Here ya go. The map of the day:
Blame the fucking hipsters. And the dicks who listen to Nickelback. Everyone else does!
Meanwhile, in other election news, it looks like two SupposiTories are facing judicial recounts. Would sure be funny if they lost, although not as funny as it would be if it were ALL of them.
In the meantime, we can all look forward to a lot more robot-Harpo sketches from Craig Lauzon. That’s got to be worth something…
I only heard this for the first time tonight, and DAMN, does it fit:
Yeah, hi, it’s me, just sticking my head in to announce that we screwed ourselves but good. Canadians haz Teh Stoopid, AGAIN. And this time, we have it worse than ever.
Not those of us who voted NDP, of course; the party had its best showing ever, going way over top of all predictions, and still coming in well below what they needed to send Harpo home with a flea in his ear. (Special shout-out to mes frères et soeurs in Québec — je vous aime beaucoup!) NDP voters all across Canada did good, and I’m proud to be one tonight. None of you are to blame for this mess.
And no, I’m not going to blame sincere, progressive, die-hard Liberals, either. Especially those who were willing to form a coalition. You’re good folks. You busted your asses trying to make a positive change, and I’m sorry to see you laid so low tonight. You didn’t deserve this. (Special shout-out to Frank Valeriote of Guelph, who hung in there despite a nasty Conservative dirty-tricks campaign, and prevailed. Bravo!)
I’m talking about the mere 40% of Canadians who decided to prove the scientists right tonight about the differences they found in courage and forethought between small-L liberal and small-C conservative brains. I’m talking specifically to a small minority of cowardly fucking turncoats.
Yeah, that’s right, you big-L, small-C conservative Libs who strategically voted Tory rather than see a booga-booga scary socialist win, while either you or your confederates were urging us lefties to vote strategically for Iggy. I’m talking to YOU.
You voted against Jack Layton and he only got into Stornoway, while Iggy lost even his own seat; bully for you. You moved your party to the right, thinking that’s where the centre was. You initially hoped you’d steal votes from the Tories, and instead, you gave your votes to them. Where’s the centre now? You wound up with a double yellow line painted straight down your backs, and a lingering taste of roadkill in your mouths. You wrecked your party AND your country, all in one fell swoop.
Feel good to know what your cowardice has accomplished! Because hey, you’ve really done it now. Four more years of oppression, prorogations on a whim, contempt of Parliament, Shock Doctrine, and the dismantling of all the social programs you favor. The rich will get richer, the poor will only get…children they can’t afford to feed. Oh yeah, and say goodbye to our beloved long-gun registry, too! Crime rates are gonna spiral, and you’re going to go into hock to pay for Stevie Peevie’s mega-jails. This and more is coming down on YOUR heads.
All the progress we’ve made as a nation is about to be set in reverse. Tommy Douglas, Lester Pearson and Pierre Trudeau are going to be doing a steady barrel-roll in their graves. Get set for privatization, two-tier healthcare, and more riot squads riding horses over us all. And many another fine bucket of shit that we haven’t yet seen, but that Harpo has in store for us. Oh hell, he’s got a fucking cesspit waiting for us all; bet on it! He’s already dumped his chamberpot on democracy with two successive piddling minorities, complete with prorogations and contempt of Parliament; now he’s got his long-coveted majority.
And YOU gave it to him. Are you stoked yet?
Don’t say I didn’t warn you. You can’t see past the end of your nose, so you cut it off to spite us?
Stupid move.
But what else does one expect of chickens? They always run to the political right rather than look at the facts. It’s like a fucking reflex with them. Too bad for them, then, that the facts contradict everything they say! When it comes to balancing budgets and reining in deficits, the NDP has the BEST record, and the Tories, the WORST.
Oops, there goes your “stability” and your “fiscal responsibility”, both. Feel stupid yet?
Don’t worry, you will.
When your old-age pension gets cut and your income taxes and living expenses get hiked, while corporations get big tax breaks and federal bailouts, while we little folks who still pay taxes all get saddled with fake lakes and engineless fighter jets we will never use, you will feel foolish.
