Festive Left Friday Blogging: Where the hell are Abkhazia and South Ossetia?

You’ll probably need a map to find these two republics of the Russian Federation; I seem to recall them being in dispute when that Washington-backed freak from Georgia ate his tie

Watch for the cravat-munch one minute in.

Whatever. Anyway, all you need to know is that Chavecito played host to their leaders this week at Miraflores…

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…in which trade agreements were inked, hands were shaken, and yadda yadda yadda.

Oh yeah, and how about the military honors?

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Jeez, between the all-red uniforms and the big hats, those Russkies must have felt right at home.

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Posted in Festive Left Friday Blogging, Huguito Chavecito, Teh Russkies | 2 Comments

Dear Iggy: This is why I will NEVER vote for you.

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This landed in my inbox yesterday. See if you can tell me what’s wrong with it:

Dear Sir/Madam:

Thank you for taking the time to voice your concerns about the human rights implications of Bill C-2, the Canada-Colombia Free Trade Agreement Implementation Act.

Human rights are at the core of Liberal values. This is why we have taken the unprecedented step of negotiating an amendment compelling each country to monitor and publicly report on how this Free Trade Agreement (FTA) impacts human rights in both Canada and Colombia.

This is the first such human rights reporting requirement for any FTA in history. It imposes a new requirement on Canada’s Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade (DFAIT) to focus on, collect and analyze information on the impact of the Canada-Colombia FTA on human rights in both Canada and Colombia. This information must be provided to the Parliament of Canada in an annual report which can then be used to guide Canada’s foreign policy with respect to Colombia. In addition, the public tabling of the annual reports in Parliament will allow for greater scrutiny by opposition parties and provide a transparent way for civil society organizations from around the world to access this data as they conduct their own human rights impact assessments.

The Liberal amendment for a human rights reporting requirement was motivated by a desire for greater public oversight in the area of human rights and a belief that human rights are deeply intertwined with economic opportunity. We recognize that human rights abuses in Colombia have largely resulted from violence fuelled by Colombia’s illegal narco-economy, which, in turn, has been perpetuated by Colombia’s endemic poverty, persistently high unemployment and insufficient social infrastructure. We believe that increased political and economic engagement can help address the root causes of violence and improve the human rights situation in Colombia.

In recent years Colombia has made significant progress in combating human rights abuses.

On June 29, 2009, U.S. President Obama commented on these advancements: “I commended President Uribe on the progress that has been made in human rights in Colombia and dealing with the killings of labor leaders there, and obviously we’ve seen a downward trajectory in the deaths of labor unions and we’ve seen improvements when it comes to prosecution of those who are carrying out these blatant human rights offenses. President Uribe acknowledges that there remains more work to be done, and we look forward to cooperating with him to continue to improve both the rights of organized labor in Colombia and to protect both labor and civil rights leaders there.”

More recently, United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, Navi Pillay recognized “the significant progress made in terms of a drastic reduction in the number of complaints of extrajudicial executions and the continuous prosecution of members of Congress and public officials for alleged links with paramilitary organizations” in her March 2010 report on the human rights situation in Colombia.

The Liberal Party believes that Canada has a moral obligation to help Colombia continue to improve its human rights record. We must work with Colombia to strengthen its public institutions and create legitimate economic opportunities for all Colombians. This free trade agreement, with the Liberal amendment establishing a human rights reporting requirement, will significantly strengthen Canada’s ability to achieve these goals and engage Colombia on the issue of human rights. Furthermore, the Liberal amendment will provide Canadians and Colombians with an ongoing assessment of progress in this area.

Former Deputy Minister of DFAIT, Peter Harder, has called the Liberal amendment a “significant innovation in free trade agreements in that it provides both the Colombian and Canadian legislatures the opportunity to annually review and assess the human rights implications of the agreement. I expect that future parliaments will build on this precedent when they consider proposed free trade agreements.”

Prominent civil society organizations and unions in Colombia have also publically supported the proposed amendment.

Dr. Leon Valencia, Executive Director of Arco Iris, stated that “I think it is interesting and useful that the Free Trade Agreement between Colombia and Canada includes an amendment which requires both governments to present an annual report to the respective Parliaments on the repercussions of the agreement on human rights in each country… This will provide an important yearly forum to discuss the situation in Colombia, and will give Canadian citizens the opportunity to monitor human rights violations in our country.” He went on to describe the Liberal amendment as “innovative and converts the Treaty into something which is dynamic and provides new platforms for analysis and discussion. Perhaps this could be included in other free trade agreements.”

