Festive Left Friday Blogging: Obama’s moment of Zen

If only His Barackness were always like this, he WOULD be a socialist. Let’s savor him getting this one bang-on, and salute his efforts against bullying, homophobia and suicide. And keep the heat on his feet to drive a stake through the heart of DADT.

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Posted in Festive Left Friday Blogging, If You REALLY Care, Obamarama!, Teh Ghey | Comments Off on Festive Left Friday Blogging: Obama’s moment of Zen

Cuban blogger beaten up in Miami. Reason: Free speech!

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Pepe Varela shows graphically what happens to Cuban bloggers who don’t follow the hard-right Miamero line.

Dr. Paula Vernimmen, whom I’ve been following since she was trapped inside the same hospital as president Rafael Correa on September 30, during the failed coup in Ecuador, has appealed via Twitter for someone to translate this into English. It’s an entry from Yohandry, a popular Cuban blogger from the island, and it’s a shocker, so of course, I had to run with it:

Although we haven’t yet found clear references to what occurred, the images above, linked by the Miami police on an official Miami-Dade website, illustrate very well what could be the consequences of exercising your freedom of expression in that city.

During a recent trip to Cuba, Varela, who edits a blog in Miami which defends the Cuban Revolution, denounced the threats he was receiving from ultra-rightist elements in the city on Cambios en Cuba.

The Miami mafia blogosphere is already delighting in the images and celebrating the bestial beating of a man who has done no more than say what he thinks and feels in a city and a country where in reality, dissenting is a crime punished with aberrations like this one.

We ask ourselves what the Miami press headlines and those of other countries are saying now about this abominable act, knowing in advance what the answer will be: silence and manipulation.

At the time, in an interview on video, Varela makes clear that the mafia has been manipulating his family, using them to pressure him, and that he had received e-mails in which he was warned that if he returned to Miami, he would be imprisoned.

It seems, according to these photos, which are worthy of an anthology of violence porn, and which is evident in how they respect human rights in the US, his enemies have managed to silence, at least for a while, the blogger Varela.

Let’s keep abreast of the situation of Varela and continue to denounce the tortures and threats to which he was subjected.

These are the photos which Repression ID wanted, and there they are. You’ll find nothing like them in Cuba.

We know that the blogger Hernández Busto, based in Barcelona, has been manipulated in the case, but we know that he, along with his cohorts in Miami, are behind this repression.

From Cuba we commence a campaign to denounce violence against those who think differently in Miami.

Signed:

Cuban Bloggers in Defence of Freedom of Expression in Miami

Links as in original.

Here’s the video in which Varela tells of the threats he received before the beating:

Seems that “freedom of speech” is restricted to those who toe the fascist line, especially in Miami. And they complain about Cuba?

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Posted in Cuba, Libre (de los Yanquis), Do As I Say..., Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal? | 2 Comments

Vote for Pedro!

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Ahem. A vote for Pedro is a vote for me:

Or just bookmark this page, and go there daily and click on you-know-who.

And remember: Vote for Pedro, and your wildest dreams will come true.

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Posted in A Bit of a Brag..., Canadian Counterpunch, Uppity Wimmin | 1 Comment

I’ve been nominated!

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Yes, that’s right, kids…your humble auntie is a nominee in the Feminist category of the Canadian Blog Awards.

I doubt very much that I’ll win; there are others more deserving (popular, exclusively feminist, etc.)–but it’s nice to have the mention just the same. This eclectic little corner of cyberspace appreciates a good nod, and will certainly try to live up to the recognition it confers.

Congratulations to my fellow nominees, too, many of whom fought for this category to be included and taken seriously. That’s what it’s all about, this feminism thing–the radical notion that we women are something more than just a ladies’ auxiliary.

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Posted in A Bit of a Brag..., Canadian Counterpunch, Uppity Wimmin | 10 Comments

Media don’t get the message. Memo #2, comin’ on down…

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Oh, for fuck’s sake. When the media latch on to a bad concept, they REALLY latch on and don’t let go. Two days ago I blogged about how the Russell Williams case had been mischaracterized as a “fetish” crime. Did anyone get the memo?

