Stupid Sex Tricks: Viagra in WHAT?

Relax, it’s not quite so drastic. But yeah, it’s just about that silly:

Durex has a new condom out that promises to enhance erections with a gel inside the tip that contains Zanifil. The over-the-counter drug boosts blood flow in the penis, which leads to firmer, larger, and longer-lasting erections for men who might find that condoms dampen their enthusiasm for doing the deed.

Zanifil is frighteningly based on the chemical nitroglycerin, which relaxes the muscles in blood-vessel walls, therby increasing blood flow—which actually makes sense because that’s how it helps people not have heart attacks. Zanifil also employs a delivery system that allows medicine to permeate the skin quickly.

Of course, there are so many ways this could backfire. Starting with heart attacks in the susceptible — who, as rotten luck would have it, are the very guys most likely to use Viagra: the middle-aged and heart-diseased, whose hard-ons aren’t so hard anymore, when they do get ’em. (That is actually a warning sign of advanced heart disease. So, guys, if you’re noticing trouble down thataway, get you to a doctor, and don’t ask for Viagra. Ask for cardio referral FIRST. It might not be great for Teh Sexytimes, but it could save your life.)

And even if you’re not in that high risk group, there’s always the slight but real chance that you’d be that one guy who ends up with a big ol’ boner that neither comes nor goes, overstaying its welcome in a most unpleasant way. This is NOT as sexy as it sounds, trust me. It’s painful in every sense of the word. You could end up sexually impaired for life. You’ll need emergency medical attention, which could be awkward just around midnight, when you’re sitting in the ER with a painful tentpole that won’t go down, trying to figure out how to explain it to the doctor — or worse, that nice lady, the intake nurse. And did I mention that priapism is very, very painful?

And then, think of the ladies. Please. The clitoris is made of the same stuff as any cock, but it’s much compacter, and thus, that much more sensitive. There is no guarantee that there won’t be some spillage or leakage that could end up on (or IN) us. Do we want a two-day lulu of a ladyboner that could also leave us with lasting damage? Or any of the other nasty stuff that affects our guys? I’m crossing my legs and cringing just thinking about it.

Finally, there’s the definite possibility that they simply won’t add enough of the active ingredient to make any difference at all, good or bad. You’d be a fool to spend extra on that…and you just KNOW they’re gonna charge extra. A LOT extra.

Bottom line: As cute and clever as this marketing gimmick may be, ultimately it’s not worth it. Your best bet is to just buy regular rubbers and use them before their expiration date.

And if you want to improve the feel of things, try this helpful hint I learned in a safer-sex workshop many moons ago: Just add a smidge of lube (preferably spermicidal) inside the tip before rolling it on in the usual way. This won’t give a dude bigger or harder or longer lasting erections, but it WILL at least get rid of that dreary “shower in a raincoat” feeling that the guys are always complaining about. The same that’s the main reason they so often refuse to use condoms in the first place.

And isn’t getting them to use ’em the whole idea, really?

(You’re welcome!)

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