M. Gerardo Sanchez Zapata, President of the Apparel and Textile Industry of Colombia Trade Union Sintracontexa, lent his support to the agreement on behalf of 12 other Colombian unions: “This procedure is welcomed by Colombian workers and we are thankful to the Parliament of Canada for its position, because it helps strengthen a mechanism already in place that monitors and evaluates the progress in matter of human rights.”

Colombia is at a critical juncture in its history, emerging from decades of violence and civil war. The Liberal Party of Canada believes that countries like Canada can support Colombia on its path to peace, justice and reconciliation by helping to build and strengthen Colombia’s public institutions and provide greater public oversight on the human rights situation in Colombia. Canada must not turn its back on Colombia and isolate its people at this time. Rather we must seize this opportunity to engage the people of Colombia and work with them to break the cycle of violence and human rights abuses that prevents the country from reaching its vast potential.

Thank you, once again, for taking the time to write to me on this very important issue.

Respectfully,

The Office of Michael Ignatieff, M.P.

Leader of the Official Opposition

I’ll spare you the tortured use of italics from the original.

Here’s my open letter in response:

Dear Office of Iggy the Boyar:

You’re right about only one thing here: This IS an unprecedented step you have taken. And an unfortunate choice of direction.

No previous Liberal administration would have contemplated doing what you have done. They all resisted the US’s urging to legitimize Colombia’s right-wing government and toxic business atmosphere. So yes, what you have done is indeed unprecedented–for Liberals, and for Canadians.

But that isn’t what I petitioned you to do.

I didn’t petition you to add a worthless human-rights amendment, which will never be respected and which the Tories will only gut, as is their wont. I petitioned you to OPPOSE the Canada-Colombia Free Trade Agreement. You didn’t do that; you PASSED it.

And you call yourselves an opposition? I call you a bunch of butt-boys.

But don’t worry, a few people in Colombia will thank you for your kindly concern. Those few are Uribe himself, and his cronies–the ones who already own too much of the country; who have taken it from a violent banana republic to a narco-paramilitary failed state; who go around murdering bothersome peasants, stealing their land, and then dressing them in fake FARC uniforms before burying them in mass graves. Cocain
e traffickers, in particular, will appreciate the good work you have done; you have just made it that much easier for them to export their noxious product, which will undoubtedly land on our streets, burdening OUR legal system to the breaking point. And of course, we mustn’t forget the military-industrial complex, particularly that of Israel, which cheerfully sells weapons to right-wing paramilitaries and the Colombian army alike.

And your measly little human-rights amendment proposes to change this situation HOW, again?

Please spare me the elaborate justifications. There is no justification for what you have done to the people of Colombia. Some 4 million of them have already fled to neighboring Venezuela in order to escape from the narco-paramilitaries and the army (which may as well be regarded as a single entity, so indistinguishable are they from one another). One of the Bolivarian missions advanced by President Chávez was to grant them Venezuelan citizenship and identity cards, so that they would have a decent shot at jobs, free healthcare, and a good education–things the oh-so-humanitarian government of Alvaro Uribe would not grant them in their native Colombia. It is fair to say that Hugo Chávez has already done more for Colombians than you have, and it’s safe to say that it’s more than you will ever do.

But then again, Venezuela is Colombia’s nearest neighbor and largest trading partner. The violence of Colombia’s five-decades-old civil war spills over Venezuela’s border (and those of Colombia’s other neighbors, Ecuador and Brazil) with nauseous regularity. And so do the drugs. And Hugo Chávez used to be stationed near the Colombian border in his army officer days, ostensibly to patrol for guerrillas, but really to violate the human rights of peasants. He found this role objectionable, as did his fellow soldiers. It was a major turning point in his political consciousness. Now, as president, he takes the position that Colombia has to police its own borders, stop repressing its own people, and not expect Venezuela to pick up the slack in its guerrilla and drug wars. Colombia has failed repeatedly to do so.

