News of the Restless

Wankers of the Week: The Most Blunderful Time of the Year

Posted on December 15, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! It’s that time of year again…that time when the minds of young and old turn lightly to wankery, while visions of sugarplums dance in their heads. And here’s who’s going to be getting coal (or worse) in their stockings this year:

1. Robert Fucking Zimmerman Jr. I just knew SOMEONE was gonna pull the defensive race card on the whole Trayvon Martin killing, and sure enough, the perp’s brother went there. I guess nobody told him about the tape where George is clearly heard calling Trayvon a “fuckin’ coon”. How much evidence of racism do you need before you have to admit that yes, it WAS a racist murder? And oh yeah: If accusing people of racism (with justification!) is so fucking lucrative, why am I not a millionaire? Where do I sign up to get me some of that alleged anti-racist cash? I could use it.

2. David Fucking Davies. Who cares whether parents WANT gay kids? If you want a kid, you want a kid, period. And if that kid turns out to be gay, so fucking what? If you can’t love a gay kid the same as a straight one, you have no right to be a parent to ANY kid. And in any case, you, sir, are “barking mad” yourself if you think you can stop the inevitable. Gays are getting married in Washington state, and the Spanish supreme court just ruled that same-sex marriage was absolutely constitutional. And here in formerly colonial Canada, we’ve had same-sex marriage for years, with ZERO harm to kids as a result. Put THAT in your teabag and drink it.

3. Rand Fucking Paul. No, Ashley Judd is not “way too damn liberal”. She is solidly in the mainstream of US political viewpoints. But methinks ol’ Aqua Buddha is way too fucking hypocritically conservative, and really needs to step away from the drugs for a bit to get back to reality.

4. Karie Fucking Kardasheman. Is that really her name? Sounds like she might be related to a certain klan of kookoobirds. And judging by her “opinions” on feminism — which can by no means be characterized as informed — it REALLY sounds like she could be one of them. Or at the very least, par for the course at the callow kiddie splash pool that is Thought Catalog (long time is TWO words which can be hyphenated, you “nobrow” know-nothings).

5. Tonette Fucking Walker. Normally, I’d be wank-listing her god-awful stupid fuckhead husband, the governor of Wisconsin (why the HELL has he not been drummed out of office yet?) — but this week, it’s HER turn. And when you get a whiff of the hypocrisy and chutzpah of her, I think you’ll agree that Tonette’s time has come. It’s one thing to brag about not renovating the gubernatorial mansion on the public purse (pun intended — she actually tried to finance her glitzy home makeover with a handbag auction!), and quite another to turn around when you think no one’s looking and just loot that mother for all you can get.

6. Lino Fucking Graglia. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the motherfucking phone. Blacks and Latin@s can’t compete with whites because some of them are raised by single parents and “failure is not looked upon with disgrace” in their alleged culture? Considering how much machismo both cultures actually possess, how many success stories they’ve produced (from single-parent households, even!), and how often I’ve heard denizens of both saying that “failure is not an option”, I have to ask: Is intellectual failure not looked upon with disgrace at the University of Texas? Or is it simply not failure if white people do it?

7. Steve Fucking Moxon. So, you call yourself an “independent researcher”, and your only claim to fame is an antifeminist screed? And the UK government is dumb enough to consider YOU an expert witness in hearings on sex discrimination in the workplace? Pah. Your lazy essentialist thinking ignores the fact that “sexual display” is not allowed in the workplace. And if the corporate hierarchy is set up to favor men, then the anarchist in me has absolutely NO problem watching that mediocre motherfucking world BURN. (And you and your dumb little book right along with it.)

8. Arthur Fucking Hamilton. Remember that name, kiddies — he’s the lawyer representing the Harper Government™ in a case that promises to leave the Conservatives with a massive, bleeding hole between their collective legs. When the only way you can defend your client is by attacking his accuser, that ought to be a pretty good indicator that you’ve already lost and are not taking it in good grace. It’s pretty obvious that the last federal election was a massive theft, as the Cons were hugely unpopular going in and not expected to do any better than a minority even smaller than their previous two. A “majority” (note the quotes) was not only unlikely, it was IMPOSSIBLE. Without theft, in any event. But hey! Let’s attack the defenders of democracy. What could possibly go wrong?

9. Glenn Fucking Beck. He’s got a “reality” (again, note the quotes) TV show coming out? Thanks for the warning. We won’t be tuning in.

10. John Fucking McAfee. Who’s the bigger attention whore, him or his interviewers? And who’s the bigger bungler? While those are open questions, what’s NOT under dispute is the fact that he’s a crazy druggie freak. And that he’s very likely the perp in the murder of a neighbor, a fellow US expat in Belize, who complained about the noise and drug-lab activities at McAfee’s place. Do innocent people flee to a neighboring country? (Nope, that’s NOT an open question; that’s a purely rhetorical one.) PS: Ha, ha.