The Star‘s Heather Mallick sure didn’t. She went all melodramatic, and then right back to the ol’ hinky-kinky:

Up to that point, Williams had been a pathetic panty thief and haunter of little girls. Panties don’t talk back. They’re mere containers for the living female that inhabits them. Williams later told police that underwear had been his fetish since his 20s, which shows the extraordinary power of a minor brain pattern. He was hopeless with girls. The evidence of his rapes shows that he didn’t know how to talk to a victim, and there was even a strange, awkward politeness.

Oh sure. Just another socially awkward panty raider, who raped because he needed to get laid but didn’t know how to talk to girls. Weirdo, weirdo. Case dismissed.

That seems to be a pattern at the Star, because another article, one purporting to get inside his criminal profile, also misses the mark:

Col. David Russell Williams — who this past week indicated through his lawyer that he intends to plead guilty on Oct. 18 to two murders, two sex assaults and a string of fetish break-ins — is a serial killer like none they have ever seen.

“This guy is quite unusual,” says psychologist Vernon Quinsey, who spent 16 years assessing criminals at the Oak Ridge maximum security psychiatric hospital in Penetanguishene.

“We’re learning from this case,” adds an informed source, who requested anonymity.

“We haven’t seen guys like this in the past and we don’t expect to see a lot of them in the future.”

Williams had a successful career and a long, apparently loving marriage, and didn’t embark on a life of crime until he began a series of fetish home burglaries in September 2007, at the age of 44.

“It’s very unusual for a guy who’s got his act together like that … to all of a sudden start committing crimes at a late age,” says Quinsey, professor emeritus of psychology, biology and psychiatry at Queen’s University.

“The guys you typically see start earlier,” he adds.

“Almost nobody starts a life of crime when they’re in their 40s.”

Equally unusual was his escalation from panty fetish to sex assault to murder. Most serial killers assault and kill in tandem, right from the start.

Actually, that’s not true either. Serial killers do in fact escalate their actions over a period of years or even decades, refining their technique and growing more violent as they gain confidence in their crime skills.

This guy most certainly didn’t “start a life of crime in his 40s”. Like all serial killers, his criminal behavioral pattern goes back a lot further than his indictable offences do. And it progresses from slightly odd but seemingly harmless acts to things much more sinister. If the media and the criminologists looked closer, I guarantee you that they would see a Russell Williams who most certainly did NOT have his act together. A CBC Fifth Estate report, which is the best thing I’ve seen on the Williams case so far, hints that his ability to break and enter may have been established as early as his late teens, when he began attending the University of Toronto. There, he got into the habit of playing an eerie “practical joke” on his dorm-mates: He would break into their locked rooms, hide in their closets for hours, and then when the unsuspecting dormie was doing his homework (or whatever), Williams would emerge from the closet and frighten him. A useful skill, no doubt, when you’re a stalker of single, unsuspecting women–or underage girls. (It reminded me, as well, of Vincent Bugliosi’s book, Helter Skelter, in which Charles Manson directed his “Family” to “creepy-crawl” the houses of people he wanted them to burgle and kill.)

Alas, they don’t say much about the bad breakup Williams went through either, around age 20. It would be interesting if anyone could locate that former girlfriend and find out why she dumped him; I’ll bet he was a very troubling boyfriend, abusive and controlling, and she left because she couldn’t take his so-called “fetishes” anymore. She might well not be the only previous girlfriend he terrified and alienated! I hope those women, wherever they are, come forward and shed a bit more light on him. They might well be doing the public a service.

If the domestic media got this wrong, the foreign media couldn’t be trusted to deliver a less sensationalized version. And sure enough, in the UK, the Telegraph went the Star one further and called Williams a “cross-dresser”. That is also dead wrong, of course. Remember what I said about the difference between fetishism and predatory behavior? This guy didn’t just want to wear female clothing, he wanted to control the rightful owners of these personal items, to terrify and terrorize them. A cross-dresser usually likes and admires women; a predator hates them and wants to feed off their fear of him. But the Torygraph couldn’t be bothered with that. Much more sensational and saleable to show pictures of Williams posing, unsmiling and hirsute, in a girl’s pink flowered tankini swimsuit!

