Music for a Sunday: Like a widow with a rosary

Maybe I’m jinxing things by posting this, but what the hell:

Spring is looking like death warmed over from where I sit, too.

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Wankers of the Week: The Winter That Will Not Die

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Crappy weekend, everyone! So, you thought winter was over here in the Great (Still All Too White) North? Ha, ha — April Fool! Old Man Winter just called. Sez he ain’t dead yet, and has no intention of dying anytime soon. Yup, we’re officially screwed. But hey! It could be worse. We could be like these people:

1 and 2. Mike Fucking Fair and Kevin Fucking Bryant. So, making the Columbian Wooly Mammoth the state fossil of South Carolina would be un-Christian because it contradicts Genesis? Well, then, how about legislating based on other works of fiction, too…like, say, Mary Poppins?

3. Glenn Fucking Beck. So, Biff is finally being sued for defamation and slander? Well, good. The only surprising thing is that this didn’t happen sooner. And that it hasn’t happened more often.

4. Ginni Fucking Thomas. So, arch-theocrats like herself consider it “tyranny” when non-theocrats are elected to power? This is disturbing indeed, but the projection of their own tyrannical motives onto the democrats? Purest wankitude.

5. Bob Fucking Beauprez. Meanwhile, in Colorado, Wingnuttia rises again…with moar Birtherism! Doesn’t this shit ever get old for you guys?

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6. Marco Fucking Rubio. If you’re going to call for sanctions against Venezuela, shouldn’t you do it with, I dunno, REAL INFORMATION? This is fucking pathetic, even by the already rock-bottom standards of the Miami Mafia.

7. Jonathan Fucking Stock. If you’re an adult, it should go without saying that you should know better than to go jumping at ten-foot rocks in parks. Rocks are hard, and you can get hurt on them. Hell, even little kids are capable of absorbing that lesson.

8. Dimitri Fucking Soudas. So long, farewell, auf Wiederseh’n, adieu…and don’t let the door hit you where your mama done split you, you meddlesome punk.

9. Justin Fucking Trudeau. Never apologize, never explain, and above all, NEVER euphemize…especially not if you’ve just said Fuck. Didn’t your old man teach you anything after the “Fuddle Duddle” débâcle?

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10. Daryush Fucking Valizadeh. So, finally Roosh V admits that he’s a clown, and nothing but a clown. If only it would lead to further epiphanies, preferably of the life-changing kind, there might be hope for him yet. As it is, he’s a seventh-rate circus act who scares little children. All that’s missing is the John Wayne Gacy paint.

11. Rob Fucking Ford. As sure as night follows day and week follows week, Robbo will show ass. And sure enough he does it…to Nelson Mandela’s dead body. You gotta admit it took talent for him to be the sole vote on Toronto city council against naming a street for the late anti-apartheid leader!

12. Scott Fucking Lively. So, he wants to jail all the gays who refuse to go “ex”? I have a better idea: How about jailing HIM for crimes against humanity? He’s definitely guilty, especially in Africa.

13. Mark Fucking Driscoll. Finally, at long last, the rats are leaving the Hipster Fundie Preacher’s ship. All megachurches deserve to go down like this…

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14. Jake Fucking Rush. Some would argue that his being a creepy, role-playing sex vampire is harmless. And I would agree, if that were in fact the role-playing. But it’s not. That’s who he really is. It’s the guy in the ordinary suit and tie who’s the fake persona. How do I know? That gross rape fantasy is a dead giveaway.

15. Glenn Fucking Spencer. Racism: Not just for fun anymore. Nope, now you too can be a hatemonger for profit! Fascism is big bidness, y’all!

16. Donald Fucking Rumsfeld. Finally, Rummy has been caught in a lie. Too bad this didn’t happen when he was in office, so it could have brought down a fraudulent so-called government…sigh.

17. Jan Fucking Jurden. The rich aren’t like the rest of us. After all, millionaire DuPont heirs who rape their own daughters are such delicate flowers that you can’t possibly send them to jail, even if they’re huge like Robert H. Fucking Richards IV. PS: Sign, sign, sign!

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18 and 19. Colin and Andrea Fucking Chisholm. Speaking of “not like the rest of us”, how about these two? If the Little People committed welfare fraud like they did, the jails would all be empty!

20. Rémi Fucking Gaillard. And here we all thought the French were so much more sophisticated than les maudits yankees. Mais non! They are just as lowbrow! Mon dieu, que c’est insupportable. Pro tip: Pretending to have sex in public with unsuspecting women is the tiredest schtick ever. And setting it to a raunchy country song about “the rebel within” is just pathetic. If you must make videos like that, use Yakety Sax. At least then, people will be laughing at SOMETHING.

21. Sarah Fucking Palin. Now that Pooty-Poot’s divorce is finally final, guess who’s playing the flute for him (wink, wink) in the hopes that he can hear it from his dacha.

