Shingles vaccine: More harm than help?

Posted on April 19, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Now, I’m no antivaxxer as a general rule. In fact, I’m very PRO-vaccine. And as I’m coming up on 50, and have had chickenpox as a kid (at age 11), I’ve been thinking about getting an anti-shingles vaccine at my next doctor’s appointment (the vaccine is intended for adults over 50; here in Ontario, you can get it for free if you’re 65-70 years old). But now I’m thinking twice about getting it at all, because this news is worrisome:

Zostavax is a live-virus vaccine, and therein lies the danger associated with it. Killed-virus vaccines are generally safer; they teach the immune system to recognize a disease-causing virus by its outer coating, so that the body clears it up before it ever has a chance to take root and cause illness. Killed-virus vaccines use only dead viruses, so there is virtually no risk of illness from getting one (unless the virus is improperly killed, as in the Cutter incident during the early days of production of the Salk polio vaccine, which resulted in an outbreak of the disease the vaccine was designed to combat). However, because the virus cannot replicate, and the immune system may lose the ability to recognize them over time, killed-virus vaccines require boosters to keep the patient immnunized.

Whenever possible, live-virus vaccines are used, because their effects last longer, meaning fewer or no boosters are required. Such is the case with vaccines against the Varicella-Zoster virus, which causes both chickenpox and shingles. The virus has to be weakened (attenuated), rather than killed, for the vaccine to be able to work. When done properly, this might result in a very mild illness following injection, or none at all (usually, none). Some patients with compromised immune systems are unable to receive such vaccines at all, so herd immunity is important in order to protect them. (Get your shots, healthy people — and keep your boosters up to date, too!)

The danger with using attenuated virus vaccines is that the virus used can revert to virulence unexpectedly after generations of relative weakness in human hosts. When that happens, you get full-blown cases of the very illness the vaccine was meant to prevent. That appears to have happened with Zostavax. In one recent case, the vaccine caused death, and that was enough for Australian health authorities to put out a warning on it. Meanwhile, in Pennsylvania, a court case was tossed out on statute-of-limitations grounds.

So what does this mean for regular folks? Well, for those who’ve had the vaccine and suffered no harm, no need to do anything; you’re in the clear. Those who haven’t had it yet? Wait and see, and before you decide to get one, talk with your doctor. Maybe a safer version will come out; maybe the batch that caused the trouble will be recalled and disposed of in the meantime, and future batches will be safe.

I know one thing that won’t be on my to-do list for my next medical visit, though.

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Alex Jones is fake news, says his lawyer

Posted on April 18, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Oh, oh. Looks like the world’s messiest conspiracy weirdo is also embroiled in the messiest-ever child-custody battle with his former wife. And in the midst of it all, some surprising things came out, at least from the mouth of his lawyer:

Just look at all those “excuse me”s and the ragey shit that immediately precedes them, and then think, folks: HE TALKS LIKE THIS IN FRONT OF HIS OWN KIDS. “Performance art” or no, that’s some creepy shit right there. Either way, I don’t think he should have custody of the kids. If that’s real, he’s deranged; if that’s fake, he’s a liar. Either way, those kids are gonna get severely messed up with prolonged exposure to his crap.

And I don’t wish that upon ANYBODY.

PS: Looks like Stephen Colbert got hold of an even MORE demented clip of Alex in action. And I’d say his assessment of what it all means is…dead on:

(You may want to skip to a bit past the one-minute mark.)

UPDATE: Alex has responded, and I think it’s safe to say he won’t be seeing his kids anytime soon. Especially since there’s also videotape of him stripping drunkenly during a family-counselling session!

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Who bombed the Borussia bus?

Posted on April 16, 2017 by Sabina Becker

So far, no perpetrators have been arrested in connection to the April 12 bombing of the bus belonging to a big-league German soccer team, Borussia Dortmund. It’s clearly a terrorist incident. But one “usual suspect” terror group could be ruled out because of the pattern it doesn’t fit, say German experts:

The early suspicions of investigators seem to be confirmed in that three identical messages, which were found at the scene of the crime after the bomb attacks on the team bus of Borussia Dortmund, could not be clearly identified with a single extremist tendency. An expert in Islamic studies came to the conclusion that there are “considerable doubts that the letters were written by radical Islamists”. The author(s) of the identically-worded messages apparently only wanted to give the impression that the act came from an islamistic background. They may have claimed to be acting in the name of Allah, but much of the text was allegedly atypical of the so-called Islamic State (IS) terror militia.