I’m not the only blogger taking issue with this stupid habit of the media of chasing after the bright shiny objects (or the flowered pink ones with the string-bikini bottoms). If the media want to score a real scoop, they have to learn where to train their lenses, and it’s not on the thing that looks the most shocking. They need to learn to focus on the things–many things–that are easy to overlook at first, but point to larger patterns.

Not everyone at the Star is getting the story wrong. Antonia Zerbisias has been shining a light of feminist inquiry on the little details her colleagues missed. She notes that it was a female police chief whose cops didn’t sleep on the strange evidence that was piling up. She rightly asks the question: Does it take a woman to know that the seemingly trivial–the theft of a woman’s underwear–is no joke?

I think it does. A woman feels violated when her most intimate clothing is stolen. She feels more naked than she would when simply surprised by a friend while getting out of a shower. Someone strange and uninvited has wormed his way right up close to her, and she can’t even see him. Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? Can you, if you’re not female? Can you, if you’re a policeman who would rather bust a car thief or a stereo stealer? Stolen underwear looks pretty penny-ante to a male. It looks like…well, like a joke.

Like the “joke” Russell Williams played in his college days at U of T, breaking into other students’ rooms and hiding in their closets for hours, waiting until his unsuspecting victim was well occupied before scaring the bejeebers out of him.

Or like the “joke” that the media would pre
fer to make out of all this, forgetting the deadly–and terrifying–implications their little tricks have for women and girls.

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Crapagandarati, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Uppity Wimmin | 3 Comments

“Victims, not heroes”: A Chilean miner speaks out

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Miner Franklin Lobos demonstrates his soccer skills after his rescue last week. The 53-year-old has broken his silence to debunk a number of media myths built up around him, his comrades, and their 70-day ordeal:

Miner Franklin Lobos, who spent 70 days trapped in a mineshaft in the north of Chile, along with 32 other workers, is fleeing the fame they acquired after his rescue and assured that they are not heroes, but “victims” of the irresponsibility of the owners of the San José mine.

“The people tell us we are heroes, but no, we’re not heroes, we’re victims. We are fighting for our lives, that’s all, because we have families. We are victims of the businesses that didn’t invest in safety,” said Lobos, in an interview published today by El Mercurio.

Lobos, a former soccer player aged 53, said that the “great majority” of the 33 workers believed that the San Esteban company, owner of the San José mine, would have left them at the bottom of the shaft after the cave-in of August 5.

“The great majority thought that the company would leave us there. It would have been cheaper to let us die than to rescue us,” said the miner, who was the 27th man to be rescued on Wednesday.

Lobos assured that none of them lost hope of being rescued, although there were difficult moments. “It didn’t depend on us, we had no possible way to get out,” he explained.

The sound of the drills that penetrated the rock to reach them gave them hope, although Lobos admits they burst into tears when the first one missed the area where the miners were.

“And we cried, the tears rolled because we saw that one chance of getting out had escaped,” he recalls.

Regarding the future, the ex-soccer player said he was prepared to work as a miner again, a job he’d been doing for the last four years and which had enabled him to feed his family.

“The mine didn’t want to take us, the the mine wanted us alive, because we weren’t the bad guys, we were victims of the businessmen who made millions and didn’t think of the suffering of the poor people,” says Lobos, who had been at work in the San José mine for four months at the time of the accident.

Lobos, known as “the Magic Mortar” during the 1980s because of his ability to launch free kicks, has received an offer from FIFA to give motivational talks based on his experiences at the bottom of the mine, where he supervised the exercise sessions of his comrades so they would stay in shape.

Although he has not yet responded to the request, Lobos regrets that it arose as a consequence of his having been imprisoned in the mine, and believes that the media assault he and the others are currently enduring will not last long.

“We’ll have everything, they’ll call all the media, but in two weeks, this will all be over,” commented Lobos.

