News of the Restless

Crappy weekend, everyone! So, US friends…how are you all liking your first official week of Obamacare — and the congressional shutdown it occasioned? Have any teabag Repugs near you croaked yet out of sheer spite? No? Well, take heart…because if spite doesn’t kill ’em, maybe a good wank-listing will. And either way, at least they can’t send anyone to war on Syria. Here’s who made the cut this week, in no particular order:

1. John Fucking Culberson. How does it feel to go down in history only for being the dumbfuck who yelled “Let’s Roll!” in an effort to delay Obamacare (which passed anyway)? And what the fuck is it with all these right-wing nutjobs (who are little better than terrorists themselves) thinking that every evil thing they do is an act of antiterrorism?

2. Mark Fucking Levin. And speaking of right-wing dumbfucks who think obstructionism = salvation, how about him? Funny how these assholes are all in favor of letting the market take care of everything, and making sure the government upholds that…until a president comes along who thinks ever so slightly differently, in which case suddenly it’s “screw the market, let’s shut down the government!” Yeah, real principled stance you got there, dickface.

3. John Fucking Baird. How pathetic is it when no one at the UN wants to hear you squeal anymore (while giving little Evo Morales a standing ovation)? And yet, Harpo still entrusts this guy with a cabinet position. It is to laugh…and weep.

4. Ann Fucking Coulter. Why?

That’s why. Way to totally fucking miss the point! BTW, Bryan Cranston, the star of the now-wrapped series, vehemently disagrees.

5. Rob Fucking Schneider. No, doofus, evil Hollywood Democrats didn’t keep you from making a movie in 7 whole years. Your own mediocrity and stupidity did that. See Victoria Fucking Jackson? That’s you, not long from now. Maybe you’d like to consider applying yourself, and keeping your conspiracy theories to yourself, in future…that is, if you have a future. Personally, I think you just eated it.

6. Rand Fucking Paul. Y’know, for once, I agree with the little twerp. They haven’t had a big debate about Obamacare…they had a screaming, floor-pounding, breath-holding tantrum about it. And they’re now at the part where they turn blue. If only they would pass out…or better still, AWAY. PS: This doesn’t help your cause either. Those “goons” are VETERANS, you fucking fool.

7. David Fucking Schweikert. If shutting down the government is your idea of fun, maybe you shouldn’t be in it. At the very least, a rich bastard like you could offer to forego his salary and benefits, so as to better understand what it actually means to those who WORK for a living, especially in the public sector.

8. Ezra Fucking Levant. Why?

Two innocent Canadians are (STILL) in custody in Egypt, and all the fucking putz can think of is how they are pro-Palestinian…and extrapolate that into “useful idiot support of the Muslim Brotherhood”, which it isn’t. Ezra is a useless idiot, and I can’t wait to see him lose his TV gig.

9. Justin Fucking Bieber. The long slide into shitty douchedom continues apace! He ordered his bodyguards to carry him to the top of the Great Wall of China? I wish they had dumped him over the side.

10. Rick Fucking Joyner. Hey, Rick? God called. Sez she’s not in the business of imposing martial law OR theocratic monarchies, so don’t order any. Also, she would really like for you to shut the fuck up, and fuck the hell off, and step on a Lego, and die of gangrene.

11 and 12. Andrew and Matthew Fucking Weiers. I hope that moose you harassed remembers your faces…and pays you back for it one day. SOON.

13. Jan Fucking Brewer. She doesn’t know if the Grand Canyon is a priority for Arizona? Oh sure, it’s only the state’s greatest landmark, and a national treasure. Why the fuck is she governor, again?

14. Laura Fucking Ingraham. Oh sure, when it was Repugs demanding war (or just to satisfy her own fat ego), this blood-sucking bitch was all “Support the Troops”…and now that they’re coming home from those wars maimed and mentally ill, she thinks what happened to them is just “sob stories” that will weaken the will of those mighty fucking troop-supporters? Well, just for that, Laura, I hope your own personal “sob story” comes back to kill you. You fucking deserve it.