11. Rick Fucking Perry. Those pink skeletons behind the closet door must be making quite the racket. Why else would Crotch Goodhair vow to babble up a storm about a subject that should concern him not in the least, seeing as he’s unlikely to ever make anyone preggers anyway? If you care so all-fired much about human life, Crotch, how about abolishing the death penalty in Texas and commuting all those poor bastards on Death Row?

12. Wayne La Fucking Pierre. Here’s a new twist on victim-blaming: More guns equals less violence! Only that one’s been around forever, and it’s been wrong the entire time. Oops! Nice try, Mr. Gun Industry Lobbyist. Next time, don’t point that thing at your own feet.

13. Steven Fucking Crowder. Unfunny “comedian” is a whiny-ass titty-baby. Which is what all schoolyard bullies are when their victims hit back. This, I’m sure, comes as a tremendous shock to anyone with a sufficiently low IQ to take FUX Snooze seriously. The rest of us kind of guessed it from his sanctimonious (and ICKY) screed about how absurdly proud he is of having waited till marriage to find out what a sexual snooze-fest he really is. PS: Surprise, surprise. The FUX video was heavily edited. What part(s) do you suppose they cut out? Hmmmm. PPS: Ha, ha. PPPS: Ha, ha, fucking HA. Way to pwn yourself, jackass.

14. Brian Fucking Kilmeade. And while we’re on the subject of FUX Snooze corporate cocksuckers who deserve a sucker-punch in the yap, there’s this racist, xenophobic pigoon. Maybe someone should post night-vision video of him lurking in a red-light district. Extra points if it’s a gay cruising one.

15. Greg Fucking Gutfeld. Another unfunny FUX Snoozer. This one, just to change things up, should be waterboarded. Or, as he might put it, “awesomeboarded”. Let’s see how cool he thinks torture is after having suffered the torments of the damned. You hold him down; I’ll get the bucket.

16. National Fucking Processing of America. We all know that call centres can be hellholes to work in, but did you know that they’re especially so if you’re pregnant? It’s true! This one won’t let you have bathroom breaks. Even if you have to pee and/or vomit frequently, as pregnant ladies have been known to do. That’s right, kiddies, bodily functions are now a “privilege”, and attending to them is not a right. This must be more of that Right to Work stuff that all the ‘wingers are so orgasmic about lately.

17. Bryan Fucking Fischer. Yes, him again. Can he ever go a week without a wank? No, he was apparently born with the compulsive urge to masturbate on the air; it is a defect he seems to have. If ever he stops, I will consider THAT a miracle of God. PS: No, God didn’t fail to intervene in the Connecticut school shooting out of “gentlemanly” refusal to go where She’s not wanted. This school prayer canard is bullshit! School prayer doesn’t cure a motherfucking thing except maybe insomnia. Why is it so hard to admit that? And another thing: STOP PROJECTING YOUR OWN FUCKING SPITEFULNESS ON GOD.

18. Fucking Morrisey. Oh-ho-ho, ha-ha, Bigmouth strikes again, and he thinks Kate has no claim to the human race. And the flames rose to his Roman nose, and his Walkman started to melt. Problem is, while he’s right about the royals being parasitic and out of date, he’s dead wrong about assigning the blame for Jacintha Saldanha’s suicide to Kate Middleton (and her fetus). Don’t throw yourself under a double-decker bus, Little Miss Sunshine, just apologize already. Here, I’ll start for you: “Sweetness…Sweetness, I was only joking when I said…”

19. Derek Fucking Johnson. Not a gynecologist. He said so himself. And yet, this judge possessed of remarkably poor judgment dared to duplicate Todd Fucking Akin’s sentiments on “legitimate rape” by claiming that the female body “shuts down” to prevent that, or some such. And that if a victim doesn’t “put up a fight”, it’s not really rape, and not worthy of a full sentence. Pray tell, what IS “a fight”? I bet he doesn’t know anything about THAT, either. Apparently, when it comes to rape apologia, the male jurist’s MIND is the thing that’s actually doing the shutting down.

20. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Take off your hunting hat and put on your dunce cap, Hucky Fudd. And go join #17 in the God-Botherers’ Corner. Also, go fuck yourself, you lying charlatan. Because Christian schools get targeted by mass shooters, too.

21. Jesse Fucking Watters. What’s this about you working for FUX Snooze, and explicitly trashing Obama voters, but still voting for (and contributing to the campaign of) said Democratic president? Things that make me go hmmmmm.

22. José Fucking Marquina. Well, well. Look who’s piped up again. In Pravda, no less (and how nice to see that one thing hasn’t changed since Soviet times, LOL). The Miami charlatan who has no direct or indirect access to the president of Venezuela OR his medical team (who happen to be in Cuba, and also incommunicado). And once more, he’s full of dire dipshittery which will no doubt be used toward grotty political ends. Astute readers of my blog probably recall my having exposed him before. For those who are new around this joint and have never heard of him, I’ll just leave this here.

23. The Fucking NRA. Yes, please DO shut the fuck up. And stay that way. There are only so many times you can duplicate your post-Columbine insensitivity. If only you could embarrass yourselves to death, that would be nice. Since that seems unlikely, please enjoy a complimentary bag of dicks.

