week, but before the announcement that there would be a presidential election on April 14, “I took the decision to make the firm and irrevocable condition that the turnover would take place after the election.”

Zuloaga is wanted by the authorities for usury and criminal conspiracy, following a finding by police on May 21, 2009, that there were several vehicles at his home whose presence there could not be justified.

Some backgrounder is necessary here. Besides being president of Venezuela’s equivalent of FUX Snooze, Guillermo Zuloaga is also the country’s sole importer for Toyota, and the owner of several Toyota sales concerns. The “usury” in question refers to his illegal storage of dozens of Toyotas in his home garage, where they were being hidden so that the few sitting for sale on his car lots would become artificially expensive. It’s a cheesy form of speculation, basically. And it’s something that I’m sure the Japanese owners of the Toyota corporation must be frowning on, as it keeps their merchandise from selling in a timely manner and in that sense, is holding up the production line. Not to mention the profits it’s costing them. If I were sitting in Toyota’s head office right now, and this came across my desk, I’d be on the horn to Venezuela this minute, and what I’d have to say would be unprintable. What major automotive corporation wants a crook heading up the local importer, after all? That shit’s bad for business. Especially since Chavecito’s Venezuela is one where more people can afford cars now that the oil wealth has finally begun to trickle down in earnest. Who’s gonna buy Toyotas if it’s known that Venezuela’s importer of that make is a crook and a putschist?

And therein lies another of the ironies of the opposition. Socialism has been good for their business, but rather than just count the money, shrug and be glad, they’re actively cutting off their noses to spite their faces. And all because they don’t own the country outright, to ruin as they please, and then fuck off to Miami when it gets truly unbearable in Caracas, Maracaibo, or wherever they squat. Anything but admit that Chavecito was right, and that his reign was very, VERY good for Venezuela.

Well, if you want to go on being wrong, guys, have at it. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just gonna sit here totting up the ironies as they cross my line of sight, and grinning, and waiting for the 14th, when President Maduro (whom I will have to give a good nickname) takes office in earnest…and drives his campaign bus right over the backs of Zuloaga, Majunche and anyone else who tries to get in the way.


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