Yes, he actually tweeted that. And worse, it was a lie:
Fast food fanatic President Trump claimed Tuesday he bought more than 1,000 “hamberders” for the Clemson Tigers football team, contradicting his own aides who put the number of calorie bombs at 300.
The President, who hosted the college sports champions for a fast food feast in the State Dining Room Monday evening, made the inconsistent assertion in a misspelled morning tweet that was quickly mocked on social media.
“Great being with the National Champion Clemson Tigers last night at the White House,” Trump posted. “Because of the Shutdown I served them massive amounts of Fast Food (I paid), over 1000 hamberders etc. Within one hour, it was all gone. Great guys and big eaters!”
Ahead of the junk food chow-down, which featured an assortment of unhealthy dishes from McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King, deputy press secretary Hogan Gidley said the President had copped “more than 300” burgers.
Gidley did not return a request for comment on the inconsistency.
Bad enough that he served fast food — which these footballers could have gotten literally ANYWHERE, at any time — at a formal reception. Worse yet is that he even lied about how much of the greasy crap he actually bought (did anyone seriously think the notorious cheapskate PAID, though?), inflating the number by more than triple the actual amount. Worst of all is that he couldn’t even turn on his own spellchecker so as not to look an even bigger idiot than we all already know he is.
He spelled “hamburgers” like a little kid who doesn’t even know how to pronounce the word. That is literally a toddler mistake.
And it’s coming from the big, fat diaper-baby who is supposed to be running the country, but who has shut it down in a tantrum over a stupid wall that will never be built, and won nothing but the ire of everyone with actual mouths to feed. It’s so bad that the unpaid US air-traffic controllers got sent pizzas by their counterparts up here in the Great North. On the plus side, those controllers were at least fed better than the poor Clemson footballers, whose coaches must be tearing their hair out right now.
But hey. At least he served all that boxed-up junk food on silver platters, by the light of gold candelabras. That’s got to be worth SOMETHING, right?
Yeah. It’s worth the weight of a thousand cold hamburgers, in sheer comedy gold.
And with the jokes all writing themselves at the rate that Donnie can shit them out while tweeting from the upstairs john at the White House, it’s going to put the Onion, the Beaverton, and the Out and Abouter out of business in no time. And who’s gonna buy pizza and “hamberders” for THEM?
“94 countries were present at the swearing-in of President Nicolás Maduro Moros…and only 46 at that of Bolsonaro…but the “illegitimate” one is MADURO.”
So, it seems that a certain richest man on the planet is getting divorced. And since he was wed without a pre-nup way back before he made his boodle, and community property law holds that if there is no other agreement in place, all the couple’s money and property are to be split 50-50, it looks like he’s going to be just half the man he used to be, wealth-wise.
That’s the tidy, public-knowledge part of this particular case. The messy part (and you just know there’s got to be a messy part) is as follows:
Seems that the richest man in the world has himself a married girlfriend. Just when the relationship began, in relation to his legal separation from his own spouse, is bound to be disputed in court. Because it would appear that the relationship is the likely grounds for the divorce in the first place. That’s Messy Bit #1.
Messy Bit #2 is that our middle-aged Romeo has been allegedly sexting the (surprisingly, also middle-aged) girlfriend. He allegedly sent some cringe-worthy love notes via text messaging. One would think, since he got rich as the world’s #1 bookseller, that he might have done better in terms of romantic phraseology, but it seems that he doesn’t take pointers from his own merchandise. And yes, as is implied by the term “sexting”, he also sent explicit photos of himself. Allegedly.
Messy Bit #3? He allegedly did so without minding his cybersecurity. No discretion, no encryption, no secure server, no fig leaves, no eggplants. Also bit surprising, considering that his business has long been a leader in secure online financial transactions, and that he got rich from that.
Messy Bit #4: The girlfriend allegedly shared the intimate messages with her friends. Boastfully. And allegedly, accidentally. How one manages to boast accidentally to one’s friends about such a thing is beyond me, but hey — not my circus, not my monkeys, and certainly not my obscenely rich married boyfriend’s banana.