15. John Fucking Boehner. Riddle me this: How are right-wingers good for the economy when they keep throwing ordinary people out of work? Obvious answer: They aren’t. And they know it. And they turn into deer in the headlights when questioned on it.

16. Chris Fucking Matthews. Ted Fucking Cruz is “brilliant” for throwing a filibuster-that-wasn’t? And Obama has “met his match” in him? Methinks Tweety Bird really needs to stop sucking teabags and get the fuck off the boob tube.

17. Leo Fucking Housakos. Well, well, what have we here? Another SupposiTory senator who made a big, fat, dishonest dollar. For another right-wing party (now defunct), yet. And who is now all peevish and petulant at having his faux pas pointed out by that evil, evil CBC.

18. Rick Fucking Perry. Dude, face it…your wife said abortion is a right, and she was right to say it. And on that note, Crotch…when are you going to finally come out of that there closet?

19. Alex Fucking Jones. Somebody please tell him and David Fucking Icke that their cherished lizard-people belief has its origins in a TV mini-series from the 1980s. And that there really is no satanic conspiracy from outer space to explain everything.

20. Peter Fucking Madden. No, you don’t get to tell foreign diplomats to resign just because they happen to be gay (and gay-married.) Only a total fucking Aus-hole would do a thing like that.

21. Ted Fucking Cruz. Uh, Ted? If you were FOR the shutdown before, you can’t be AGAINST it now. Unless, of course, you are one of those kookamonga terrorists you keep babbling so insanely about. (And hey: If the foo shits…) PS: Quit whining, you big fat baby.

22, 23 and 24. Michele Fucking Bachmann, Steve Fucking King, and Louie Fucking Gohmert. The Three Fucking Stooges are at it again, and this time, they’re grandstanding at the World War II Memorial without lifting a finger to try to reopen it. Guess that shows you just how much they REALLY support the veterans of that long-ago war…

25 and 26. Renee Fucking Ellmers and Lee Fucking Terry. Oh, so you need your paycheques? And federal employees, who make far less a year than you, don’t? Maybe you should try living on nothing for a while, dearies…it might improve your voting habits. Or better still, rid the congress of a couple of morons altogether. PS: Nobody cares about your fucking house, Lee. Just ask a banker if you don’t believe me.

27. Karl Fucking Rove. Why?

Like I said: If the foo shits…

28. Steve Fucking Stockman. Oh look, another asshole who grandstands about how much he looooooves the veterans (in a fundraising letter, no less!), while refusing to budge and do the one thing that would allow them to visit their national monuments again. Take his pay away, don’t send a dollar to his war chest — and then see how fast he changes his tune!

29. Stuart Fucking Varney. He makes millions by babbling crapaganda on FUX Snooze, and he wants to punish federal workers for “living on our backs”? No, asshole, the parasite here is you. You feed on people’s brains, and you suck their blood. Time for a massive de-worming pill!

30. Jerry Fucking Boykin. Remember him? He’s now openly calling for a coup. I think this demands an open call for his arrest…for high treason. Don’t you?

31. Mat Fucking Staver. Teaching kids a bit of LGBT history is “sexual assault”? No, that’s the stuff that right-wing religious freaks do when they physically molest kids, and then tell them not to tell anyone or their families get hurt.

32. Tom Fucking Corbett. No, same-sex marriage is NOT like brother-sister incest. Where the hell did you get the idea that it was? Oh, I see…your own capacious ass. Figures!

33. Glenn Fucking Beck. Oh noes, a progressive dishwasher! BRAINWASHING! Um, actually, that would be Biff’s show. As usual, projection!

34. Brian Fucking Kilmeade. No, Nicaragua isn’t Mexico, and they don’t eat tacos there. Maybe, if you had stayed awake during geography class, you would have realized that. But then again, you’re FUX Snooze, so to you, all brown people with Spanish names must come from the same place…right?

35. Randy Fucking Neugebauer. Uh oh, SOMEBODY forgot who shut down the Congress! No, NOT Harry Reid. And no, it wasn’t him who put the park rangers out of work during the shutdown, either. Who, oh WHO could it be???