Translation mine.

Lobos might as well point the finger at capitalism itself; it made the disaster inevitable. Not so much the cave-in, which could have happened anywhere to anyone, as the inability of the miners to free themselves; recall that there were no escape races in place for the San José miners to use. The mine owners were so fixated on profit that they skimped on safety. They flouted the laws (such as there were in the gutted system of post-Pinochet Chile).

And now they’re pleading poverty? Well, maybe there’s some truth to it; they couldn’t scare up what it cost to rescue the 33 poor souls, and if it were up to them, no doubt they’d have left them to starve and rot for profit’s sake, as other mining violators have done since time immemorial. It was up to the government to save the miners, which it did, even bringing in foreign government-funded experts, like the NASA psychologists, to help in the effort; that’s socialism! Epic capitalism fail on so many levels.

So much for the blattings of the idiots, like Daniel Henninger at the Wall St. Urinal, who claim that capitalism “saved the miners”. It did no such thing; it all but doomed them. And let’s savor how William K. Black, a senior regulator during the savings-and-loan scandals of the Reagan era, kicks Henninger’s silly ass over that:

Let’s begin with why the miners needed to be saved. They needed to be saved because the private mine they worked for appears to have been a “control fraud.”

In a control fraud the person controlling a seemingly legitimate entity uses it as a “weapon.” Our ongoing financial crisis was driven by an epidemic of accounting control fraud, which caused the housing and commercial real estate bubbles to hyper-inflate. Accounting control frauds target creditors and shareholders as their primary victims. Anti-purchaser control frauds maximize profits by defrauding purchasers about quality and/or quantity in order to gain a competitive advantage over honest sellers. George Akerlof described this form of control fraud in his famous 1970 article on “lemons.” Anti-purchaser control frauds can maim or kill their victims, e.g., Chinese infant formula frauds. The worst anti-employee control frauds increase profits by avoiding costs that would protect workers from being maimed and killed. Illegal, private Chinese coal mines are the infamous example of this type of control fraud.

We know that the Chilean mine was private, that it had a bad safety record, and that it has been ordered to shut down permanently. The BBC reports that the (strongly conservative) President Pinera promised the people of Chile that: “never again in Chile would people be allowed to work in such inhumane conditions.” Reports from Chile stress that the mine violated the law in failing to have a second entrance to the mine (which would have greatly reduced the risk of the miners being trapped by the collapse of a portion of the shaft). Local officials have claimed that the only way the mine owners could have gotten away with such an obvious violation of the safety rules was through bribery of the regulatory officials.

Reports from Chile also state that the mine did not have the required ladder that would have allowed the workers to escape the mine in the immediate aftermath of the collapse through a ventilation shaft that subsequently became inaccessible. The “innovation dynamic” that was “everywhere” in the Chilean mine due to the profit motive also explains why the ladder was not there. To sum it up, the miners wouldn’t have had to be rescued but for the perverse incentives of that unregulated capitalism inherently produces (which is what Obama warned about). (The governmentally-owned coal mines in China also have a far better safety record than the private Chinese coal mines.)

Once the mine shaft collapsed in Chile, the private mining company declared that it not only could not pay to rescue the miners — it could not even pay their wages. The private company threatened to file for bankruptcy. The rescue was paid for by the State-owned mine (i.e., the Chilean government had to bail out the private mine owner to the tune of an estimated rescue cost of $10 to $20 million in order to rescue the miners). A $25 ladder apparently would have prevented the tragedy, but the private owners’ profit motive led them to avoid that expense. The Chilean mine had gold and copper ore. Both of those minerals are selling for record prices. This makes the private mining company’s failure to provide another exit and a ladder all the more outrageous. Where did the profits go? Capitali
sm would have left the miners to die. The government paid to rescue the miners.

Ouch!

And FAIR’s Steve Rendall notes:

I’m sure the miners are thankful for the heroic drill bit, but their opinion of the role of capitalism in their debacle might be less breathless than Henninger’s. Indeed, most of the miners have weighed in on the central capitalist actor in the story: At least 29 of the 33 miners’ families have filed lawsuits against San Esteban.