When your children and grandchildren go into debt to pay for all those corporate tax breaks, fake lakes, and engineless jets, you will feel foolish.
When the pork-barrel cheques with the big blue Cs stop flowing to your dinky little impoverished ridings out in the Maritimes, you will feel foolish.
When the economy grinds to a halt despite all the SupposiTory flapping and crowing, you will feel damn foolish.
When all the upcycled Harrisites who ruined Ontario under two successive majorities do it to the rest of Canada, those of you who voted them out on the provincial level for the sake of Dalton McWimpy, and then voted them IN on a federal level, AND handed Harpo (who is Mike Harris on steroids) this majority, well — you will feel mighty damn foolish. Because you ARE.
Oh Canaduh. You look so stupid and pathetic without your nose. And just look what you stepped in — because with no nose, you couldn’t even smell it anymore! But you sure will prove Harpo right when he said you wouldn’t recognize yourself when HE got through with you. I don’t recognize you anymore as it is.
Hooray. I guess I’d be more jubilant about the death of Osama bin Laden if only what this Pakistani interviewee says were not so damn true:
Zero transparency, the body conveniently disposed of at sea (to prevent martyr-worship at his grave, or so the official story goes), and of course, the annoying triumphalist “heroes” narrative dominating the media over here yet again. These are just a few of the things that are already starting to bug me. (I’m sure I’ll be able to think of more as they emerge.)
The Pakistani angle, however, is good to have, especially this part:
According to his Twitter stream @reallyvirtual, Sohaib Athar moved from Lahore, Pakistan to the resort town of Abbottabad to take a break from the rat race. It seems he didn’t move far enough. On Sunday, Athar found himself smack in the center of one of the year’s biggest news events.
[…]
A 33-year-old IT consultant, Athar was on Twitter when the sound of a helicopter flying overhead drove him to write a series of frustrated notes. Over the next few hours, he compiled rumors and observations about an event that would soon have the world riveted: Athar tweeted the secret operation that killed Osama bin Laden. “I am just a Tweeter, a guy awake at the time of the crash,” he wrote after the world noticed he had a front seat to history and inundated him with questions and messages.
So of course, I hied me over to his twit-stream, and found…
Start reading from the bottom and scroll up. That’s what he tweeted at the time of the attack on the compound where Osama was lodging. Here are some of his later ones:
Unidentified helicopter; probably not Taliban, because they don’t have any (good to know!). Not Pakistani military, either. CIA? Well, of course. Who else?
Then comes a slightly confusing (confused?) part:
Very interesting. He notes that it’s not a a drone; too noisy. The “purposeful” circling is also a dead giveaway: the ‘copter was homing in on its target. Later, he talks about a second one being shot down:
The link to the news story of the “crash” is here. Map of the “crash” site here. This may have been a cover story, to keep the lid on until Osama’s death could be confirmed. Still, it’s useful to help us see just how disinformation can be used, especially as an incident is just going down (no pun intended.)
And here, things really start to get interesting:
“Rumors”. I predict we won’t be hearing as much about that “second helicopter that went down” now…
…that the truth has at last leaked out. Some of it, anyway.
Meanwhile, it sounds like poor Sohaib Athar is overwhelmed by all the media attention he has inadvertently drawn to himself. Follow him on the tweeter if you like (I certainly will), but give the guy a break; he’s only a messenger by accident. Don’t pester him. If there’s anything new he can share with you, I’m sure he will.
BTW, I see by my ClustrMap that I have quite a few readers in Pakistan. I would really like to hear from you, whether there is any additional information you care to share (especially about that rumored second helicopter), or whether you just want to give your point of view (let’s face it, the major media over here probably won’t cover THAT angle!). Whatever you want to say, I’m all ears. Please feel free to drop a comment in the slot below, and welcome!