22. James Fucking Franco. Honestly, I don’t understand why he’s even famous. And somehow, I’m not surprised that he’s a Creepy Older Man. What’s hilarious is that he blamed his own horndoggery on the girl’s parents, instead of facing up to his own responsibility…after all, her parents didn’t come on to him for her, nor did she do so herself. So…not only a fameball, but a slimeball as well.

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23. Richard Fucking Kopf. I wasn’t aware that part of a judge’s duties included judging women lawyers based on their appearances. Or that his inability to maintain control of his own penis makes the target of his attentions a “dumb slut”. Sign the petition if you haven’t already, folks.

24. Charles Fucking Koch. Awww, poor widdle rich boy. All that ill-gotten money can’t buy you love…or a thicker skin? Diddums!

25. Chad Fucking Curtis. The only thing worse than a grown man who sexually molests girls is one who self-righteously blames the victims. And who has the chutzpah to say they should feel guilty and ashamed — in fundamentalist religious terms, no less. If this guy were any more of a projector, you’d find him working at the Cineplex Odeon.

26. Braulio Fucking Valenzuela-Villanueva. A sex offender, so offended by two lesbians kissing, that he sets their trailer home on fire? I’m sorry, that irony just made me chuckle. The unfunny part is that he tried to kill them AND their eight children. If he really wanted to go back to jail, shouldn’t he just have knocked over a liquor store, or something?

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27. Glenn Fucking Grothman. How best to counter the well-founded evidence that there is a right-wing war against women? Simple: Allege that the left is doing the same to Teh Menz! Genius! But how will it play in Peoria?

28. George W. Fucking Bush. So, Dubya thinks he’s an artist just because he’s mastered the basics of fingerpainting? And that Pooty-Poot should be excited to see his likeness executed in what looks an awful lot like poo? Um, Dubya…you will never be as good as Hugo Chávez, no matter how hard you try. And no matter how fucking drunk you get.

29. Mark Fucking Manuel. Sovereign Shittizens unite! You have nothing to lose but your hard-earned cash…and who better to lose it to than this double- and triple-talking scamster?

30. Steve Fucking Paikin. If you ever wondered why sexism gets me so hoppy, just get a load of his. Women are supposed to have children and be their primary caregivers…and then he excludes them from his show if the kids get sick. Women are supposed to look good…but they can’t beg off if the maintenance of said looks cuts into his show’s schedule. Just who do we have to blow to get taken seriously by the fucking media? Forget it, I’m NOT interested. Fuck this noise, and fuck the noisemakers who make it.

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And finally, to the suits and shits of Washington, DC. You can stop sulking about Crimea, guys…it’s been Russian for centuries, it is an autonomous republic, and its people voted democratically to rejoin Russia. Are you just mad because you failed to “export democracy” there? That it somehow happened without you? Too fucking bad. And really, NASA? How the hell are you gonna get to the International Space Station if you refuse to put your astronauts on a Soyuz spacecraft? What are you going to accomplish by not working with the Russians? How ironic that the Space Race is being lost by the old Cold War mentality that started it all in the first place. But then again, the Russians always were ahead of you there, eh?

Good night, and get fucked!

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A metaphor for the entire Venezuelan opposition

Watch what happens when a bunch of peaceful student demonstrators try to launch the Illudium Q-36 Space Modulatorrrrr by human slingshot:

“Where’s the kaboom? There’s supposed to be an Earth-shattering KABOOM!”

And so there is…but it isn’t where they intended it to be. Ha, ha.

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“Cuban Twitter” is an epic fail

You can’t log on to ZunZuneo anymore; the social network with the hummingbird logo (and the onomatopoeic name referencing its hum) is now an ex-parrot. Can you believe, though, that the US State Dept., working through its USAID arm, tried to position it as a “Cuban Twitter”, an alternative that would eventually foment a counter-revolution?

Yeah, that went well.

AMY GOODMAN: Peter Kornbluh, you met with Alan Gross. He has been in prison in Cuba for, what, now I think he’s in his fourth year of prison. This is back in 2010, about the time that this program was starting, and he was arrested by the Cuban authorities for setting up a satellite communications network in Cuba as part of USAID’s Cuba Democracy and Contingency Planning Program. Is there a link?

PETER KORNBLUH: Yes. This is all part of a broader USAID effort to use the Internet, to use modern social media communication systems, to both network Cubans and then have an independent communications vehicle to Cubans on the island through which messages can be sent when unrest occurs, both to spur unrest and then to basically be able to communicate with leaders of the opposition to the Cuban government. And Alan Gross’s project was very similar, although it was—it had a different technological dynamic than the Twitter account, but it was the same idea: You create a network, you build a base of independent communications, and then later you can have people use those communications and receive communications from the United States in a way that gets around the controls of the Cuban government.