24. Larry Fucking Pratt. Speaking of people you wish could embarrass themselves to death: Drop one T from the end of his surname, and you’ll get what he is. Another complimentary bag of dicks, coming right DOWN. With an irony chaser? Or two? But of course.

25. Ann Fucking Coulter. It just wouldn’t be Christmas without Santa, and it just wouldn’t be a wank-list without the Coultergeist. And this week, she’s got me wondering how the hell SHE ever graduated from kindergarten. Anyone stupid enough to suggest that primary-school kids be armed with live ammo, and taught to KILL, while ignoring the fact that kids could get into shoot-outs in the playground, frankly deserves to be held back for life.

26. Blake Fucking Shelton. Again with the “everybody should be armed/get into shootouts with shooters” shit, this time disguised as concern and an urge to “protect”. If the law can’t protect the people, what good are more guns — and more bullets that could fly astray? Give it a fucking REST, already.

27. Antonin Fucking Scalia. Activist judge trying to legislate from the bench. But hey, since he’s an archconservative, who the hell cares?

28. The Fucking Ontario SupposiTories. I’m not surprised that they’re fans of the draconian “right to work” bullshit that just ate Michigan. What WOULD surprise me is if they still have any voters left after this. Because yeah, what could be better than the “right” to race to the bottom of the economic barrel, like all those welfare-dependent “red” states that have “right to work” laws on the books, and consequently, more working people per capita on food stamps and other forms of public assistance than states where that nonsense doesn’t hold?

29. The Fucking English Defence League. Why?

That’s why. So predictable, so unoriginal, so fucking VILE.

And finally, to all those who say that it’s wrong to “politicize a tragedy” every time a gun nut shoots up a school, or a theatre, or a hospital, or what have you. Usually those who say this are not really doing it out of respect for the victims. If they were, they’d realize that there was no better time to stand up for gun control and demand immediate action from the government, because there’s just no respect for victims inherent in the status quo. In Canada, we got stricter gun controls in the wake of the Montréal Massacre because no one here was afraid to “politicize a tragedy” except those who were about to be swept out of office as a direct result of their own cowardice and intransigence. We considered that to be the most fitting tribute of all to the women who lost their lives on December 6, 1989. And if the framers of the US constitution had known that there would ever be weapons capable of firing more shots than one musket-ball per loading, they’d have written stricter gun controls into the Second Amendment, too. There weren’t even six-shooters in those days, much less the vast military-industrial complex that the US now boasts. Every state in the union has its own branch of the National Guard, so there’s not even the “militia” excuse anymore. And no, a bunch of fat, wheezing dudes in camo playing army in the woods do NOT a well-regulated militia make. Militias are organized by state government, not by self-appointed fascist paranoiacs whom nobody would dream of electing. (That’s where that much-ignored “well-regulated” bit comes in, duh.)

And on top of all that, if you want to know what really makes the case for gun control, compare this Chinese rampager with the Newtown shooter. 22 wounded, 0 dead, assailant in police custody, vs 27 dead, 0 arrested, and one suicide. I guess I should add that the Chinese amok-runner was carrying a knife, not three guns. Oh yeah, and that private gun ownership is largely illegal in China. They don’t have a gun-worship cult, either. Guess that must be why they never have school shootings, or theatre shootings, or hospital shootings. Eh?

Good night, and get fucked!

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An important seasonal message for the (self-)righteous among nations

Posted on December 14, 2012 by Sabina Becker

grinch-hanukkah

Ahem. Courtesy of my good friend, Brenda Lewis, on her Facebook page:

In recent weeks and days, I have once again noticed that ‘tis the season to be judgmental for some folks. Both on Facebook and even seeping into my private ‘regular’ email box via those supposedly well-meaning cc’s. Apparently, some folks who read the bible think that they are morally superior to those of us who don’t – and those of us who don’t … let’s see, that would be: Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, Wiccans, North American Indigenous Peoples, Kwanzaa, Bahai, Agnostic, Humanist, Atheist, etc. I have seen posts of everything from “if children read the bible in school, they wouldn’t end up in prisons as adults”, to that annoying post claiming to quote Ben Stein (when half of the quote was made up by someone else. Google it), to having someone of similar ethnic background from me refuse to accept my Hanukah greetings because they did not fit this person’s rigid view of what that holiday might mean (ok, that was just plain rude). What I’m saying here is that instead of creating more divisions, how easy would it be to instead just accept our differences in beliefs – and give each other a pat on the back for the good things that we do for each other, our brother and sister humans – and all that lives on our tiny blue planet? Be good for goodness sake, people.

Okay, some backgrounder is in order. Brenda’s Hanukkah greeting was from a Humanistic Jewish viewpoint, and this offended someone who apparently believes that the only real Jews are the orthodox (or ultra-orthodox) kind. And it seems that this same offended party, in her haste to condemn “forced assimilation”, forgot the lesson of the miracle of the holy light that burned for eight days, outlasting a siege for long enough that fresh oil could come into the temple. This person seems to think that the real point of Hanukkah is not to celebrate the light of human brotherhood, but to curse the darkness of “forced assimilation” in strict Old Testament fashion.

