Ahem. First, a little mood music. I’ll explain why in a bit…
Ah. That was…so cheesy. But you know what’s even cheesier? THIS:
Names can be hard to remember, and everyone blanks now and again. Taking that to an extreme, President Donald Trump apparently had a tough time recalling the name of his national security adviser, John Bolton.
Trump reportedly called him “Mike” sometimes, which, of course, is incorrect.
In a New York Times piece detailing Bolton’s time in office—and his struggle to find his way in the administration often defined by chaos—journalists Mark Landler and Helene Cooper revealed that the former Bush official had a somewhat distant relationship with the president.
“Despite being a contemporary of Mr. Trump’s, however, Mr. Bolton is not a member of his inner circle,” read the Times story. “He does not have the same relationship with Mr. Trump that he had with Mr. Bush. Sometimes, with aides, the president refers to him as ‘Mike Bolton.'”
Yeah, that’s right. Donnie has his rabid sheepdog ambassador to the UN confused with a froofy-haired pop singer.
Just a normal, random brain-fart that could happen to anyone, you say? Au contraire, mon frère. Donnie also thinks the TV is talking directly to him:
Last week, President Trump asserted that several of his predecessors personally told him they wished they had built a border wall. “This should have been done by all of the presidents that preceded me,” he said. “And they all know it. Some of them have told me that we should have done it.” Reporters have reached out to all living former presidents and ascertained that none of them did so. This morning, NBC’s Hallie Jackson asked Vice-President Mike Pence to name the former presidents who had secretly told Trump to build the wall:
“I know the president has said that that was his impression from previous presidents, previous administrations,” replied Pence. “I know I’ve seen clips of previous presidents talking about the importance of border security.”
So rather than concede that Trump made up these private conversations, Pence is saying Trump saw them say it on television, and imagined they had told him this face-to-face. Is that actually better?
No, actually, it sounds like he’s developed paranoid schizophrenia. Or dementia.
And this isn’t exactly reassuring, either:
During a pool spray streamed by all of the major cable networks earlier Wednesday, Donald Trump riffed on the “unbelievable vehicles” driven by unknown immigrants, most of whom walked from Guatemala to the southern border.
Trump: “They make a lot of money. They have the best vehicles you can buy. Stronger, bigger and faster vehicles than our police have and ICE has and Border Patrol has. So they’re pretty good at that. They have areas that they go to. It’s like a highway. And we have to close them up and if we don’t close them up you’re all kidding yourselves. Look, we can all play games. But a wall is a necessity. All of the other things, the sensors and the drones, it’s all wonderful to have and works well but only if you have the wall.”
So all these dirt-poor migrants suddenly have “unbelievable vehicles” that will take them over the Mexican border into the US of Amnesia. Yet we don’t have any footage of this actually happening. And we know, therefore, that Donnie couldn’t have seen that on TV. He just made that shit right up out of his creepily combed-over head!
More unnervingly still, we have evidence that whatever disease is eating Donnie’s brain is infectious. And it’s afflicted the dumbest man in our politics up here:
Maxime Bernier says the destruction of Canada could be one consequence of a hypothetical “future world government.”
Bernier, leader of the far-right People’s Party of Canada and a sitting member of the Canadian Parliament, issued tweets Monday evening warning that “prominent” Canadians are trying to “set up a world government” run by the United Nations.
The People’s Party leader also questioned the “loyalty” of the Prime Minister of Canada. He pointed to the fact Canada provides foreign aid to impoverished countries as evidence Justin Trudeau may instead be “loyal to a future world government that will destroy Canada.”
Bernier’s declaration was typed entirely in caps lock.
This is straight out of Alex Jones. In short, the same shit that’s poisoned Donnie.
Meanwhile, get a load of who thinks this idiocy can be reasoned with, if only one is “smart enough”:
Former prime minister Stephen Harper says Canadian leaders have to find a way to get along with U.S. President Donald Trump because of Canada’s “overwhelming” dependence on the U.S. as an economic and geopolitical partner.
Harper made his remarks during a panel session with former British prime minister Tony Blair at the Raisina Dialogue, a geopolitical summit held in New Delhi and sponsored by the Indian government, on Tuesday.
“Every year, I would go to New York on business and [Trump] was on a list of people that asked to meet me but we never actually met,” Harper said when asked about his impressions of Trump. “But I know many of the people around him, I think I’ve got a pretty good picture.”
Without mentioning Prime Minister Justin Trudeau by name, Harper said he believes it’s important that “a smart Canadian prime minister” gets a few things right when dealing with the American president.
“First of all, he establishes — to the best of his ability — a good personal relationship with the president of the United States, regardless of that president’s personality or political party,” said Harper.
“Secondly, a smart prime minister of Canada — because we can often be off the radar in Washington — goes out of his way to show when we are onside with the United States how we can be a useful partner in furthering the United States’ global role because that’s ultimately in our interests.
“If you do those two things correctly, that is the basis on which you can then respectfully disagree when you need to.”
At this point, it bears mentioning that Harpo is Bernier’s old boss, who declared him a dauphin of sorts, and the one who studiously said nothing when the idiot, who was then his foreign minister, left a briefcase full of sensitive documents in his biker-connected former girlfriend’s apartment. The same girlfriend who later complained that he made her wear a low-cut dress to his swearing-in, as though she were just a buxom trophy for him to show off.
Know who else likes women to look and act like trophies? Yeah. DONNIE. Probably because he’s dumber than a box of rocks himself, so he needs a woman to be literally dumb (in the old sense of decorative and mute) to make him look like a bigger and better man than he is.
The problem is, nobody’s fooled anymore. Except, maybe, Harpo…who got turfed out of office unceremoniously in 2015. And who, by his own idiotic words, keeps reminding us why we haven’t missed him since we sent him on his way.