A few random thoughts on the US election farce


So, this happened. Der Drumpf groped Ms. Liberty, and now she’s in hiding, because the last thing she wants is those wrinkly little shrimp fingers in her…well, you know.

And who can blame her? After all, he’s brought out the worst. The racists, the misogynists, the xenophobes, the LGBT-phobes. All of them turned out to elect this motherfucker.

Yes, that’s right. The worst element has finally dominated in US politics. The Nazi element that you always assumed was just a joke? The sheet-wearing, card-carrying Klukers? The ill-regulated “militias”? That home-grown terror threat you casually dismissed because skinny dark guys in turbans somehow look scarier than pasty dudes who run like pregnant cows playing army in the woods? Yeah. Well, guess what happened with that toy army? THEY VOTED. And they voted for…this hideous fucking THING.

This was no protest vote. This can’t be laid at the feet of the so-called “Bernie Bros” (who were, as I recall, not all bros, either; there were an awful lot of women who were Not With Her because She wasn’t progressive enough). You can’t blame Ralph Nader. You can’t blame Jill Stein (although, Bog knows, some of you will be foolish enough to try, even so). You can’t even blame the Russians, so stop that paranoid xenophobic nonsense — Christ, you all sound like Tailgunner Joe! Start looking at the real problem. You’ll find it in your own front yard. And you’ll find it wearing those dorky red hats, and those ugly fucking shirts. You know the ones…


Yeah. THEM.

These are the people who deserve the blame for all your woes. They’re the ones who voted for the congressional obstructionists who made sure that Barack Obama never delivered on his promises of hope and change. They’re the ones who wasted all that time and airspace demanding his long-form birth certificate, only to be humiliated when he released it…and it revealed him to have been born in Hawaii. They’re the ones who cheered when terrorists shot up gay nightclubs and Planned Parenthood clinics. They’re the ones who made lame excuses for every shitty thing Der Drumpf ever did, because at least half of them (and you know which gender that half is) are just dying to do the same.

And no, they did not do it because they were poor and disenfranchised people of the working class. The average Drumpf voter, it turns out, is better off than the pundits would have us believe. The poor and disenfranchised working-class stiffs, on the other hand, tend to vote Democratic as a matter of course — when they’re allowed to vote, that is. They’re under no illusion that voting for a rich Republican will turn them into one too. It’s the rich Republicans, after all, who are behind every major drive to disenfranchise women and minorities wherever possible.

And yes, those efforts at disenfranchisement paid off this time around. Bigly.

It didn’t help that there was disenfranchisement happening on the other side, either. But there, it was strictly internal. Debbie Fucking Wasserman Fucking Schultz helped to rig the Democratic primaries for HRC; that much is confirmed. Bernie Sanders was packing ’em in at all his rallies. He could have crumpled Drumpf like a sheet of paper and contemptuously pitched him backwards over his shoulder into the wastebasket of history, but oh nooooo. The DNC (Democratic in name only!) couldn’t have that. They’d already decided who their “electable” candidate was to be, and it wasn’t going to be this ornery independent democratic-socialist Jew, who was making them look all elitist and out of touch (which, to be brutally honest, they ARE). Bernie and the fired-up Democratic voters who loved him were officially under the bus.

But it would be a mistake to assume that these disenfranchised Bernie supporters then turned to Drumpf out of sheer childish spite. One does not become a democratic socialist — OR elect one — by voting spitefully, remember? And Drumpf is everything that they’re against: boorish, bigoted, sexist, STUPID. If they wanted any more of that, they could have voted for any other Repug. Or, hell, that idiot Gary Fucking Johnson, who is such a political joke that he doesn’t even know what Aleppo is. But he, too, is everything no Bernie voter would support. They wanted the smart one, not this bozo. And most, with heavy hearts, dutifully turned out for HRC. So this is not on them. Johnson voters are a right-wing fringe, not a progressive one.

The DNC is most certainly the author of its own misfortune, and last night’s concession was just the final nail in the coffin. They need to take a long hard look at themselves. And start turfing out all the machine-politics types who take their traditional support base too much for granted, and who forget the need to actually relate to the popular voter. For that, it takes fresh, bold, progressive policy, and not “ho-hum, a bit more of the same”. (Hear that, you guys? Hop to it!)

As for what’s next: Well, here in Canada, we’re already bracing for the worst. Aside from the mild comic relief of having our Immigration server go down from all the frantic US visitors, there’s the fact that bilateral relations are headed for the toilet. Oh sure, there will be a few diplomatic pleasantries to start with, and some cordial blah-blah, pro forma. And yes, Drumpf and the Trudizzle both think the much-reviled Keystone XL pipeline, hotly opposed on both sides of the border, will be a Very Good Thing For The Economy (spoiler: NOPE.)

But after that’s all out of the way, things will deteriorate faster than HRC’s lead at the polls. Before long, Canada-US relations will be colder than they were when the senior Trudizzle was up against ol’ Tricky Dick Nixon. Drumpf will probably try to pull some dumb Alpha Male schtick, and get adroitly clobbered by the Trudizzle (who, you may recall, trounced the much more macho-looking Tory senator Patrick Brazeau in a charity boxing match, and who can do yogic handstands that would make B.K.S. Iyengar jealous.) That’s going to be bad for the ladies. Melania might get on all right with Sophie Grégoire, but Sophie would be well advised to keep a can of pepper spray on her at all times. Because if Drumpf tries to pull his infamous Tic-Tac trick on her, she’d better be prepared to whip that sucker out on him and tell him it’s Binaca. Wouldn’t it look lovely if the newly-elected dirty joke of US politics tried to grab Canada’s very beautiful first lady by the pussy?


Yeah. Exactly.

And for anyone who thinks Drumpf will be a better option for world peace than his predecessors (and his opponent), recall that this is a buffoon with so little self-restraint that not only can he not even keep his wrinkled baboon lips to himself when there’s an attractive woman around, he’s so toxic on Twitter that his own aides locked him out of his account the day before the election to keep him from embarrassing himself. He’s the guy who thinks that being famous (we all know he’s not really rich by now, don’t we?) is a Get Out of Jail Free card for sexual assault, and he’s got a known track record for forcing himself on an ever-growing number of unwilling women. (And under-age girls, too.) He’s also on record as being eager to push that nuclear button, and can’t conceive of why it exists if he doesn’t get to use it.

Does anyone really want THAT in the White House? That trigger-happy, egomaniacal, abusive shitfucker? At least half of the popular vote says NOPE. And they’re already out in the streets protesting, from New York to Los Angeles.

As for the other less-than-half that voted for him, when they start to get disgruntled at his failure to deliver that wall that will never be built on the Mexican border, or they don’t get to burn black people or lynch Muslims after all, well…I’m just going to borrow this slogan of theirs, from THESE ugly shirts:


And then I’m gonna tell them to suck it up and get the fuck over it, flip ’em the bird, and laugh right in their idiot faces.

After all, they voted for him!

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