36. Todd Fucking Rokita. How nice of you to be so patronizing. You called that Chicken Noodle Network newslady a beautiful liar. Well, at least she IS beautiful. You, on the other hand, are just a liar. And a smarmy one, at that.

37. Miley Fucking Cyrus. Oops, she did it again. She appropriated someone else’s style without picking up a trace of her substance — in this case, the very reverend Sinéad O’Connor — and then, when the latter gave her some very good advice on the dangers of letting her record company pimp her, showed her true colors…and lo and behold, they are those of an empty-headed, spoiled brat. No, Miley, you’re NOT grown up yet, and you have nothing of import to say yet, either. Sit down and shut up now.

38. Diana Fucking Davison. Or whatever the hell her name really is. Men commit crimes to please women? Oh…I had no idea that rape was an effort to please us. Or drunk driving. Or murder. Or arson. Or…well, ANY crime, really. Honestly, how could I have been so blind for so long? I figured that criminals only did crimes to please THEMSELVES!

39. Mike Fucking Lee. Oh, poor you, and poor widdle Ted Fucking Cruz! You’re so oppwessed! And just think, you brought it all on yourselves. Now go throw yourselves a pity party and do your snivelling where no one else can hear you.

40. Pat Fucking Robertson. Patwa says tithe, tithe, tithe, and to hell with your medical bills! After all, that mansion ain’t gonna build itself…and if he doesn’t get a new yacht soon, Cthulhu’s gonna call him home! Oh, the HORROR!

41. Christian Fucking Paradis. How nice to know that you and Fucking Harpo don’t care about war rape victims or child brides. Nope, you just gotta keep tossing that red abortion meat to your anti-choice base! Never mind that it’s red with the blood of dead and dying women…and little girls. You motherfuckers are too evil for words.

42. Garry Fucking Breitkreuz. And speaking of SupposiTories who don’t really care about girls, how about him? He thinks that high-school girls should be armed, because he saw some study (out of Texas, natch) claiming that women who carried handguns are less likely to be raped. O RLY? Well, unarmed women who come from societies where men are taught not to rape are even LESS likely to be raped. And why is he not all about THAT, instead of the bullshit premise that boys will be boys, and therefore girls should be armed? How fucking sexist.

43. Joe Fucking Lhota. I’m not at all sure how stop-and-frisk laws will prevent rape. Will the creeper get his release from those frisky cop-hands before he finds an actual victim? Ditto robberies, carjackings, etc. Does it actually do anything about those? Nooooo, it doesn’t. Preventive repression is the stupidest panacea ever. But trust a cat-hating right-wing nut to believe in it. For everyone else, socialism works better.

44. Javier Fucking Albar. Thanks a lot, yeronner, for perpetuating the stereotype that women are just “naturally” worse drivers than men. Actually, it’s the other way around; women are more cautious, probably because we still have to fight against stupid archaic beliefs like this. Upshot: We have fewer accidents. By that token, shouldn’t guys get extra lessons and pay extra for them, instead? It’s not as if being a woman were not expensive enough already, fuckyouverymuch.

45. Reince Fucking Priebus. Way to swallow the Teabilly Koolaid, Rancid Penis! Actually, it’s pretty clear that the teabags have been intent on shutting down the government ever since that black guy was elected president. And it’s not as if they haven’t been pretty damn transparent about it, either.

46. Hunter Fucking Moore. Revenge porn is now blessedly illegal in California (and should be illegal everywhere else, too). So what’s his response to the passing of that law? Well, let’s just call it predictable. And filled with projection. Predictably.

47. Robert Fucking Emmett Fucking Deck the Fucking Third. Why the triple Fucking? Because that’s how idiotic it is to claim that wanking is a valid way to test a female patient’s eyesight.

48. Chris Fucking Brown. Just when I thought this dude could not get more fucked up, he fucking does…by bragging that he first had sex at the age of eight. With a 14- or 15-year-old girl. Aside from all the weird hinky statutory rapiness of it (the girl too would be underage, so WTF?), there’s also the sheer implausibility of a girl that age even looking at a boy half her age, never mind whether he could get an erection. I’m going right ahead and calling bullshit here.

