First up, the Chinese Window Drop:
According to The Sun, a Chinese couple recently fell out of their apartment window to their deaths while making love.
The unstable window they were having sex against allegedly broke, causing them to plummet to the ground in central China. Witnesses say that as they fell from their apartment, they held each other tight.
Sadly, that one’s good for an instant Darwin Award built for two.
Then, the Australian Dessert Fork Dumbasseroo:
In the latest issue of the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports, Doctors Krishanth Naidu, Amanda Chung and Maurice Mulcahy used the unfortunate experience of one Canberra man to illustrate the importance of training doctors to remove self-inserted foreign objects from people’s urinary tracts — and, in this case, they were asked to contend with a nearly 4-inch, 3-tined dessert fork.
The 70-year-old man arrived at the emergency room with visible blood in his urine, but no other apparent symptoms — that is, until he revealed to doctors that he’d fully inserted a 4-inch dessert fork in his urethra for “autoerotic stimulation.” The doctors wrote, “On examination, the fork was not visible, but palpable within the penile urethra.” The doctors were able to confirm the man’s story with an X-ray, and further examination confirmed that the man had inserted the fork without perforating his urethra.
Doctors used lidocaine gel and forceps to successfully remove the fork without cutting into the man’s penis while he was under general anaesthesia, and conducted a post-removal exam that identified only “mucosal abrasions” after it was removed. The patient was sent home after he woke up and urinated “well.”
Sometimes a fork is just a fork. And sometimes, you have to lock up your silverware.