Crappy Beltane Eve, everyone! Say, wasn’t that a lovely royal wedding yesterday? I’m actually surprised by how much I liked it, all things considered; the build-up in the media for months on end was a royal pain in the ass, but the ceremony itself wasn’t bad. That is, except for the walloping tab (which I hear the British taxpayers will be picking up the lion’s share of, the poor hung-over dears). And all those silly hats! But those trees in Westminster Abbey were a nice touch; brightened the stuffy old place up no end. Maybe they should keep them there for a while. (And that cartwheeling verger, he’s a keeper too.)
But enough about the trees, and enough about the wedding. I don’t feel like turning cartwheels; I feel like that little girl in the picture. And here’s who’s responsible for my feeling that way, in no particular order…
1. Tim Fucking Tze. Theocrat much? Just because Harpo panders to the fundies, doesn’t make him God’s candidate. In fact, the whole “wall of protection” prayer is a farce and a waste of time. God, I pray you smite not only Harpo, but anyone who’d pray something so god-awfully fucking STUPID. Contempt of Parliament doesn’t need or deserve divine protection, and neither does fascism. Harpo is guilty of both. And so, by extension, is anyone who supports him.
2. Stephen Fucking Harper. So, this is what the “Reverend” Wanker #1 was praying for God to put a wall around? A chronic, pathological liar who stoops to pathetic strawman (or boogyman) arguments when he’s got nuttin’ on Jack Layton (who, BTW, is kicking his ass)? That’s fucking pathetic. It’s no wonder Jack’s got him by the short ‘n’ curlies. And this late in the campaign, no amount of God-bothering is gonna help him anymore. Not even the embarrassing revelation (courtesy of the missus) that they dressed up the cats for their own little wedding. Why so low key? It was her second. The more you know, eh?
3. Franklin Fucking Graham. Anyone who can support Da Dumb Donald in his birther crapola deserves a fast one-way ticket to the wank tank.
4. Rick Fucking Perry. Sorry, praying for rain while in a state of denial is not the answer to global warming. The answer is to drive less, hold polluting factories accountable, and oh yeah, you might want to talk nicely to your local native band. They’ve been known to dance that stuff out of the sky, at least before Whitey decided, stupidly, to “civilize” them. What is THAT, if not a prayer?
5. Allen Fucking West. Wow, who knew that Spartan women became mothers before the age of nine, and that they produced “male sons” (as distinct from female ones)? Someone please inform this sloppy-talking schmucktard that Planned Parenthood is not “neutering” men (quite the opposite, since it permits them to cavort without consequence!), but something of the kind could be arranged for dunderheads like him. The last thing humankind needs in its future generations is more of Teh Stoopid!
6. Charles Fucking McVety. Shhhhh! Cheese it, you fucking theocratic idiot! We WANT your side to be unmotivated–and lose, lose, lose!
7. Pat Fucking Robertson. I think he must finally be on his last legs (THANK YOU, JESUS!), because his latest daffy utterance makes no fucking sense at all, not even in Wingnuttese. I have NO idea how abortion rights are supposed to make all women resemble lesbians, but I know a great many heterosexual women whom abortion, or the mere right to access it if desired, hasn’t lesbianized one bit. And conversely, a rather startling number of lesbians who are biological mothers, all of them by strictly natural means. Now, will someone please tell Patwa that, on camera? I wanna see his head rotate a full 360º and spit up pea soup.
8. Jason Fucking Kenney. Supporting a homophobic “comedian”? Classy. Couldja bang on that closet door a little louder, Jason? And maybe get your unfunny, woman-hating friend there to help you scream? And Ezra Fucking Levant, too? He’s pretty fucking loud, and it sounds to me like he’s stuck in there with you guys!
9. And while we’re on the subject of screaming closet cases, yeah, how about Guy Fucking Earle? I’d say he deserves to lose his “comedy” career; he sounds about as funny as a bad attack of herpes. You can tell just by the kind of supporters he attracts that he’s pretty much a festering sore on the cultural scene. All that stench draws is buzzing flies, y’know.
10. Joe Fucking Arpaio. The world’s worst sheriff fires two aides…for doing what he told them to do. Of course, the bastard giving the bad orders has no sword to fall on. He just hands them off to his aides. Nice boss, that.