Alan Gross was arrested in December of 2009. I believe that this program probably was in the works, this Twitter program, all throughout 2009 also and may well have derived from the very end of the Bush administration. The Bush administration really wanted to help the Republican Party and help Jeb Bush in Florida, eventually, by pushing forward with covert operations and pro-democracy operations, and they started throwing even more money at USAID to do this. But one of the elements that we’ve learned here is that even after Alan Gross was arrested and Congress began to very forcefully scrutinize these types of surreptitious, certainly clearly covert operations being run out of USAID, USAID did not stop them. They continued and escalated this very Twitter-like program that we’re now learning about.

I think it’s very important, though, Amy, that we recognize one thing. Like the Alan Gross gambit, this Twitter operation failed miserably. It was a waste of money in the end, and now, with the revelations of it, are hurtful to the effort to kind of rebuild a U.S.-Cuban relationship, solve the problem of Alan Gross in prison in Cuba and the three Cuban spies that are still in prison in the United States, and get on with a relationship with Cuba that is a modern relationship that meets the national interests of the United States of America. And these regime change programs are only hurtful to those national interests.

Meanwhile, it’s not like the government of Cuba was unaware of what was really going on:

The denunciations of Cuban president Raúl Castro over the destabilizing efforts of the government of the United States against Cuba were corroborated with the revelation on Thursday of a plan to push Cuban youth toward counterrevolution, with participation of a US agency.

Washington planned the creation of a “Cuban Twitter” to undermine the authorities on the island, promoted by the US Agency for International Development (USAID), with shell corporations constituted in secret and financing from foreign banks.

The Associated Press (AP) stated on April 3 that it had access to over a thousand documents over the communications network ZunZuneo, whose proposition was to make itself popular with Cuban youth and later “push them toward dissidency”.

The AP stated that users never knew that the project was created by an agency of the US State Department, nor that US contractors were gathering personal data on them with the hope that the information could be used toward political ends.

On January 1, on the 55th anniversary of the Cuban Revolution, president Raúl Castro denounced “attempts to subtly introduce platforms of neoliberal thinking and the restoration of neocolonial capitalism” in Cuba.

“They tried deceptively to sell to the youngest people the supposed advantages of disregarding ideologies and social conscience, as if those precepts did not precisely represent the interests of the dominant class in the capitalist world,” said the head of state in the southeastern city of Santiago de Cuba.

He then emphasized that with such efforts, they were trying “to introduce a rupture in the historic direction of the Revolution and the new generations, and promote uncertainty and pessimism about the future, all of that with the marked intent of dismantling from within the socialism in Cuba.”

Translation mine.

So you can see that the Brothers Castro have been watching this situation and keeping their people vigilant. I bet they feel vindicated by its failure, as they should. Cubans on the island neither want nor need a “Cuban Twitter”; the government isn’t barring them from using the real thing. How do I know? Because I’m following several Cuban tweeters myself. They can and do communicate freely with the outside world. The only real thing standing in the way of Cuban internauts is the lack of a budget for that, but that’s already changing; as part of the ALBA, Cuba is collaborating with Venezuela to improve Internet access for its citizens. Undersea cables are already being built, connecting Cuba with South America. ALBA will also help improve Internet service within the island itself.

So there’s really no place for USAID in all this, and they’ve blown a big wad of cash for nothing, on people who have no cause to sympathize (and who are constantly being informed by their own government and media as to why THAT is). Good job, State Dept., good job. When do you plan on removing that silly blockade, which is the only real barrier to normal relations between the US and Cuba? Because until you do that, all these propaganda campaigns are going to fizzle just like ZunZuneo.

BTW, the Democracy Now headline is a bit beside the mark. No, USAID is not the “new CIA”. It’s not a new agency at all. And it’s been working hand in glove with the CIA’s spooks for a very long time, as my translation of Raúl Capote’s interview shows. He, too, was a selected “beneficiary” of that big-budget “democracy promotion” shell game, at least until he blew the whistle and got the spooks and “aid” functionaries edged out of what he and his fellow Cubans worked so hard to build. That, too, is an object lesson in how not to win friends and influence people in Cuba!

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Posted in Cuba, Libre (de los Yanquis), Huguito Chavecito, Isn't It Ironic?, Spooks, The "Well, DUH!" Files, The United States of Amnesia | 1 Comment

Maricori — denied!

The other day I promised to post photos of María Corina Machado being barred from the National Assembly, where she was stripped of her parliamentary seat after suddenly turning up as an ambassador for Panama to the OAS, in contravention of at least two articles of the Venezuelan constitution. Well, here they are, and here she is:

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It didn’t matter what flag she wrapped herself in, security was not about to let Maricori through that door. They had already been alerted in advance to her little plan for a parliamentary putsch. This was as far as she got. There was no choice for Maricori but to leave…

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…on the back of a mototaxi. (Note the antifascist, pro-revolutionary slogan painted on the divider; irony at its finest!) She didn’t seem at all comfortable about hanging on to the driver, even though safety would indicate that it’s a good idea to do so. Maybe because he was kind of brown and working-class, and thus, not her kind of people? Maybe. In any case, Maricori’s little show of being a Woman of the People is another epic fail in a long, long series of pitiful oligarchic media shows.

