Mexican cardinal offers bizarre sex-ed lesson

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Mexican cardinal Norberto Rivera Carrera is a powerful man in the Catholic hierarchy. And, like so many of his ilk, he has some mighty…er…interesting notions about human sexuality and the functions of the body:

The Roman Catholic Church and its most hardcore followers have turned the topic of marriage equality into a crusade of fundamentalism and intolerance toward same-sex couples.

The latest argument denotes absolute lack of understanding of human sexuality, but according to them, sustains their beliefs drawn from the Middle Ages and warns the faithful against the great dangers of gay marriage.

“From the Faith”, the propagandistic organ of Cardinal Norberto Rivera Carrera of the Archdiocese of Mexico, offers a lesson on the function of the anus. The Catholic hierarchy affirms that “the human body is not designed for homosexual relations”.

Without mentioning the source of such scientific information, they touch on the topic of feminine sexuality with absolute erudition:

“The woman has a cavity specially prepared for sexual relations, which lubricates itself to facilitate penetration, resists friction, secretes substances which protect the female body from possible infections present in the semen.” We suppose that this mysterious “cavity” is the vagina, although this is not clarified.

On masculine sexuality, they offer a lesson of technical physiological knowledge, in particular on the anus, very different from the anus of the woman, according to them:

“On the other hand, the anus of the man is not designed to receive, only to expel. Its membrane is delicate, it tears easily, and lacks protection against external agents which could infect it. The member that penetrates the anus injures it severely, possibly causing hemorrhages and infections.”

Applause, please. Everyone on your feet. More applause. Incredible! Now it turns out that the best sexologists are in the Archdiocese of Mexico, with a new and grandiose theory of sexuality never before seen, studied or divulged. More applause, please.

With this, the Archdiocese of Mexico wants to demonstrate that it is better than any institute of health specializing in human sexuality. And it wants to convince us of the good qualities of the anus, which according to them, should only “expel”, which is to say, we can only defecate through the anus, never “receive” anything, much less a penis.

Pardon — here arises a doubt, a question. What about anal sex? What do we do with anal sex? Maybe the cardinal and his propaganda organ — I’m referring to the pamphlet “From the Faith” — don’t know that anal sex exists, nor have they heard of the study of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, which recommends safe techniques for couples, heterosexual or, all right, homosexual, to practise it.

The anus, according to this study, is a “muscular sphincter”, tends to offer resistance, for which reason, at the time of relations, they recommend physical relaxation and above all, the use of lubricants. They also state that penetration must be done gently. And it gives us the recommendation of the use of condoms, since the rectal mucosa is a “path of entry for viruses and bacteria”. Also, it states that after anal coitus, it is better not to penetrate the vagina, so as not to contaminate the intimate region with bacteria, and if one does so, one must use a new condom as well as having proper hygiene. The study says that anal sex offers “great erotic and sexual satisfaction” to all types of couples.

Anathema. Surely, Cardinal Rivera would send the Journal of Sexual Medicine to hell, and its expert sexologists too. Moreover, the cardinal places emphasis in his propaganda organ on the notion that lesbian sex is equally dangerous.

“There could be contagion of sexually transmitted diseases, as well as damage due to penetration by objects which substitute for the male member.” That is, the Church proposes that sexual relations should only be between couples of different sex, and, if possible, in the missionary position and with lights out. What type of sexual relations does the Church accept? Those considered “scientifically safe” according to Christian morality.

In a perverse manner, in this pamphlet, Cardinal Norberto Rivera mixes same-sex couples up with AIDS and other diseases.

“More than 50% of persons with attraction to the same sex who have sexual relations, contract some type of sexually transmitted disease: HIV, herpes, human papilloma virus, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc.”, says the text, and adds: “This is a public health problem because an important portion of homosexual persons are known to have an addiction to sex, and an inclination toward a promiscuous lifestyle.”