Talk about missing the point.

Now, Brenda knows all about my being a Bad German. She knows about my grandpa who was drafted into the Waffen-SS. She also knows about my other grandpa, who openly complained about Hitler in the street, saying he didn’t vote for that Austrian bastard, and he didn’t know anyone else who did either, and how you couldn’t get proper shoes in Germany anymore since that little shit came to power. She knows about how my grandpa got called up on the carpet by the Gestapo for that, and how the fascist officer threatened him into silence with an unfinished sentence: “Herr Becker, Sie haben vier Kinder…” (Herr Becker, you have four children…) She probably knows, too, about how my grandma with the four children got a Mother’s Cross of the Reich for that glorious achievement; that sort of thing is public knowledge.

And I think she knows, too, about my mom’s 11-month-old baby sister, who died of malnutrition and dysentery in a refugee camp, and was buried under a swastika flag. Hitler’s war made refugees of my mother’s family, ethnic Germans from the Vojvodina province of Yugoslavia. They were “called back” to a “homeland” that treated them as second-class citizens because they were born abroad. And her father, my grandfather, was “offered” the “honor” of joining the SS, even though he was not a Nazi, not blond, not blue-eyed…and not the least bit warlike. But he was tall, and he had done mandatory service in the Yugoslavian army, and he spoke Serbo-Croatian and Hungarian, so he was deemed to be an asset. And besides, he had three daughters and a wife, and they were all refugees. As you can guess, the “honor” was no honor, and he had no choice but to accept it. (Well, okay, he did have SOME choice. It was either that, or be shot…and watch his family be shot first.)

So what has this to do with Brenda’s Hanukkah greeting? Oh, just this:

Hitler clearly thought some Germans were better than others. More German, if you will. And he was willing to wipe out those he deemed insufficiently German…to end “forced assimilation” of Germans by un-German unpersons. So much so that he declared war both within and outside Germany’s borders to exterminate them. Those who couldn’t flee in time, had to hide. Those who were found, were dragged off to camps where they either starved and were worked to death, or were gassed outright on arrival and cremated en masse. He also tried to set up a breeding program so that those whose looks and Germanic pedigree met his approval could be induced to churn out more of the same. (Hence that whole Mother’s Cross nonsense, where only some mothers get rewarded for doing what all mothers do.) It was a human-rights violation so atrocious that to this day, it is the gold standard of the evil that people are capable of when they decide that some of us are superior to the rest.

You would think that some people could draw a lesson from that.

Well, some of them can’t. And one of them kvetched out Brenda for her lack of ethno-ideological purity. Brenda is, it seems, not Jewish enough.

Since when are some Jews more Jewish than others?

I don’t know, but apparently it’s a thing. And Hanukkah is, apparently, the season when this particularly ironic brand of self-righteousness asserts itself.

Just as Christmas is when certain militantly orthodox Christians all decide to assert that theirs is the One True Way and Light. You know, those same that have been killing Jews for twenty centuries for the imaginary crime of killing Jesus?

Yeah. Those people.

Being a pagan myself, I can only smile wryly and shake my head at all that. And being a humanist, socialist, feminist, and all that, I reject those attitudes that say I must define myself by condemning all the things I am not. I reject racism, sexism, xenophobia, and religious bigotry. I may be a Bad German, but for that very reason, I am determined not to repeat the stupidities that nearly killed my ancestors.

The fact that either branch of my family survived that genocidal war is a bit of lucky-unlucky irony that would make Kurt Vonnegut smile wryly if he knew. I think about it every time I read Slaughterhouse-Five. (I hereby resolve also to think of it the next time I have one of my 3 a.m. existential crises, when I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, only to wonder why I am here and what the hell my purpose in life is.)

My friends accept the awful history that went into the making of me. And they love me in spite of the things my parents and grandparents had to do to survive and bring me into this world. That’s the best gift I could have, at this time of year or any other.

And if I have to “celebrate” this season by reaffirming some kind of imaginary superiority over those-who-are-not-just-like-me, I say FUCK IT.

Heathen’s greetings to all, and to all a good night.

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Posted in Bina's Band of Brigands, Confessions of a Bad German, If You REALLY Care, Isn't It Ironic?, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Pissing Jesus Off | 1 Comment

Where have I heard THIS before?

Posted on December 12, 2012 by Sabina Becker

table-dancer-tale

Dang, this sure sounds depressingly familiar:

Labor abuses and insults have become too much to swallow for a group of immigrant women who work as waitresses on commission — getting lonely customers to buy them overpriced beers and tequila shots.

“We decided to put a stop to the mistreatment, the stealing of our wages, at being fined for every little thing,” said Patricia Sanchez, who is suing her former bosses at La Fogata, a Mexican restaurant and bar in Bushwick, Brooklyn. She said the bosses failed to pay minimum wage and illegally deducted money from her pay.

The hazards of the job at such late-night spots, which cater to immigrant men, include everything from wage theft to sexual harassment from managers to health problems from drinking so much alcohol, waitresses and advocates say.

