German defence minister Ursula von der Leyen with just a sampling of something that made Daesh piss its collective pants…with no shots fired!
Germany’s announcement that they will send up to six Tornado reconnaissance aircraft and a frigate into the fight against the so-called Islamic State (IS) in Syria, has had the desired success: IS chief Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi immediately announced the capitulation of the terror militia.
“It doesn’t make sense anymore,” said the terror mogul. “Against that unpredictable kind of opponent, we simply have no chance.”
In the face of the concern-arousing condition of the German war matériel, the IS fighters are very worried about their health, is the word from Raqqa. “All I can say is good night if one of those Tornados falls on our heads,” said al-Baghdadi of the incalculable health risks which forced the terror militia to give up.
With capitulation, the IS hopes to avert probably worse things. Word in terrorist circles is that they’re afraid of not only the crashes of dangerous Bundeswehr planes, but also the results of a possible ground invasion. Says one IS expert: “Tanks with VW exhaust systems and G36 guns will guarantee us a slow and painful death.”
IS chief al-Baghdadi’s declaration of surrender pays his opponent’s stragety great respect. The terrorist leader admitted that the IS was not prepared for such a clever chess move.
“Frankly, we were firmly counting on it that they would choke off our money supply, or that Germany wouldn’t export any more weapons to anywhere that they might later land among us,” said al-Baghdadi with a tearful voice, “but dammit! We never would have thought of a military incursion with no discernible strategy!”
Translation mine. Links added.
And yes, for those of you who really believed that we Germans had no sense of humor — the above is all SATIRE. (Except for the part about the VW exhaust systems. Those would strike terror even into the most hardened terrorist heart!)