This text is a clear example of discrimination. Not only does it promote hatred against homosexuals, but it defames them with lies, half-truths, and manipulations without any supporting medical evidence.

Saying that an “important portion” of homosexuals are “addicted to sex” is generating a false concept in society, in order to generate opposition to equal marriage.

“The church doesn’t hate homosexuals, it loves them, and suffers if they suffer. For this reason it opposes ‘equal marriage’, because those who participate in this type of union have a very high risk of suffering the harms previously noted….The Church opposes (equal marriage) because it does not want anyone to suffer the harms that this type of union tends to provoke: injuries to spiritual, psychological and physical health. Let us consider the damage to physical health.”

Appealing to “physical health” to demonize equal marriage is a low blow on the part of the Catholic hierarchy, in which it shows itself desperate and ready to do anything, even spreading lies and inciting hate, in order to prevent the advance of modernity.

Worse yet, Cardinal Norberto Rivera and his propaganda paper propose not having sex: “Even knowing this, the Church insists, as St. Paul did, in season and out of season, that in continence is the only solution.” Continence is the “virtue” of dominating, controlling and orienting sexual impulses and the “concupiscence of the flesh”.

The Church crusade against equal marriage, and that of its organizations of Catholic parents, is national. Other bishops, such as that of the Diocese of Xalapa, Hipólito Reyes Larios, have joined the disinformation campaign, saying that textbooks “make gays” of children, generating an “atmosphere of libertinage” like that of Sodom and Gomorrah: “Books cause children from pre-school age to become gays, lesbians, bisexuals or transsexuals, since they teach them about sexuality.”

These opinions seem more perverse than those emanating from the flesh and desire. Better not to even speak of homosexual priests, much less of what they think about the scientific Catholic function of the anus.

Fortunately, it’s clear to us that priests and cardinals are not sexologists. Imagine what would become of us if we based our sexuality on their primitive criteria. How much happiness, how much joy, how much pleasure, how much freedom, would they have snatched away from us? God forbid.

Translation mine.

So we can see that even as Mexico is moving into the modern era, with marriage equality for same-sex couples popping up all over the place (as indeed it’s doing in other parts of Latin America, as well), the Mexican Catholic church, despite its large number of gay priests, is digging in its heels, opposing what could only be a beneficial trend in the long run.

Most ironically, the hierarchy is ignoring the evidence which points to the dangers of the closet. For no sexually transmitted disease can spread and flourish without widespread ignorance of sexuality in general, and shame about gay sexuality in particular. In the 1970s and ’80s, the backdoor of the closet led straight to the bathhouse, where promiscuity was the norm and safe-sex practices nonexistent. The result: Lightning-fast transmission of HIV and other STDs, and devastation for the gay community as young and seemingly carefree men were decimated. Even monogamous gay men found themselves infected by partners who weren’t, or who hadn’t always been before meeting them, or who themselves had had contact with just one infected person.

The current, largely successful push for marriage equality in North America, and other LGBT rights and protections under law, grew out of the struggles of that era. Today it’s commonly recognized that same-sex marriage has helped to remove the stigma from being gay. When people are no longer closeted, neither do they get the “perverse” (but actually quite unsurprising) urge to throw caution to the winds. When their sexual orientation is seen as just another variation on the theme of natural and normal, they can form relationships and households without fear or deception. They don’t have to marry anyone they don’t love. They don’t have to pretend to be straight. They don’t have to furtively seek out any and all willing strangers to satisfy their hidden urges. With no imperative to conform, there is also no counter-imperative to go sexually berserk, risking life and health for a few moments of pleasure. Result: Lower rates of HIV infection, among others.

Removing the stigma from being gay also removes the obsession with gay sex, as paradoxical as it may seem to the backward theologians of the Mexican Catholic church…who are far more preoccupied with gay men’s anuses than the gay men themselves would ever be. And who are now the butt of many a dirty joke because of it.

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Photo du jour: Scary Russkies!

