Yes, it IS a sign from God. And not a reassuring one, either.

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The glorious, Wicker Man-esque demise of Touchdown Jesus.

The arsonist? God herself.

The murder weapon? A lightning bolt.

Yes, kiddies, you read that right: A lightning bolt. The same the fundies keep telling us is going to hit us if we have sex before we’re married/have an abortion/have a same-sex romance/etc., etc., ad nauseam.

Or if we don’t go to church where they go to church, and peel off lots of the dollar bills to throw in the basket for Jesus.

No doubt that a lot of such money went into the construction of this fibreglass-and-plastic-foam monstrosity, which God finally saw fit to torch last night:

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Fundies, if I were you, I’d take this as a sign that megachurches are not where God wants you to be.

PS: Looks like this is not the first of the Giant Jeezi to meet with an undignified end.

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Posted in Isn't It Ironic?, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Pissing Jesus Off | 1 Comment

Short ‘n’ Stubby: Ms. Manx revisits the War on Terra

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No, the War on Terra has not wound down since Hopey got into the Reconstructed White House. Nothing has really changed except the color of the face behind the desk in the Oval Office. What, you were expecting change you could believe in? Believe in THIS, kiddies:

Osama bin Laden is still uncaptured. But in a strange twist of fate–or is it kismet?–some goon from the US, who set out to capture him, is now dying of the same ailment that’s probably killed ol’ Bin-Bin already (assuming he wasn’t assassinated, as Beni Bhutto averred before she herself was slain.) Sez the sister of the vigilante wannabe: “My brother is extremely religious since his troubled youth…He’s not crazy.” Ms. Manx bets Osama’s brothers say the same things about HIM. Meanwhile, the Pakistani authorities say Mr. Macho had a small quantity of hashish on his person when captured, and swore he’d lop off Osama’s head with a sword, and that God was with him and therefore, he WOULD get Osama. Call Ms. Manx crazy, but that sounds pretty woo-woo to her. Especially since Osama’s head is still firmly attached to the rest of him, wherever that may be.

(PS: For a hilarious other look at this nutter, plus a link to a photo of said loon, click here.)

NYT reporter James Risen is on the defensive about his piece asserting that Afghanistan has as much as $1 trillion (that’s twelve zeros, kiddies!) worth of minerals lying around under its soil. What? You thought this war was really about terror? Or just oil? Bwahahahaha. Sadly, no. For once, the Old Grey Whore has reported something real and of interest concerning the true nature of that farce, instead of what the wingnuts want to hear. Ms. Manx is not surprised to hear Mr. Risen mention pajamas, either.

General Petraeus has collapsed! Whatever could it mean???

Meanwhile, an innocent Canadian who was tortured in Syria because the US authorities mistook him for a terrorist can’t sue…you guessed it…the US authorities! Some would say that the $11 million Maher Arar got out of our government should suffice him, but they haven’t been abducted, haven’t been wrongly arrested, haven’t been tortured, and haven’t had their good name permanently tarnished, or their careers yanked right out from under them as he has, so what would THEY know? Anyway, this isn’t about money; it’s about justice, and the US has plainly decided that its own are above the law. Ms. Manx can’t honestly say she’s surprised at this, seeing what a rightardly (and largely retarded) bunch the SCOTUS are. But she can, and will, say she is utterly disgusted.

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Posted in Short 'n' Stubby, The War on Terra | Comments Off on Short ‘n’ Stubby: Ms. Manx revisits the War on Terra

Goaliefail: Cherchez la femme!

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Could a tall Torontonian blonde be the reason for the sudden choking of the goalie above? Some people think so…

Two British tabloid newspapers, the Daily Mail and the Daily Mirror, blamed [Toronto-based model Elizabeth] Minett on Monday for goalie Robert Green’s stunning miss on a routine shot that allowed the U.S. to tie in its World Cup match against England on Saturday.

She and Green, 30, met two years ago in Toronto when his West Ham team was touring Canada, the Daily Mail said. They’d lived together in a luxe flat overlooking the Thames on the Isle of Dogs in London until about a month ago, when the relationship ended.

Green’s agent Andy Evans was quoted by the Daily Mirror Sunday night as insisting the split has not affected the goalie’s focus in South Africa.

He said: “Their relationship was over many months ago. This really is not an issue and Rob has gone into the World Cup prepared mentally and as focused as possible.”

Okay, so it’s a non-story, right? Right?

Minett herself issued a terse “no comment” Monday through two of the modelling agencies she works for: Next Models of Toronto and Elite Models, which has offices in Toronto and Miami. Minett is on the roster for the Miami TV division of Elite.

But three months ago, she was happily telling a British tab that she was going to South Africa to cheer Green on and would resort to “French or French-Canadian” to thwart the spies who tried to eavesdrop on the couple.

“They will not be able to understand a thing,” she was quoted as saying by the tabloid Daily Star. “Even the French media will not be able to understand.