One wonders why any of them still bother.

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The ironies of the Venezuelan opposition, part 46

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“Come on out, stupid, Marcelo and the boys are here, showing off the tent we brought from Monaco. We’ve already ordered sushi and later we’re going out partying but we’re coming back to go on protesting too much!” #OccupyVenezuela? Hardly. Try a bad glamping trip. #fail

Up here in the northern hemisphere, people tend to take to the streets when the rich get too greedy and leave nothing to the rest of us. A few windows get broken, the cops round the protesters up and arrest them, and everything goes back to “normal” within a day or two. And, as Bruce Cockburn memorably sang, the trouble with “normal” is it always gets worse.

Well, in Venezuela, something very different happens. The trouble with “normal” there, is that it always gets better, and some who are already very well off don’t like that, so they organize some little “protests” of their own. Here are the youngsters from VTV’s Zurda Konducta, explaining how it goes…with a little help from two oppos making a rather revealing phone call:

For those who don’t know Spanish, here’s the basic gist:

Two “youth leaders” of the right-wing party Voluntad Popular (Popular Will, headed by Leopoldo López, currently in jail for criminal instigation), Israel Hernández and Javier González, are talking about how to get more kiddies into the street to protest the evils of Maduro & Co. Their method? Cash “incentives”.

Yes, that’s right. They get PAID to “protest”, illegally block roads (with tents!), and smash things in Venezuela! But only if you’re a rich right wing spoiled brat who’s already being handed everything in life on a silver plate. If you were poor and you tried this in a “middle-class” (translation: slightly less than filthy stinking rich, but only slightly) neighborhood, you’d get clobbered to death.

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Marco Rubio’s dunderheaded lies

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This photo of three Bolivarian National Guard soldiers was actually taken by AFP photographer Juan Barreto on November 19 of last year, while they were on duty guarding Miraflores Palace from the roof. This is a perfectly normal part of their job, and it’s hardly limited to Venezuela. The White House also has guards stationed on its roof at all times. But to hear a certain famously dimwitted US senator tell it, these three were somehow transmuted into undercover snipers in Táchira, far to the west of the capital, during the opposition riots this spring. And that’s just one of a whole pack of lies:

Um, Marco? You’d have to be a truly special kind of fool to believe that, because if they were undercover snipers, (a) you wouldn’t be able to see them at all onaccounta they’d be hiding, and (b) they wouldn’t be wearing a National Guard armband in plain sight, either.

And that’s not all the stoopid, either. Here’s a detailed list of the things Marco got so dreadfully wrong:

Marco Rubio, Republican senator for Florida, asked the US Congress on Thursday to sanction the government of Nicolás Maduro, alleging that in Venezuela there is repression and violation of human rights, in another attempt to damage the sovereignty of the land of Bolívar as hegemonic strategy of the US. CNN showed him saying “We are being threatened from our own backyard” and “What good is the OAS to us?” The video shows him proposing that the US not put any more taxpayer money toward the financing of the inter-American organism which, it seems, now does little to serve imperial interests.

Iguana TV took apart one by one the manipulations with which this senator tried to back up his arguments on two opportunities. Many of his phrases are part of the template which the far-right has tried to impose upon international opinion, while many other imprecise data give evidence of a poor investigation or one intentionally manipulated, and, finally, presents images out of context.

Manipulation #1: Leopoldo López in an armored car, “last week” (it was February 18, 5 weeks ago). Rubio pointed out that López was transported in an armored car but did not explain that this man — currently housed in the military penitentiary of Ramo Verde as of February 18 — was transferred in an armored vehicle of the National Guard because they were protecting the ultra-right-wing leader’s life. He had been threatened with death by his own opposition party — interested in generating chaos in the land — as recognized by his own wife, Lilian Tintori, as well as his father.

Manipulation #2: Rubio says that Leopoldo was detained “for protesting against the government”. López had been sought by the Prosecutor General of the Republic for criminal offences (public instigation, damage to property, intellectual author of a crime of arson, and associating to commit crime), after his irresponsible call for people to take to the streets to demand “the exit” of the democratically elected government of Nicolás Maduro.

Manipulation #3: The government of Venezuela are “Cuban puppets” because they give “free oil” so Cuban officials come to repress. This is another falsehood which, with no proof whatsoever, is cited by protesters every day. Mmost of these are persons of middle and upper-middle class from the four most populous cities of the land, trying to insult the Bolivarian National Guard of Venezuela by saying that they are Cubans. On the one hand, this shows xenophobia toward a brother people, and on the other, ignorance of the laws which do not permit that foreigners form part of Venezuela’s police or military bodies. But more importantly, they fail to realize that the overwhelming majority of those who choose to join the police or the National Guard are of humble origins, coming from working-class and poor barrios, small villages, or other humble parts of the land, in search of employment opportunities to feed their families.

