FUX Snooze flounders, settles, then fires Bowtie Boy

Hooboy, it’s been a bumpy past several days — and have things ever been galumphing along since last week, when FUX Snooze suddenly settled a defamation suit, filed against them by Dominion Voting Systems, for half the amount initially demanded. Here’s a quick summary of the situation:

But if FUX Snooze and its audience of useless idiots thought that this would be the end of it, and that they’d get to skate on all the false claims they made, without issuing corrections, they were wrong. And one of their leading liars has paid the price. His head actually rolled last Friday, after his final segment aired, but the news just came out today:

And for those of you wondering what he did that cost him the plummiest job at ol’ Rupee’s noise machine, behold:

Carlson’s abrupt departure came after his former senior booking producer, Abby Grossberg, filed a lawsuit that accused Carlson’s show of being a hostile and misogynistic work environment where she faced sexism and antisemitism. Grossberg also claimed that Fox’s lawyers pushed her to lie in testimony for the Dominion lawsuit.


Sources told The Los Angeles Times that Carlson’s exit is related to the Grossberg lawsuit. The Washington Post reported that Carlson’s comments about Fox management played a role in his departure.

Carlson reportedly made $10 million a year for Fox, and had increased sway at the network in recent years, with a documentary series and a second show.

He has arguably been the most influential player in right-wing media during the Trump era as well, as evidenced by House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s decision (under pressure from his right-wing members) to give him exclusive access to thousands of hours of previously private police security footage of the Capitol riot. There have even been rumors that he might one day run for president.

Run for president? Ugh. He might run, but I doubt he’d win. Just imagine that by now deeply ingrained dumb-dog expression of his on an official portrait. And if that‘s not enough to dissuade you, remember: He and FUX conspired to rig an election not only for Dubya back in the day, but Donnie in the more recent past. They failed at that, and here’s a representative sampling of Tucky’s text messages that neither he nor they ever wanted the public to see:

On Fox News’ Arizona call:
“We devote our lives to building an audience and they let Chris Wallace and Leland fucking Vittert wreck it,” Carlson texted in a group conversation with [Laura] Ingraham and Sean Hannity roughly two weeks after the election. Vittert was a Fox News reporter who was frequently criticized by Trump, and he left the network in April 2021 for NewsNation.

On Trump’s destructiveness:
“What he’s good at is destroying things,” Carlson texted producer Alex Pfeiffer on November 5. “He’s the undisputed world champion of that. He could easily destroy us if we play it wrong.”

On hating Trump:
“I hate him passionately,” Carlson texted Pfeiffer on January 4, days prior to the riot at the U.S. Capitol. He added, of Trump’s presidency, “We’re all pretending we’ve got a lot to show for it, because admitting what a disaster it’s been is too tough to digest. But come on. There really isn’t an upside to Trump.”

On election denialism
On November 5, in response to his producer Alex Pfeiffer, who had written that “I really think many on ‘our side’ are being reckless demagogues right now,” Carlson wrote, “Of course they are. We’re not going to follow them. The sun will rise tomorrow and we want to wake up intact. I always think that.”

On the antics of Trump lawyers Sidney Powell and Lin Wood:
“Sidney Powell is lying by the way. I caught her. It’s insane,” Carlson texted Ingraham on November 18.

In a message from November 4, Carlson texted a colleague that there was “no doubt there was fraud” in the election. “But at this point, Trump and Lin and Powell have so discredited their own case, and the rest of us to some extent, that it’s infuriating. Absolutely enrages me.”

In a text on November 9, Carlson referenced Powell’s Dominion claims, commenting, “The software shit is absurd.” (Carlson then said on television that night, “We don’t know anything about the software that many say was rigged. We don’t know. We ought to find out.”)

In a text on November 22, Carlson also called Powell a “cunt.”

On Trump skipping Biden’s inauguration:
“Hard to believe. So destructive,” he texted Pfeiffer on November 10. “It’s disgusting. I’m trying to look away.”

On the prospect of ditching Trump coverage on Fox:
Two days before the Capitol riot, Carlson wrote to a colleague that “we are very, very close to being able to ignore Trump most nights. I truly can’t wait.” The day after Trump supporters stormed the Capitol, he texted his producer that “Trump has two weeks left. Once he’s out, he becomes incalculably less powerful, even in the minds of his supporters. He’s a demonic force, a destroyer. But he’s not going to destroy us. I’ve been thinking about this every day for four years.”

Welp, I guess Donnie didn’t destroy FUX Snooze, so ol’ Bowtie Boy was kinda-sorta right about that. FUX Snooze destroyed FUX Snooze, and Tucky shot himself in the foot in the process of trying to save Donnie’s ass while simultaneously hating his guts. One almost feels sorry for him; it’s a helluva thing to have to salvage the reputation of a guy who relies on an incompetent lawyer who in turn relies on a “cactus artist” who apparently gets her inspiration from the barrel of a crack pipe.

But then again, it’s hard to feel too sorry for the guy. After all, his mom was the heiress to the Swanson frozen food fortune. He was born with a silver spoon up his nose. And his whole career in journalism was such a mockery that neither he nor his bowtie could survive the onslaught of truth from, of all people, Jon Stewart:

Oops, sorry, here’s that Crossfire video Emma Vigeland talks about above.

Yeah, it’s kind of easy to see why Tuckyducks is still salty. And why he’s desperate to reclaim the manhood that Jon stole from him. So desperate, in fact, that he’d even advocate a quack treatment to his incel male viewers:

“Do not be a sucker to Tucker!”

Listen to the good doctor, guys. Unlike Tucky, she’s actually had extensive medical training and knows whereof she speaks. There are many good reasons why she recommends sunscreen, and they’re related to why you shouldn’t expose to sunlight those parts of you that are known as “where the sun don’t shine”.

I don’t know if Tucky’s undergone such treatments himself, but I’m guessing he’s going to need, um, SOMETHING in light of his recent job loss. And, uh, his total loss of shit over the green M & M mascot, who is no longer wearing her sexy high-heeled go-go boots.

Sorry. I’ll stop now. It’s getting late, and I’m tired. Regularly scheduled Schadenfreude will recommence tomorrow.

Share this story:
This entry was posted in BushCo Death Watch, Crapagandarati, Der Drumpf, Do As I Say..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Law-Law Land, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Newspeak is Nospeak, Quacks, Schadenfreude, She Blinded Me With Science, Shysters, Stupid Sex Tricks, Teh Heterostoopid, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia. Bookmark the permalink.