[…]

The more they drink, the more they earn. Customers buy the waitresses — who are largely undocumented immigrants from Mexico or Central America — drinks at inflated prices, and the women collect cash for every $20 tequila shot or $16 large bottle of Corona they down.

At many places, the waitresses get a ticket for each drink customers buy for them. But at La Fogata, managers kept track and often shorted the women when they gave them an envelope of cash each Sunday, Sanchez said. The base pay for a night is $40 — but the waitresses say they were promised $8 for each drink customers bought them.

“We are the ones who are damaging our health with the drinks …from 10 to 15 drinks a night,” said Sanchez, 34, a single mom from Mexico.

Sanchez and two coworkers who also filed suit in federal court last month said waitresses at La Fogata get fined $10 for things like spilling water or not showing up in a short enough skirt. If customers leave without paying, it comes out of the waitresses’ pockets, they said.

“Girls that don’t sell drinks, they don’t get paid,” said Rosa Vidal, 37.

As soon as I saw that part about partying with the customers and getting them to buy drinks for the women, I was reminded of Lupita’s book, which I translated. That shit goes on in ALL the Mexican nightclubs where she worked as a table dancer. Even the “best” establishments were guilty of it. Of course, in those joints, the girls usually got colored water to drink, or else pitchers of very diluted beer, so they wouldn’t have to work impaired. The ruse worked — most of the time. Sometimes, with predictably violent and outrageous results, the customers got wise. You wouldn’t want to be working when THAT happened.

But this didn’t happen in Mexico. It happened in New York. Where this sort of thing is, one would think, highly illegal (it is in Canada!). Staffers aren’t supposed to drink on the job, for reasons obvious. It creates a dangerous work environment and it’s unprofessional.

Plus, those liquor prices? Fucking extortionate. Who pays that? And demanding that waitresses cajole an already strapped immigrant worker to buy for them, on top of all that? At a bare minimum, it’s unethical. I suspect that this, too, is highly illegal.

Maybe this stuff flies below the radar more often than we think, given the number of undocumented immigrants in NYC alone, but these waitresses coming forward could change all that. I hope they do.

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Quotable: Martin Luther King on “right to work”

Posted on December 12, 2012 by Sabina Becker

mlk-on-right-to-work

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Posted in Ecuadorable As Can Be, Isn't It Ironic?, Quotable Notables, Socialism is Good for Capitalism!, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Worst. Symbolism. EVER.

Posted on December 11, 2012 by Sabina Becker

ironic-coat-hanger

If this were meant to be some kind of ironic statement, I’d laugh. Sadly, it looks like it’s all too real. And it’s clear that the dry-cleaning establishment in question has no sense of gynecology, history OR irony, seeing as the chemicals they use can cause miscarriage in some pregnant women.

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Posted in Crapagandarati, Do As I Say..., Environmentally Ill, Fascism Without Swastikas, Fetus Fetishists, Isn't It Ironic?, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, She Blinded Me With Science, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off

Spooks just got spookier

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Sabina Becker

And also downright necrophiliac…

And no, this is not a metaphor for the spy industry. This shit is absolutely literal.

Sudanese officials are said to have concluded that the bird was a secret agent after discovering it was fitted with GPS and solar-powered equipment capable of broadcasting images via satellite, according to Haaretz newspaper, which cited an Egyptian website, El Balad.

The vulture also had a tag attached to its leg with “Israel Nature Service” and “Hebrew University, Jerusalem”, leading to accusations that it was on an Israeli surveillance mission.

The reports follow allegations by Sudan that Israel carried out the bombing of a munitions depot near the Sudanese capital, Khartoum, in October, after jamming the country’s radar defences.

Israel has made no comment on the raid, which left two people dead. The arms depot was said to be supplying weapons to the Palestinian militant group Hamas in Gaza.

Oh, the cracks I could make about Israeli spies being vultures. Now Israeli vultures are spies.

And of course, you know who is denying it:

Israeli officials have acknowledged that the bird, which can fly up to 375 miles a day, had been tagged with Israeli equipment but insisted it was being used to study migration patterns.

Ohad Hazofe, an ecologist with the Israel Nature and Parks Authority, told the website, Ynet, that it was one of 100 vultures fitted in October with a GPS system equipped to take distance and altitude readings but not surveillance images.

“That’s the only way we knew something had happened to the bird – all of a sudden it stopped flying and started travelling on the ground,” he said.

And here we thought radio tracking transceivers were state of the art for tracking bird migrations. Those awesome Israeli scientists decided to go all out by fitting vultures with the kind of equipment which is, quite coincidentally, used for aerial surveillance. And all this just HAPPENS to coincide with some very interesting deaths. But we’re just supposed to accept their “explanation” that this was in the name of science?

A similar discovery in Saudi Arabia last year prompted local media to report that a bird, later identified as a Griffon, had been “arrested” under suspicion of spying as part of a suspected “Zionist plot”.