Manipulation #4: The Republican senator claims that Génesis Carmona was assassinated by the national government and “civilian groups which they armed, another exportation of the Cuban model”. According to ballistics investigations, the 23-year-old model, Génesis Carmona, who was crowned as Miss Tourism, died of a bullet wound in the back which came from the opposition demonstration in which she marched in Carabobo.

Manipulation #5: Bassil DaCosta “passed away on February 11”. Another of Senator Rubio’s imprecisions is the image which shows the transfer of Bassil DaCosta — a student killed by a bullet wound — which according to the senator occurred on February 11, when in fact the international media know that this took place on February 12, the day the right-wing vandalism began. Also, it bears noting that the national government has shown every sign of seeking the truth, and guaranteeing justice in any case of human rights violation and supposed “repression”. What took place in the Caracas sector of La Candelaria on February 12 has been diligently investigated and there are persons in custody at this time. In fact, due to the terrible events in La Candelaria, President Maduro declared that the functionaries of the Bolivarian National Intelligence Service (SEBIN) who were present had disobeyed an order to stand down and that they are now detained, as of February 24, at the orders of the Public Ministry and the prosecutor’s office. Five functionaries of the SEBIN are under arrest for their presumed links to the deaths of Bassil DaCosta and Juan Montoya, which occurred on February 12 in La Candelaria. So Senator Rubio’s “investigation” has only shown a small part of the information, failing to recognize the judicial processes under way in Venezuela.

Manipulation #6: The senator claims that in Venezuela, “Twitter and Facebook were cut”. When in fact, day after day, the social networks are among the most-used means of communication in Venezuela, this right-wing media template claiming the “blocking” of these media sources on the part of the government is so ridiculous that you can draw your own conclusions. We will only emphasize that for the guarimberos themselves, Twitter, Zello, and Facebook are tools for going up against anti-imperialist governments like those of Venezuela, China, Russia, and others. And that just for that, Twitter took down 60 pages linked to the Bolivarian government and later declared it an “error”. Later, Rubio even contradicted himself: “I’ve sent tweets on all these topics which have been retweeted thousands of times by students.”

Manipulation #7: He also said that Venzuela had “run out CNN”. Not only has CNN not been kicked out of Venezuela, but it goes right on working its media terrorism. Members of the Bolivarian government have attended interviews with this channel in order to show what is really going on in the country. As well, president Nicolás Maduro accepted an interview request from the right-wing channel, as did governor Tareck el-Aissami via Skype, and also foreign minister Elías Jaua. However, it is known that CNN edited the interviews and omitted important parts of them which did not fit into the manipulative template of the US empire’s far-right lackeys. Also, right-wing representatives have been interviewed in full by journalists such as Cala: Lilian Tintori, wife of Leopoldo López; Cecilia Arocha, rector of the Central University of Venezuela, and others.

Manipulation #8: “Before that, they closed down all the independent media who criticized the government.” El Nacional, El Universal, Últimas Notícias, all are print media which not only criticize the government every day, but customarily present manipulated images and show only one side of the story. Venevisión, Televen, and Globovisión are television stations of the right, which criticize the national government with well-known programs where artists and journalists of the opposition express their opinions, such as “ChataingTV”, and “Shirley”. As well, many digital media who play a part in the media war are still at work. None of them have been closed.

Manipulation #9: With manipulated, anachronistic and decontextualized images, Rubio claims: “The Ministry of the Interior of Venezuela authorized snipers to go to Táchira, to shoot at demonstrators.” A tweeter, @Larissacostas, denounced that Rubio “used forged images in his delirium against Venezuela”, and explained that “Senator Marco Rubio lies when he shows photos claiming they were taken in Táchira, but one one of them is old, and another was taken on the roof of a military building called the General Aviation Command, located on a Caracas air base.”

Manipulation #10: The case of Marvinia Jiménez. The senator showed photo in which you can see a National Guard officer committing an assault, but he did not inform that this woman is now in prison. The Attorney General herself, Luisa Ortega Díaz, announced the detention of Josneidy Castillo, who assaulted Marvinia Jiménez in La Isabelica, Valencia.