11. Bruce Fucking Carson, yet again. Is there a dirty pie that this dirty old fool of dirty old Harpo’s doesn’t have his dirty old fool fingers in? If there is, maybe THAT should make the news. But yeah, this tar-sands thing is explosive enough in and of itself…even more scandalous than the pictures of his paid girlfriend in her lingerie, advertising her paid sexual services. (Yes, this is that “ethical oil” that Ezra Fucking Levant is always prattling his fool head off about. Growing less ethical by the day, it is!)
12. Edward Fucking Hayes. Always beware the men in uniform — especially the bylaw enforcement officers who come for a massage and stay for “surprise sex”, i.e. ASSAULT.
13. Chuck Fucking Norris. Plagiarize much? Yes, he does! And the pitiful part is, the shit he plagiarizes isn’t even any fucking good.
14. John Fucking Aglialoro. John Fucking WHO? No, not Galt. The schmuck who thought Ayn Rand’s diarrhea was worth making a three-part snoozer out of. So much so that he blew $20 million of his ill-gotten fortune on it. Not a bright move for someone who religiously believes in the virtue of selfishness. (One thing we may be thankful for, though, after this: No Part 2 or 3.) But does he take responsibility for his own foolishness? Or credit market forces (which, for once, have proven correct)? No. Whom does he blame? The critics. Behold the Virtue of Selfishness–it turns you into a complete fucking idiot with poor taste and worse judgment, plus zero sense of personal responsibility. It won’t lift you up out of the shitter, and it won’t infuse your work with brilliance. But by damn, it sure does make you think you’re a fucking genius.
15. Fucking FUX Snooze North. Yes, that’s right, the entire new “news” channel, so new it’s old already. Another right-wing news outlet that resorts to bullshit since it can’t report news to save its miserable life, ho-hum. Didn’t they try this with the National Post, and didn’t that fail, too? Oh sure, it’s still around, still draining one deep pocketbook after another, but it hasn’t made a dime yet. And it’s been here for how many years? No wonder they tried to ram through “must carry” status for this one, and no wonder they failed at that, too. Let’s face it, Canada is not a right-wing country and never will be, and any attempts by media outlets to make it one will invariably fail, epically and expensively. PS: Bwahahahahah! PPS: And now we know why Harpo’s cronies wanted them up so soon…so they could smear his political rivals in the dying days of a failed campaign for a majority. First Iggy, then Jack. None of the shit sticks, though–because nobody’s watching, because nobody’s guilty, and because Canadian voters aren’t stupid enough to fall for it unless they were voting Conservative anyway. Oh noes!
16. The Fucking Globe and Mail. Or as it’s also variously known, the Grope and Flail, or the Groan and Fail. I suspect that last one will stick, since they just endorsed Harpo as their prime-ministerial choice on the dipshittiest of grounds. This is even dumber than their firing the best columnist they had — Rick Salutin. Why the hell are they trying to out-Pest the National Fucking Pest, anyway? And why at this stage of the game, when they know full well that Jack Layton is about to eat their boy’s lunch, as more than one of their writers has freely admitted? A pre-emptive blowjob for access in case Harpo does get his coveted majority (ha!) and starts shutting the media out in earnest? How seriously stupid. Harpo thinks everyone with a press badge is a liberal (big L or small) out to get him. They could have spared themselves this humiliation. He’ll still cut them like the bitch he is. Assuming he makes it back into the PMO, of course. Which, even with their endorsement, doesn’t look so bloody likely now.
17. Ezra Fucking Levant. If anyone should wonder why FUX Snooze North is failing so badly already, blame the Putz. He makes anything he appears in instantly unworthy to be taken seriously. Shouldn’t a TV personality at least be able to speak without spraying the camera full of spittle?
18. Payam Fucking Tamiz. Ignorant slut. That is all.
19. Donald Fucking Trump, for the umpteenth time and ump. Would it shock you to learn that he’s an antisemite and a homophobe, as well as a misogynist and a racist? No? That’s good, because he is all those things PLUS a shitpile with bad hair.