Did Der Drumpf meet with Pooty-Poot? No pix, so I’m assuming he didn’t. However, we do have this:

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…which looks like a rather cordial and friendly meeting to me.

Things that make you go hmmmm, eh?

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Music for a Sunday: Two for the weather here…

Yep, we’re still stuck in a drought (I almost wrote “doubt”, how appropriate!) here in Southern Ontario. And it’s at record levels, too. So why not join me and the Guess Who for a little prayer?

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Wankers of the Week: The Russkies are coming! The Russkies are coming!

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Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to my US friends, especially the Bernie Bros and Bernie-dettes. Sorry, folks, that your candidate got backstabbed, lied about, cheated, and ultimately, you got ripped off too. Surprise! The DNC convention was just as much of a shitshow as last week’s Drumpf clown-car unpacking. And it even comes complete with (readily debunked) ooga-booga about Russia and how Pooty-Poot is allegedly behind Der Drumpf. No solid proof, mind you; just a whole buttload of dumb, gonna-bite-‘em-in-the-ass accusations that make establishment Dems all sound like Chicken Little. And they are well represented among the wankers this week, albeit, as usual, in no particular order:

1. Tim Fucking LaHaye. Yes, he died this week…but he still deserves a spot on this list. Why? Because he helped shape the fucked-up, Christofascist country that’s now in such a shambles that its choice of candidates is Far Right and Right Lite. And because he’s a shitty dreck-writer whose works are still, unbelievably, selling and being read.

2. Donald Fucking Drumpf. Roger Fucking Ailes “helped” women? No, Donnie — he screwed them over. Literally. Sex with the boss is NOT “helping” anyone. And if the boss is half as repulsive a monster as Ailes, it’s gonna hurt like hell, and keep on hurting. PS: Well, well. Look who hasn’t met Pooty-Poot after all! This after bragging of meeting him last year. Well, Donnie? Which is it? PPS: And no, I don’t for an instant believe that Russia hacked the DNC’s emails as a favor to him, much less at his request. But his making cracks about it — not to mention his threatening violence like a schoolyard bully — is proof that he’s too dumb, stupid and immature to run a popsicle stand, much less a country.

3. Debbie Fucking Wasserman Fucking Schultz. Why the double Fucking?

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That’s why. The chutzpah and inhumanity just knows no bounds. And this isn’t even taking into account how she worked hard to deliver the “right” (wing) result in the Democratic primary, which is now DINO. And got rewarded for it by you-know-who, too.

4. Laurie Fucking Throness. LGBT people are “dominating” Christians? Wow, who knew? Is he paying a lesbian dominatrix to whip and chain him, or how would he know all this?

5. Matt Fucking Skof. A gaggle of Ottawa police officers beat to death a mentally ill black man out of obvious racism, and the police union leader is in denial. Which ain’t no river in Somalia, Cleo.

6. Owen Fucking Shroyer. Speaking of racism, this rising “star” of the “alt” right (read: Neo-Nazis too cowardly to speak their own name) tried to take on Van Jones. Bad, bad, BAD mistake, punkass.

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7. Bibi Fucking Netanyahu. He called Arabs “goats”, supposedly by accident. Somehow, I get the feeling it was no real accident at all, but a Freudian slip.

8. Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Making excuses for the slavery that built the White House? Yeah, that’s a “history teacher thing”, all right. A BAD history-teacher thing. PS: Ha, ha! PPS: Get a waaaambulance, Billo is melting DOWN!

9. Brock Fucking Paulke. Misogyny and rape culture on Facebook, “advice”? And “charitable”? Yeah, right. Pull the other one, dopey, it shoots hot buttered popcorn!

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10. Tracy Fucking Rosner. Teacher who can’t speak Spanish sues because she didn’t get a job teaching Spanish. And claims it was “reverse” racism that kept her incompetent white ass out of the job? Only in Florida, folks.