49. Jeffrey Fucking Kuhner. Never mind that the government shutdown is the real cause of the current chaos, and that the shutdown is the fault of batshit teabaggers who just want to watch the world burn. Nope, the real culprit is LIBERALISM! Because marriage, family and civilization! And blah blah blabbity blah blah. A sock in it you should fucking put, dude.

50. Peter Fucking Bataillon. A 16-year-old foster child who didn’t need her parents’ permission (or a judge’s, either) to get pregnant, must have parental consent — or a right-wing judge’s approval — to get an abortion? Oh, for the fuck of shit. I’m hoping she went ahead and got one anyway, because the last fucking thing a scared pregnant girl needs is to be lectured by a man about the evils of “baby-killing”.

And finally, to the Congressional Fucking Repugs. Yes, all of them. Because they voted for this shutdown, and this is all on them. Doesn’t even matter who’s a teapug and who’s not. If you cave to an astroturf group wholly owned and subsidized by the Fucking Koch Brothers, you fucking deserve to go down with their ship. And you will. You fucking WILL.

Good night, and get fucked!

Crappy weekend, everyone! And welcome to my humble kitchen, where we serve up cranks, wanks and shit sandwiches by the tanks, every week on Saturday Night. And this week’s menu, in no particular order, consists of the following:

1. Don Fucking Samuelson. Welcome to Everyday Perverson 101! Today’s lesson is on why you should never let anyone else stand too close to you. Especially not if he’s your prof, and he’s got a funny way of positioning himself so he can upskirt or downblouse you. Any questions?

2. Sarah Fucking Palin. She rails an awful lot about “GOP cannibals”, never realizing that she IS one herself. And since she’s no longer a working politician, no doubt that leaves her an awful lot of time for feeding on human flesh. But hey! As long as she only does it with FUX Snoozers, who am I to complain? She’s saving me the work of savaging their asses myself, and right-wing infighting is always SO entertaining.

3. Wayne Fucking LaPierre. Sorry, but at this rate, the only good guys left are the ones without guns, because at least they’re not shooting people up accidentally or on purpose. Military bases are already armed to the teeth…how many more guns can they handle? And if it’s mental health you’re concerned about, good…let’s start by locking YOU away, because this pathological attachment to guns is making you a real fucking menace to society.

4. Larry Fucking Busby. Ladies! Are you in the market for a slightly used racist twoofer douchebag? Are you a skinny, weirdly perfect redhead (or brunette, or blonde, in that order) who’s never had a kid (or, very likely, any sex at all, especially not with a well-hung black dude)? Are you non-black? Then have we got the douche for you! And by that, I mean HOLY FUCKING HORSE DENTURES, BATMAN. Yeah, I can see how this one might feel compelled to pay top dollar to anyone who “finds” him a woman who’d put up with his shit. Between the chin-scruff, the potbelly, the teefs, and the greasy weed-whacker haircut, this one’s got WIENER written all over him.

5. Richard Fucking Barnes. Was there ever a better argument against nude selfies and dickpix than the former deputy Lord Mayor of London (England!), taking same and then, when they get auto-uploaded (one presumes accidentally), claims he was hacked? Sorry, Dickie (!), but you took those yourself. You’re gonna have to take the consequences yourself, too.

6. David Fucking Gilmour. You don’t read women? That’s okay, I don’t read YOU. And I’m glad, because you sound like a terrible old bore. Also, you just cut your own readership in half with just one arrogant, dipshitty interview. Na-na-na-naaaa-na, ha-ha-ha-haaaa-ha. PS: Oh bitch, please. You meant to get that reaction. Your class is an extended exercise in trolling; you said so yourself. You figure any publicity is good publicity, apparently. Just for that, guess who’s NOT going to be reading any of your books, ever?

7. Robert Fucking Benmosche. Oh, you poor widdle baby. 99%ers are saying bad things about you and your fellow banksters and corporate crooks! You’re being lynched! Except you’re totally not, because your necks are still intact, you haven’t been burned, and there isn’t a crowd of gawkers of a different color laughing and pointing for the official photograph.