This assessment is based on the written characteristics of the letters as well as the demands therein. The authors had threatened, among other things, that athletes would “immediately” go onto a death list, if for example the Rammstein Air Base were not closed down. “IS doesn’t bargain,” said a federal security agent from Düsseldorf with regard to this point. Also, no letters claiming responsibility have been found, to date, at the scenes of any Islamist attacks. The letters found in Dortmund altogether lacked the symbols of IS.

Nordrhein-Westfalian security experts, independent of this expertise, drew an early conclusion that someone whose first language was German had written the letters. The unknown person had, however, built in some errors in order to make it look as though a foreigner had written them. Why? There are still several inconsistencies.

Investigators from the federal prosecutor’s office are checking the incident in all directions and don’t want to narrow down the leads through any early conclusions. Right- and left-leaning extremists, as well as Islamists and common criminals, are all being investigated. Also not ruled out: that the criminals are violent soccer fans, said NRW interior minister Ralf Jäger on Thursday during a session of the Düsseldorf regional parliament.

So far, there has been no spectacular arrest in the Dortmund case. This even though a 26-year-old Iraqi refugee, who had been living in Wuppertal since 2016, was taken into custody one day after the April 12 attack. But the investigations had “until now produced no evidence for” him being involved in the attack, said the state attorney’s office. The man has long been suspected of cultivating contact with IS members. To that end, the investigators released a telephone call that had been intercepted a few days before the crime. In it, an unknown person had told the 26-year-old that the explosive charge was ready.

What the unknown person meant by that is unclear. Presumably it has nothing to do with the attack in Dortmund. However, the investigative judge took out an arrest warrant against the Iraqi on suspicion of membership in a foreign terroristic group. He allegedly joined IS in Iraq in 2014 at the latest, and directed a terror cell. Reports from foreign secret agencies, statements from his former wife, as well as an administrative report from the BND, place heavy suspicion on the man.

There are many diverse directions [to follow in] the Dortmund attack. Whether there is a promising lead among them or not remains unclear. The explosive charges, in any case, were professionally constructed. They had a blast radius of more than a hundred metres, and were filled with shrapnel. One of the many pieces of shrapnel buried itself in the headrest of one of the bus seats. Criminal investigations into the explosive material were still incomplete on Friday.

In contrast with early findings in this investigation, there is an older case, which took place 32 years ago in Dortmund. A bomb went off in a local department store in March of 1985, severely injuring eight people. Politicians and tabloid media immediately blamed the crime on the [most feared] terror gang of the time, the Red Army Faction (RAF). Dissenting opinions, such as that of Hamburg security chief Christian Lochte, suggesting it could have also been neo-Nazis or apolitical teenage hooligans, were at first dismissed.

Then it came out that a 20-year-old apprentice of a right-wing background had built the pipe bomb himself and hidden it in the department store. He wanted to “experience panic” and see “how people react when it really goes off”. He was sentenced to five years in a young-offender facility. The police came onto his trail through the testimony of a friend of his.

Translation mine.

So, not Daesh, because as experts affirm, “they don’t bargain”. Who then?

Well, as the closing paragraphs hint, it could be a common hooligan, or a band of them. And neo-Nazis — an ever-underestimated, yet highly prevalent scourge in Germany — shouldn’t be ruled out, either. Even though the fashion in media seems to be to blame foreigners and the left. You’d think that after over 32 years, they’d have learned their lesson there, no?

Well, NO. But that’s okay, because a right-wing entity has come forward to claim responsibility anyway, after a couple of predictable, transparent head-fakes designed to stir up public opinion against…well, the usual suspects:

The federal criminal agency (BKA) has received an e-mail admitting guilt in the attack on the Borussia team bus in Dortmund for the supposed act of a far-right copycatter. A “personal identification of the originator of the text” of the letter taking responsibility found at the scene could be “ruled out”, according to a BKA analysis of the e-mail, which arrived on Thursday night at the Tagesspiegel office.