20. Orly Fucking Taitz. Would it shock you to learn that yes, she really is an appalling racist? No? That’s good, because she most definitely is. (And she probably thinks she isn’t, just because she said negro and not nigger.)
21. Bryan Fucking Fischer. Would it shock you to learn that yes, he really is an appalling bigot? No? That’s good, because right now, the only thing separating him from the Coultergeist is a goiter and a mop of bleached hair. If he wants the Arab world to go for mass conversions to “Christianity” as he practices it, let him go there without the US Marines. Let’s see how far his big yap carries him then.
22. Sally Fucking Kern. Would it shock you to learn that yes, she is an appalling racist and sexist as well as a homophobe? No? Good, because she is one.
23. Terry Fucking Jones. One word: DENIED! (Okay, maybe two more: Ha, ha.)
24. John Fucking Stossel. You know you’re irrelevant when you bring a strawman to the “debate” with your Randroid pals. Get off the fuckin’ TV, already.
25. Phil Fucking Henning. Wanna know what’s sick about the Catholic church? The fact that they are all for compelling women to give birth willy-nilly to disabled kids, but then won’t give communion to those same kids once they’re out of the nasty-wasty womb. But hey, how about a little last-rites unction instead? Yeah, that’s comforting. And inclusive. Jesus.
26. Stephen Fucking Taylor. Most. Pathetic. Tweet. EVER. (Or at least, of this week. Tune in again next week, when he moans about how we’ve all gone commie for electing Jack Layton as our first-ever New Democratic PM.)
27. Sarah Fucking Palin, yet again. “Unreliable narrator” is a nice way of saying that she lies a lot — or at the very least, has trouble keeping her story straight, because she’s just making it all up as she goes along. And if you buy her on grounds of faith, guess what? You’re enabling a bearer of false witness. Yep, that’s a sin! And Jesus has made it very plain that he does not like liars. PS: Case in point. Now that the Birther hordes have run out of options, guess who’s struggling to remain relevant? And once again failing and pissing Jesus off?
28. Fucking Facebook. Once again, we have to ask: Which side are you on, boys? Free speech, or corporatism? Oh, I see. You’re on the corporate side. And you felt that the best way to celebrate the luvverly-wuvverly royal wedding was to trample free speech so that British corporations could go on getting their pound of flesh. Well, isn’t that special? This is right on a par with all the pre-emptive (and unnecessary) arrests of anarchists in squats. If anyone needs proof that capitalism is the enemy of democracy, let them look no further. Maybe, when Will and Kate get back from their honeymoon, they can weigh in about how wrong this all is, and how embarrassing for them. That is, if royal duty doesn’t stifle their voices, too.
And finally, to the fake Jack Layton who posted this fucking nonsense today…
Your not really giving insight into the whole matter, you’re merely smearing my opposition. The problem Canada has right now is with the opposition of the conservatives; how are they to accomplish much (and yet they still do) when every move they make is blocked by a union of losers? The elections need to end for the full four years, and therefore the Conservatives need a majority. Also, if the liberals are supposedly just another form of conservatism, then that means the large majority of the Canadian population are actually conservatists, not progressive.
…on this entry. Care to explain why your email address is lexie_96@hotmail.com, why your IP# is 209.105.222.21 (that’s Timmins, Ontario, where the real Jack was not, today!), and above all why, unlike the real Jack, you can’t string together a grammatically correct sentence, much less a coherent (and honest) message? Next time, try posting under your real name and I might publish the comment and take it seriously. This one, however, belongs in the toilet, where as of tonight it will get the Royal Flush. If you’re smart, you won’t try this kind of thing here or anywhere else again. I don’t take kindly to impersonators saying asinine shit on my blog, and I’m sure the real Jack Layton doesn’t, either.
Good night, and get fucked!
Got so much good stuff for ya today, kiddies, you might just forget about what’s-his-face marrying what’s-her-name in London. First up, a twosome I’d actually pay to see meeting up, because they both give me so much hope for the future:
Michael Moore and Noam Chomsky, meeting face to face for the first time at FAIR’s 25th anniversary party. It’s a nice shot of both, and I like it.