Worse, Alvaro Uribe has refused to take responsibility for his own crimes and failures, preferring to project them onto his neighbors. That’s why today, President Chávez has broken off relations between Caracas and Bogotá. His patience has been tested long enough. His Ecuadorian friend and counterpart, Rafael Correa, ran out of it two years ago, when Uribe’s army bombed his country and then blamed him for “harboring” the FARC when he had done no such thing.

As for me, I have no patience for your nonsensical position that more trade with Colombia is the answer. For whom? Working-class Canadians have never benefited significantly from free trade; just the opposite. The only people ever to benefit from such agreements are those who really don’t need the extra cash. Nothing will trickle down to Colombian campesinos, and nothing to the average Canadian, either. The last thing we need is more cheap goods flooding our market; we are already glutted.

And there are only so many bananas we can eat, and there is only so much coffee we can drink. Personally, I prefer to get my bananas from Ecuador and my coffee from Brazil. Those countries have decent presidents and are not known for their narcos or their paramilitaries.

In short, dear Iggy, this is why I won’t be voting for you. It’s not the only reason, but it’s a big one.

Adios, cabrón.

Luv,

‘Bina.

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Posted in Brazil is the Bomb!, Canadian Counterpunch, Ecuadorable As Can Be, El NarcoPresidente, Free Trade, My Ass!, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't That Illegal? | 8 Comments

Aluminum siding, God’s answer to socialism…

Or at least, this knob would like you to think so:

On the off chance that I ever buy a house in Oklahoma (ha! as if!), I know one salesman who won’t be getting a penny of my pagan socialist dinero.

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Posted in Pissing Jesus Off, Socialism is Good for Capitalism!, The Hardcore Stupid, The WTF? Files | Comments Off on Aluminum siding, God’s answer to socialism…

In which your lazy scribbler finally gets her ass-kicking boots on again

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Watch out for this man; he was recently arrested, and a good thing, too.

Okay. I’ve been sitting on this one long enough. Time for me to translate what the lamestream media will never tell you, yes?

The Venezuelan far-right-winger, Alejandro Peña Esclusa, former member of the Tradition, Family and Property sect (TFP), has been linked to several coup attempts in Venezuela and, along with two ex-military men from Argentina, is now suspected of human-rights violations in conjunction with assassination plans, along with a band of foreign terrorists recently captured in Bolivia.

“The Venezuelan engineer Alejandro Peña Esclusa, bitter opponent of the government of Hugo Chávez, is at the head of UnoAmérica, the crusade against ‘leftist’ governments in Latin America. Bolivia and Venezuela head the list of ‘concerns’ of the organization, which recruits ‘faithfuls’ and finances the right-wing in Colombia,” reads an article in the Argentine daily, Página/12.

The Argentine paper explained that the vice-president of Bolivia, Alvaro García Linera, had asked the Argentine ambassador in La Paz, Horacio Macedo, for his assistance in controlling the border regions “because of the presence of Argentine activists in various parts of Bolivia.”

Days later, the Bolivian police crushed a band of suspected terrorists in a raid at the Hotel Las Américas in the city of Santa Cruz de la Sierra. Three men were killed and two more arrested.

According to Página/12, one of the Argentine ex-militaries was the “carapintada”, Jorge Mones Ruiz, who during the 1980s participated in an attempted coup against the Argentine government of Raúl Alfonsín. Those who took part in the uprising had been the beneficiaries of an amnesty which granted immunity to uniformed repressors operating during the military dictatorship of 1976-83.

Página/12 reports that Mones Ruiz found new allies as “the Argentine delegate of UnoAmérica–an ultra-right-wing organization attempting to be the counterpoint to UNASUR. He travelled to Bolivia and had contacted Eduardo Rózsa Flores“.

After the Pando massacre, which took place on September 11, 2008 and resulted in the deaths of 11 Bolivian peasants at the hands of separatist bands, the citizens of Bolivia became alert to the sudden appearance of unknown organizations, which attributed to themselves the task of investigating the events of that day. These groups came with the objective of obfuscating the reality of the massacre and deceiving the people, but were unable to do so thanks to the decisive participation of UNASUR and the UN itself.

Later, the Bolivian right began a campaign urging the government of Evo Morales to free those they called “political prisoners”, under the slogan “Free the Truth”; the activists wore black T-shirts with that saying, and white rosaries around their necks. A Sunday mass at the cathedral of Santa Cruz de la Sierra marked the launching of the operation, which was widely covered, in typical fashion, by the main television channels of the region, and in which the criminals were presented as “prisoners of conscience”.