The e-mail’s author refers to Adolf Hitler, rails against “Multi Kulti”, and threatens a further attack for April 22 in Köln. The “text originator” suggests “a connection, be it only of ideological nature, to the ‘National Socialist Underground’ (NSU),” writes the BKA.

In the e-mail, it reads “The Underground is back.” However, the BKA considers the danger of an attack in Köln upon demonstrators against the [far-right] AFD party convention to be minimal. The e-mail will still be considered as part of an “assessment of danger”, says the BKA statement.

Translation, again, mine.

No word on the name(s) of the sender(s) of this message. But if nothing else, it points up the stupidity of jumping to any too-easy conclusions about terrorism in Germany…and who’s really perpetrating the bulk of it. The NSU, for instance, has flown under the radar for years, even as terror attacks against Muslim immigrants and refugees have increased (and far outstripped any crimes committed by said immigrants and refugees). It should be blindingly obvious that even now, nearly a hundred years after the original Nazi gangsters terrorized the land, the far-right continues to be Germany’s biggest source of terrorism. The initial urge to blame either Islamists, leftists, or both, however, plays right into those same old hands.

As usual, “Cui bono” is the question to ask. And it is the question the media keep failing to ask, even if the investigators do ask it.

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Music for a Sunday: And we’re all too scared to stop…

Posted on April 16, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Sometimes I think they’re madder than hell just having tea…

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Wankers of the Week: Flyin’ the Unfriendly Skies

Posted on April 14, 2017 by Sabina Becker

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Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy Easter to all who are celebrating it. Just a word of advice to those who have to fly this weekend: Stay the hell off United Airlines, whatever you do. You already know why, eh? And here’s who else to avoid like the grungy kitchen of Mar-a-Lago this week, in no particular order:

1. Kendall Fucking Jenner. Last week, she was ridiculed for appearing in an ill-conceived ad that suggested that all our social problems could be solved by giving the cops a stinkin’ can of Pepsi. This week, she tops it by fretting about her all-important IMAGE. How out of touch can you get? VERY. Pro tip for those who really care: The place to unite is not around a pop can, but around the people who are protesting capitalism. You have pots of money? Donate some to progressives in need. Don’t just “feel good”, DO THE RIGHT FUCKING THING.

2. Jian Fucking Ghomeshi. Hey! Remember him? He’s baaaaaack…not that anybody really gives a shit. But hey, he’s got another vanity project going, in which he’s playing the alienated exile! Ladies, do you forgive him yet? NO? I don’t blame you. He’s done absolutely NOTHING to make amends for all the harm he’s done. Fuck off, Jian, and keep fucking off.

3. Michele Fucking Bachmann. Hey! Remember HER? She never left, and more’s the pity.

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4. Robert Fucking Bentley. Pro tip for cheatin’ fambly-values gubnors: If you’re gonna send yucky texts to your mistress, TRY not to sync all the same messages to your wife’s iPad, oak hay? PS: Buhbye. Ha, ha.

5. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. And in other shitty gubernatorial news, we have him…mulling a run for the top job in the state of New York. Sez the politics bug bit him. Let’s hope it finishes him off. PS: Especially since he’s a homophobic chip off the old man’s block. PPS: And again the unprofessional Drumpf Dummpf strikes with a vengeance. Your political bug is gonna nuke you, Diaper Donnie.

6. Eric Fucking Drumpf. And while we’re at it with shitty Drumpf spawn, we also have him…making the case for nepotism. Which can fuck right off.

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7. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. And sticking with the Spawn of Cheeto Satan until we run out of nepotistic hires, we have her…making the case for bombing Syria by being upset about teh baybeez, thus causing Old Orange Face to fire off the boner-compensating missiles. DADDY!!!

8. Justin Fucking Trudeau. Meanwhile, #7’s reputed crushboy has just signalled that he’s totally willing to do the very thing we Canadians have been groaning about and facepalming over in our Conservative prime ministers since forever…namely, toadying to that god-awful Goliath to the south of us, instead of making like a capital-L Liberal David. What a sunny waste this Trudizzle is. Clearly he’s forgotten how his old man riled up Tricky Dick Nixon and made friends with Fidel Castro instead, as people with spines do.

9. Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Need yet another reason to yoink Billo off the air and out of the public eye? Here you go. (You’re welcome!)

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10. Sean Fucking Spicer. Hitler didn’t use WHAT? Um, Zyklon B. Your argument is horseshit, Bunny Boy.

11. José Fucking Antonio Fucking Sánchez. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how asinine it is to excuse the massacre of Aztecs by Conquistadors, on the grounds that the Aztecs were (a) comparable to Nazis, and (b) in sore need of that civilizing, Christianizing influence that the plague-ridden, racist, massacring Spaniards brought to the Americas.

12. Joe Fucking Wilson. Hey! Remember him? He lied. Again. And people called him on it, too. Repeatedly. Ha, ha.

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13. Steve Fucking Housser. Yes, providing homes to the homeless DOES sound like communism. But really, why is this a BAD thing? Would you rather see people starving and dying on the street? What a good little crapitalist you are.

14. Kyle Fucking Chapman. So, you got your ass beaten by a bunch of skateboarding kids? Serves you right for calling them “cowards” and “cocksuckers”. Sic semper imbecilis, fascist scum.

15. Jeff Fucking Sessions. Yes, Jeffy-Poo, we KNOW this is the “Trump Era”. And, Gods willing, it will be not just nasty and brutish, but short…like your boss’s filthy fingers, and YOURS.

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16. Mick Fucking Mulvaney. Before slashing government agencies, departments, and services, you might want to acquaint yourself with what they do. Especially if you’re overseeing and/or slashing their budgets, you fucking moron.

17. Bill Fucking Cash. No, Sir Oaf, it’s not the UK’s oil. It’s SCOTLAND’s. And you had best pray that Scotland doesn’t Brexit on you, because there will go one more source of…wait for it…CASH.

18. Arturo di Fucking Modica. So, let’s see if I got this straight: Sculptor who installed a bronze bull statue — the literal embodiment of the golden calf you’re not supposed to worship — on Wall St. without a permit…is now all butthurt because another sculptor installed a little girl staring it down? Masculinity doesn’t get any more fucking fragile.

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19. Scott Fucking Pruitt. Not a single federal dollar shall go towards protecting the environment from money- and power-hungry crapitalists. But somehow, there’s ALWAYS room in the budget for a 24/7 security detail for the shit-eater who’s letting all the rape, plunder and despoliation go unchecked? Uh, how about NO? And how about JAIL?

20. Larry Fucking Pittman. Abe Lincoln was as bad as Hitler…for freeing the slaves? One of these things is not like the other, motherfucker.

21. Daryush Fucking Valizadeh. Oh, the irony…of a failed pickup artist (and incipient terrorist) writing to Big Daddy Gummint to get them to stop being Big Daddy Gummint to all those terroristic wimminzes, and start being Big Daddy Gummint to him!

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22. Markwayne Fucking Mullin. So, you think it’s “bullcrap” that your constituents actually pay your salary? Well, you know, they could always STOP paying your salary. Let’s see what kind of “service” you’d be providing them then, Mr. State Rep With A Bullcrap First Name.

23. Jeffrey Fucking Lord. It’s hard out here for a pimp…especially when what he’s pimping is Presidunce Pussygrabber. And doing it by idiotically comparing him to Martin Luther King.

24. Danielle Fucking Bregoli. Honey, knock it off with the bogus street tweets. You’re just a little snotnose with a shit attitude, and your 15 minutes of fame-for-nothing were over last year. Ain’t nobody coming to cash OR catch you outside anymore. Whatever contract you signed is about to be cancelled for severe lack of interest on the part of the general public. Now eat your Brussels sprouts and do your homework and go back to obscurity where you belong like a good little brat, okay?

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25. Charlie Fucking Spiering. Yeah, Bitefart “reporter”…why CAN’T your readership have the truth? Oh yeah…because they’ve been brainwashed and suckered by FUX Snooze for so long that they now thing that “fair and balanced” means “leans so far to the right that it falls over flat on its side and proceeds to dig a hole with its right hand, all the way to China.”

26. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. No, no, dear, not “liars”. It’s “purveyors of alternative facts”, remember?