You know, like THAT. Wouldums like your binky now?

8. Anke Fucking Vandermeersch. Islamophobia is NOT feminism. Bigotry is NOT feminism. Vlaams Fucking Belang is NOT feminist. And your ripping off Rosea Lake’s feminist art for your right-wing crapaganda? NOT cool.

9. Bernard Fucking Drainville. Speaking of Islamophobia and bigotry, shorter: Crucifixes totally okay, because CULTURE! Niqabs totally not okay, because NEUTRALITY! Never mind that they have fuck-all to do with that, just as crucifixes have fuck-all to do with actual culture.

10. Stephanie Fucking Smith. Congratulations on setting women’s rights back 60 full fucking years with the stupidest-ever bit of ring-fishing. That’s not love, that’s lunacy. And after looking at that dude you’re so desperate to doff your dignity for, I have to ask: WHY??? And if he’s the gourmet cook, can’t he make his own damn sandwiches…and bring YOU one? That is, if sandwiches really are a sign of love, as he says? Hell…why bother with the sammies, anyway? If you want to marry him so much, just propose to him yourself, you silly git.

PS: And congratulations, Eric Fucking Schulte. You’re now part of a truly lame-ass meme. You and your sexist demands. You two fucking deserve each other. PPS: Ha, ha. NOW you’re funny.

11 and 12. Harmon Fucking Kaslow and John Fucking Aglialoro. Hey! Remember how that big-brick-o-tedium, Atlas Shrugged, bombed at the box office? Well, now it’s sucking so hard that the creators of that dog are reduced to begging for Kickstarter contributors. What a couple of collectivist moochers!

13. The Fucking Pope. So, you think he’s actually any better about gays and women than his predecessors? Well, here’s a shocker: He’s not. He just excommunicated an Australian priest who’s pro-LGBT rights and pro-women’s rights. Talking the talk means nothing; how about walking the fucking WALK?

14. Andreas Fucking Pirelli. Or whatever your fucking name is. You are not an ambassador from a fiefdom-of-one, you’re just a thieving wacko who’s about to see how little of the law he actually gets to take into his own hands. Or, to put it another way: Your ass is grass, and Karma is firing up the lawnmower.

15. Vanessa Fucking James. How very interesting: Her “advice” to victims of sexual harassment and assault plays right into the fact that she, as a lawyer, has represented corporate sexual harassers and assailants! Why, I’m sure that’s just a malign coinkydink!

16. Scott Fucking Lively. Claiming credit for Russia’s kill-the-queers law? Um, dude…you’re not in Uganda anymore. PS: Sign, sign, SIGN.

17. Melissa Fucking Gorga. Go sit next to #10, and take your loathsome abusive husband with you. And if I were you, I’d start pulling HIS hair for a change…his pubic hair. Teach him how much fun it really is to get your hair pulled in a sexual context. And no, I don’t believe constantly giving in to a maniac’s sexual demands is a sign of love. Stockholm Syndrome, maybe, but if it’s not mutually desired, it’s NOT sex, it’s NOT love…it’s RAPE. (You do realize that marital rape is illegal, right?)

18. Kent Fucking Lambert. Oh, that’s rich…a congresscritter from the Party of No (Ideas) complaining about how laws against discrimination are killing all the ideas! It’s like the whole concept of irony is lost on him!

19. Dean Del Fucking Mastro. Ba da dump-bump-bump…another one bites the dust! And where one Tory electoral fraudster falls, there are bound to be others. Hang on to your hats, kiddies, there is SO much more to come.

20. Nick Fucking Reading. Oh look! Edmonton’s “Men’s Rights” (note the quotes, there for a reason) trolls strike again! And this time, they’ve formed a party and are standing in local elections. And of course, it’s a Patriarchy Party. Supposedly its purpose is to prove that patriarchy doesn’t really exist, never really, did, and therefore, CHECKMATE, FEMINISTS! Only, of course, the joke’s on them. The patriarchy is real, and they’re soaking in it. (Or maybe it’s their own urine; the smell is awfully similar.) PS: Ewwwww. See what I mean by soaking in it?