Due to the failure of those plans, UnoAmérica intervened, intending to take on the role of the impartial investigator of the Pando massacre. One of the organization’s spokespersons called a press conference (again, in Santa Cruz) in which he affirmed, with an absolutely straight face, that the government was the guilty party, in a typical move to criminalize the victims.

UnoAmérica is a very recent organization; it was founded in December, 2008, in Colombia. Member organizations swear that their mission is to counteract the parties that participated in the São Paulo Forum, and which today form the governments of various countries in South America. They claim that these same governments have traded the firing squad for constitutional reforms, which will become the “greatest dangers” to freedom and democracy.

The director of the organization, Alejandro Peña Esclusa, was denounced a few weeks ago for his blatant interference in the Salvadoran elections, on behalf of the right-wing ARENA party, which is founded and financed by paramilitary death squads.

The UnoAmérica website presents Peña Esclusa as a former candidate for the presidency of Venezuela, and this is true: the last time he ran for election, he obtained 0.04% of the vote, or precisely 2,424 votes.

He is a personage intimately associated with the worst causes: promoter and spokesman in Venezuela for the TFP sect, a Catholic cult which is ultra-fundamentalist and antisemitic; he has also worked for years alongside Lyndon LaRouche, Ronald Reagan’s advisor and conspicuous representative of the far-right in the United States.

As well, one of the principal members of UnoAmérica in Argentina is Patricio Videla Balaguer, son of a famed military putschist of the 1950s, and a putschist himself during the “carapintada” uprisings of the 1980s. He is a prominent member of organizations such as TFP and “Parallel History”, which defends the genocide perpetrated by the Argentine junta and criminalizes its victims. For this reason, it is no coincidence that Videla Balaguer is also a member of that organization, and demands in his writings the convening of “a permanent commission to defend human rights”, promoted and co-ordinated by UnoAmérica.

Translation mine; linkage added.

Touching, isn’t it, how the fascist far right in Latin America sticks together? Argentine putschists and Venezuelan unelectables helping a death-squad party in El Salvador and a band of Hungarian-Romanian-Croatian-Irish mercenaries in Bolivia? Almost brings tears to my eyes. These poor souls will never get power the proper way, so they have to stage all kinds of lame stunts (and murderous coup attempts) to gain a toehold.

Only, alas for them, that’s not working either. Evo’s federales put the boots to the mercenaries, and the government of El Salvador is formed by the leftist FMLN party, not ARENA. Chavecito keeps getting himself re-elected (go figure, the man is popular!), and so does Evo. Moreover, both have succeeded in getting new constitutions written and passed by popular vote in Venezuela and Bolivia. The will of the people prevails.

And THIS is what UnoAmérica calls a “threat to freedom and democracy”. Makes you think, no? And also makes you want to keep an eye on these false fronts, I hope.

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Posted in All About Evo, Crapagandarati, Don't Cry For Argentina, El NarcoPresidente, Festive Left Friday Blogging, Guns, Guns, Guns, Huguito Chavecito, Isn't That Illegal?, The Salvador Option(s) | 2 Comments

Who is this “silent majority”, and why do they want to shut us up?

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I have always found the phrase “silent majority” irksome. Not just because Tricky Dick used it (and was, of course, lying his ass off when he did so), but because makes no sense. How do you know people who share your smugly conservative views are, in fact, a majority, when they’re silent?

You don’t, and that’s just what makes this phrase so stupid. It takes a lot for granted.

It takes for granted, as Tricky Dick did, that just because a majority of people aren’t out there at any given time demonstrating against some huge injustice, that they must therefore be FOR it, rather than against it and unable to do anything about it (like take time off work or travel many miles to go to a demo, say). It takes for granted that people are constantly free to speak their minds publicly, and if they don’t, it’s because their mind is already made up in favor of the prevailing order, or the ruling class, or whatever trash the TV is trying to sell them.