27. Mike Fucking Pompeo. And again with the “Wikileaks is a spy agency!” crapola. Whom are they spying for? Oh, I see…NOBODY. So, WTF is a “hostile non-state intelligence service”? Since when have those even existed? Methinks somebody is butthurt because their little game is up and they’ve been rendered obsolete by geeks on the internet. PS: Ha, ha. PPS: And looky what we have here: Mikey liked them before he hated them. Consistency: never a Repug strong point.

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28. Brian Fucking McDowell. No, dude, nobody should fuck you. It seems you’re already fucked anyhow, if you think a video of you making passes at a stranger while drunk off your ass shows your “confidence”. And no, you’re not Jesus, either, so don’t reach for that lame old comparison. Actually, you’re an asshole, and you deserve to die unlaid and alone.

29. Jim Fucking Sensenbrenner. “Nobody’s got to use the internet”? Well, maybe this moss-encrusted old coot doesn’t, but everybody else does. Maybe it’s time to start electing politicians who are aware of changes in the way things are done, eh?

30. Thomas Fucking Low. “Sometimes great men do bad things”, eh? Yeah, and sometimes a man who molests his female relatives just isn’t that great a man. Sometimes, in fact, regardless of his social standing, he’s just a shit…and so are judges who make excuses for shits like him.

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And finally, to Der Fucking Drumpf himself, who went out of his way to suck the world into World War III this week. Whether it was not-so-casual threats against North Korea or ordering a missile strike on Syria while chowing down on Mar-a-Lago’s mediocre (and germ-ridden) chocolate cake, Donnie became truly presiduncial this week. At this rate, his opponents won’t have to make a case for impeachment; they might just get lucky and have him go down with a bomb, like Major Kong.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Drumpf flip-flops, hedges, and bullshits. So what’s new?

Posted on April 12, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Oh! And he also said NATO was obsolete…until suddenly, it wasn’t.

Well, Donnie? Which IS it?

Oh sorry. I didn’t realize you had your mouth full of cake.

Jeebus.

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Brian Williams jizzes his pants over Syria

Posted on April 11, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Hey! Remember how Brian Williams made shit up about his supposed heroics in Iraq? And how, on my most recent wankapedia, I also flagged him for a wanker when he oohed and ahhed over the missiles launching from a ship, heading for Syria? Well, I’m not the only one who’s noticed that he’s got kind of a sexual fetish for war and the glorification thereof. Jimmy Dore has seen it also. And he’s not buying the “oh what a lovely war” narrative any more than I am.

I’m pretty sure that Leonard Cohen was NOT pro-war when he wrote that about “the beauty of our weapons”. I’m pretty sure that he was being sarcastic. (The man was a Buddhist, after all, and everyone KNOWS how pacifistic THEY are.)

And while this may seem out of the blue, I suddenly feel a song coming on. No, it’s not Leonard Cohen. But it fits the situation a lot better. Brian Williams, this one’s for you:

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The real reason Drumpf bombed Syria

Posted on April 10, 2017 by Sabina Becker

And no, it has nothing to do with Russia, which actually opposes him on the Syrian front. It has to do with one of the only two reasons Donnie Drumpf does anything:

Now, Ana and John are being cautious here, but I’m certain that he did make money off Raytheon stock, which he does own. Maybe not through stock sales, but definitely through dividends.

And yes, that IS illegal for a sitting president of the United States of Amnesia.

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Music for a Sunday: Joan Baez’s latest little ditty…

Posted on April 9, 2017 by Sabina Becker

Well, looky who came out of songwriting retirement, folkies. Yes, this famous anti-war singer:

Gee, I wonder who this was dedicated to!

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Wankers of the Week: People who just need a Pepsi

Posted on April 7, 2017 by Sabina Becker

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Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to whoever made that god-awful Kendall Jenner ad for Pepsi. You people were really on top of your game there, weren’t you? Yeah…ain’t nobody drinkin’ Coke now, because they’d just be spraying it out their nose from laughing so hard. And here’s who else is good for a spray of soda out the nose, in no particular order:

1. Russell Fucking Peters. A crowd of young girls isn’t “a felony waiting to happen” — men who would take advantage of those girls are. And thanks, again, for making me want to do everything BUT laugh, you unfunny clown.