Also inconvenient for Henninger’s argument: The rescue was run by the Chilean government and its relevant ministries, not by the capitalist company. Oh, and the U.S. government’s space agency, NASA, also played a crucial role, designing the rescue capsule and consulting on safety issues.

Moreover, it’s worth noting that, while Chile’s larger, government-owned mines have relatively good safety records, the same cannot be said for its smaller, capitalist-run mines, such as San Esteban’s.

So much for the notion that capitalism is cheaper, more efficient, and better than governments at running things. But then, Franklin Lobos and his compañeros–the “great majority” of whom are suing the company now–could probably tell you all about that.

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Posted in Chile Sin Queso, Crapagandarati, Socialism is Good for Capitalism! | 2 Comments

Memo to the media: Lose your sexual fetish and report the REAL story!

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For those living in Southern Ontario, these are interesting times, in the Chinese-curse sense of the word. An air-force colonel from CFB Trenton is currently standing trial for a stunning series of offences ranging from stalking and break/enter to rape and murder. Any of these crimes is a shocking thing for a prosperous man in uniform to commit, but the media have fixated inordinately on the sexualized nature of his ugliest offences.

Take, for example, the Toronto Star‘s Heather Mallick. Normally she gets it right, but today, she fell into a predictable media-dumbass trap: the inability to distinguish between two things that must not be confused. See if you can spot what things I’m talking about:

No, I don’t know why he did what he did, and I have the awful feeling that we’ll never know. It just may be that the result of his guilty plea is that we won’t discover what seed was planted that gave root to this level of perversion and cruelty. The court won’t dig deeply enough.

It’s not sufficient to say that he liked doing what he did, the best and most customary explanation for psychopathology and fountain-like cruelty.

What this day revealed is the awful specificity of the human sexual impulse.

Did you spot it?

I’ll give you a hint, in case you didn’t. It lies in the last three words. What Col. Russell Williams did was not due to the “human sexual impulse”, although it may look as though he did.

It’s hard to blame Heather Mallick for making that blunder; she was surely not the only one. Peter Mansbridge, on CBC, fell into the same trap when interviewing a criminal profiler about the case. So, I’m sure, did many other reporters, covering this story from the whole gamut of slants and angles.

Williams’s crimes had a sexual overtone that was impossible to miss. He stalked single women and girls. He broke into their homes. He rifled through their clothing, particularly their underwear. He photographed himself wearing said clothing, particularly the victims’ underwear. He masturbated on their beds. He stole hundreds of pieces of underwear and other intimate objects, and kept extensive photographic files on his computer as trophies of his violations. And when that didn’t suffice him, he graduated to sexual assault, and then to killing.

As far as the major media are concerned, it appears that Russell Williams is a sexual fetishist gone off the deep end. He isn’t.

He is a predator.

There are several crucial differences between the two. These are the differences:

For a fetishist, an object (or specific body part) stands in for a human being in a sexual context. For a predator, a human being becomes an object; the objectification is sexualized.

A fetishist usually doesn’t steal fetish objects; s/he prefers to buy them or barter for them. Fetishists prefer to obtain the consent of the person from whom they get their things.

A predator invariably steals. Consensual activity does not interest him. Stealing, for the predator, is a form of control; it renders victims uncertain, ashamed and afraid. The predator is aroused by the notion that he has control over a victim’s emotions. He appropriates what is not rightfully his, often making it his by wearing it, posing for photos in it, or mutilating it. Often, the more intimate the object–underwear, for instance–the more desirable it is as a means to scare his victims. This is why a predator’s thefts should not be laughed off as a kind of solitary panty raid, but taken seriously an indicator of more devious criminality below the surface.

Fetishists don’t always act alone; they may share with a fellow fetishist, or a club of like-minded individuals, if so inclined. Usually their activities are consensual. They rarely feel the need to impose themselves forcibly on someone else. In fact, they usually derive comfort from knowing they are freely accepted.