Of course, that’s ridiculous. Not everyone who opposes the G-20 fuckery is going to be able to turn out to demonstrate against it; I’d say that maybe just one opponent in ten made it to Toronto for the big demo, and that’s an optimistic number. Fewer still made it to the subsequent protests against police brutality and the violation of civil rights, but that hardly means, as Dalton McGuinty claimed when he appropriated Tricky Dick’s phraseology, that those who showed up to speak out were a vocal minority. They were just the few who could afford to spare the time and energy to be there.

More insulting is the notion that the so-called “silent majority” assumed to be in favor of the fuckery has more wisdom and sense on the issues. In fact, those in favor are the ignorant ones. And to anyone who had the nerve to snark on the protesters, claiming they didn’t know what they were against, here you go. Chow down on this open letter from someone who WAS there, and who knew full well what it was about:

First, why did we even protest the G20?

The G20 is the meeting of 20 leaders from the 20 richest countries in the world. They meet to discuss and implement economic policies. There is no administrative body, and the G20 is accountable to no one. The one thing that came out of this G20 meeting in Toronto was an agreement on ‘austerity measures’.

In a nutshell, austerity measures is another way of saying cuts to public spending in order to bail out banks and corporations, which are the reasons for economic crisis in the first place.

A lot of people have been talking about neoliberalism. Neoliberalism is a cluster of policies or an ideology based on belief in the free market: that the market can best regulate itself, and should not be subject to interference. This includes taking for granted the assumption that capitalism is a good thing and that it’s necessary. Capitalist enterprises such as corporations involve increasing profit by whatever means necessary: the responsibility of corporations is to their stockholders, not to those who are affected by corporate policies.

[…]

Neoliberal policies and practices have resulted in the economic crisis that we’re currently in the midst of–where folks are laid off work, factories close, or companies move overseas where they can capitalize on more cheap labour to increase their profits.

Rather than questioning the roots and assumptions behind neoliberal policies, the G20 leaders have decided that the solution for neoliberalism, is, in effect, more neoliberalism. Rather than taxing banks or corporations, they are taking public money to bail out these institutions, which are by their nature unsustainable. Put simply, this is taking money from the poor, to bail out corporations and banks, which result in more money for those who own the companies or the people who own a lot of stocks.

This is a big part of why we protest the G20. Because we disagree with a small population imposing policies that make a few richer, while increasing the divide between the rich and the poor, and continuing to harm the majority of the world’s population and the environment.

Those who protest are vocal, yes, but they are NOT a minority. Nor do they protest on behalf of a minority. They protest on behalf of the overwhelming, and TRULY silent, majority of the world that is NOT represented by the G-20 and its unethical, unaccountable so-called leaders.

The people Dalton McGuinty and Tricky Dick claimed for their own, as a “silent majority”, are in fact the minority. They are every bit as vocal when they say that the “anarchist thugs” who were there “got what they deserved”. I certainly don’t see THEIR opinion being under-represented in the news, nor in online polls, nor in “official” polls by Angus Reid et al.

In fact, this manufactured opinion has been made to carry the day, because the discourse has been hijacked since before the G-20 summit began. The cops who arbitrarily decided to not let protesters within five metres of the fence were the terrorist musclemen, and the three levels of government who gave the keep-’em-out orders were the same who determined in advance what the tone of the discourse was to be: Everything going on inside the fence good, everyone protesting outside it bad. Everything inside the fence order and propriety, everyone protesting outside it anarchist thug.

Thus was a billion dollar security boondoggle sold to a thumb-sucking public who would, of course, be the ones footing the bill. And thus was said public manipulated into thinking, against all evidence to the contrary, that the cops had done the right thing when they arrested more than a thousand people on no actual charges.

A billion dollars and a thousand arrests for nothing. Nothing, that is, but a vastly unpopular fuck-over of the vast majority of the world’s people–with cutbacks and shitty macroeconomic policies already proven by all of Latin America, Africa and Southeast Asia not to work. Seems pretty steep, but it’s nothing compared to the price the world’s exploited people–and yes, Canada has ’em too–are going to pay.

Must keep that majority silent, since they weren’t in on the consultation, right? Must ridicule, suppress and just plain shut them up. At all costs.

I propose that the so-called “silent majority” referred to by the Dalton McGuintys and Tricky Dicks of the world be referred to, instead, as the Silencing Minority. Because that is, in fact, what it is.

