Wankers of the Week: Terrorist sympathizers and fellow travellers

Crappy weekend, everyone! Anybody feel like sending old Tailgunner Joe spinning in his Nazified grave? Because I sure as hell have, all week. And here’s my list of terrorist enablers, fascist symps and fellow travellers who, at long last, SHOULD have some shame…but probably don’t:

1. Erick Fucking Erickson. Yeah, dude, you are most definitely not of this world. And that’s precisely what’s wrong with you. If you were living in reality, you’d see that your ideological soulmate, Anders Breivik, is in fact a jihadist terrorist, albeit a western capitalist Christian one. (Same shit as the so-called Islamists, in other words; only the color of the asshole varies.) “Strangers in a strange land”, and all that cal. Stop talking biblespeak, and learn to speak English. If you’re a stranger here on Earth, you’re just as dissociated as HE is. And that makes you a fucking fellow traveller, dipshit.

2. Jennifer Fucking Rubin. When do you plan on correcting your assertion that it was Islamists who bombed Oslo, you fucking idiot of a worthless neo-con? And yeah, let’s all go on throwing more money down the bottomless “anti-terror” war hole, too. It’s not like the US can’t afford it, right?

PS: Oh, wait…

3. Robert Fucking Spencer. Whatsamatter, wingnut — can’t handle the fact that Anders Breivik got his marching orders, so to speak, from YOUR drivellings? You can’t go around whipping up blind ideological hatred and NOT expect someone to act on it in an organized, terroristic fashion. And if Breivik is a nut, then so are you…and worse still, because you helped MAKE him one. He cited you no fewer than 46 times in his 1,500 page puke-out, after all.

4. Pamela Fucking Geller. Surprise! This deranged fruit-bat is another of Breivik’s inspirations and fellow travellers in fascism. Watch HER try to spin her way out of it, too. Sorry, Pammy, but you’re coated in that shit from having wallowed in it for the last ten years. It’s not going to come off no matter how fast you rotate, because you’re still fucking wallowing!

PS: Oho, what have we here? An e-mail from Norway? From WHOM in Norway, I wonder? Surely not HIM? And it says he’s stockpiling weapons and ammo! And she protected his identity because he was subject to hate-speech laws! Gee, I wonder who’s a fellow-traveller now, eh? And a TERRORIST ENABLER. Know what that makes you, Pammy, by your own definitions? That’s right, one of those. And no, deleting incriminating info won’t change the fact that you are one, either.

PPS: Oh look, the useless idiotess is still spinning. At this rate, she’ll drill a hole to China!

5. Glenn Fucking Beck. What? He didn’t join the mad lemming-rush to blame the Muslims? Yeah, sure, Biff, whatever you say. And yeah, a social-democrat campground is totally like the Hitler Youth. That must be why none of those kids were dressed in uniforms and armbands, like the REAL Hitlerjugend wore (but Boy Scouts do). Why, I bet they even sang Kumbaya — the Horst Wessel Song of the liberal left! Scary! So, tell me, Biff: How much longer before your disintegrating brain finally disconnects from your mouth, so that we no longer have to listen to another deranged (and deranging) word out of YOU? (And if you think that political youth camps are somehow sinister, may I remind you of three little words: VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL. Okay, two more: JESUS CAMP. Oh, wait…)

PS: What Keitho said.

PPS: And Juan Cole. Yes, let’s boycott Biff — AGAIN.

6. Adrian Fucking MacNair. Yeah, that’s right. Go right on blaming the Muslims for your own side’s collective fucking panic-driven stupidity. How else to save face when you’re one of the many crapagandists whipping up the anti-Muslim fervor while the real terrorists — the various shades of brownshirts, all right-wing and white like you, and inspired by crapaganda like yours — are doing the worst and most terrorism of all?

