Stupid Sex(ist) Tricks: Why I will never be a vegan

Aside from the serious health concerns they blithely neglect to mention in their quest to turn the whole world vegan, PETA also engages in false, deceptive and highly offensive advertising that’s downright abusive to women:

There is so much wrong with this ad. What kind of man is so sexually out of control that he puts his partner in a neck brace and leaves her barely able to walk? (And then sends her to the store in her underwear for more plaster, to fill up the hole he made in the wall using her head. How thoughtful!)

Answer: A vegan? Those sensitive, cruelty-free souls? Suddenly he can “bring it like a tantric porn star” and “knock the bottom out of” her?

Man, what a load of holy-cow bullshit.

Let’s start with the ludicrous sexual claim. Anyone who knows even a little bit about tantra knows (or SHOULD know) that porn-star sex is the very kind you don’t want to have, and don’t GET to have, if you’re a serious practitioner. Tantra isn’t about “knocking the bottom out of” anyone. It’s about remaining in complete, mindful, conscious control of yourself at all times, including THAT one. Even orgasm is meditative for a true tantrika. You don’t forget yourself, and you certainly don’t forget the other person’s well-being! Thrashing so hard that you put your partner’s neck out is unheard of in any form of Tantrism.

And then there’s the dubious claim that eating only vegan chow will do that much for a person’s health. No, it won’t. Just because you eat like a rabbit doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly have the stamina to hump like a bunny. Actually, and this is a dirty little secret PETA won’t let you in on, the vegan diet can be very depleting, especially for women. And now, research has found that a too-strict vegetarian diet can be bad for your arteries and heart. Not good if you want to have amazing sex, or be a rabble-rousing feminist revolutionary!

And it wouldn’t be the first or only time PETA (which is currently headed by a woman, ironically) has resorted to misogyny and false advertising to get its poorly-taken points across, either. Its anti-fur campaigns are so dependent on female nudity that they even insist that we take a scorched-earth policy to our own pubic bushes. (Ouch! PETA, you are fucking sadists.) It’s also carved Pamela Anderson’s silicone-enriched body up like a side of beef, and it’s promised a figure that the TSA scanner-jocks will want to ogle:

Somehow, going vegan will also make your underwear impervious to “naked scan” radiation. Who knew?

PETA claims these silly shock tactics are necessary to get the truth across and make humanity better through veganism. But it’s all bullshit. There are fat vegans (vegan junk food is still junk food just the same), and there are unhealthy vegans (shocking, but true). And as PETA’s own brutal tactics make clear, there are certainly nasty vegans!

Veganism hasn’t saved any animals, nor has it made humanity more humane. And if it can’t make you healthier or nicer to your partner, veganism sure as hell won’t make you sexier.

I think I’ll go on drinking milk, eating meat, fish, and eggs, and wearing leather and fur, thankyouverymuch. And I’ll stick with guys who are okay with my doing just that, and even do it themselves.

After all, I don’t want to end up in a neck brace thanks to my partner’s newfound sanctimony.

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This entry was posted in Crapagandarati, Isn't It Ironic?, Madvertising, She Blinded Me With Science, Stupid Sex Tricks, Uppity Wimmin. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Stupid Sex(ist) Tricks: Why I will never be a vegan

  1. toma says:

    What the HELL? My jaw’s on the floor. PETA is crawling further and further up its own ass, blowing kisses all the while. I thought when they decided to expand into the porn market (seriously) they couldn’t possibly get any more mentally ill, but I was obviously wrong. Stunning.

    • Sabina Becker says:

      It’s pretty amazing, eh? They’re outrageously inhumane to human beings, animals, and even vegetables. Who in their right mind would molest a zucchini?

  2. NomNomNom says:

    For fuckssake buy a clue. PETA is no more a real organization than are the Westboro Baptists, Code Pink, and FEMEN: they are cointelpro.
    You are just doing their work for them running this crap.

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