2. Janet Fucking Mefferd. When progressive Christians quote scripture, “it turns into something monstrous”? Boy, I’ll say. It turns into a monstrous indictment of right-wing hypocrisy and its routine use of religion as justification for everything, up to and including MURDER.

3. Michael Fucking Howard. Hey, I’ve got a terrific idea. Instead of the UK going to war over Gibraltar, how about making good on your promise to fuck off out of Europe by fucking off out of Europe? Because Gibraltar IS in Europe, even if you’re not.

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4. Fergus Fucking Wilson. Waaaa, he doesn’t like being called a racist…for discriminating against non-white tenants and saying racist things about them! Such a special widdle snowflake. Would you like a cookie there in your safe space, Fergie?

5. Pat Fucking Buchanan. I don’t know what amazes me more…that ol’ Paddy ain’t dead yet, or that he thinks Pooty-Poot is “godly”. I’m gonna go with “ain’t dead yet”, if that’s okay with you.

6. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. What’s dumber: Juicebro giving an interview in which he makes it clear that he’s totally at odds with reality, or Drumpf’s spokesdroid promoting said TV interview? I’m gonna go with Ms. Promote-a-Loser, if that’s okay with you.

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7. Rachel Fucking Dolezal. Privileged white woman claims she’s black — oh sorry, “transracial” — and that she’s more oppressed for doing so than actual transgender people are for being actually trans. Never mind that transgender people are actually killed for being the way they are, i.e., for EXISTING, and Rachel is not facing anything worse than a bit of public ridicule for her insistence on being something that doesn’t even exist.

8. Theodore Fucking Beale. Meanwhile, in other racist news, we have this guy…who thinks rap music doesn’t exist. An assertion which must come as quite the surprise to quite the number of actual, existing rappers.

9. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. No, Diaper Don, Juicebro didn’t break any news at all. He repeated an idiotic rumor with no basis in fact. No Pulitzer for him, but a Bullshitzer for the both of you!

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10. Jason Fucking Kenney. First he thinks kids who join gay-straight alliances at school should be outed. Now (after a shitstorm of criticism and flack) he says he doesn’t. But he does, “except when the parents are abusive” — huh? Well, Jason? Which is it? And exactly how do you propose to determine in advance who’s an abusive parent (unworthy to know) and who’s not abusive (worthy)? I have so many questions, but I doubt I’ll ever get a straight (ha, ha) answer out of you.

11. Sean Fucking Spicer. Damn, son! Do you need some Ozonol for that burn? Because you done got your ass TOLD.

12. Ezra Fucking Levant. Is Ezzy the Putz good for the Jews? Jews say NO! And apparently, so does the Ryerson University community, who turned their backs on the campus Conservatives. Ha, ha.

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13. Bryan Fucking Fischer. The originator of the LGBT rainbow flag recently passed away. This moron’s response? “Cultural appropriation! He stole the rainbow from GOD!” No, he “stole” it from NATURE. And if he “stole” it, then so did the inventer of Lucky Charms cereal, and the inventor of Skittles candies, and so on, and so on, and so on…

14. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. She didn’t know what the definition of complicit was. Fortunately, a dictionary was there to spell it all out for her. PS: And nice try at having things both ways, too. PPS: Oh HELL no.

15. Kenneth Fucking Copeland. Gay kids are a “punishment” for not supporting an adulterer who routinely cheats people out of money he owes them, sexually harasses women, lusts after his own daughter, and who pays prostitutes to wet beds while he watches? Given the number of fabtabulous LGBT people I know, I’d say they’re not a punishment but a reward. And, speaking as a woman who’s had her tubes tied without having kids first, I have to say that “barrenness” is no punishment, either.

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16. Mark Fucking Fenton. He’s mad because he was found guilty of disrespecting the right to a peaceful protest during the G-20 in 2010, when he ordered the “kettling” of hundreds of people who hadn’t done anything wrong? Gee, I guess he’s just not feeling himself. Maybe we should ask Kendall Fucking Jenner to offer him a liquid Snickers…er, PEPSI.