“I will put the Canadian accent on so strong. That’s my plan anyway. I started learning French when I was 3 and am pretty much fluent. I even have a cousin living in Paris who is married to a Frenchman.”

Zut alors! Cherchez la femme!!! Maybe she was there after all, flashing her tittaes at him from the stands at the crucial moment!!! Quick, scan the crowd footage frame by frame!!! She must be in there SOMEWHERE!!! When all else fails, blame a blonde!!!!!1111athousandeleventyone!!!

Or you can just do what I do, and blame it all on the racket from those fucking vuvuzelas. Who can hear himself think when surrounded on three sides by a swarm of killer bees? Jeez.

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Posted in Morticia! You Spoke French!, Newspeak is Nospeak, The WTF? Files, Uppity Wimmin | 2 Comments

Stupid Sex Tricks: Just beastly

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Uh oh. Run, Foxy, RUN!!!

And speaking of beastly:

Not only is the chimp assaulting a frog, there are children looking on and laughing. Yep, just another lovely family day at the zoo!

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Posted in Stupid Sex Tricks | 2 Comments

Teh Heterostoopid: Texting is so important!

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Much more so than the kid in the harness on dad’s back. (Kid? Meh…what kid?)

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Gaza Roundup 16: And the word of the day is…

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GAYWASHING. Can you say GAYWASHING, boys ‘n’ girls?

Very good!

So what’s gaywashing? Well, it’s the queer, LGBTetc. version of whitewashing–or greenwashing, for you enviro-types. It’s basically using Teh Ghey, or seemingly pro-gay-rights-rhetoric, to cover up flagrantly abusive practices, in this case on the human rights front.

And specifically, in and by Israel.

So, with no further ado, here’s how to use gaywashing in complete sentences and articles:

Ali Abunimah uses it to castigate the UK Guardian and the Israeli government for their cynicism. Key quote:

The use of gaywashing to try to make Israel appeal to Western liberal audiences and cover up war crimes in Gaza, including the war crime of collective punishment, and elsewhere has become part of the official campaign to rebrand Israel. It involves a specifically civilizational discourse contrasting a supposedly open, tolerant Israel with what is portrayed as a barbaric Palestinian, Muslim society that essentially deserves whatever it gets.

Mondoweiss gets a little more direct: “Stop gaywashing the occupation!” Also a good example of how to use the word in context. (The comments section on that one is loaded with good examples of just how thin the Israeli gaywash really is. Did you know, for example, that some hardline Israeli MKs are virtually indistinguishable from certain nutty Iranian mullahs when it comes to what causes earthquakes? It’s true!)

And of course, the banning of Queers Against Israeli Apartheid, or QuAIA, from the Toronto Pride parade is the biggest gaywash in Canada right now. Vociferously opposed by a growing number of prominent folks, and put to shame by Edmonton, of all places, where the local chapter of QuAIA marched without incident in that city’s parade on Saturday. Puts the lie to all the anti-QuAIA talk about “not feeling safe”, eh? (“Not feeling safe” is another kind of gaywash, kiddies.)

So, there ya go, kiddies…now you know what gaywashing is. And now you know that gay pride isn’t just about being gay, it’s about securing human rights for everyone. All the more reason, then, to take a stand against gaywashing.

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Posted in Gazing on Gaza, Isn't It Ironic?, Teh Ghey | 2 Comments

Gaza Roundup 15: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Palestinians

And while you’re at it, remember these other three letters: BDS. They’re short for Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions. Three things the Israeli Knesset is now trying to make illegal, worldwide. Why? Let Palestinian activist Hind Awwad explain:

It took the South African BDS campaign 25 years to achieve what we achieved in five years. That is what South Africans and anti-apartheid activists tell us. And we see [new tactics] of BDS activities by the young generation with flash mobs, actions in supermarkets, dances and songs. It takes the BDS campaign to new levels. A growing number of Palestinian trade unions signed the BDS call [and] trade unions in France, Scotland and Ireland are considering ending their relationship with the Israeli Histradut trade union.

Students are active on campuses in the UK and the US. The students of the University of California at Berkeley made us very proud with their amazing fight for divestment of university funds from General Electric and United Technologies. Palestinian youth in the Occupied Palestinian Territories (OPT) and in 1948 [historic Palestine] closely followed the events at Berkeley. Another important development is possibly my favorite. Recently, the Israeli Foreign Ministry announced [the cessation of] speaking tours of Israeli officials to the UK and the US, because of the protests they expect.

[…]

I think the BDS campaign has done a lot … it has ended the Israeli left’s domination of the discourse which was limited to the occupation, dismissing the rights of Palestinians in Israel and the rights of the refugees. BDS has allowed us to set the terms of the discourse and define our rights. We work towards a complete rights-based solution. It keeps us going. It shows there is hope in the midst of home demolitions, land confiscations, violations of rights and discrimination in Israel. Every victory of the BDS movement feels like we are a step closer. We are not alone in ending the oppression. It has a huge impact.