Predators usually act alone. If they take an accomplice, it is never an equal partner but a subordinate; see Paul Bernardo and his battered wife/accomplice, Karla Homolka. Some accomplices are taken under extreme duress, in keeping with the predator’s controlling nature, or are gradually persuaded through some form of brainwashing. But in any case, they are weaker than the predator, and thus easily manipulated. Predators impose themselves on their accomplices, who in a sense are also victims.

A fetishist isn’t generally interested in controlling a person; s/he is content to play with an object or collection of objects, and obtains sexual gratification that way. This activity usually doesn’t escalate.

A predator collects human victims as trophies, rendering them into objects to be controlled. When he grows tired of taking easy, inanimate trophies–stolen jewelry, underwear or other personal effects–he begins to entertain the notion of taking humans themselves as his trophies. He escalates his violations over time, in both frequency and intensity, as an addict will increase his dose of drugs when he becomes habituated.

Fetishists are rarely violent. Many are quite odd, but this is beside the point; their oddity generally harms no one. They tend to respect the dignity of others.

Predators are increasingly violent. Often they do not stand out as odd on first glance; their cultivated façade of normality IS the point. It enables them to escalate their crimes until they die or are caught, whichever comes first.

So, we can see that a fetishist ≠ a predator. If anything, they are diametrically opposed.

This is why I get so angry when I see the media falling into the trap of fixating on Williams’s alleged sexual fetishes, instead of understanding that he is a predator, one who sexualizes power-over. The media’s job is to clear up our confusion, and instead, they are adding to it. And in so doing, they hang women and children–the persons most likely to become a predator’s victims–out to dry.

Is it the mention of sex that flips the switch? I think it must be.

We live in a society full of strange sexual double standards. It’s okay to use sex to sell everything under the sun, but “obscene” for a new mother to breastfeed in public. It’s okay to show people being blown up in a bloody mess on TV, but not a happy couple making love. Porn sex? That’s another matter altogether. It’s commercial, it often looks sterile, mechanistic and unreal, therefore it passes muster with the censors. It seems that anything which objectifies people is all right, while anything that humanizes them or shows them in their natural form is suspect, to be viewed askance.

The predator has infiltrated the media, infusing it with the sex-object mindset. Often, the media itself is the predator; think of all the times the various outlets have been liked to hunting wolves or circling vultures. Is it any wonder, then, that crime stories lead the nightly newscast? They are the pornography of those who would never watch a blue movie or an amateur sex tape. Blood and guts are sexy. If it bleeds, it leads.

The only problem is, that blood has to come from somewhere. Or rather, someONE.

And in the case of Russell Williams, it came from living, breathing, beloved women. Somebody’s daughters. Somebody’s sisters.

Williams stalked females whom he saw as unguarded and alone. It was the typical cowardice of the predator: pick off the one who is further away from the herd than the rest. T
o designate them the weakest, fit only to be culled. In his mind, as in the minds of all predators, they were isolated and therefore fair game.

They were not. They belonged to others. Families who suffered when these daughters, these sisters, were brutalized and killed.

Of course, to point out the psychopathy of one who would do such a thing is less sexy than dwelling in minute detail on “the awful specificity of the human sexual impulse”, as Heather Mallick calls it. To look away from the queasy spectacle of a man posing and prancing and masturbating in women’s underwear and try to open a window into his head, where the victim is coldly and clinically isolated from her near and dear, is much less likely to sell papers or glue eyeballs to the commercial-flashing screen. But it is necessary. It is the media’s duty to get behind all this, to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists, criminalists and profilers, who know the difference between a fetishist and a predator, and to convey this difference to their readers, listeners and viewers.

Knowledge is power, but the media only seem to give it while in effect they are taking it away. And in the process, women and girls are being disproportionately made to suffer, and are also disproportionately made invisible, their truth concealed even as sexualized object-females dance merrily across screen and page, everywhere, all the time.

And we, the consumers, do we go on consuming this falsehood blindly? If we do, we are complicit. We enable our own abusers, our objectifiers, by letting this slip by and not speaking out. We are infiltrated. We become inured to the predatory mindset; we may even fall victim to a form of it ourselves.