Manipulation #11: “The government response has been repression.” Let’s recall two important points here: (a) A large minority of Venezuelans has taken part in violent actions called guarimbas to “oust” the government in upper-middle-class zones where the opposition “governs” — Daniel Ceballos, mayor of San Cristóbal, Táchira; Gustavo Marcano, of Diego Bautista Urbaneja (Lechería), Anzoátegui; Eveling Trejo de Rosales, Maracaibo, Zulia; Ramón Muchacho, of Chacao, Caracas; Gerardo Blyde, Baruta, Miranda; and David Smolansky, El Hatillo, Miranda. The guarimbas are not peaceful protests; on the contrary, they are acts that violate the rights of the citizenry — such as the right to study, work and travel freely — and have been characterized mainly by burning tires, blocked public roads, “tolls”, stringing of trip wires (steel cables of narrow diameter) and the height of a motorcyclist’s neck, and burning oil spills on the highways to cause deadly accidents. (b) The government response has been to meet and have dialogues: a Truth Commission to investigate and bring justice to any violation of human rights, functionaries of the national guard and police detained. National Peace conference with diverse sectors: economic, political, culture, popular power, students, the indigenous, among others.

Manipulation #12: The case of María Corina Machado. The senator referred to the ex-deputy of the National Assembly, María Corina Machado, who has been one of the leaders of the opposition who called for the “exit” of the government by way of guarimbas, which have produced 37 deaths to date. He says that she had not been permitted to speak in last Friday’s session of the Organization of American States (OAS) and that she was expelled by the head of the parliament, Diosdado Cabello. What the US senator did not say is that in the case of this deputy, constitutional law was applied: According to Article 149 of the Constitution of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, “Political and public functionaries may not accept charges, honors or payments from foreign governments without the authorization of the National Assembly.”

Translation mine. Linkage added.

At this point, I really have nothing more to say than this: Sit down and shut up, Marco. You have no idea what you’re babbling about.

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Maricori, parliamentary putschist no more

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Aww, Maricori…you mad? The true face of María Corina Machado is not so glamorous…especially now that her plans for a parliamentary putsch have been thwarted:

Disposed to generate chaos, as usual, Venezuelan ex-deputy María Corina Machado called for a demonstration at the Plaza Brión in Chacaíto, Caracas, following which she will try to be present in the National Assembly, during the day’s ordinary session.

“Tomorrow I will be at the National Assembly, and I will exercise my right, although with all the risks that implies,” said Machado.

“I am a deputy of the Assembly and I will be as long as the people want me to. I was elected by the people of Venezuela,” she announced, at the peak of adventurism.

The president of the National Assembly, Diosdado Cabello, already said last week that Machado had been prohibited from entering the seat of legislative power.

The ex-parliamentarian, just barely returned from Peru, met with “young student” Gaby Arellano, to co-ordinate actions.

They expect to protagonize acts of violence in Chacaíto and Chacao, and to try early on to generate some kind of chaos in the Libertador district: “Car accidents”, spike belts, oil slicks, etc. Everything seems to indicate that they mean to follow the script of Kiev, Ukraine, where the fascists have taken over the parliament.

On Twitter, the hashtag “#PuebloPaLaAsamblea” has begun to trend.

We hereby alert the authorities to Plan Machado.

They will not pass!

Translation mine.

So, MariCori plans to exercise her “right” to be a parliamentarian? She automatically forfeited that when she neglected her parliamentary duties to represent Panama at the OAS. The Venezuelan supreme court has already ruled against her, so watch this space. I fully plan on posting pictures of her being barred, if any come to light.

¡No pasarán!

(Thanks, @jkid, for the link!)

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Posted in A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Fine Young Cannibals, Found in Translation, Huguito Chavecito, Inca Dink-a-Doo, Isn't That Illegal?, Law-Law Land | 1 Comment

Music for a Sunday: That ice is slowly melting

The late, GREAT George Harrison performs with an all-star backup band. I noticed Ringo Starr and Phil Collins in there, along with Jeff Lynne. Who did you see?

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Posted in Music for a Sunday | Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: That ice is slowly melting

Wankers of the Week: Keep your Hobby out of my Lobby!

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Crappy weekend, everyone! So, how about the great corporate overreach that is Hobby Lobby? They actually went to court for the right to control women’s vaginas lately. A spectacular laughing-out-of-court is bound to follow. And considering that they sell a lot of cheapo goods from China, that land of forced birth control, the hypocrisy is palpable; it reeks off them like the fumes from model-airplane glue. And here are others who reek of that and…well, so much more:

1. Paul Fucking Elam. Well, looks like someone got himself into a world of hurt…by standing behind a poster campaign in Halifax that mentions his website. Have fun answering to criminal charges and a civil suit, Paulie, because you are headed that way! PS: Oh myyyy. Creepy scary eyes are NOT a good look. But they ARE awfully revealing. As is the hideous stance Paulie has taken against a female victim of male violence at my old university. Yeah, that’ll really help put the Greatest Human Rights Movement In The History of Fucking EVAR on the map.

2. Jian Fucking Ghomeshi. Rape culture is not a “debate”, much less one that can be “won”. It’s a sad and ever-present fact of life for women…including those like your guest, Heather MacDonald, much as she may be at pains to deny it and even blame other women for what happens to them.

3. Yulia Fucking Tymoshenko. Kill all the Russkies! Nuke ’em into radioactive glass! sez the queen of the Ukrainian oligarchy. She forgets which country still has the nukes, I see. PS: And she denies she said it, but not really. Also, she’s a natural blonde — she swears. Ha, ha.