Saudi officials later dismissed the speculation and criticised journalists for jumping to conclusions after accepting Israeli explanations that the bird was part of a migration study.

Well, maybe the Saudis would like to buy a bridge.

I’ll sell it to ’em for a song. A vulture’s song, ha ha.

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Posted in Gazing on Gaza, Isn't It Ironic?, She Blinded Me With Science, Spooks, The WTF? Files | Comments Off

Meet Nina Turner, my new hero

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Sabina Becker

No, not TINA Turner…

…although she’s plenty awesome in her own right. This is NINA Turner…

…and this is why she rocks:

Ohio State Senator Nina Turner (D) has proposed legislation requiring that men looking to buy erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra receive a psychological evaluation, a measure she said Wednesday she proposed out of appreciation.

“The men in our lives, including members of the General Assembly, generously devote time to fundamental female reproductive issues — the least we can do is return the favor,” she quipped in a statement Thursday. “It is crucial that we take the appropriate steps to shelter vulnerable men from the potential side effects of these drugs.”

The proposal is Turner’s latest response to state Republican tactics like the “Heartbeat Bill,” a direct challenge to Roe v. Wade that would have outlawed abortions as soon as a fetus’ heartbeat is detected, which can be as early as six weeks into a pregnancy, and a Republican committee’s vote last month to put Planned Parenthood at the bottom of the priority list for state funding.

Earlier this year, Turner also introduced a bill requiring men be certified as impotent by a sexual partner and undergo sex therapy before getting a Viagra prescription.

Her latest proposal requires that men planning to purchase Viagra and other PDE5 inhibitors, often used to treat impotence, get not only clearance from a medical physician, but a second opinion from an unaffiliated psychological doctor stating the patient suffers from “a true medical malady” before being allowed treatment.

Oh, you think she’s kidding? Dude, Especially when taken by older guys with pre-existing heart conditions. Why can’t there be a “heartbeat bill” for concern-trolly geezers?

You really have to admire a woman who can successfully combine well-directed sarcasm at patriarchy with a genuine concern for the lives, health, and well-being of men.

Nina Turner, I salute you.

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Posted in Fetus Fetishists, Heroes for Today, Isn't It Ironic?, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Law-Law Land, Men Who Just Don't Get It, She Blinded Me With Science, The United States of Amnesia, Uppity Wimmin | Comments Off

Music for a Sunday: I know all about platonic, honey

Posted on December 9, 2012 by Sabina Becker

I’m so lost…and I live just around the corner.

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Wankers of the Week: John Lennon Memorial Edition

Posted on December 8, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Crappy weekend, everyone! Crappy Hanukkah! And an unhappy anniversary of the death of John Lennon to all. Poor guy was sure full of wishful thinking, wasn’t he, with his “War Is Over If You Want It” schtick, eh? Or how about “Imagine”? Ah well. Even as prescient as he was, John couldn’t have foreseen how full of Teh Stoopid the world would get. Or that the following would take it over by main force:

1. and 2. Bibi Fucking Netanyahu and Stephen Fucking Harper. Aw, wooky dere. Isn’t dat cute? It’s da biggest bromance of the winter! Bibi-wibi and Stevie-peevie are licking each other’s wounds over the drubbing they took in the UN on Palestine. Don’t feel TOO sorry for them, though…Bibi is taking a pound of flesh (dripping with blood, natch, but then he was never kosher), while Stevie is now the object of Pamela Fucking Geller’s truly unqualified adoration. At this rate our widdle bromance might turn into a gruesome threesome. PS: Here’s another Harpo UN fail. AIDS in Africa. Any more questions as to whether he’s still a Reform Party racist? PPS: Welcome to the wrong side of history, you fuckers.

3. Petronella Fucking Wyatt. Isn’t it rich to see a British Tory — one of the world’s leaders in right-wing nation-bullying — whining about how she was “bullied out of Oxford for being a Tory”? When your daddy’s thick with Maggie Thatcher, and you’re a supporter of that apartheid-loving, worker-bashing régime yourself, and it’s the late ’80s (hardly a time of leftist hegemony, in other words), you literally have nothing to cry about. You’re the power elite, and you can’t take a little well-aimed criticism from your peers and dons? And now, the poor widdle Oxbridge Tories feel so oppwessed by their own well-deserved unpopularity that they want “the same equal-rights protection as gays, disabled people and ethnic minorities”? These are rich white kids who won’t even have to work hard for their positions, they just INHERIT them and put in the odd appearance, pro forma. And now they want protection. Because being the ruling class — openly racist, entitled, snobbish, fully advantaged — is totally the same thing as being queer, in a wheelchair and/or black.

4. Scott Fucking DesJarlais. First he wanked by being “pro-life” while simultaneously pressuring a mistress into having an abortion; then by lying and saying there was no pregnancy, and now? Yep, he lied again. God does most certainly NOT forgive a pharisaical hypocrite. Look it up.

5. Hunter Fucking Moore. And speaking of liars, look who laid a steaming pile of bullshit while boozed and coked up. His parents must be so proud. PS: Ha, ha.