If we let that happen, we become accomplices. Shake hands with our predator, people–the predator is us.

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Crapagandarati, Newspeak is Nospeak, She Blinded Me With Science, Sick Frickin' Bastards | 5 Comments

Centaurs!

You think you’ve seen awesome bike stunts? You haven’t until you’ve seen this. German girls can kick everyone’s ass.

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Stupid Sex Tricks: In which Christine O’Donnell comes out the loser, AGAIN

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Surprise! Forcing God to kill kittens is good for you. And, if scientists say true, it’s also good for evolution–a concept in which certain devout teabags don’t believe, even as the evidence just keeps piling up that it is real…

The science is straightforward. Whenever a behavior is common in the animal kingdom, biologists suspect it has an adaptive function. That is, the behavior enabled individual animals to survive better and leave more offspring than animals that did not engage in the behavior. As a result, genes for the behavior spread throughout that population until it became essentially ubiquitous. And so it is with autoeroticism, which is common–really common. As the Science in Seconds blog noted this week, what with “spanking the monkey,” “charming the snake,” and “freeing willy,” a remarkable number of the slang terms for pleasuring oneself refer to animals. That reflects reality: the practice has been documented in Japanese macaques, gibbons, baboons, chimps, elephants, dogs, cats, horses, lions, donkeys, “and walruses that manage to flog the bishop with their fins.”

So what’s so evolutionarily adaptive–i.e., good–about playing with oneself? Admittedly, the scientists only looked at males from various species (hey, what are we females–chopped liver? Ugh, don’t answer that.) But their theories are as follows:

  1. Masturbation increases the healthy-sperm count by clearing old, broken wigglers from the male reproductive tract and stimulating the production of fresh young ones;
  2. Masturbation might be a form of advertising (“Hey, ladies, my equipment works!”);
  3. Masturbation might be a form of victory lap (“Woohoo, I just got lucky! Hey, who wants to be next?”);
  4. Masturbation can serve a hygienic function (“I was cleaning my gun when it went off”).

Personally, I rather hope that reasons #2 and 3 don’t apply to humans. I think–no, I know from experience that I’d be creeped out by a guy advertising his services that way. And I think that #4 really just harks back to #1. So, ultimately, this rather sexist list is just two purposes long.

Solitary sex may also serve several other purposes, not mentioned in the article: to prepare a growing adolescent for later sexual activity, helping him/her get acquainted in a safe way with the body and its routes to pleasure. These preferences can later be shared with a partner, improving the experience for both.

And in the case of girls, it can spare them the risk of an unwanted pregnancy or a fertility-killing STD, and increase their sense of autonomy. (“Who needs your bullshit, Jack, I can do this for myself!” Of course, that’s just why Christine was railing about wanking guys. Someone should have told her that sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose!)

Of course, this doesn’t take into account the main reasons why males and females of all species do it most–because they can, and because it feels good. Solo sex is not only as safe as it gets (assuming you’re not into autoerotic asphyxia, of course)–it’s also the most likely to get you off.

And, assuming that there is a God who has a purpose for everything, the question invariably arises: Why would God make a “bad” thing feel so darn good? Unless, of course, that thing isn’t bad after all–in which case, why did God make it so rewarding–and give us arms long enough to reach easily down to there?

Uh oh, I think I just heard someone’s head exploding. Christine, was that you?

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Posted in She Blinded Me With Science, Stupid Sex Tricks, Uppity Wimmin | 1 Comment

Pierre Laporte remembered

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Pierre Laporte in April 1970, a few months before his kidnapping and assassination by members of the Québec Liberation Front (FLQ). He was one of two men kidnapped by the FLQ during the October Crisis; the other, James Cross, who was kidnapped before Laporte, was later released. Pierre Laporte was the sole fatality. His son, Jean, has written a tribute to him that I just had to translate and share:

It was 40 years ago, on October 10, that they took my father. It’s been 40 years, on October 17, that my father was taken away from me.