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4. Peter Fucking MacKay. It’s not the justice system we Canadians lack faith in, Petey…it’s YOU. You’re in a hole, and you just won’t stop digging. How can we have faith in THAT?

5. John Fucking Koletas. What would Jesus do? Hand out guns in church. Murrika, fuck yeah!

6. Donald Fucking Rumsfeld. Why no, Rummy, you don’t sound a bit racist. Why do you ask? Also, your face is indistinguishable from a baboon’s ass. Same thing comes out of both, after all…

7. John Fucking Benefiel. Aaaand he wanks again this week…claiming that the Texas floods are his fault because he prayed too hard over Oklahoma. Unless that flood was accompanied by a heavy fall of bovine feces, I highly doubt it.

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8. Pat Fucking Robertson. Never mind that Patwa (and indeed, everybody on Earth) never lived in Biblical times. He swears he remembers the good ol’ days when gays got stoned to death! And he blames a nonexistent entity for gay rights, too. Yup, that cuckoo clock broke on thirteen, all right.

9. Steve Fucking Drain. Dagnabbit, I knew Fred Fucking Phelps’s death was too good to be true. Seems he just got reincarnated as — you guessed it — Florida Man. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck FUCK.

10. Phyllis Fucking Schlafly. No, you know what’s unnatural? YOU, for living this long. Truth is, women have always done “men’s work”, we’ve just never been recognized or adequately paid for it because we don’t have a dongle between our legs. And anyway, why are you out there making money off stupid right-wing propaganda? Don’t you know that’s a man’s job? Ha, ha.

11. Franklin Fucking Graham. “Loving the sinner” is the worst euphemism ever. How about we just call it HATING OTHER PEOPLE FOR NO GOOD REASON, which is in fact what it is?

12. Laurie Fucking Hawn. Why?

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That’s why. As the old joke goes: How can you tell a SupposiTory is lying? His lips are moving. Button your lips, Laurie, and sit down. PS: Sign, sign, sign!

13. Louie Fucking Gohmert. I have no idea what he’s trying to say, but it sure smells like theocratic hog-shite to me. Louie, take a hard seat too. And quit flappin’ yer gums.

14. Al Fucking Melvin. I knew that Arizona was covered in bat guano, but I had no idea it ran so deep. Or that it was covered in actual swastikas, too!

15. Dan Fucking Snyder. Oh, quit assing around, and change the name of your fucking football team, already.

16. Jason Fucking Wisneski. And when did you stop torturing cats, Mr. W.? Honestly, referring to an accidental death as a murder just to deflect attention from your own psychopathy is lower than a snake’s ass in a pothole. PS: What have we here? He’s not a natural blond? And he’s a douchebag who didn’t realize that Zoolander was satire? Sure looks that way. Ha, ha.

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17. Willie Fucking Robertson. I don’t give a dead ratzilla’s ass what the Bible says about where gays are going. You’re washed up, and all the fake redneckery can’t save your show from the shit-can of obscurity anymore. Buh-bye!

18. Leopoldo Fucking López. What fucking idiot at the NYT okayed an op-ed from this fascist jailbird? I guess, since the paper has a long-standing reputation for giving a platform to all sorts of unsavory foreign so-called leaders as long as they toe Washington’s line, it’s hardly going to stop now, but couldn’t they at the very bare minimum FACT-CHECK those fuckers? Jesus. It’s an embarrassment for an entity that still, with zero sense of irony, refers to itself as a Paper of Record.

19. Simon Fucking Cox. Somebody here is certainly a “moody, disrespectful brat”, but it’s not the kid who killed himself. It’s YOU. PS: And learn to keep your homonyms apart. It’s disgraceful when a teacher, of all people, substitutes “your” for “you’re”.

20. Frank Fucking Turek. What does the Declaration of Independence have to do with Genesis? Absolutely nothing. And no, Thomas Jefferson wouldn’t come back from the dead to force theocracy down every schoolkid’s throat. In fact, he’s famous for purging the bullshit from his own Bible!

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21. Lou Ann Fucking Zelenik. No, you know who’s doing “inciting work”? YOU are…for opposing other people’s freedom of religion. Go home and pray to whatever sky-pixie you like, and leave the Muslims of Murfreesboro in peace, already! PS: So, you don’t want to be on al-Jazeera? Fine, now you get to be on al-Jazeera. Ha, ha.

22. Rick Fucking Snyder. So, when do gay people get to “suspend” straight folks’ marriages? Oh…they don’t? And granting them same-sex marriage rights doesn’t make that happen? Well, then…what the fuck is Michigan’s problem, anyway? Oh, I see…YOU ARE.

23. Ted Fucking Nugent. Well, you’re half right, Ted…racism is responsible for people hating your music. YOUR racism, that is. But Saul Alinsky? He was dead for three years before your first crappy record came out. And then there’s the salient fact that you just plain fucking suck, okay?