Messy Bit #5: The whole alleged sexting scandal was broken by the National Enquirer. Whose publisher, David Pecker, is a close friend of Donnie Drumpf. And the aptly named Mr. Pecker did his buddy an as-yet-untold number of favors by the use of “catch and kill” — whereby he would buy up the tell-all stories of Donnie’s old mistresses, and then refuse to publish them, the better to spare Donnie’s reputation on the campaign trail. Had he published them in a timely manner, it’s unlikely that we would be seeing Donnie in the Oval Office, except maybe as a “celebrity” tourist. (Note the quotes, there for a reason.)
Messy Bit #6: Jeff Bezos owns not only the world’s largest online store, but also the Washington Post — Donnie’s nemesis, though just one of many such, and for the reason that it publishes actual journalism, at least from time to time. Much of it unflattering to Donnie. So there might be an additional layer of dirty-favor-doing on the part of David Pecker here, in the form of a “takedown” of Donnie’s perceived nemesis. (Bezos himself swears that he does not hold any editorial control of the paper himself, and there is no compelling reason to doubt him. Nobody has come forward so far to say that he ordered any slanted pieces on Donnie.)
Messy Bit #7: Robert Mueller, investigating Donnie for all manner of campaign irregularities on behalf of the US Department of Justice, allegedly has a lot of previously-hidden dirt on Donnie…possibly including some explicit photos of the private parts that Stormy Daniels famously compared to Toad, the little mushroom-critter from Mario Kart.
Messy Bit #8: Bezos’ banana, so rumor has it, is no Toad. Which may explain his alleged mistress’s alleged need to boast about it.
Messy Bit #9: Donnie has been in a tizzy for months trying to discredit his perceived enemies. He’s made no secret of his own desperation; his flailing has embarrassed everyone except, it would appear, himself. He’s even gone so far as to claim that Robert Mueller and James Comey were “photographed together”, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. That gambit spawned a FOIA request for the alleged pictures, but so far, none have surfaced. Meanwhile, Mueller is still doggedly investigating, and Donnie is still stewing and spinning. Could Donnie have called in yet another favor with the amusingly named Mr. Pecker to try to discredit yet another of his many pet hates, based on prior pattern? Oh, possibly.
Messy Bit #10: Donnie is not exactly a stranger to planting gossipy stories about sex in the tabloids, either. Remember how Marla Maples allegedly bragged to the New York Post that he was “the best sex” she’d ever had, back when she was still Donnie’s mistress during his first marriage? Yeah, she didn’t really say that. But guess who took it upon himself to get it reported that she’d gushed to friends about his amatory prowess? (Which, as Stormy Daniels has made a point of assuring us, is not all that OR a bag of Cheetos.)
So, make of all this what you will. I don’t know whether to hope or fear that this will turn into a literal dick-measuring contest between an actual divorced billionaire with a big banana and an orange-dyed old fool who only plays one on TV. But in any case, I’ve got my eyes peeled, my ears cleaned out…and lots of corn for popping.
PS: Oh look, the Turks are thinking what I’m thinking:
Yup, this might just shape up to be one helluva pissing contest. Brace yourselves!
Ahem. First, a little mood music. I’ll explain why in a bit…
Ah. That was…so cheesy. But you know what’s even cheesier? THIS:
Names can be hard to remember, and everyone blanks now and again. Taking that to an extreme, President Donald Trump apparently had a tough time recalling the name of his national security adviser, John Bolton.
Trump reportedly called him “Mike” sometimes, which, of course, is incorrect.
In a New York Times piece detailing Bolton’s time in office—and his struggle to find his way in the administration often defined by chaos—journalists Mark Landler and Helene Cooper revealed that the former Bush official had a somewhat distant relationship with the president.
“Despite being a contemporary of Mr. Trump’s, however, Mr. Bolton is not a member of his inner circle,” read the Times story. “He does not have the same relationship with Mr. Trump that he had with Mr. Bush. Sometimes, with aides, the president refers to him as ‘Mike Bolton.'”
Yeah, that’s right. Donnie has his rabid sheepdog ambassador to the UN confused with a froofy-haired pop singer.