21. David Fucking Barton. No, the Second Amendment does NOT guarantee an individual’s right to own a fighter jet or a tank; it doesn’t even guarantee the right to own a pellet gun. Its purpose was to establish the US military, which does have the right to bear arms, and jets, and tanks…in the common defence. The fact that this purpose has been perverted by imperialism for at least two centuries now notwithstanding, of course.

22. Phyllis Fucking Schlafly. Oh noes, we can’t have immigrant kids with educations and…and…and NICE THINGS! That might give them the terrible idea that they’re equal, and therefore, entitled to good jobs, decent housing, adequate food, healthcare and shit!

23. Miles Fucking Groth. Oh noes, we can’t have anti-date-rape talks during Orientation Week, it’ll just make all those poor sensitive rapey boys drop out! Sadly, it’s never done any such fucking thing. And it hasn’t exactly deterred older men from trying to take advantage of young women away from home for the first time, either. (Ask me. I know.)

24. Guido Fucking Barilla. So, gays can “eat another pasta” because yours is the pasta of wholesome, heterosexual family values (in which the husband has a mistress, and the wife is secretly miserable)? Well, guess what…not only can gays eat other pasta, but so can we straights who don’t find your family values all that wholesome, Signor Idiota. PS: Nice non-apology, non-accepted.

25. Paul Craig Fucking Cobb. This white supremacist is so full of shit, even his septic system backed up on him. Dude, I think the town of Leith is politely telling you that you don’t belong there.

26. Bradlee Fucking Dean. So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu…and please DO let the door hit you where your mama done split you. You won’t be missed.

27. Lawrence Fucking Leggett. No, you fucking racist freak-scene, you don’t “need to get laid” (much less pay to do so with underage girls). What you need is to be bound and gagged. Alone. In a nice, safe, padded cell, far away from the rest of humanity, for the rest of your unnatural life.

28. Ken Fucking Cuccinelli. Y’know, others might snicker at his assertion that no one has done more to protect women than he, but I actually agree…he’s protected them against evil, evil information that might otherwise lead to responsible use of birth control, free access to abortion in case the birth control fails, and a host of other helpful resources that might actually help women stand on their feet instead of relying on an abusive man they never really wanted to marry. Yup, he sure did protect them, all right!

29 and 30. Louis Fucking Gelinas and Matthew Fucking Wright. Oompa Loompa doompa di doo, here’s another puzzle for you. If you go on a rampage attack, don’t be surprised if the Oompa-Loompa law…hits you right back.

31. George Fucking Zimmerman. He’s the wank that just keeps on going, like the Energizer Bunny. This week, Widdle Georgie skipped town so his estranged wifey couldn’t serve him divorce papers. This after hitting her dad and trying to do a “Stand Your Ground” with her just the other week. Maybe there really is something to all her doubts about his innocence and her insistence that he’s quite the little big man, eh? PS: And he steals furniture, too. Classy!

32. Keith Fucking Alexander. So, you think the NSA isn’t spying on YOU? If you’re a US citizen, yes they are. And they want to go right on doing that, too. And if you think they can be trusted, just remember: some of these wankers with security clearances have been using them to spy on their ladyfriends. You really think they won’t abuse their powers on you? Maybe a blog troll with a security clearance will change your mind faster.

33. Salah Fucking al-Luhaydan. If driving is so bad for the pelvis, why do men get to do it? And if it’s so bad for the ovaries, why do so many women drivers outside of Saudi Arabia still manage to have healthy kids…and lots of them? These are questions that I doubt the sheikh’s “science” can answer. Mainly because it isn’t science at all; it’s straight out of the last fucking century, when it was originally debunked in Europe and the Americas! Happily, Saudi women are not so dumb.

34. Chris Fucking Christie. Yup, the guvnor of Noo Joizey, who has more ups and downs than that roller-coaster that got swept out to sea in Hurricane Sandy, has had a big fat downer this week. When a brave, wise judge ruled against the state’s same-sex marriage ban, he appealed. As though there were no LGBTs in the state. And as though that wouldn’t come back to bite him on his sizable ass.

