Ladies and gentlemen (and nonbinary folks too), we got him:
And yes, Donnie is likely to go down with him. He doesn’t even need to sing to Robert Mueller; he’s come right out and pointed the finger at none other than Donnie himself:
Michael Cohen, President Trump’s former personal lawyer and fixer, has pleaded guilty to eight counts in federal court in New York, federal prosecutors announced Tuesday evening.
They include five counts of tax evasion, one count of falsifying submissions to a bank and two counts involving unlawful campaign contributions.
Cohen’s conduct “reflects a pattern of lies and dishonesty over a significant period of time,” said Robert Khuzami, deputy U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York, outside the federal courthouse in Manhattan.
The counts related to campaign finance violations involved payments that were made to keep two women quiet during the campaign, Khuzami said, noting that Cohen was “repaid at the direction of the candidate.”
Read that last phrase again: “…repaid at the direction of the candidate.”
No, seriously. Read it aloud: “…repaid at the direction of the candidate.”
Okay. Now that the operative, incriminating phrase has had a chance to marinate and sink in, let’s read the next paragraph:
Khuzami noted that Cohen was repaid by the campaign with invoices for “services rendered.” Those “invoices were a sham,” Khuzami said. They were “merely reimbursement for illegal campaign contributions.”
Right, kids, you know the drill. Reread that last phrase in the quotes: “…merely reimbursement for illegal campaign contributions.”
Got that? No? Again, aloud: “…merely reimbursement for illegal campaign contributions.”
Got it now?
Yes, kiddies, that’s right: Donnie’s gonna go down for (among other things) CAMPAIGN FINANCE IRREGULARITIES. Oh sorry, I meant to say VIOLATIONS.
And he’s going to go down for using his campaign war chest as a slush fund for paying off his former ladyfriends (snurk) and oh gawd, it’s gonna be heeeeee-larious. Because now, not only are those women no longer a dirty little secret (as he was trying to pay them to be), but neither is the fact that Donnie was using his
hardcore stupid hard-working followers’ hard-won money to pay those mistresses off so that the scandals wouldn’t dog his campaign.
And now, here he is, squatting impotently in the White House, unable to
get laid to save his life do anything but hold Nürnberg-style rallies and go golfing. When he’s not bitching out Melania and terrorizing poor little Barron, of course.
Sucks to be YOU, Donnie…and it’s about to suck even harder. Ha, ha.