Stupid Sex(less) Tricks: No cuddling, please, we’re British

Okay. Leaving out the obvious gender stereotyping that the media are crammed full of (guys don’t like to cuddle? Not in MY experience), it’s shit like this, Britain…

A staggering 32 per cent of UK females admit they can’t stand cuddling when in bed, but force themselves into a clinch to avoid upsetting their partner.

Despite this, 55 per cent of women admit they do manage to cuddle their man in bed every night – but usually allow them the briefest of hugs before rolling over to go to sleep.

An overwhelming 77 per cent of women admit to performing the ‘hug and roll’ manoeuvre – made famous by Ross in the hit American sitcom ‘Friends’ – where they hug their partner until he falls asleep, before quickly disentangling themselves, rolling over to claim their own bed space and falling asleep.

Almost half of all UK women admit they don’t like cuddling in bed because when they finally retire they just want to go to sleep.

One in five say they don’t like over-long personal contact with their partner, claiming that cuddling in bed makes them hot and uncomfortable.

A third of women give night-time cuddles just twice a week or less. And more than one in 20 admit they ‘hardly ever’ cuddle their partner.

And the statistic to make these cuddle-starved men weep? Close to one in 10 women admit they’d rather be checking Facebook in bed than cuddling their partner.

Owwwwwww! That is HARSH. Guess Merry Old England, for all the talk of drunken debauchery among the lads and ladettes, isn’t so merry after all.

If I had a hot guy to share a sack with, I might brag about it on Facebook…in the morning. Or maybe I’d be too busy still cuddling, which is even better than a brag. Let the whole world guess what’s keeping me from breathlessly updating my status, eh?

And another thing: what is up with the cuddles-vs.-sex dichotomy? That’s another piece of ginned-up media nonsense right there. Nobody says you can’t have both. In fact, I’m rather a fan of both. I can do them simultaneously, even. You’d be surprised how hot that gets…

But then again, I’m Canadian. And it gets cold on our long winter nights. We’re creative that way, I guess.

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2 Responses to Stupid Sex(less) Tricks: No cuddling, please, we’re British

  1. john smartt says:

    both is best. either will do. no, either is necessary.

    is this the future of all empires? violence so pervasive that the simple physical expression of love, or even friendliness, becomes foreign? i suspect so.

    • Sabina Becker says:

      Funny you should say that…the other night a friend from Argentina teased me about starting a war with the Brits. Of course, his country would know all too much about that. I joked back that I was only doing my part to get us out from under the Empire, but maybe it’s not such a joke after all. I note in passing that Queen Victoria was not amused when she asked her royal physician what she must do to stop having so many babies and he gave her the only answer available at the time. So even SHE suffered from the imperial repression…

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