17. Bob Fucking Onder. When you’re so fucking obsessed with abortion that you can’t even discuss a zoo without bringing it up, that’s when it’s time to make an appointment with the mental-health counselor, old son.

18. Pat Fucking Robertson. Hold up…Patwa is being “dominated” by “homosexuals”? Well, thanks for sharing your sexual fantasies with all the world, Patwa. Ugh.

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19. Betsy Fucking DeVos. She can dish pain and misery out to students, but she can’t take it when they hurl some back at her. Why am I not surprised?

20. Hans Fucking Fiene. I took an informal poll of my male friends, and all the respondents agreed: This guy is full of fucking shit. The “Friend Zone” is the product of a silly ‘90s sitcom that really should be left for dead already (I never watched so I missed the episode). And if women don’t want to have buckets of babies, they shouldn’t fucking HAVE to. This guy is just a racist who’s worried about being made a minority — and treated the way American whites have treated minorities since the slave era. Relax, dude. Head out of ass. Chill pill. And BREATHE.

21. Stephen Fucking Bannon. Oh my, what have we here? An old man using the word “cuck” like a teenage basement-dweller covered in Cheeto dust? Yup. And oh yeah: “Globalist” makes an appearance, too. Damn. Why are all the dogs barking? In any case, it’s funny as fuck that this Nazi got yoinked from his post by, of all people, an orthodox Jew. And he’s MAD. Because he got the “gunfight” he wanted, and lost it. Ha, ha.

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22. Jared Fucking Kushner. Lest anyone think I’m playing favorites here, let me remind you that this guy’s presence in the White House is down to sheer nepotism. And shitty business skills, good only for running everything straight into the ground. He’s still preferable over #21, but only marginally.

23. Lynn Fucking Beyak. Dang, I just heard the dogs barking again. What could have set them off? Oh yeah: The “Silent Majority” dogwhistle. No, stupid, the majority of Canadians — silent or not — is NOT with you on this one, you racist fucking bitch. Don’t confuse us with your fellow Conservaturds.

24. Kelvin Fucking Ogilvie. And speaking of Conservaturds, there’s this one…projecting his own parasitism on the media, who are actually doing their fucking JOBS. And he’s pretending he didn’t say it, when the people doing their fucking JOBS caught him on tape saying it!

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25. Nikki Fucking Haley. Yeah, that attempt to blame Russia for what is most likely the work of Turkey and the al-Nusra Front is kind of a fail, wouldn’t you say? Especially since Russia’s the country that’s actually accomplishing things over there.

26. Justin Fucking Trudeau. Well, there goes any notion that he’d ever stand up to Drumpf on anything. Yup, he’s a bomb-Syria cheerleader, just wavin’ his bomb-bomb pom-poms. But he’s a FEMINIST bomb-Syria cheerleader, you guys!

27. Alex Fucking Jones. Like I said, I’m not Team Kushner. But this guy is just so full of shit (about him, Ivanka and Bog only knows who all else) that every time he flaps his gums, a turd falls out. BTW, Alex…what the hell happened to the Putin-worship? Is that all over now that you have to choose between him and Daddy Drumpf?

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28. Robert Fucking Bentley. So, to recap: Family Values is based on Traditional Marriage. And as everyone knows, Traditional Marriage is between one man, one woman, and one mistress. And apparently, it also demands massive heaps of public hypocrisy. Yes, folks, that’s right…hypocrisy and lying are Family Values!

29. Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos. Drumpf’s airstrikes on Syria are “FAKE and GAY”? Yeah, Milo…just like YOU. Clutch your fake pearls a little harder, wouldja?

30. Ann Fucking Coulter. Yay! Always nice to know we can rely on the Coultergeist to say something utterly idiotic, ghoulish, and uncalled-for. Hey North Korea, if you’re gonna shoot anyone, could you aim just for HER?

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And finally, to Der Drumpf and all his cartoon-frog-worshipping little ass-barnacles out there. Hope you guys enjoy eating each other, because Meals on Wheels got cancelled so your Dear Leader could have his wars AND his golf at Mar-a-Lago, too. Why yes, I AM enjoying your collective demise and permanent loss of credibility. Your political clout? That’s next. Ha, ha.

Good night, and get fucked!

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