11. Tony Fucking Blair. Waaaaa, Dubya’s Poodle haz a cranky! He’s mad at Jeremy Corbyn for calling him what he is…namely, a war criminal who had to rely on a fudged-up dossier to drag his country into a massively unpopular, totally unwarranted war. And he’s pissy at him for not being able to “help” Syria? By bombing the shit out of it, no doubt. He forgets that Corbyn is not the PM, but the Loyal Opposition — and that as such, he has little to no sway over the ruling party. And that’s what makes Toady Bliar a wanker this week, kiddies.

12. Angela Fucking Eagle. And speaking of crankies: Looks like somebody can’t face the fact that Toady really IS a war criminal. And how convenient that she’s trying to oust Corbyn from the spot that the rank and file elected him to.

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13. Geraldo Fucking Rivera. Carry water for Roger Fucking Ailes — get water dumped all over you. See how that works?

14. Harry Fucking Houck. No, Sandra Bland didn’t die in police custody (for a minor traffic infraction that should have resulted in no more than a ticket and a warning!) because she was “arrogant”. She died because she was black, because cops have racial arrest quotas to fill, and because the fucking cops roughed her up, on purpose, for driving while black, and they didn’t care if she died in the process.

15. Jim Fucking Bakker. $100 a month to this charlatan, to buy real estate in heaven? Somehow, I don’t think this is what Jesus meant by “many mansions”. I get the feeling ol’ Jimmeh’s more the sort of guy he’d have driven out of the temple with a cat-o’-nine-tails.

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16. Scottie Fucking Nell Fucking Hughes. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how embarrassingly stupid Der Drumpf’s surrogate is for claiming it’s sexist to say women can be president, and racist not to include white boys (who, to date, have been the ONLY ones to grow up to be president)! And also for claiming there was never a glass ceiling. And ALSO for “What about my son?” Lady, if he’s as dumb as you are, you better pray that he takes no interest in politics, EVER.

17. Leon Fucking Panetta. Look who turned out to be a conspiracy tinfoiler! Yeah…HIM. It’s like none of them can admit that Der Drumpf is bad enough on his own, or that their own side has done grievous wrong in cheating their own party’s voters of a free and fair process. Both mistakes will cost them. PS: Ha, ha!

18. Melania Fucking Drumpf. Surprise! She lied about her education; she doesn’t have a degree in anything. But then again, she also lies to Der Drumpf…about not pooping or farting, among other things.

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19. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. Why is it such a novelty when a young black person is “so articulate”? Could it be because all the white people who cop to supporting Daddy-O are, um, how to put this delicately…NOT SO FUCKING BRIGHT??? And anyhow: This black teen who supposedly endorses Der Drumpf is not old enough to vote (he’s still five years too young), so why does it even matter? PS: No, Barack Obama did not plagiarize your speech, dumbass.

20. Marco Fucking Rubio. Yeah, surprise: He really doesn’t care about gay people. Although, weirdly, he still makes my gaydar go woop woop woop.

21. Nicholas Fucking Confessore. And speaking of surprises that aren’t: The Grey Lady is a shill for the Lady in the Pantsuit. And this “reporter” is the official stenographer to the Clinton campaign.

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22. Lisa Fucking Greenwood. Ever notice how those who say ugly racist things about Michelle Obama tend to be…well, ugly racists? Yeah. I noticed. How ‘bout you?

23. Motti Fucking Dotan. And speaking of ugly racists, how about this one? He thinks Arabs are too dirty to use Israeli public swimming pools. Oh, of course he doesn’t come out and put it quite that way, but anyone with an eye can see what he means. He thinks they should stick to their own, even though they don’t have any, because you-know-who keeps yanking their land out from under them! Meaning, only Israeli Jews are good enough to stay cool in the hot Middle Eastern summer. Just as they’re the only ones good enough to own Palestine.