7. John Fucking Bolton. First thing out of his ass he pulls, within hours of the attack, is “the Muslims did it”. Then, when it becomes apparent that the Oslo massacre was not 9-11 but Oklahoma City all over again, he suddenly thinks it’s “too early to speculate”? Now we know why #4 has the screaming thigh-sweats for him. That much bat-shit sure smells attractive…to another bat. (And, as an aside, what a testament this is to the depth of Dubya’s dumbth, not to mention his fascist ideological motivations. Just think, kiddies, this one was Dubya’s ambassador to the UN — which he said should be levelled by terrorists. Remember that? Pammy-poo does. And she masturbates to that tape every night.)

8. Michael Fucking Coren. I forgot to add him last week, but Simon, bless his heart, has dished him up nicely — along with the odious Kathy Fucking Shaidle and her vile Muslim-baiting husband, Arnie Fucking Lemaire, who are Coren’s icky ideological/religious soulmates. So go and enjoy a few laughs at the expense of Sméagol, eh?

9. Geert Fucking Wilders. Why the unseemly haste to distance yourself from the terrorist? After all, he’s your ideological spawn, too. Your right-wing babblings inspired him and helped him find targets to hate on; he couldn’t have done it without you. Why else would he specifically mention and praise you in his ludicrous ravings? Own your shit, asshole.

10. Frank Fucking Gaffney. Oh look, another rightard eager to distance himself and his ideological ilk from the terrorist, who got all his chops from THEM: islamophobia, gun nuttery, misogyny, anti-leftism, you name it. And, in the process, score ideological points by slagging those who point the finger in the right direction…namely, the direction of rabid rightards like Frank Fucking Gaffney. Who are these culprits? Why, “an unholy axis of Muslim Brotherhood operatives and those on the left”. How very fucking convenient!

11. Mark Fucking Steyn. Disingenuous much? Why does a person have to kill Muslims to prove his islamophobic “credentials”? Oh, I get it: Mark Shit-Steyn is mad that Anders Fucking Breivik didn’t kill enough Muslims. Oh c’mon, Mark, buck up — he killed leftists and feminists! The very people you claim enable Muslims in their nonexistent quest to take over the world! Doesn’t that make you happy? To read the drivel you normally write, I would have thought that you’d be cackling with vindictive glee, instead of trying to distance your pathetic cowardly shit-ass self from him, too!

12. Jonathan Fucking Kay. To paraphrase Inigo Montoya: That word, “mainstream”, I do not think it means what HE thinks it means. And I know for a fact that Mark Fucking Shit-Steyn does not fit into it anywhere, either. That man is a blatant fucking flap-jawed bigot, utterly unrepresentative of Canada in any way, shape or form. And so is Jonathan Fucking Kay.

13. Markus Fucking Määttänen. Yeah, dude, you’re so totally right. Breivik just needed to get laid and maybe find a girlfriend, and then he’d have been all right. He’d be as liberal as Jesus, and there would never have been a massacre or that vomitous cribbed-from-the-Unabomber “manifesto”, and everyone on Earth would have rainbow-maned Pegasus ponies who shit marshmallows to carry them high above the clouds. Problem is, he doesn’t seem to like other people very much. Not just Muslims, but humanity in general. Plus he sounds positively Howard Hughes-y about STDs. And, given his weird penchant for steroids and macho fanboy costume-play, probably too manly-manly to bother with a condom, either. (Or too nerdy-geeky for anyone to want to get with. There’s that, too.) That all kind of puts a crimp in the getting-laid thing, knowwhattamean?

14. and 15. The Fucking Wall Street Urinal and the Fucking Jerusalem Pest. Really, publishing op-eds claiming that Breivik had good ideas? That, gentle readers, is what honest reporters call a BAD idea. But then again: What does one expect from rightard crapaganda rags owned by Rupert Fucking Murdoch and Conrad Fucking Black, respectively? Their entire premise is that Israel is some poor defenceless little bastion of western democracy in a sea of evil islamofascist Ay-rab backwardness. (Yes, really. Stop snickering, you up there in the Peanut Gallery. They are Serious Cat!)

