Stupid Sex Tricks: One more thing not to do while driving

Via “Andy” at IKN, a link that brings back some unpleasant memories for Your Humble One:

Swedish police suspect a German truck driver was on drugs and masturbating while he wrecked his rig south of the western city of Borås earlier this week.

The trucker, apparently unable to reach a satisfactory climax, then proceeded to continue to pleasure himself during a police interrogation, the Borås Tidning newspaper reported on Thursday.

“He was masturbating while the police questioned him,” police prosecutor Åsa Askenbäck told the newspaper.

“He has admitted that he was not paying full attention at the time of the accident. He was playing with himself instead of focusing on the road.”

The truck driver was en route from Gothenburg to Borås at around 4 am on Tuesday morning. The truck and trailer flipped over when he rammed his vehicle into the central division on route 40 south of Borås.

The upturned vehicle blocked all traffic towards Gothenburg and one lane was closed in the direction of Borås.

The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick and was subsequently arrested for reckless driving and driving while under the influence of drugs.

The suspicions against the man have now been extended to sexual molestation.

Yeah, I can kind of see how that would happen.

BTW, when I was 20 and in my second year at university, I had a run-in with a wank-driver. I was taking summer courses at the time and was just walking home from my Latin class for lunch when some red-eyed unkempt dude pulled over beside me and asked directions to Napier Street. I had lived at the corner of Earl and Napier, which was just a block or two away, so I was able to give him directions.

Then a joggling motion caught the corner of my eye, and I happened to look down.

At first I didn’t know what that thing he was bouncing in his hand was. Oh, I’d seen my share of them before–including the dead ones in the anatomy museum on the ninth floor of Botterell Hall–but this didn’t look like any schlong I’d seen, living OR dead. It looked huge and inflamed and ghastly.

When I finally twigged to what it was, I backed away, acting as if I hadn’t seen. It had been only a split-second glimpse, but it was enough for me. I walked off as quickly as I could without breaking into a run–cursing myself the entire time. How could I have been so stupid? Why had I stopped? Why hadn’t I ignored him? Why, oh why, did I live alone in a basement apartment in an unsecured building which was only a block away?

I made it home, and when I looked behind me, I noticed that the street was mercifully empty. I let myself in and yanked shut every curtain in the place. I tried to cook myself lunch–whole wheat spaghetti with sauce from a jar–but as soon as the first rolled-up forkful touched my lips, I retched. It looked too much like–that THING. I was so appalled–and scared–that I lost my appetite for six whole weeks. Oh, I ate, but it was like choking; every bite hurt going down. I had to force myself.

Not until I mentioned the incident to my mom in one of our Sunday phone calls did I finally get my courage–and my appetite–back. I told her some pervert had “flashed” me. It wasn’t the most accurate description of the incident, but it was easier to say than that I’d caught some drug-addled freak, possibly a released sex offender from the city pen, wanking in his car. It took me more than twenty more years before I was finally able to say what had really happened.

Moral of the story: Guys, if you’re gonna do that–and I know you will, at some point or another, because everybody does–don’t do it in your car, don’t do it on the street, do NOT do it in broad daylight, lay off the drugs–and above all, do NOT try to involve someone else. Whether you roll the vehicle or turn the stomach of an innocent passerby, it’s not worth it.

Thus concludes today’s public service message.

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2 Responses to Stupid Sex Tricks: One more thing not to do while driving

  1. uzza says:

    You’re way too easy on these guys.
    Mostly though I just want to express my sympathy that you were assaulted like this.

  2. Thanks. I wish I’d taken down his licence plate, but I didn’t even want to look behind me. I was just that scared.
    Anyhow, it’s doubtful the cops would have done much. It was a prison town, as well as a college town.

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