24. Bill Fucking Clinton. Yes, HIM. Because yes, he went THERE. Where’s THERE? The insult-the-Muslims route. Where else? Oh yeah: The insult-women-and-blacks route, too. The only people he didn’t insult? White men like himself, who capitulate to right-wingers at every bend. Please, Bill…take your foot out of your mouth and sit DOWN. You do NOT want to see me dredge up what you did wrong during the ‘90s.

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25. Scott Fucking Adams. D’awwww, Dilbert is all cockadroop! And also paranoid as fuck that he’ll be ridiculed to death as a Californian Drumpf supporter. Well, Herr Kafka, you may be paranoid, but yeah. People will mock you all the way to your grave for that bit of stoooooopid. And very deservedly so.

26. Lou Fucking Dobbs. Whites, a minority in the US? Not even hardly. Unless, of course, you’re talking about albinos, in which case yeah.

27. Jeffery Fucking Lord. Gun violence, the fault of legalized abortion? Not even hardly. Here in Canada, we’ve had no abortion law since 1988, and stricter gun laws since the early 1990s. Guess what our gun crime rates look like. No, really — guess!

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28. Rick Fucking Myers. Because it just wouldn’t be a wankapedia without Florida Man…picking magic mushrooms while toting a ‘gator for reasons known only to himself. (And maybe not even then. Who knows?)

29. Ryan Fucking Bundy. Well, at least he admits he’s an idiot. It’s not much, but it’s a start. Now, about those million-dollar demands…

30. Javier Fucking Duarte. Holy fucking shit, Antonin Fucking Scalia’s not really dead…he just took up a new post as a state governor in Mexico! And it looks like he’s really itching to declare miscarriages to be manslaughter. My question is this: How is this misconception even in office at all?

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And finally, to the fucking DNC. Yes, ALL of them. Why? Because if anyone’s torpedoed the Democratic Party’s chance of winning this upcoming election, it’s them. Their blatant rigging of the process is now out there for all the world to see. It’s alienating as all fuck. And no, they won’t be able to blame it on mythical, misogynous Bernie Bros switching their vote to Der Drumpf, because there literally aren’t any who would do anything so goddamn fucking stupid. Their candidate is actually the one who could have beaten Drumpf hands down, and the DNC idiots made sure that wouldn’t happen — by making a mockery of the party’s very name. They harp a lot on Der Drumpf’s treason, but what about their own? Worst intra-party scandal since Tammany Hall, and they couldn’t have picked a worse time to spring it, either. This one’s totally on them. And so will their defeat be, if it comes to that.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Quotable: Graham Greene on writing

graham-greene-on-writing

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For Cubans, it’s always today

Happy anniversary of the storming of the Moncada Barracks!

Here are the lyrics to the song:

The Moncada showed us
The way that we must go
And from that high example,
For us it’s always the 26th.

CHORUS:
It’s always the 26th
It’s always the 26th
For us it’s always the 26th.

The homeland is singing and love
The homeland is struggle and duty
And in this, of patriotism
For us it’s always the 26th.

Only creative work
Is the way to grow
And in the question of work,
For us it’s always the 26th.

Ideology is the motor
For advancing and overcoming,
And as far as ideology
For us it’s always the 26th.

Conscience and valor
Always triumph over yesterday
And from that same instant,
For us it’s always the 26th.

Translation mine.

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Music for a Sunday: A fool to try and catch her

Because I recently got my hands on a copy of Tank Girl and love it, so should you. Naa naa!

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Wankers of the Week: The Donald Drumpf Gong Show

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Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, how about THAT shitshow. No, really. Norwalk virus even broke out at the RNC convention in Cleveland, right on the eve of Der Drumpf’s official coronation as Repugnican candidate for the presiduncy. The symptoms are vomiting and diarrhea. Couldn’t be more appropriate, could it? And here’s who was vomitous and shitty this week, in no particular order:

1. Hollis Fucking Alexander. You’re a judge, not a minister. You’re not supposed to inject God into a CIVIL wedding ceremony, jackass. And if you want to do that…go be a preacher and leave the administration of justice to someone who’s actually QUALIFIED to occupy the bench.