16. Stephen Fucking Lennon. Oh, of course the wanker-in-chief of the “English Defence League” doesn’t condone mass murder…but he sure does understand where it comes from. And why not? It comes from the same place as his own racism (and that of his fuckheaded followers) comes from. And of course, HE BLAMES THE MUSLIMS.

17. And at the same link, Mario Fucking Borghezio. Some of Breivik’s ideas are “good”, and some are “great”? How does one say “That’s fucked up” in Italian? (Figures that he’s from the anti-immigrant camp of Silvio Fucking Berlusconi, eh?)

18. Margaret Fucking Wente. She thinks Norway has “no significant far-right party”, which only goes to show that she hasn’t been following the news. In fact, the very significant far-right party of which Breivik was a member (before leaving it because it just wasn’t hateful enough for him) comprises one fifth of Norway’s electorate. And Wente’s wank doesn’t end there: She also thinks all the far-right rhetoric, from the punditocracy to the politicians, somehow isn’t to blame for the shaping of Anders Fucking Breivik’s madness. Never mind that he cites it repeatedly, and approvingly, in his vomitfesto, leading one to conclude, rather logically, that it IS in fact to blame. But then again, can you blame her? After all, she’s a right-wing hate-monger too. You can hear the bleat of fear behind her words. It’s not censorship she fears, it’s that she’ll lose her easy paycheque at the Grope and Flail when enough people start putting pressure on the paper to drop her imbecilic ass. So of course she’s gonna push the “he’s just plain crazy” canard. After all, that’s what all the lazy pundits do every time they’re challenged to rethink their all-too-easily-jumped-to conclusions about, well, anything after a “deranged” individual proves conservatism to be, at base, just a plain old hate ideology. When your gravy train’s in danger of derailing, jump to the easiest and most popular conclusion, never mind how far from logical it actually is.

19. Theodore Fucking Kaczynski. Yeah, that’s right, the Unabomber. He may be in the Big House for life, but since his “manifesto” forms the backbone of Breivik’s toxic spew, he deserves a place on this list right along with all the other right-wing ideologues and terrorists already listed.

20. Michael Fucking Savage. The Savage Wiener thinks it’s a conspiracy to discredit the right? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! As if a conspiracy were needed to do that. All we have to do is report accurately, and play back their nuttery verbatim. That shit discredits itself with no help from us at all.

21. Francesco Fucking Speroni. Another Berlusconi partisan rears his oily head. Breivik’s crackpot ideas “were in defence of western civilization”, were they? Well, then, by that definition, western civilization is racist, backward, bigoted, imperialist, irresponsible, intensely sexist, and a shameless polluter. If this is “civilization”, I want none of it. But, again, as Inigo Montoya would say, “That word…I do not think it means what YOU think it means!”

22. Bruce Fucking Bawer. “Legitimate concerns about genuine problems” don’t lead to the writing of 1,500 pages of toxic bilge, one blown-out government building, and an island campground being turned into a slaughterhouse. But thanks for justifying terrorism. Now we know why he included you in his rantings!

23. Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Yes, Breivik IS a Christian, and one just like you. Even thinks the Protestants should all be reabsorbed by the Vatican. Spin THAT, Billo! (And if you don’t think Christians CAN be terrorist extremists, let Frank Schaeffer — former right-wing evangelist and crapagandroid — school you.)

24. The Fucking FBI. Or should that be Fucked-Up Bureau of Investigation? Call them what you will; I call them stupid for having such a simplistic view of Islam. One that, incidentally, fits right in with all the right-wing anti-Islam yeehadis so far mentioned. And, given their own penchant for playing agent provocateur, one gets the feeling they had to gin it up as some kind of raison d’être, no?

25. Walid Fucking Shoebat. He’s an absolute fraud, but both Breivik and the FBI apparently believe him, because they both cite him approvingly in their respective crapaganda. Shameful, but utterly unsurprising.