6. Kim Fucking Kardashian. Still famous for nothing. But now at least she can add “propping up the Bahraini royal dictatorship while drinking milkshakes” to her résumé. Oh, and killing kittens. Yay.

7. Peter Fucking Kent. Does anyone seriously believe his (and Harpo’s) excuses for breaking the Kyoto Protocol? Oh sure, he did it to get emerging markets to comply. Riiiiiight. And all this just as the TAR sands oil industry was ramping up to become the biggest fucking source of greenhouse gases and toxic waste on the planet. And on top of that: Yeah, so much job creation. It trickles down about as fast as tar from sand. This shit’s not worth it. Fuck you, Peter Fucking Kent, Minister of TRASHING the Environment.

8. Grover Fucking Norquist. Forget the “fiscal cliff” — Mr. Drown-the-Government-in-a-Bathtub has finally gone ’round the bend. The Muppet of Bad Economics and Worse Politics has been reduced to gibbering insanity. Good job, everyone!

9. Rick Fucking Santorum. Finally, Icky Ricky Butt-Sploodge reveals his true, racist nature –he’s joined the WingNutDaily as a columnist, right alongside all the other DailyWingNuts calling for white people to “secede”. From what — HUMANITY? I guess so. This officially makes him a worshipper of the Unholy Trinity: Sexism, Racism and Homophobia.

10. Ross Fucking Douthat. Gee, dude, you say “fertility decline” like it’s a BAD thing. In actual point of fact, humankind’s fertility could do with a nice steep decline; there are way too many of us eating up the Earth’s resources as it is, and all that hot air from the likes of you is contributing majorly to global warming, too. Are you another of those goonybirds who think it’s every WHITE woman’s duty to reproduce and outcompete those pesky browns and the Yellow Peril? Sure sounds that way to me.

11. Mike Fucking Duffy. Figures that Puffy is a piggie at the taxpayer trough, claiming living expenses even though he’s been residing in Ottawa since BEFORE Harpo made him a crony-senator. But watch him bluster about it and claim that it’s warranted. Yup, he did! IOKIYAC, I guess.

12. Micah Fucking Armstrong. Pwned by a dude in silly underwear. And an aroused girl. All campus hellfire preachers should get such a reception!

13. Chris Fucking Brown. Back on the tweeter again. That didn’t take long…unfortunately. And in answer to his tweeted question, music would sound MUCH BETTER without those two, their autotuned caterwauling, and their fucking narcissistic melodrama.

14. Bryan Fucking Fischer. God created the Earth in 6 days, 6000 years ago. And put the non-renewable fossilized remains of prehistoric life in the ground just so we could pollute the air with it and all choke to death under irreversible climate change. Ain’t faith a beautiful thing? Never once do you have to deal with pesky facts — or, for that matter, radiocarbon dating.

15. Rick Fucking Joyner. Switzerland says you’re full of shit. As do all the gay-rights activists of the world. That ought to settle it. Now shut the fuck up.

16. Sarah Fucking Palin. She thinks name-calling is uncivil, but then goes straight on to say that Barack Obama is a “socialist”. Nice to see that she’s still a stupid twat…and no, that’s not name-calling. That’s an accurate designation.

17. Justin Fucking Trudeau. So, now the long-gun registry was a “failure”? Justin, whose party brought that legislation again, BY POPULAR DEMAND, and saved the public purse a metric fuck-tonne of money in medical treatments, prison and other gun-related expenses? Not to mention that police chiefs loved it, as it made their forces’ job so much easier? Oh, yeah. THAT party. YOUR party. Someone is looking less and less like his father’s son with every flip…and flop…and…

18. Peter Fucking Van Loan. Typical conservatard…always gotta resort to violence and bully tactics in the House of Commons. Totally typical of a member of the Proroguing Party of Harpolandia. Let me know when you guys finally decide to get civil and follow parliamentary procedure, eh?

19. Tim Fucking Hudak. Pandering to the redneck vote? Check. And the young, gullible and impressionable first-time voter, too. What else would easy access to liquor get you? Certainly not the public good of Ontario.

20. Jared Fucking Gurman. BRAAAAAAAAAAAAINS! (He no haz them.)

21. Britton Fucking Delizia. Yeah, I’m sure your butt is so great, we should all get on our knees and kiss it. Instead of bragging about how hard you worked for it (and expecting us all to stop eating and throw money to fund your book celebrating it!), how about you work on your ATTITUDE, instead? (And, more to the point: Your writing style also sucks. Sit down on your hard-worked-for butt and work on THAT, if you want to publish a book.)

22. Virginia Fucking Foxx. Somewhere between the constitution and the congressional elevator, which is only segregated during votes, the words “all men are created equal” got lost on her. And she worries about her staffers not knowing how to read???

23. John Fucking McAfee. Kiddies, this is why we don’t put drugs up our bum-bums, mmmmmmkay? Unless, of course, you WANT to be that guy with the rheumy eyes and the cadaverous face, drooling and gibbering to himself in a Central American jail about cosmic poo, or something.