35. Ari Fucking Fleischer. No, His Barackness doesn’t get extra characters on Twitter. No one does. But leave it to Dubya’s lying mouthpiece to ask a stupid question.

36. Bobby Fucking Jindal. Yes, let’s install a professional homophobe — Tony Fucking Perkins, who has all but called gays “terrorists” — on Louisiana’s state police commission. What could possibly go wrong?

37. Elizabeth Fucking O’Bagy. She’s been discredited as an analyst, but leave it to John Fucking McCain to hire her — as an analyst. He has a rather interesting history of teaming up with incompetent women who pop up out of nowhere, as I recall.

38. Scott Fucking Walker. Oh joy, Snotty Scotty Wanker is yet another of THOSE Repugs…the kind who would rather see people killed by collapsing bridges than spend a cent on infrastructure and road maintenance. Congratulations, Wisconsin teabaggers…you now have the state you voted for, and the state you deserve. I just feel sorry for your smarter neighbors, who have to put up with your shit and live in your ruins.

39. Yahya Fucking Jammeh. Never mind that AIDS began in Africa among heterosexuals in the Congo Basin, and that it is, in fact, straight people’s fault (and prostitution’s) that this disease exists today. Nope, let’s just conveniently and superstitiously blame the gays. After all, everything is always their fault, everywhere, ever.

40. Marco Fucking Evaristti. No, an iceberg of the coast of Greenland is not YOUR iceberg. It’s not anybody’s. If you MUST make art out of it, why not do what Christo did, and just drape it for a while, then dismantle the drapery and leave everything as you found it? Spraying it with red paint is just a massive, bloody wank.

41. Dipak Fucking Chakraborty. Why?

That’s why. Yes, let’s keep blaming the victims of sexual harassment for what others do to them. When will it ever be the perpetrators’ turn to take the blame for their own deeds?

42. Nikos Fucking Mihaloliakos. Actually, the entire fucking Golden Dawn party has much to answer for…the death of an antifascist rapper, for one. The stabbing of this young woman, for another. And why the fuck do they have tentacles in Montréal? I don’t like to say this scares the shit out of me, and it doesn’t…it makes my blood boil. This “party” is nothing better than a fascist mafia.

43. Larry Fucking Klayman. Calling for an armed insurrection is treason. Why is this teabagging lunatic not in jail yet? Well, not to worry…I have a strange feeling that it won’t be much longer.

44. Aubrey Fucking Rimes. If you need any further proof of what knuckle-dragging troglodytes the learned judges of the rural US south are, look no further. This one as much as called a turban-wearing Sikh a “raghead”. They don’t make ’em much more ignorant, racist or swinish…

45. Quin Fucking Woodward Fucking Pu. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s just how awful the soi-disant “Taylor Swift of literature” is. She demands that a random guy with whom she’s been on a grand total of two, count ’em, TWO MEASLY DATES “define the relationship”. He rather understandably bails on her (albeit, somewhat dickishly, on her birthday, via text messaging). She then not only sends copies of his sexts to his employer — which on its own would be fair, seeing as he was sexting on a company phone. But not content to let it go at that she classlessly writes them up on her crappy blog, where they go viral. No doubt they’ll find their way into yet another of her dorky self-published memoirs. The question is, will anyone still consider her relevant by then? And the answer, at least on my end, is OH GAWD I HOPE NOT. Because this one’s got Fatal Attraction Bunny Boiler written all over her. And I really don’t think narcissistic sociopathy like hers should be rewarded with the attention she obviously craves.

And finally, to the organizers of this monumental fucking “men’s rights” rally in TO...which was attended more heavily by themselves than by any seriously interested followers. Special thanks to the cranky uzzard who picked up the mike to rail about how important it was to put down your books, pick up a gun, and kill commies. That shit was old before I was born, dude. But hey, thanks anyway for demonstrating…just what kind of followers this (bowel) movement has.

Good night, and get fucked!