“It is so much easier sometimes to sit down and be resigned than to rise up and be indignant.” –Nellie McClung

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Crapagandarati, Economics for Dummies, Environmentally Ill, Fascism Without Swastikas, If You REALLY Care, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Law-Law Land, Newspeak is Nospeak, Uppity Wimmin | 1 Comment

Music for a Sunday: On the hill where he went when he ran from a raging storm

When this Payola$ song first came out in ’83, it was considered unusual and a bit shocking for telling what life is like for children of abusive, alcoholic parents. It was inspired by an actual story, told to one of the band members by a kid with a badly blacked eye, who was painfully frank about his alcoholic dad. After that, the song practically wrote itself; I can remember reading about how it came about, and how satisfied the entire band was with this very strong piece.

I was a little shocked at first, but I also liked it. It was courageous, and I badly needed courage. I was bullied at school a lot that year, so I could somewhat relate. A few years later, the full significance of it finally sank in. This tune saw me through a bad time, five years when I was intermittently seeing a boyfriend who drank (and whose father had also been an abusive drunk.) It gave me the strength to survive, and eventually dump the drunk.

I still consider it their strongest song, all these years later. And I absolutely love it.

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Posted in Artsy-Fartsy Culture Stuff, Canadian Counterpunch, Music for a Sunday | Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: On the hill where he went when he ran from a raging storm

Wankers of the Week: Hot in the shitty edition

Okay, I apologize for that. Billy Idol will always be hot and NEVER shitty. These people? Just the other way ’round:

1. Michelle Fucking Malkin. I did not even know there WAS a “New Black Panther Party”. But don’t worry, folks, the Asian White Supremacist is right on them, valiantly defending us poor endangered white folks from being viciously aborted and cannibalized by evil, evil Africans! Isn’t that sweet of her? (And isn’t it telling how she compares this largely imaginary racist threat with the very real one that is the Teabagger Party?)

2. Glenn Fucking Beck. Take your pick as to what made him wank this week, kiddies. Was it Michelle Obama’s dress sense? Was it blatant anti-semitism? Or was it all the fucking race-baiting? Any way you slice it, he’s a winner (pronounced “wiener”)!

3. Mike Fucking Adams. Eat shit, Mikey, THIS “godless heathen dissident” isn’t giving you ANY power. And neither, I think, will all the other godless heathen dissidents you’re trying to overpower with your militant McCarthyite stupidity.

4. Rona Fucking Ambrose. Let’s face it, if she really cared about saving women from honor killings–or cared as much about women as she apparently does about dyeing and ironing her hair–she’d be announcing additional funding for the long-gun registry, women’s shelters, and community education and awareness campaigns against domestic violence. She’s done NONE of that. Instead, she’s babbling nonsense about “looking at” amending the criminal code to cover crimes it already covers…assault, battery, kidnapping and murder. Only, you know, THOSE people, the brown ones with the veiled women, they need SPECIAL laws to keep their little brown butts in line with our whitey-white Canadian values. Dumb, dumb, dumb…and RACIST, too.

5. Mel Fucking Gibson, AGAIN. I’m sorry…WHO has no soul? Dude, you’re the one who just had to stick his dick into her, wrecking your own long-standing marriage in the process. And I’m sure her soul was the least of your concerns at the time. (We’ll not even mention her tight clothes and big fake boobs.)

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6. Steve Fucking Krakauer. The “New Black Panther Party” is a NON-story. Why should anyone other than FUX Snooze cover it? Do the media really want to go down that rabbit-hole-o-stoopid every single fucking time FUX does? That’s how Dubya got proclaimed (not elected) president!

7. All the Fucking Harpocrats in Parliament. But especially Dean Fucking Del Mastro. “Lining up with the anarchists”–talk about deserving to be toppled. Yeah, just a “cheap political stunt”, as opposed to the EXPENSIVE one that was the G-20 fuckery. ¡Que se vayan TODOS!

8. Richard Fucking Cohen. So nice to know that Roman Fucking Polanski is not a child-sex abuser after all. Because aren’t ALL 13-year-olds just little drunken jezebels who are merely “seduced”, not SODOMIZED? (I take it that he doesn’t have a daughter, and that he’s never actually talked to a traumatized teenager who’s been raped.)