Next, here come ol’ Harpo. He come groovin’ up slowly:
“He’s got hair carved from a tree” — Best. Parody. Line. EVER. More fun and parodic frivolity (with a serious political message for my fellow Canucks) here.
And ooooh yeah, before I forget, here’s Humberto, with a message for y’all as Election Day draws nearer:
Getcher Orange Crush on, people.
Ye Gods. Just when you thought he couldn’t get more repugnant, crabby, fuddy-duddy or racist, Peru’s most tragic export to the First World has piped up again…and surpassed himself in a show of sheer subhuman backwardness that makes me want to take up blushing on his behalf:
The literary Nobel prizewinner from Peru, Mario Vargas Llosa, considers that “young people” who abbreviate words and break grammatical rules in internet chats or on Twitter and Facebook, think “like a monkey”, according to an interview published today in the Uruguan weekly paper, Búsqueda.
“The Internet has done away with grammar, has liquidated grammar. In such a way that there is now a species of syntactical barbarism,” said the 75-year-old author of Conversation in the Cathedral, in a lengthy interview published on Thursday.
Vargas Llosa also referred to South American politics, calling Argentina “a barbarity” and claiming that the Kirchners “are the owners” of that country. He also said that Ollanta Humala won the first round of elections in Peru because of Wikileaks.
He also opined that daily newspapers are living through a “difficult” moment, and that they have been contaminated by the people’s fondness for “being entertained and diverted” by periodicals, a phenomenon which neither the English nor the Spanish press has escaped.
Similar things are happening with the fine arts and with literature, according to Vargas Llosa, who says the young Latin American writers of today “crack up laughing” whenever “anyone talks to them about literary commitment” and accept that “literature is a very high form of entertainment.”
However, he reserved his harshest words for the language “the youngsters” use on the internet or mobile phones, which he called “frightful”.
“If you write like that, you talk like that; if you talk like that, you think like that; if you think like that, you think like an ape. And to me, that’s worrisome. Maybe people are happier to live that way. Maybe monkeys are happier than human beings. I don’t know.”
Reiterating his criticisms of the Wikileaks phenomenon, which he views “with terror”, he said that “a good part of the electoral catastrophe in Peru owes” to the leaked United States embassy cables from Lima to the State Department in Washington, which “favored Humala”.
Regarding Argentina, he opined that “it’s a terrible case”, because it is “a developed country when three-quarters of the world is underdeveloped” and “extraordinarily cultured” but has become “a barbarity”.
“Argentina is, potentially, the richest country in the world. So, how is it possible that this country could be the barbarity it is? How is it possible that the Kirchners are, shall we say, the owners of Argentina?
“How is it possible that the phenomenon of Peronism, in the end, has surpassed what is Argentina, and that Argentina is Peronism?”
His analysis of the region doesn’t end there. Regarding Ecuador, he said that he hopes that one day the residents of the Peruvian city of Piura, in the north of the country and very near the border of Ecuador, “put up a statue to [Ecuadorian president Rafael] Correa.”
The Ecuadorian leader “has struck such fear into the hearts of businessment, industrialists and shopkeepers in Ecuador that they take all their money and, among other places, take it to Piura,” said Vargas Llosa.
Finally, the author confessed that the novel that has impressed him the most of late is “Soldiers of Salamina”, by the Spaniard Javier Cercas, although he admitted that in reality, he reads “far more dead authors than living ones.”
Translation mine.
There is so much that I could say about him, but these Facebookers say it so much better than I can. I think I’ll just translate a representative sampling of their opinions:
“Better to think like a monkey than like a MUMMY!”
“Since he shook hands with [Chilean president Sebastián] Piñera, now he’s a pig.”
“uh ahah aahahaa (primate noises)”
“And he thinks like a fascist.”
“Fucking fascist…typical conservative ‘without future’.”
“Since when is this guy some kind of authority?”
“HE SAYS THAT B/C NOBODY TALKS TO HIM ON MSN…FOREVER ALONE”
“They gave him the Nobel and now he thinks he’s God, the pigeon-eating prick.”