Last week, President Trump asserted that several of his predecessors personally told him they wished they had built a border wall. “This should have been done by all of the presidents that preceded me,” he said. “And they all know it. Some of them have told me that we should have done it.” Reporters have reached out to all living former presidents and ascertained that none of them did so. This morning, NBC’s Hallie Jackson asked Vice-President Mike Pence to name the former presidents who had secretly told Trump to build the wall:
“I know the president has said that that was his impression from previous presidents, previous administrations,” replied Pence. “I know I’ve seen clips of previous presidents talking about the importance of border security.”
So rather than concede that Trump made up these private conversations, Pence is saying Trump saw them say it on television, and imagined they had told him this face-to-face. Is that actually better?
No, actually, it sounds like he’s developed paranoid schizophrenia. Or dementia.
During a pool spray streamed by all of the major cable networks earlier Wednesday, Donald Trump riffed on the “unbelievable vehicles” driven by unknown immigrants, most of whom walked from Guatemala to the southern border.
Trump: “They make a lot of money. They have the best vehicles you can buy. Stronger, bigger and faster vehicles than our police have and ICE has and Border Patrol has. So they’re pretty good at that. They have areas that they go to. It’s like a highway. And we have to close them up and if we don’t close them up you’re all kidding yourselves. Look, we can all play games. But a wall is a necessity. All of the other things, the sensors and the drones, it’s all wonderful to have and works well but only if you have the wall.”
So all these dirt-poor migrants suddenly have “unbelievable vehicles” that will take them over the Mexican border into the US of Amnesia. Yet we don’t have any footage of this actually happening. And we know, therefore, that Donnie couldn’t have seen that on TV. He just made that shit right up out of his creepily combed-over head!
Maxime Bernier says the destruction of Canada could be one consequence of a hypothetical “future world government.”
Bernier, leader of the far-right People’s Party of Canada and a sitting member of the Canadian Parliament, issued tweets Monday evening warning that “prominent” Canadians are trying to “set up a world government” run by the United Nations.
The People’s Party leader also questioned the “loyalty” of the Prime Minister of Canada. He pointed to the fact Canada provides foreign aid to impoverished countries as evidence Justin Trudeau may instead be “loyal to a future world government that will destroy Canada.”
Bernier’s declaration was typed entirely in caps lock.
This is straight out of Alex Jones. In short, the same shit that’s poisoned Donnie.
Former prime minister Stephen Harper says Canadian leaders have to find a way to get along with U.S. President Donald Trump because of Canada’s “overwhelming” dependence on the U.S. as an economic and geopolitical partner.
Harper made his remarks during a panel session with former British prime minister Tony Blair at the Raisina Dialogue, a geopolitical summit held in New Delhi and sponsored by the Indian government, on Tuesday.
“Every year, I would go to New York on business and [Trump] was on a list of people that asked to meet me but we never actually met,” Harper said when asked about his impressions of Trump. “But I know many of the people around him, I think I’ve got a pretty good picture.”
Without mentioning Prime Minister Justin Trudeau by name, Harper said he believes it’s important that “a smart Canadian prime minister” gets a few things right when dealing with the American president.
“First of all, he establishes — to the best of his ability — a good personal relationship with the president of the United States, regardless of that president’s personality or political party,” said Harper.
“Secondly, a smart prime minister of Canada — because we can often be off the radar in Washington — goes out of his way to show when we are onside with the United States how we can be a useful partner in furthering the United States’ global role because that’s ultimately in our interests.
“If you do those two things correctly, that is the basis on which you can then respectfully disagree when you need to.”
Know who else likes women to look and act like trophies? Yeah. DONNIE. Probably because he’s dumber than a box of rocks himself, so he needs a woman to be literally dumb (in the old sense of decorative and mute) to make him look like a bigger and better man than he is.
The problem is, nobody’s fooled anymore. Except, maybe, Harpo…who got turfed out of office unceremoniously in 2015. And who, by his own idiotic words, keeps reminding us why we haven’t missed him since we sent him on his way.
Oh my, how embarrassing. And now, the whole world is going to find it out, because here it comes in English…
Patrícia Lélis, ex-girlfriend of Eduardo, the son of Jair Bolsonaro, decided to respond to a tweet by PC Siqueira on Twitter, in which he cited a post by Eduard talking about the “bad behavior” of his ex-girlfriend after she turned feminist.