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9. Whoopi Fucking Goldberg. Much as it pains me to include her on the list this week, anyone who’d defend Mel Fucking Gibson has got it coming. I don’t care what Oksana Grigorieva’s “motives” for recording that ugly racist tirade were–he said it, he wasn’t prompted, it was awful, he threatened her life–isn’t that enough for anyone to see that the man is an indefensible fucking troll? Jayzus. I guess his having money really DOES excuse everything, for SOME people.

10. Simon Maxwell Fucking Apter. Maradona won the World Cup AFTER Argentina had reverted to democracy. Shitty historical analysis, anyone? And no, fascism does NOT make for better soccer, either…Uruguay has had its best World Cup showing since its great victory in 1950. When it was a welfare-state democracy. And it is one again now. And since when was Britain fascist? Check this page and get back to me.

11. Matt Fucking Drudge. Yeah, there’s nothing like bogus accusations of a First Lady hell-bent on racial warfare to get the “base” wanking like mad. Too bad the warfare is against childhood obesity, not Whitey. Maybe if she’d mentioned that white kids get fat, too–but no, that would probably offend him even more, because everyone knows that white people are so much better than all the rest.

12. Bob Fucking Johnson (and all those other Fucking Teabaggers in Iowa.) Damn, ain’t Godwin’s Law a bitch when the shoe’s on the wrong foot (and there’s a bullet hole in both, to boot)? Look who’s gonna lose an election based on that:

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Yay, Iowa Teabags! Cliff’s thataway! —> Don’t stop running–go go GO!!!

13. Robin Fucking Potwora. Stoopid, meet Scary–oh. I see you’ve already had a child together. Never mind!

14. Sharron Fucking Angle. So she says God wants her to win? Yeah, she really says that. It’s all just a part of God’s great plan, along with rape and incest. What will she say when she loses? I know what I’ll be saying.

15. Rob Fucking Ford. Aggressive? Manhandles people in anger? You don’t say. I would never have guessed it of him!

16. Dick Fucking Morris. Still got that ho’s toes in your mouth, Dick? Oh, my mistake–that’s your own foo
t in there. Aside from the bullshit about liberals, do I detect a whiff of racism in that dig at minorities? Dick, you really need to wash your feet better before you go shoving them in that big ol’ mouth of yours.

17. Adam Fucking Josephs. Remember the asshole cop who threatened to bust a G-20 protester for blowing bubbles? Guess what, his Facebook page is just as entertaining as the video. He works for the City of Toronto–“collecting human garbage”. Nice, eh?

Oh, and he’s now a ‘toon!

How about that…you make an asshole of yourself, and the next thing you know, you’re animated. Some dicks have all the luck!

18. Tom Fucking Emmer. When you try to nickel-and-dime the wait-staff out of a chance at a decent living, sometimes a penny drops…right on your head. And not from heaven, either. PS: You can also contact this wage-killing wanker here.

19. Mark Fucking Williams. Hello, WHO is a “professional race-baiter”, again? And what organization did you say YOU were with? Oh yeah: “Tea Party Express Inc.”–gee, sounds professional to me. And of course, we all know THEY never race-bait:

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PS: For those who think anything can be done about this profoundly not-racist movement, sign Color of Change’s petition here.

PPS: No, Mark, you’re not a BIT racist. Not. A. Bit!

20. Jay Fucking Bybee. Here’s a thought for you, judge: If you’re really concerned about your own reputation and your family’s well-being, how about NOT FUCKING SANCTIONING TORTURE??? Innocent people have gone through hell because of you, their lives and reputations are more than ruined, THEIR families are in grave danger, some have died as a direct result of what you did, and you think you did a good job and now have the nerve to whine about your own well-deserved disrepute and the “attention” it’s brought your family? Fuck you, judge–fuck you on a waterboard.

21. Tony Fucking Clement. We Ontarians know he’s a liar–knew it from way back, when he was one of the Pathologically Lying Harrisite Parasites that made the 1990s so hellish in our fair province. Now, alas, the rest of Canada gets to find out for themselves just how badly he sucks. Sorry, folks.

22. Fucking “Springer”. Since when have the Yanks bailed “our sorry Canadian asses” out of ANYTHING? Since, oh, like NEVER. Dumbass forgets that we were in both world wars when the Yanks were still sitting on their twiddling thumbs. Dumbass also forgets who torched the White House in the War of 1812–and no, it wasn’t the Taliban or al-Qaida. Dumbass forgets, most of all, who’s been doing the Yanks’ scut-work over there in Afghanistan, God only knows why. A fucking pipeline isn’t worth it, and it’s certainly NOT a matter of OUR national security.