“He may be a Nobel winner, but that doesn’t concern me as much as a guy who thinks it’s okay for big business conglomerates to steal all the wealth from a country saying that kids think like monkeys.”
“The Nobel prize doesn’t mean anything anymore, since all the prizes get handed out by hidden and opportunist interests. This Vargas Llosa talks trash because he has nothing else to say. It’s really sickening to read [about] him.”
“Who said that? An old relic, one of those who say things like ‘ay, that’s no form of communication, you don’t talk face to face’. Who cares, keep talking face to face, old fart, this is the reality that’s called TECH-NO-LO-GY, get with the times!”
“The subject isn’t as reactionary as you think, but he’s not a dick, he’s a sellout, like many of the literati of our era, who get their undeserved awards by sucking up to the fascists and to power. Pretty crappy, the literary prizes they’re giving out nowadays. But there’s one true thing in what he says, you can write well without being an arriviste or a literato.”
There’s more, but I think you get the general idea. Not only has Mario Vargas Llosa gotten too big for his britches, he’s turned into some other species altogether, something far more sub-human than a monkey or an ape.
He’s become a troll.
“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something…. If we remember those times and places — and there are so many — where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”
— Howard Zinn
Yesterday, I was amused to read that some people found it “astonishing” how quickly the NDP under Jack Layton had surged in the polls from a distant third to a close second (and closing fast). I say “amused” because this “astonishment” is based on a lot of silly and outmoded assumptions that deserve a good thrashing. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. We have, in essence, a two-party system, where other parties are only useful insofar as they get to play kingmaker. Why is it taken for granted that ruling power in Canada will only ever alternate between Liberals (who are becoming increasingly less liberal) and Conservatives (who are becoming ever more conservative, Bog help us all)? That’s not democracy, that’s a recipe for democratic stagnation and dictator-creep. And we all know how dictatorial Harpo is–he doesn’t think the Opposition has any right to oppose HIM!
When the two parties in question are starting to look more and more like each other–Harpo with his autocratic, Made-in-USA brand of “Canadian Leadership”; Iggy with all that time spent at Hah-vud, and his cheerleading the BushCo War on Terra when he did finally get back here, not to mention his murky accession to head of the Liberal party–can you blame voters for becoming apathetic? If this is what they get to choose between–Con and Con Lite–they figure they may as well not vote at all, because either way, their votes are only going to be wasted. Their voices are not going to be heard over the din of “U-S-A! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!!”
If we wanted that, we could all just move south of the border and leave Canada to the wolves.
2. Canada is really a conservative country. Really? Then why do most of us keep voting for something other than Conservatives? Why is there so much enthusiasm for the gun registry, single-tier public healthcare, the environment, etc.–indeed, all progressive causes? Why are so many of us clamoring for proportional representation, finding fault with the first-past-the-post system and its ugly habit of shutting out progressive voices? And why are so many of us disillusioned with the Liberals for being so illiberal when you get right down to it? Why aren’t we happy with the Con/Con Lite duopoly, as we would be if we were truly conservative as a country?
Gasp! Could it be that we’re really a leftist country, and some of us just haven’t come to grips with it yet?
Nah…perish the thought.
3. If you want to vote out the Conservatives, you must vote strategically! A vote for Jack Layton is a vote for Stephen Harper! Oh yeah? Refer again to my first point. We do not, in fact, have a two-party system, no matter how much some people want us to think so (and in consequence, give up voting for a third party)! A vote for Layton is a vote for Layton, now.
Strategic voting–otherwise known as “holding your nose”–is a tacit admission of defeat; you’re not voting for, only against. There’s no enthusiasm there, and no momentum, either. I want my guy to get momentum, and I see no other way to do it than by voting enthusiastically for him (as opposed to lackadaisically for the Sure Thing that ain’t.)
And it seems that a growing number of Canadians are seeing it that way, too. Critical mass is tilting away from the notion that the Liberals are the only real alternative to the Cons–mainly because the Liberals are showing themselves to be not much of a real alternative at all. The Liberals of today are no longer the party of Lester Pearson and Pierre Trudeau. More and more, it’s looking like a vote for Iggy is a vote for Harpo–or somebody so much like him that it would be pointless to distinguish between the two.
