How to make yourself totally fucking irrelevant

Here’s how to do it, if you’re a 24/7/365 “news” channel on cable TV:

Step 1: Hear right-wing flying monkeys screeching about how “liberal” you are.

Step 2: Panic and hire a second-string conservatard radio bloviator (who is also a walking, talking human hemorrhoid).

Step 3: Watch credibility, followed closely by ratings, go down, down, down.

Step 4: Panic some more and hire another second-string conservatard, this one from a third-rate conservatard channel. Oh and did I mention he’s also a former White House press flack who quit not because he had cancer but because he wanted to make more money?

Step 5: Watch credibility and ratings go comma comma down dooby doo down down.

Way to go, Chicken Noodle Network. Keep circlin’ that drain and pray it doesn’t suck you down. After all, a proven formula for failure will work differently if you follow it twice, right?