And that’s why. BDS spells serious. Like all exporter nations, Israel has a lot of money riding on the global goodwill of others. If that goodwill were to evaporate…say, over an unprovoked attack on an international flotilla of peace activists...well, a lot of Israeli producers would find themselves suddenly hurting. Maybe not manufacturers of weapons, which find plenty of tyrannical takers around the globe, but those who turn out other, more mainstream consumer products, such as Jaffa oranges and AHAVA cosmetics, definitely.

And that goodwill is certainly not guaranteed. The world is watching what the Israelis are doing in the wake of the Mavi Marmara murders, and so far, all indications are that they are only serious about one thing, and that’s CYA–short for Cover Yer Ass. Did you know that the Israeli judge who is to chair the panel on the flotilla attack isn’t serious about his own appointed duty? It’s true! All the more reason the international community should be in charge of this one (hello, UN!)–Israel can’t be trusted to do anything even remotely resembling due diligence. They won’t even talk honestly about what weapons they used against the virtually defenceless flotilla. (Yeah, surprise, even “harmless” paintball guns can shoot a person’s eye out at close range, and if a modest-sized passenger ferry like the Mavi Marmara isn’t what you’d call close range, you must be blind.)

In the meantime, the B, D and S all are fully justified. Because where Israel is concerned, for Palestine, there is no R-E-S-P-E-C-T forthcoming.

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Posted in Economics for Dummies, Filthy Stinking Rich, Gazing on Gaza, Good to Know, If You REALLY Care | Comments Off on Gaza Roundup 15: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Palestinians

Music for a Sunday: Consumed in a single desire

I could think of no better tribute for the martyrs and survivors of the Gaza Freedom Flotilla than this song, a longtime fave of mine. The lyrics fit on so many levels. And note how these three guys kick ass and radiate energy without ANY scantily-clad dancers, outrageous outfits, or backup band. Can YOUR pop tart do that?

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Quotable: Elizabeth Wagele on the Shadow

“In the process of becoming whole, we recognize and take responsibility for our shadow. Each shadow issue we reclaim is one less to project out onto another person, nationality, or race.”

–Elizabeth Wagele, from The Happy Introvert

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Posted in Quotable Notables, She Blinded Me With Science | 2 Comments

Gaza Roundup 14: A video that deserves to go viral

Iara Lee’s raw footage of the Israeli attack on the Mavi Marmara, in its entirety. There is no narration, nor are there subtitles, but the pictures (clear and of excellent quality) speak for themselves. This is the video that was somehow smuggled to safety so the Israelis could neither abuse it nor destroy it, nor deny the truth of what happened on the Marmara.

What really grabbed me here was the way the Muslims on the ship try to remain peaceful inwardly as they say their pre-dawn prayers, right before the Israelis come on with the speedboats and helicopters. Many of them keep on praying even as others are rushing to the rail, looking for ways to fend off the attack they know is coming. A few of the younger men use slingshots against the helicopter that hovers menacingly over them with its searchlight on–a modern-day David-and-Goliath image that will be hard to deny (and awfully ironic for Israel, claiming David’s legacy as they do.) An Israeli speedboat then pulls alongside, and popping sounds of gunfire can be heard, along with a couple of deeper booms (which could be from a cannon firing the grappling hooks). At first it isn’t clear what’s being fired. Then some streaks of red appear alongside a ladderway. A reporter with a Scandinavian accent says they are paint, not blood–apparently this is the “paintball” phase of the assault. At some unspecified moment the paintballs are replaced by live ammo, and casualties begin to pile up. There is at least one man who appears to be dead, carried on a stretcher. An activist holds up a book with plastic-coated pages and blue Hebrew lettering on the cover–clearly an Israeli hit-list, indicating which passengers on the various boats to aim for. Meanwhile, medics and volunteers tend to the injured (which include some Israeli soldiers from the helicopter.) At the end come the now familiar calls over the ship’s loudspeakers, also heard on the video which was broadcast last week by al-Jazeera, urging “all the brothers” to take their seats and remain calm.

Well, hasbara trolls, looks like your version is now, by definition, a complete and utter hash. All your amateurish attempts to justify this attack are bullshit. The Israeli standard squawk about “self-defence” is shot to hell by the IDF’s own live ammo. The activists on the ship, as the video clearly shows, have no guns, no bullets, no grenades–only a few slingshots and improvised bludgeons to head off the Israeli assault. And the Israelis came with a hit-list of those they wanted dead–this much is now confirmed. All that remains is to determine whether they got everyone they came fully intending to kill, or whether some of their intended prey managed to make monkeys of them. There are still missing persons unaccounted for, and word is that the Israelis threw their bodies overboard.

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Posted in Gazing on Gaza, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal? | 5 Comments