24. Bill Fucking Maher. Why?

That’s why. You know who’s actually got missiles raining down on them right now, Bill? GAZA. And way to disingenuously project Israel’s hope that the slaughter of Palestinians will go unnoticed, unremarked on, and that they will all go quietly to THEIR gas chambers. Whatever happened to NEVER AGAIN? Or is it somehow not fascism when Israel does it? And why is it not “fighting back” when Palestinians do it? And finally: Does this self-proclaimed atheist really believe in the whole Chosen People thing, after all? Wow, what a fuck-ton of logical consistency!

25. and 26. Barbara and Jonathan Kay. Oh looky, it’s a mother-and-son tag-team of anal haberdashery at the National Pest! And neither of them wants us to make sure that the nation grasps exactly what kind of crime the Montréal Massacre was, or why it should continue to be remembered as such. Well, tough titties, you two. We’re gonna go right on remembering it as an antifeminist act of terrorism and woman-hating, whether you approve or not.

27. Suzanne Fucking Venker, AGAIN. If “women aren’t women anymore”, why do we still have breasts, and menstruating uteri, and an unaccountable predilection for lipstick and the like? And, more to the point, why are we still only being paid 70 cents to a man’s dollar if we’re doing the same work equally well or better? If we’re “not women anymore”, shouldn’t we be regarded as equal to men, instead of having to go cowering back into the 1950s as this silly bitch thinks we should? And oh yeah: Suzie, why are you insulting the guys with all this cave-man stuff? They’ve evolved, you know. How about treating them as equals, too?

28. Mark Fucking Lancaster. All “sugar daddy” prostitution-by-any-other-name websites are disgustingly disingenuous, but when they’re run by a computer nerd with a high security clearance, that’s a whole ‘nother level of slime. Add to that the fact that he was dipping into the applicant pool himself (for “assessment” purposes, ha!), and the grottiness level rises to DEFCON 5.

29. Camille Fucking Paglia. Is somebody trying to become relevant again? She never was to begin with. Because, for someone who styles herself as an expert on pop culture, she sure has a tremendous degree of ignorance about the same. Why else would she work her Randroid fingers to the bone trying to make Sarah Fucking Palin (fergawdsakes!) happen? Look, lady, most of us KNOW that Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are caricatures who occasionally break into something vaguely resembling a catchy song. We don’t need you to come along belatedly apprising us of the fact. We just would prefer to ignore them and make them go away. Like YOU. Capisce?

30. Dana Fucking Perino. Gee, I’m so glad Dubya’s former flack is here to tell us all that being abused (and killed) comes down to bad choices we made. And not, say, the guys who abuse us actually choosing to do so themselves. Whatever would we do without her? Oh yeah: WORTHWHILE THINGS. Like not listening to right-wing bimbos trying to school us on issues they know fuck-all about.

And finally, to the fucking radio station whose stupid fucking wank call ended up costing a British nurse her dignity and her life. You call that shock-jock shit entertaining? I don’t care about Kate Middleton’s uterus or what’s in it; ALL hospital patients have a right to privacy. And if you can’t respect that, and are still trying to defend your wankery, you deserve to get your fucking broadcast licence yanked. In fact, you deserve to lose it anyway, since it’s not the only time you’ve cruelly humiliated innocent people on the air.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | 1 Comment

Festive Left Friday Blogging: Chavecito’s back!

Posted on December 7, 2012 by Sabina Becker

Never mind all the anglo whore media hype — oh sorry, “concern” — about Chavecito’s health. He’s fine and dandy after his latest trip to Cuba…as the faces of his welcoming committee above make clear:

The president of Venezuela, Hugo Chávez, arrived at 2:30 am on Friday at Simón Bolívar airport, from Havana, Cuba, after having received a complementary treatment to consolidate his health.

Upon arrival on home soil, the president met with his executive cabinet to tell them all about the conversation he’d had with Fidel Castro on cultural topics before leaving Cuba.

“Fidel got hold of me in the hotel lobby and we sat down awhile to talk about poetry. First we talked about Andrés Eloy Blanco, then César Rengifo, and after that, Luis Alberto Crespo,” said Chávez.

Visibly healthy, he added: “I recalled for him a poem by Alberto Arvelo Torrealba, dedicated to Bolívar: ‘Por aquí pasó’ [He Passed By Here].

“He passed by here, brother, on his way to those distant mountains, passed through here clad in smoke, my general who went ablaze,” recited the president, referring to the question his dear friend Fidel Castro had asked him: “Since when are you on fire?”

On November 27, the head of state travelled to the Caribbean island for hyperbaric oxygen chamber therapy, as recommended by health experts. That same day, the National Assembly approved his request to absent himself from Venezuelan soil. The constitution requires that a president seek permission from the assembly when he needs to remain out of country for more than five days.

Translation mine.

‘Course, Chavecito won’t be at the Mercosur summit, and he’ll have to miss Evo’s big announcement as a result. But he’s earned a good rest, even if it’s unlikely he’ll take it. And maybe, when next the Mercosur leaders meet, both Chavecito and Evo will be there, side by side.

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