For me, the October Crisis is much more than an historic event that the media talk about every 10 years. October 1970 evokes above all the tragic loss of my father, a person I loved and admired. October 1970 completely turned my life upside down, has marked it forever, and the historic recalls continue to haunt the lives of my nearest and dearest.

For the majority of Québécois, Pierre Laporte is the minister who was killed in October 1970. The name might also bring to mind a bridge, a school, a highway…For my family and for me, it’s much more. Pierre Laporte was a father, a husband, an uncle, a brother. He was the pillar of the Laporte family. He was also a man much involved in his community, warm and genuine.

Today I’d like to talk about my father, since the historic crisis has had the effect of eclipsing his contribution to our society.

Pierre Laporte was a journalist at the newspaper Le Devoir for 16 years. His work contributed to the defeat of the National Union [party] and the birth of the Quiet Revolution. An ardent opponent to the head of the National Union, Maurice Duplessis, he was the one who revealed the natural-gas scandal and the dubious electoral activities of that government.

Moving from journalism to politics, he was elected four times deputy of the county of Chambly, in 1961, 1962, 1966 and 1970. In the government of Jean Lesage, he was an important member of the team of the Quiet Revolution. He was named minister of municipal affairs and later of cultural affairs.

After the defeat of the Liberal Party in 1966, he became leader of the official opposition. In 1970, he participated in the leadership convention of the Liberal party, which chose Robert Bourassa. He rallied without hesitation around his new chief. After the victory of the PLQ (Québec Liberal Party) in April, he became parliamentary leader and head of the ministry of Labour, as well as Immigration, along with the title of vice-premier.

My father was probably the most nationalistic of the Bourassa cabinet’s ministers. He was recognized as a redoubtable parliamentarian, but he was also greatly appreciated by his colleagues, in his own party as well as others.

And then came the October Crisis…

The province of Québec lost a great politician who loved Québec with all his heart, who cherished the French language, who loved action and life. A man who gave years of his life to his province, who fought against social injustices with respect for democracy and who worked tirelessly for the advancement of numerous causes.

The October Crisis led to the useless and sometimes abusive arrests of many citizens. Their families suffered for it. All the citizens touched by these arrests have been able to regain their families, their home lives. But not Pierre Laporte.

Forty years after the October Crisis, is it not time to remember Pierre Laporte as well, the journalist and the man of politics, and to recognize his support for his province and country? It is time to return Pierre Laporte to the place he deserves in history beyond his tragic end, and for that, it doesn’t matter what our political allegiances are. In so doing, we say yes to democracy, yes to our freedoms, and no to violence.

It is this which I wish for my father, for my family, and for all those who never want to live through another October 1970.

The October Crisis is uniquely tragic; it is the only time in peacetime Canadian history that the War Measures Act was invoked. The kidnappings of Laporte and Cross were what prompted it. A day after it was formally invoked in Parliament (notably, with the agreement of all opposition parties, including the separatist Parti Québécois), the FLQ announced that they had killed Pierre Laporte.

Would a more peaceful response have saved him? Possibly. But it’s hard to know for sure, since the day before the Act’s invocation, the FLQ-sympathetic union leader Michel Chartrand had boasted, “We are going to win because there are more boys ready to shoot members of Parliament than there are policemen.” The FLQ may well have been planning at least one assassination, a sacrificial murder to show that they meant business; in which case, the pro-Québec but still unity-loving Pierre Laporte’s life was probably forfeit no matter what. In an atmosphere of rising pro-FLQ sentiment, with large, well-attended demonstrations in support, it must have looked as though national unity were truly under siege, although the actions of the Parliament (and indeed, of a majority of Québécois, over time) have demonstrated the opposite.

Angry talk is often just that and nothing more. But not so the word of Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau, who famously said “Just watch me” when a reporter asked him what he was going to do. He promised action, and he delivered it.

Unfortunately, so too did the FLQ–in direct response to those words and the actions that followed them. They delivered the body of Pierre Laporte in the trunk of a car, abandoned in the bush near an airport.

The unity of Canada has often been in doubt, but only during October 1970 was it truly in danger.

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