Wankers of the Week: Bad judgment issue

Crank up the mood music, maestro…we need to let people know what kind of judgment is in store for the bad…

Yeah…blast those bastards!

Ahem. And now, order in the court! Oyez, oyez, oyez.

This has been a banner week, if you could call it that, for judges issuing bad decisions. Who knew that so much wanking could go on beneath judicial robes? Well, who but your Aunt Bina, who sits in informal judgment and can pass verdicts, if not sentences. Here’s who gets hit with the old gavel this week:

1. Janice Fucking Rogers Brown. Remember when the Geneva Conventions were declared “quaint” by Dubya’s legal advisors? Well, that decision has now been ratified regarding Gitmo, which Barack Obama promised to shut down. In-justice Rogers Brown has decided that not only is international human rights legislation “quaint”, it’s an “old wine skin” which is “ill-suited to the bitter wine of this new warfare.” WTF? Since when is drinking allowed in court? And what the hell was in the booze these two out of three judges were guzzling?

2. Whoever the fuck is responsible for issuing this acquittal. Gross human rights abuses are apparently acceptable on a personal as well as a political scale, at least in the UAE–and at least, if you’re a sheikh from a very wealthy ruling family, who takes a lot of seriously bad drugs and then claims them as his excuse for beating and torturing some poor bastard, on video, for three hours.

3. and 4. Michael Fucking Conahan and Mark Fucking Ciavarella, AGAIN. Ciavarella’s latest episode of kids-for-kickbacks is one that should have him EATING crow, instead of forcing juveniles to count ’em to learn how many months they get sent to the slammer.

PS: Hey judge, count this!

5. BTW, Richard Fucking Caputo, the judge who earlier let Conahan and Ciavarella off the hook for the part in this kickback-sentencing scheme that took place inside the courtroom, is also a major, MAJOR fucking wanker. What part of “abuse of judicial authority” does he not understand?

6. Carolyn Fucking Mellanby. Apparently, if you are a Muslim, protesting war and killing during a military funeral procession in England makes you “guilty of threats”. I’m so glad we have Madame Justice Mellanby to clarify that for us, aren’t you?

7. Thomas Fucking Griesa. Yeah, freezing the Argentine Central Bank’s funds is a terrific idea…if you don’t give a shit about the lives, livelihoods and well-being of the people of Argentina. It’s also a terrific idea if you want to look like a complete and utter crapitalist dick. Because, you know, all this fiscal juggling and jiggery-pokery, contrary to popular belief, is not all fun and market games. It has real world consequences, and they are devastating. Always nice to see judges so totally unconcerned that their actions could set off massive political instability and another possible military coup in a country with a long track record of just that, eh?

8. Robert Fucking Brown. A group-sex fantasy on the part of a victim does not excuse a gang rape on the part of the perps. In fact, sex and rape are two different things, but this judge isn’t learned enough to know the difference. Let’s just hope no one ever learns of his secret fantasy of, oh, say, sodomy involving a cricket bat…

9. through 13. The fucking conservative majority of the SCOTUS. Heaven forfend that even a small portion of the country get to see Prop Hate go on trial! I mean, it’s only the most important marriage-rights case since Loving v. Virginia, after all. But since it’s got to do with Teh Ghey, it has to be censored…because heaven forfend that children learn that gay people actually fall in love and want to get married, not just have sex-sex-SEX! (Or however the conservatard “logic” goes. I learned long ago that anything other than knee-jerk stupidity is not to be expected of these five guys.)

And finally, a non-judicial case of bad judgment à deux:


Yep, that’s Rush Fucking Limbaugh and Marion Fucking Robertson, both hating on Haiti. Neither of them has the guts to say nigger, but you can hear them thinking it every time they open their mouths on anything even remotely to do with race; everything they say about blacks is code-worded racism. And of course, Haiti being overwhelmingly black–and the cradle of independentist revolution in the Americas–these guys have nothing good to say about that impoverished country, and no words of solace or sympathy for its current misery. Neither of these racists can forgive those uppity niggruhs for standing up to bullies and setting a good example to the rest of the continent. And for that, no one should forgive them.

Good night, and get fucked, Rush and Patwa.

Court dismissed. Take it away, boys:

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