2. Michael Fucking Flynn. Never mind that the Ayatollah Khomeini has been dead for nearly 20 years now. He’s still supposed to denounce the Nice attack from the grave, even though it wasn’t even a jihadist but a garden-variety domestic abuser gone bonkers. And just think, people, this is a former US general talking. One can only imagine why he was retired in the first place. But one doesn’t have to think terribly long and hard to see why Der Drumpf tapped him, eh?

3. Theresa Fucking May. She’s not elected, she has no popular mandate, and yet somehow she’s prime minister of Britain. And worse: Look what she’s done just one day in. She closed the office for climate change! This, you must agree, makes her an even bigger pigfucker than the one she just replaced. Or, to put it another way: Wrexit…now with even MORE wreckage!

4. Sonia Fucking Kruger. Why?

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That’s why. And ‘nuff said.

5. Joseph Fucking Pryor. Yeah, surprise, dude: Actions have consequences! And in your case, the consequence is that your “patriotic” ass is now shut out of the US Marines for assaulting a black woman at a Drumpf rally. Don’t you feel stupid now? You should, because you ARE!

6. Andrea Fucking Williams. Oh sure, she looks very sweet and nice in her frilly pink tops, but don’t be fooled. Under that pink puffery is someone who’d gladly slap a pink triangle on everyone who’s not cis, het, and a complete fucking asshole about it. Out of what? Christian Concern, of course! Because all that hatred and exclusion is somehow more platable when it’s dressed up as caring and Concern!

7. Joseph Fucking Epstein. Dude, if you’re so worried about being forever remembered as a raving homophobe, there is one very simple thing you can do to prevent that: STOP FUCKING BEING ONE.

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8. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. Yeah, that’s right, there’s a Junior. And he’s just as assy as his old man, too. And just as full of idle threats.

9. Joshua Fucking Feuerstein. Holy effin’ crap, what is up with this gun-toting wild-eyed sorry excuse for a preacher? Pretty sure Jesus would not approve of that, much less his RACIST death threats. Pretty sure, in fact, that Jesus would take a cat-o’-nine-tails to his ass, like he did with the moneychangers in the Temple.

10. Steve Fucking King. Your “western civilization” is a myth, buckaroo. And your racism is based on bullshit, too. Take a hard seat. Oh hell, take TWO!

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11. David Fucking Clarke. Black Lives Matter is a “hateful ideology”? Mike Brown was “a co-conspirator in his own demise”?? And this from a BLACK MAN??? Just you wait till you’re out of uniform, chief…then we’ll see how much those white people you’re sucking up to still care about you. Remember that to them, you’re just another useful idiot.

12. Alex Fucking Jones. Conspiracy wacko gets trolled by a comedian. The punchlines just write themselves! PS: Aaaand SCENE. Yup, that cerebral hemorrhage…any day now.

13. Melania Fucking Drumpf. And speaking of punchlines that just write themselves, how funny is it that she got caught plagiarizing a black first lady on behalf of her husband’s own arch-racist bid for the White House? I can hardly wait to hear how her salivating brownshirt admirers spin this. Probably as more evidence that she’s “bringing class back” to that hopelessly tarnished plantation house, or something. PS: Ha, ha. PPS: And RickRolled! Ha, ha, ha.

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14. Paul Fucking Manafort. He blames Hillary Clinton for Melania’s plagiarized speech? Uh, shouldn’t he be blaming Michelle Obama? I mean, that IS who she cribbed it from… PS: Ha, ha! PPS: Ah, sexism. Always a good look, at least for Repugs and their trophy wives. The rest of the world? Not so much.

15. Scott Fucking Baio. Does your non-lesbian shitass wife approve your ugly tweets, Chachi? No? Then how about your pastor? Kiss your mother with that mouth? Gawd. PS: And thanks a pantload for killing Garry Marshall, too.