24. Geraldo Fucking Rivera. And speaking of racism, Gerry…who’s “ethnic” again? Oh right, YOU are. But I doubt very much that your right-wing politics make you a better person than the average “ethnic” American who votes for the Democrats. Or their “ethnic” representatives, whom you peg as “crooked”, apparently for no other reason than white-makes-right.

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25. Michael Gerard Fucking Stavris II. Usually, when a cop poses as an underage girl on line, it’s to CATCH perverts. This one, on the other hand, was BEING one…and trying to get naked pix of underage boys. File this under Shit You Just Couldn’t Make Up If You Tried.

26. Robert Fucking Harris. Funny how the devil never seems to take possession of the minds of total unbelievers…only those who believe in him, and try to align themselves in opposition. Has it never occurred to you people that whenever you meet the “devil”, it’s actually just YOU?

27. Kevin Fucking Williamson. When you try to debunk the debunkers, you shouldn’t be surprised when they turn right around and debunk YOU. Ha, ha.

28. Bill Fucking Cassidy. Some people are too “unsophisticated” for good health care, you say? I quite agree…and you, sir, are a prime case in point. Good thing for you that rampant stupidity isn’t a lethal disease. Ha, ha.

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29. Bryan Fucking Fischer. “God designed women to be secretaries”? That’s funny, because 6,000 years ago, there was no such thing as secretarial work. But hey! Don’t let a little thing like consistency stand in the way of your shitty argument…after all, you didn’t let facts get in the way, either!

30. María Corina Fucking Machado. How the hell does one get “accidentally” appointed as a foreign country’s ambassador to the OAS? Oh right…one doesn’t. But full marks for chutzpah in accusing Diosdado Cabello of violating the Venezuelan constitution, MariCori. As I recall, this isn’t your first time doing that very thing yourself. Always be deflecting, always be projecting, and when it comes to patriotism…always be DEFECTING, eh? PS: Oh, this is fucking pathetic. Just GO, already, you fucking vendepatria troll.

31. Bristol Fucking Palin. Oh, so “pro-life” people are so wonderful and righteous? Guess you’ve never heard the vile abuse they spew at women going in to terminate wanted-but-not-viable pregnancies. If you’re going to talk about violence, how about devoting a few words to THIS? Oh wait…it doesn’t fit your religiously simplistic and downright hypocritical worldview, does it?

32. Stan Fucking Syring. Yeah, $25 is kind of bargain-basementy for a boat trailer worth hundreds. So he threw in an offer of “oral or anal sex” in exchange to sweeten the deal. Too bad that it was all just a wee bit too rich for the police’s blood.

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33. Edward Fucking Farrell. Pro tip: The Onion is a satire site. But thanks for showing the whole world just what a dumb fucking homophobe you are, anyhow.

34. Robert James Fucking Talbot, Jr. Pro tip: Using social media to recruit a handful of hatemongers is always a bad idea. Especially if your plan is to “restore America Pre-Constitutionally” and do so by “bloodshed”.

35. Christopher Paul Fucking Neil. Would it surprise you terribly to learn that Swirlface the Pervert is a child sex abuser at home in BC, as well as in Thailand? No? Oh good. Because he is, yessirree…

36. Dottie Fucking Sandusky. Yup, she’s still banging that “it’s all the victims’ fault, and anyway, it didn’t happen” drum. Now with more “all these kids are obsessed with sex”, too!

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37. Hans Fucking Loudermilk. Does this creep not have grandchildren? Because groping and making lewd remarks to a 15-year-old and telling her that she could marry him in Utah is just plain…ick. PS to Utah: Please fix your child-marriage laws NOW.

38. Johnathan Fucking Davis. Once more, with feeling: Gay is not a disease. You can’t catch it. You can’t cure it. You shouldn’t even TRY! Also, what is up with all those gross metaphors? Ugh.

39. Joe Fucking Budden. No, anti-Sikh “jokes” are not more funny, or less offensive, if a black rapper makes them. As others have pointed out, confusing Sikhs with Muslims after 9-11 has gotten innocent people killed. BTW, anti-Muslim “jokes” aren’t funny, either.

40. Alison Fucking Redford. While the allegedly richest province sinks deeper and deeper into conservatism-created debt, guess who built herself a penthouse on the public purse? Yup, THIS gal…the suddenly ex-premier. And she did it on top of a government building, too. Full marks for chutzpah, but still…a real dipshit move.

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And finally, to all the Nice Guys™ who have been harassing this woman since one of their ass-barnacles beat her up in Kingston. Thanks for proving exactly why we need feminism, guys. It’s been nearly a quarter-century since I graduated from Queen’s, where I volunteered at the Women’s Centre, and I can’t believe I still have to protest this shit. And YOU shits.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | 5 Comments