In the post, he said that she began to do “bizarre” things, and that feminism was a disease.
[…]
Patrícia responded: “We women don’t deserve stupid men, pricks, who act like babies and who have a micropenis! Ha, that Bozo family…”
Translation mine. Here’s the tweet, for those who wonder if she really said that:
Yes, indeed she did. And it’s glorious.
So there you have it, folks. Fascist scions are underendowed, and not only in terms of their brains. Which would, no doubt, explain a LOT about their shitty politics!
And if anyone ever deserved to be made into fascist shishkebob, it’s Gammon:
…who, as we can see, has absolutely NOTHING to be proud of. Especially with all the walking-back you’ve had to do since you were first exposed. But please, do feel free to whine about being “taken out of context” by someone who actually put you back into your rightful context as a neofascist gang goombah who routinely goads his over-age “boys” into assaulting others while standing by and waving a fake samurai sword.
And hey! Nice racist rules for joining your totally-not-racist GANG, too, Gammon! I can’t imagine why you haven’t attracted many non-white members at all! Must be because black men don’t take kindly to being called “boy”, or something.
How do you know Donnie’s loyal nitwits are floundering and desperate for any straw to grasp, just to stay afloat? Because the best they can do to discredit one of his fastest-rising progressive critics is to dig up and distort a cute, harmless video of her dancing at college:
Yeah, that happened. Some Q-Anon bozo decided to try to smear her by digging up a cute video of her participating in a Breakfast Club remix-video meme dance (which could be official advertising for Boston University, judging by the looks of it). And by cutting out just the bits in which she appears, darkening it, and throwing it all over some drums meant to evoke scary, mumbo-jumbo visions of deepest, darkest Africa. And the whole thing blew up in the anonymous troll’s face, so spectacularly that he was forced to delete his account in shame.
And for those who are curious, here’s the whole video that those clips were cut out of, darkened to look unprofessional and awful, and set to that silly hoodoo drum track:
Well, that was absolutely demonic. And I’m not even a little bit gay, but now I’m totally gay for her, and I ain’t even mad. Figure THAT out.
Meanwhile, here’s the political side of that wicked, wicked woman, in her own words, in an interview shot before her first spectacular victory in the primaries:
Good heavens, an actual freaking PROGRESSIVE, who had the unmitigated nerve to primary a corporate Democrat who was appointed, not really elected, to her district in New York, where crooked slumlords (like Donnie) hold unchallenged sway! And she’s sincere, and smart, and knowledgeable about local issues, too! No wonder the Q-Anons are wetting their pants in fear of her. If she keeps up at the rate she’s going now, she’s gonna drag the Overton Window so far to the left that it might just end up attached to the house again, instead of lying smashed on the grass way over there on the far right where it is now…
Meanwhile, speaking of wicked women who’ve got the right soiling themselves in terror, get a load of this other one, this awesome Palestinian whom AOC is gallantly defending:
Not only did she call for Donnie’s impeachment, but she specifically called him a motherfucker. (Which, to be fair, is technically inaccurate; it’s his daughter that he wants to fuck, duh.) But oh, how I love the calls for “decorum”, NOW, long after Donnie’s own “grab ’em by the pussy” tape has been publicized, and glossed over, by those same right-wing assholes of the congress and the media.
Meanwhile, here’s Rashida on Rashida:
She’s every bit as fabulous as Alex OC. And I’m loving the both of them.
As for all the pearl-clutchers in the Republican establishment, you all can go fuck yourselves.You aided and abetted the motherfucker. Sit down and quit pretending you’ve never heard harsh, honest language that reflects what an overwhelming majority of the planet is thinking. Do you forget who voted for your boy?
Yeah. THOSE classy, decorous souls. The increasingly few, the increasingly less proud, the butthurt snowflakes who vote against their best interests because they prize their racism, their sexism, and their LGBTphobia above all things.
Fear doesn't travel well; just as it can warp judgment, its absence can diminish memory's truth. What terrifies one generation is likely to bring only a puzzled smile to the next.
--Arthur Miller, "Why I Wrote 'The Crucible'", The New Yorker, October 21, 1996
All opinions here are the brain-wrackings of Sabina C. Becker, unless otherwise credited. If you cite them, please give credit where due.