16. Milo Fucking Yiannopoulous. Finally, FINALLY, Yeah-Nope got a permanent suspension from the tweeter. Why? Well, to quote his own words: “If at first you don’t succeed (because your work is terrible), play the victim.” And lord knows he did that a lot when they took away his widdle blue checkmark. And now that he has one platform less on which to play the Nazi, I’m expecting a whole storm of salty, “alt-right” man-tears. PS: Remember this? Milo doesn’t. Savor the irony, folks, he hath well and truly become what he once railed against.

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17. Larry Fucking Miller. “Colorful”? Well, that’s one way of describing him. Personally, though, I prefer BAT GUANO.

18. Recep Fucking Tayyip Fucking Erdogan. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how outragous it is that he just moved into a palace four times the size of Versailles. This at a time when the average Turk is scrounging, and the Syrian refugees just keep coming. One would ask with what he financed that pile of rubble, but it’s probably better to just wait for the next round of Panama Papers-type leaks to roll around. All will be revealed…

19. Owen Fucking Shroyer. Dude, when you don’t know what the fuck you’re on about, the proper thing to do is STOP BABBLING, ALREADY. But what am I saying? You’re a conservative. You couldn’t stop babbling inanities if your life depended on it, could you?

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20. Laura Fucking Ingraham. Sieg Heil! Always so nice to see yet another fascist finally coming out of the closet, emboldened by the literal shitshow that is Donald Fucking Drumpf.

21. Matthew Fucking Heimbach. Sieg Heil! Always so nice to see yet another fascist finally getting criminally charged for harassing non-white people. If only he were also in deep shit for the neo-Nazi rally in Sacramento, where as many as nine anti-fascists were stabbed by the coward’s crew. He himself was, of course, MIA…the better for plausible deniability, no doubt.

22. Roger Fucking Ailes. So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodnight! Too bad you’re such a sexist heap of shite!

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23. Phil Fucking Robertson. If Der Drumpf loses, he’ll go into hiding? Promises, promises. But on the off chance that he intends to make good, I suggest the caves of Tora Bora. With his regressive religiosity, his big ol’ beard, and his turban-like bandana, he’ll fit right in!

24. Daryush Fucking Valizadeh. For showing up at #16’s shitty pity-party, natch. And for not yet having twigged to the fact that both he and Milo represent a lot of what mainstream WASP Repugs hate (non-white non-Christians and Teh Ghey, respectively), and for thinking they really run the show. Ha, ha! (I nearly wrote “Cucking”, sorry. Force of habit. He and his idiot cronies use that silly word a lot, and it makes them sound like chickens.)

25. Duane Fucking Flowers. Trust me, I have no love for Hillary Clinton since the Honduras coup went down and she was found cackling gleefully behind it (and the assassination of Berta Cáceres, ditto). But even I would not call for her to hang. Much less to defile a tree with it. This asshole, on the other hand…

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26. David Fucking Duke. Of course he loved Der Drumpf’s screech, because OF COURSE. And Drumpfy still hasn’t disavowed this flaming fascist sack of doggie doughnuts, either! And worst of all: He’s now running for US senator. You can’t make this shit up…

27. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. No, dear, your dad will NOT promote equal pay. He won’t promote pay, period. He’s the one who keeps stiffing his contractors for doing their job, remember? PS: And how talented you are, too. At STEALING.

28. Bruce Fucking Rauner. Teachers, “virtually illiterate”? Quit projecting, Brucey.

29 and 30. These two fucking no-‘tinos right here:

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If they’re Latin, I’m the Queen of Sheba. Also, it’s not para, it’s por. Learn some Spanish, Whitey! Then you’ll know what REAL Latin@s are saying when they say “¡No voté por El Drumpf, voté por el Bernito, carajoooooo!”