The last time I voted strategically (against my better conscience, and on the advice of Those In The Know), it was for a provincial Liberal–and Mike Harris’s SupposiTories, who were the Harper SupposiTories in miniature, were still re-elected with a majority, to the immense disgust of the progressive majority of Ontarians. Our province has yet to fully recover from that mess. What a waste of a vote! So I’ve sworn never to do it again, and I’ve kept my promise to myself and voted my NDP conscience. If nothing else, it’s a way of being counted, of expressing your disdain for the two-party system and those who try to hold us to it against our will. And in the long run, it can also serve as a stimulus to progressive leaders who see opportunities for improvement in their own platform and party standings.
4. A New Democrat could never be Prime Minister, or even head of the Opposition. Again, refer to my second point. Maybe this was true a long time ago, when the party was still getting established on a federal level. But even then, Tommy Douglas didn’t think so. He gamely took his kick at the can, and while he didn’t make it as far as the 24 Sussex or even Stornoway, he did manage to change Canada, and quite dramatically, while he was “only” the premier of Saskatchewan. Thanks to the great success of his progressive policies, even Conservative voters are largely in favor of keeping Canada in the “second-tier socialist” state that so annoyed Harpo, way back when. The same that he’s looking to scrap, if he ever gets a majority–which we sure as hell won’t award him now.
In fact, Harpo’s been hemorrhaging votes–he actually lost 160,000 of them between his election in 2006 and his re-election in 2008, and is likely to lose even more this time around. Enough votes lost will translate into enough seats lost will translate into–come on, people, take that logical next step. You know what comes after that, and that it is entirely possible now!
5. Jack Layton is all smile and no substance. If you’re gonna make that charge, as Terence Corcoran of the National Pest very snottily did, you might want to look a bit harder at your own choices there, and compare their style-to-substance ratio. Harpo is extremely image-conscious (and shockingly short on substance, other than maybe hairspray and Teflon). And Iggy? Well, let’s just say that the Liberals acclaimed him leader because they thought his Sexy Intellectual reputation (which really isn’t all that, either) would suffice to carry them to victory. It hasn’t done anything of the sort. And now both parties of the old duopoly, AND the Bloc (!) are losing ground to the “smiling Jack-in-the-box”, who has neither a helmet of hair nor a Harvard professorship to his name.
Sneer all you like, Mr. Corcoran, but voters watched the debates, and there were several good reasons why they came away with a higher opinion of Jack Layton. It’s not just because he had the aplomb to take on three opponents and get in some good zingers. It’s not just because he smiles and seems plucky as he hobbles around on his cane, recovering from cancer and a hip fracture with barely a hitch in his pace. It’s because he knows his onions and has something real to offer. He lives his values (even rides a bike to work on Parliament Hill!) and doesn’t need to cultivate a careful image (unlike those other guys).
As for me, I met him when I was living in Toronto many years ago, and saw that he was the genuine article even then. This was when he was just a lowly, progressive Toronto city councillor, not even a member of Parliament–much less the federal NDP leader. He appears not to have changed significantly since then, and that augurs well. He’s in it for the long haul, and even if he’s not the next Tommy Douglas, he’s got something about him that I can unreservedly respect. That’s spelled S-U-B-S-T-A-N-C-E, in case you’re wondering.
6. The NDP doesn’t have a chance, I tell you! Gee, can you yell it a bit louder? All those people with the bright orange earmuffs can’t hear you.
No, there’s nothing “astonishing” at all about Jack Layton’s breakthrough; I’d say it was bound to happen at some point. And with less than a week to go now until Election Day, the timing could not be better. All those years of voting my conscience out of sheer bullheaded protest could be about to pay off.
And I’m damned if I’ll throw that away now.
A perfectly simple, couldn’t-be-clearer approach to what’s been billed as an insolubly knotty mess. Too obvious for ya? Then you’re probably a teabag.