23. The Fucking Vatican. El Residente is so right…it IS a mafia. But hey. If they think female ordination is a “sin” on the same order as pedophilia, that means they should actually have no problem with it, as long as it’s swept under the rug. Just like all the other sins devout Catholic clerics commit.

pope-under-the-rug.jpg

And finally, to “JoAnn”, who pooped here. Funny how she defends one half of a criminal couple while leaving the other half alone. Why so selective, sweetie? Do you believe, like those who defend Roman Fucking Polanski and Mel Fucking Gibson, that money and fame should be insulators against any and all criminal charges? If so, congrats–you’re a typical member of what H. L. Mencken called the booboisie. If Patricia Poleo were a typical Venezuelan–that is, non-white and non-wealthy–she’d be rotting in jail by now. But since she got away on a luxury yacht and squats in Miami, where you also squat, she must be innocent! Um, no. She is so NOT–if she were, she’d have stuck around, stood trial, and been FOUND innocent. I don’t suppose it’s occurred to you that her timing in fucking off to Miami was awfully convenient; she did it just before the law came for her. Innocent people don’t have that kind of timing. But thanks for inadvertently revealing just what rotten logic the Venezuelan oligarchy and their valiant Miamero defenders subscribe to. It is definitely the media trend of the year, if the Polanski/Gibson thing is any indication.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | 1 Comment

Roll out the RED carpet…

…because Orwell’s Bastard is here. And man, is he PISSED.

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Teh Heterostoopid: Commitmentphobe gets committed, perforce

I’d say 10 years is easily long enough to wait, no? (Love the guy in the Che shirt who muscles the groom into line.)

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Festive Left Friday Blogging: A fresh can of whup-ass from Calle 13

Grab a can opener! Here comes some cool tunage from some VERY cool Puerto Ricans:

And here are the lyrics, translated (very roughly by me):

I was born looking up on the 23rd of February

After I finished school, I became a rapper

My family is big, there are eight of us at home

And the lower-middle class doesn’t get Plan 8

It’s normal that my behavior doesn’t suit them

The governor put my mother out of work

I disconnect myself when I write my frank lyrics

So I don’t end up going off in the White House

My rhymes make you tense and they give you cramps

I’m the one who brings the bacon so they don’t starve

I mix what I see with what’s melodic

I’m here to tell you what the newspapers won’t

This is the moment for independent music

My record label isn’t Sony, it’s the people

Those who follow me listen to the message

That’s why they defend me, with their fists that haven’t sold out

CHORUS:

Chill out people, ’cause here I am

What they won’t say, I will

What you feel, I feel too

Because you’re like me, and I’m like you

(repeat chorus)

What I write offends you

Your playback offends me

When you lip-synch in concert

I’m offended when you bribe the radio stations

So they play you every day

Even the Beatles didn’t have four songs

Playing at the same time on the radio

This looks almost like a “bizco”

You sell out because you buy your own records

Don’t tell me you don’t, because they offered to do that for me

Half of all artists should be in jail

I don’t care if they call me crazy for talking so much

You don’t say much because you don’t know much!

CHORUS

I use the enemy, nobody controls me

I hit the gringos hard and Coca-Cola sponsors me

In the whole barrel, I’m the only bad apple

Adidas doesn’t use me, I use Adidas

My strategy is different, I come in through the “Out” door

I infiltrate the system and exploit it from within

Everything I tell you, it’s just like Aikido

I use the enemy’s force in my own favor

So take off your suit now, your skirt and your t-shirt

Take off all your clothes, your brand names, your labels

To change the world, you have to bare your courage

Honesty has neither clothes nor makeup

Don’t talk to me about cartels or The Sopranos

The biggest mafia lives in the Vatican

With the trick of faith they screw all the people

They screw anyone who thinks differently

They won’t screw me, I believe in those who love

I believe in the people, I believe in my flag

I believe that those who point the finger at me

Are scared of me because I’m not scared

CHORUS (repeats several times)

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Posted in Artsy-Fartsy Culture Stuff, Festive Left Friday Blogging, Puerto Rico, Gente Pobre | 1 Comment