And finally, to Donald Fucking Drumpf himself. Good Gawd, where even to start with him? From his grating speech (which I didn’t bother to watch, but heard all about through friends), to the unauthorized use of George Harrison’s music, to this weird touchy-touchy thing he did with his own daughter, ON STAGE, to this gross bit of Drumpf swag — if this is the next POTUS, I’m going to brace for an onslaught of sickened gringos invading my country. No, we won’t build a wall…but we won’t be polite to him until he’s out of the fucking picture for good.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | Comments Off on Wankers of the Week: The Donald Drumpf Gong Show

Jon Stewart, where ya been?

Ah…balm for everyone’s frayed nerves from last night, eh? Watch Jon as he takes on Drumpf, the Baby Jesus (whom he calls “Lumpy”) and the hypocrisy of right-wing media.

Oh, and Stephen Colbert is in there too, cleaning out an airhorn. Tooooooooot!

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Posted in Cool Beans, Crapagandarati, Do As I Say..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, Obamarama!, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Jon Stewart, where ya been?

CNN Latino journos called to testify in Bolivian defamation case

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CNN Latino reporter Fernando del Rincón, one of two journalists from the network who are being required to testify in a case that has proved more embarrassing to the Chicken Noodle Network than to the president they were striving to paint as a womanizing deadbeat dad at a very sensitive juncture in his career. Story via Aporrea:

The Bolivian attorney-general’s office called upon CNN journalists Fernando del Rincón and Alex Ardines to testify today, in the case of the attempt to pass a minor off as the son of president Evo Morales.

According to attorney-general Ramiro Guerrero, Del Rincón would testify on Thursday and Ardines tomorrow, as witnesses.

[…]

On May 5, CNN interviewed a minor in a La Paz hotel room, who was presented as the son of president Evo Morales, by the former CAMC functionary, Gabriela Zapata.

The boy came to the interview wearing a mask and accompanied by his real father and, although CNN knew he was not Morales’s son, they did not denounce the fact.

“If it had been a responsible journalist, they would have had to denounce, but as it was just another press outlet dedicated to political conspiring, they didn’t. That is complicity in a crime,” president Morales recently said.

According to the president, the international media chain violated articles 131, 132, 171, and 23 of the Penal Code, which refer to public apology for a criminal offence, criminal association, covering up, and complicity.

Investigations conducted by the Public Ministry revealed that the real parents of the minor used for this confabulation against the president were paid $5,000.

Marianela Paco, the minister of Communications, said that this lie was aimed at damaging the image of the president on the occasion of a referendum to modify the constitution to permit Morales to run for another term in office.

Translation mine.

Here’s an English version of CNN’s bogus story of an out-of-wedlock child. Apparently the irresponsible journalist in question was one Carlos Valverde, who “exposed” Evo on a radio show. Valverde is also the one who claimed to have dug up the bogus “son” in question. The tone of CNN’s piece leads me to conclude that they believed Valverde, since they called his story merely an “alleged lie”, claiming that the aunt of the woman at the heart of the “scandal” also asserted that there is a child, and that the son in question is alive.

Most significant of all, though, is Evo’s response, which was buried at the bottom of the CNN piece:

Morales has since said he is hurt by Zapata’s alleged lie that his son had died and has appealed to the family to let him see and meet his son.

“I want to ask family, the alleged aunt, that they show him to me, they bring him to me, I want to see him. If your family allows me, I want to recognize the baby, well the child. In reality, I cannot understand. I can’t believe they falsely told me the baby had died. I have no problem and if the family permits, I’ll recognize the child, it is a joy”

If they’re looking to pin a cover-up on Evo himself, they failed royally. Along with all the accusations of “influence peddling”, which the timeline of events (and non-events) has made a hash of.

So far, no genuine claimant in the alleged paternity case seems to have come forward.

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Posted in All About Evo, Crapagandarati, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal? | Comments Off on CNN Latino journos called to testify in Bolivian defamation case