26. Pat Fucking Buchanan. He has plenty of praise and justification for the terrorist. Don’t anybody look shocked. After all, Puke-Cannon did the same for Adolf Hitler. And yeah…why IS he still allowed on TV? Oh yeah, silly me: He doesn’t challenge corporatism. Neither did Adolf Hitler!

27. Bryan Fucking Fischer. The “manifesto” was “accurate”? Well, considering that it was largely plagiarized from your fellow rightards, of course it’s verbatim. But as far as correctness goes, it’s a big goose-egg. But thanks, Bryan, for passing the Terrorist Fellow Traveller Litmus Test.

28. Debbie Fucking Schlussel. You know that old saying, the one that goes When you point the finger at somebody else, three more fingers are pointing back at you? Well, it applies here. Little Debbie is pointing three fingers right back at herself when she calls the young democratic socialists killed at Utøya island “hateful, privileged brats”. Has she even been outside her own neighborhood, never mind the US? I get the distinct impression that she hasn’t. Her brain-free whinings are hard evidence that Little Dumbass leads an all too sheltered and yes, PRIVILEGED life. From which it is all too easy to cheer for the murders of people she never knew. Which means that yes, despite her disingenuous disclaimers, Little Debbie Dumbass is siding with a terrorist, too…exactly what she FALSELY accuses those Norwegian teenagers of doing.

29. David Fucking Solway. Why is everything always the progressives’ fault…including illiberal hatreds (note the prefix il-!) that lead to 1,500 pages of puke, dozens of dead bodies, and a blown-out government building? Why is nothing ever the fault of conservative crapagandists who whip up said illliberal hatred and couch everything in the rhetoric of a war on this and a war on that? In other words: Why is nothing ever the conservatives’ fault, even when it’s all sourced exclusively FROM conservatives?

30. Michelle Fucking Bachmann. Getting your foreign policy “advice” from Wanker #10, eh? Fellow traveller.

And finally, to the man himself, Anders Fucking Bering Fucking Breivik. Why the double Fucking? Because he’s doubly fucked up. Not only is he a terrorist and a mass murderer, he’s also a wanker. He plagiarized large swaths of his “manifesto” (is any of it actually his own original writing?), he blames slutty feminist women, he blames the uppity niggruhs with their hippity-hop, and he probably also blames his parents’ divorce (which occurred very early in his life). I’m still waiting to hear if he also blamed the effeminate homo-sex-you-alls for leaving their back doors open. But as for taking personal responsibility, that canard so beloved of the do-as-we-say-not-as-we-do right? Nope…and his conduct in court this past week was proof enough of that. “Not guilty onnaccounta I’m at war” isn’t, in fact, a valid plea in any criminal court that I know of; self-appointed armies of one don’t count, and one-sided gunfire on peaceful, unarmed adversaries does not a war make.

But hey, you gotta admit it’s a nice try! That bastard’s poor lawyer sure has his work cut out for him, trying to get this one off on an insanity plea. The super-organized nature of this crime makes such a plea unlikely to succeed. As does a lack of evidence that any organic disease of the brain was at play. (And the accused himself would probably also dispute the “crazy” gambit; he wants to be taken for a prophet and a Führer, not a lunatic.) While there’s certainly ample evidence of chemically-induced derangement (steroids and Ayn Rand-esque ephedrine use being factors), as well as some seriously raging narcissism (did you know he got plastic surgery?), the real source of his alleged insanity is, in fact, strictly environmental. And no, it’s not the “Cultural Marxists” or the eeeeeevul femmunists. As the old joke goes, How do you get hearing AIDS? From listening to too many assholes. He listened to an awful lot of crazy fucking assholes, and he became the terrorist who carried out, to the letter, what they, collectively, were telling him he had to do — namely, make war against Muslims and socialists.

If this guy’s a nut, he’s certainly not a lone one; he’s surrounded, formed and ideologically backed by all kinds of them — and all are from the right, as evidenced by this week’s list. It doesn’t get any more wankish than that.

Good night, and get fucked!