Stupid Sex Tricks: Beds are for sleeping, subways are for screwing

Subway sex at Spadina Station. Only in TO, folks.

From the Toronto Star, in both cases, we have the following funny Canadian contradiction. First, the sad news that we’re not getting a lot of nooky:

While it stands to reason that Canada’s cold climate would be enough to send us all back under the covers in search of a warm body, Canadians — compared to many other nationalities — are, well, using their beds for more sleep, not sex.

We are having less sex and we are apparently masters at concocting excuses to avoid sex.

A newly released global survey on sexual behaviour, attitudes and opinions, involving more than 13,000 respondents over the age of 34 from 13 countries, reveals statistics that are not particularly flattering for Canadians.

For example, Canadians aged 46 to 60 are only having sex 1.35 times a week, ranking us in 9th place out of 13 countries.

We are only slightly sexier than our American cousins who (in the same age group) are only having sex 1.19 times per week. The global average is 1.41.

We’re also not so quick to jump into the sack, scoring low on the spontaneity scale. The survey says 79 per cent of Canadians have spontaneous sex, well under the global average of 86 per cent.

When it comes to sex we are decidedly premeditated, unlike Portugal, Austria and Belgium. Those three countries posted numbers above 90 per cent.

And from headaches, to fatigue to life’s many distractions, Canadians suffer terribly from the “not tonight dear” syndrome. Two in five Canadians use excuses to avoid sex.

But hey, at least we have our Yankee cousins beat. Neener, neener, nee-ner.

BTW, that study was financed by Eli Lilly, marketers of fine boner-pill products worldwide. Including Cialis, the fabled “weekend sex pill”. How convenient, then, that this survey seems to chide us all for not having sex often, or spontaneously, enough. Surely a malign coincidence!

Then, a Toronto couple that appears not to have gotten this message, because they got it on where they shouldn’t:

A man and woman have been charged with engaging in a lewd act after a couple had sex on both a subway car and platform — in the middle of the afternoon.

The incident happened aboard a southbound train around 2:30 p.m. Sunday. A rider saw the couple — described as intoxicated and “old enough to know better” by TTC spokesman Brad Ross — having sex and just couldn’t ignore it.

“I wasn’t there, thankfully, but from what I understand, is a customer did activate the passenger assistance alarm,” said Ross. “They saw this couple engaged in I guess what would best be described as a lewd act.”

The train stopped and a TTC guard boarded and kicked the couple off at Spadina station.

But they clearly weren’t satisfied.

“Alcohol being a factor, they I guess decided they hadn’t completed their journey and continued on the platform,” Ross said.

A video apparently shot by a fellow passenger shows the train stopped as a man lies on top of a woman, moving rhythmically with his bare buttocks exposed. A TTC employee in a bright green jacket with reflective material stands at a reasonable distance on the yellow subway strip, and appears to curse at the couple to stop.

Ross said the video appears authentic, although he couldn’t access it from his TTC work computer.

Shortly after the train stopped at Spadina, police and EMS arrived on the platform. The couple was charged and transported to hospital due to their inebriation.

Link to video added. (Warning: Bare bum, and BORING!)

Let’s hope they got separate beds to sleep their drunkenness off in. (Rimshot!)

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This entry was posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, She Blinded Me With Science, Teh Heterostoopid, The United States of Amnesia. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Stupid Sex Tricks: Beds are for sleeping, subways are for screwing

  1. thwap says:

    Personal economic insecurity, actual unemployment, and stress from overwork are damaging to one’s libido.

    This has been proven by numerous studies.

    Eli-Lilly might be trying to sell boner pills but they’re just exposing a symptom of the failure of North American capitalism.

  2. Richard says:

    Not necessarily, thwap. We have alarming levels of diabetes here in Mexico (partially a result of the genetic makeup of the majority, partially due to changes in diet). Impotence is a side effect of diabetes, and should not be a handicap to an otherwise productive, full life.

    For many, viagra is a necessity … not being Canadians, we think regular does of whoopie is essential 🙂

  3. Sabina Becker says:

    The problem with diabetics on Viagra is, they often end up dying of heart attacks. Diabetes, among other nasty things it does to all the organs and systems of the body, is very bad for the heart. Better (and probably cheaper than popping blue pills for $10 each) is heading off type 2 diabetes at the pass. But for that, we have to give up the North American junk food diet. (And, I suspect, the capitalist system that spawned it.)

  4. Richard says:

    Um, does that “North American diet” include that part of North America between the Rio Bravo del Norte and the Isthmus of Tehuanatepec? Not that you’re wrong about diet, but until very recently malnutrition was considered a more pressing public health issue than overeating. Certainly, the changes in diet (and the huge levels of soda consumption) play a part in this country’s diabetes problem, but are not the whole story.

    It goes without saying that it’s better not to develop diabetes in the first place, but for the diabetics, the question might be what quality of life does one want… since diabetics are already living with the prospect of premature death, they might as well enjoy the … er… swell times, and the uplifting experiences of a fully human existence in the meantime.

  5. Sabina Becker says:

    I dunno about you, Richard, but I think I can live without the sugary pop, at least. Heaven help the Mexicans if Coca-Cola starts using high-fructose corn syrup, as they do here, instead of cane sugar. The latter’s not good for you, but the former is even worse.

    And for what it’s worth, Mexico is where Latin America begins, at least to me…

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